This week marks something major for the xoNecole brand as we ring in five years as a media company! When it comes to anniversaries, the fifth year is considered a major one. It's a milestone and representative of all that you have weathered through and the blessings you've received. Here at xoNecole, as we look back at the last five years, we can't help but be filled with joy at all we've been able to achieve. With the awe-inspiring Necole Kane at our helm as founder, we have evolved from a website to a fully realized digital destination.
Year-to-year, she has continuously pushed boundaries by leveling up the xoNecole brand in new and innovative ways. From sold-out in-person signature events like ElevateHER and Pajamas & Lipstick, to dynamic social media and video content and launching a top-performing podcast and new membership app, xoNecole has paved the way for what it means to be a brand that truly caters to the amplification of Black women and their voices. And that's where it all begins and ends, through the captivating words of the women who make up our xoNecole team of contributing writers.
In honor of this auspicious moment in time for the brand, the editorial team expressed gratitude to Necole, what xoNecole means to us as a whole, our favorite articles, and our wishes for Necole from today and beyond. Cue the tears!
Shellie R. Warren
Courtesy of Shellie R. Warren
Age: 46
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: Fall 2018-present
Most Common Verticals: Love & Relationships, Beauty & Fashion, Life & Travel, Culture & Entertainment
"This is actually my 20th year as a mostly full-time writer (meaning, I do a couple of other things for a check but writing pays the main bills). I've had a lot of experiences with a ton of platforms. Two of my favorite things about penning for xoNecole is I am able to be completely myself and I don't have to chase a check down. When you've been working in the Black media lane for as long as I have, believe me when I say that both of those are a true blessing. There is a lot about how I see things that is somewhat unconventional in the sense that I've never been married yet I'm a marriage life coach, I write about sex all of the time even though I'm almost 14 years abstinent and I'm profoundly fond of the Bible and Hebrew studies yet I don't go to church. All of this makes me a quirky fit yet xoNecole is like, 'Sure! We'll take it and pay you for it without you having to wait a billion years.' Working for them has been pretty easy-going and gift-affirming, for almost two years now, consistently so, and that is what I wish all people could say about their own jobs.
"Necole has been great at affirming my work. It's not so much that I 'need' that at this stage in the game, but for an EOC to make the time to say, 'Girl, you did that!' or 'I really enjoy what you bring to this space', that is a warm fuzzy that makes me feel appreciated for what I contribute. Necole and Sheriden (the managing editor) have both been pretty consistent in that way; that I am not just a content creator but a valued member of the tribe.
"Necole, I just want to thank you for allowing me to be a contributing voice for your creative baby. I have seen a lot of people talk about how they were such big fans of Necole Bitchie as well, but I actually got truly hip to you as you were making your transition. While this lifestyle platform is wonderful all on its own, it's your stepping out on faith that really moves me. It takes a very bold person to listen to the small inner voice that says, 'There's something better for you out there' when you're already successful. For you to have chosen to listen to it is honorable."
"Creative people come in different forms. You are a living example of that. But for you to take this kind of risk, without a full blueprint, that helps to give other people the courage to do the same. I am profoundly grateful to be entrusted to contribute to your a creative child that I know you hold so dear. I truly am. Thank you. Oh, in the Bible, five symbolizes 'grace', by the way. Embrace all of that!"
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"Why You're Always The One Who Prepares A Man For His Wife"
"10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important"
"14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners"
"Why I Named The Children I Aborted"
"Are You 'Waiting On Your Boaz'? Make Sure You Know What That Means, Sis."
Charmin Michelle
Age: 33
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: 2019-present!
Most Common Verticals: "Across the board, but most commonly 'As Told To'."
"For me, xoNecole is the personification of a goal that ultimately manifested into achievement. It has been my teacher, my mentor, my friend. A sculptor to the womanhood ideologies that I wish to project into the world, into my friendships, and to my family. Personally, Necole's journey is...you know, we've watched her evolve. And that's the beauty in celebrating her. She did it, she won! She is literally a walking, dancing, smiling, gem-carrying testimony. How do you thank an actual blueprint? See metaphor.
"Whew, that woman. We were just having a conversation the other day about a post that specifically touched her, and I told her that her team goes out of our way to give her flowers because her impact is bigger than herself. I'm sure she knows this, people say it all the time--but it won't truly hit her until one day when the journey is behind her and she's sitting on her front porch, by herself, retired from this world and immersing herself in the reflection of how she did it. For her to be the face of so much, she somehow manages to individualize her time to so many. Me, her team. Clients. Anyone who reached out to her. She sacrifices so much of her own selfishness for us, ladies. Necole, I just hope that, even in those times when you're frustrated, or you question it, or even when you wish you may have chosen differently, that you know that. I love you, sis!"
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"My Mother Was My First Investor. And This Must Be Normalized."
"I Took A Break From My Ambitions For A Year To Self-Heal"
"The Ups And Downs Of Explaining Complicated Careers To Family Members"
"What It Means To Hold Space For Yourself And Your Community"
"10 Black Women Pulling Up To The C-Suite On The Boards Of Fortune 500 Companies"
Teisha Leshea
Age: 33
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: January 2020-present
Most Common Verticals: "Inspiration and wellness are the bulk of my articles."
"xoNecole provides women with a voice without judgment. It allows women from all walks of life to give perspective on things that aren't talked about. It enables me as a writer to challenge myself and tap into my vulnerabilities. Necole is a real example of what transition looks like. She carved a lane for herself that can't be duplicated. It was original. The fact that she trusts and honors her team is commendable.
"Necole, I just want to say Thank You. Thank you for inspiring and encouraging women to be the best versions of themselves. Thank you for allowing a little unknown writer like me to tell my story."
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"It's OK To Not Want Children"
"5 Holistic Ways I Take Care Of My Vaginal Health"
"Dear Queen: I've Struggled To Love You Correctly"
"Start Your Spiritual Journey Today With These 5 Easy Steps"
"No More Monday Blues: A Prayer For When You Need God's Strength To Carry You Through"
Erica Green
Age: 38
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: November 2019-present
Most Common Verticals: Beauty & Fashion
"I often tell people that Necole's story is one of my favorites. Her story is one of determination, courage, strength, grit, sacrifice, and heart. We live in a world that often celebrates inauthenticity and doing whatever is necessary to stay relevant. So, to see a woman walk away and start over at the pinnacle of her career because it no longer served her or fulfilled her is the most authentic, boss shit I've ever seen. She recognized that she had evolved and had the courage to walk in her new truth. That will forever be beautiful to me."
"I remember the first time I saw Necole in person. It was at her ElevateHer event in 2019. I remember seeing her walk out and stand in the back not too far from where I was sitting. As she looked around at the crowd of beautiful black women who had gathered there because of her, she cried. It literally gave me goosebumps. You see, I stepped out of my comfort zone to attend that event in Atlanta. I drove from North Carolina by myself and only told my parents where I was going. I knew if I invited someone to come along, I would have hid behind whoever I was with and would not have put myself out there like I did. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Prior to attending the event, I knew of her transition to xoNecole so I didn't expect to be so inspired after hearing her story in person. But, it fueled me. It rejuvenated me. It motivated me. And the fact that she looked like me (a black woman) was even more inspiring.
"At the time I had recently started my own blog but was unsure if I should stick with it and really pursue my passion for writing. What I took from her story that day was to do it. Do it even if people don't understand. Do it even if people think you're crazy. Do it even if you lose friends or money. Do it even if you have to do it scared. A few months later, I met Necole again. This time we talked for over 30 minutes about life, being single and dating. She's so easy to talk to by the way. We followed each other on Instagram and as they say, the rest is history. If you had told me that I would one day be writing for such an incredible woman and her amazing platform, I wouldn't have believed you.
"Necole once said at an event I attended that she is so motivated by a line from a Beyonce song. If I remember correctly the song was 'Formation'. Well Necole, I was motivated by something you said at ElevateHer. I hear it every time I doubt myself. Every time I want to quit. Every time I think I waited too long to write and be the type of woman I want to show up as in this world. You said, 'It's never too late to become the person you want to be.' That has and will always stick with me. Thank you for not only giving me a chance to write for your platform but thank you for inspiring me and pushing me to live and show up in this world as my highest self. Congratulations on year 5! This is just the beginning of what I know will be an epic journey!"
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"These Black Plant Moms Are Cultivating Self-Care Through Houseplants"
"Before You Quit Your Day Job, Check Out This Advice From Six-Figure Entrepreneur Pauleanna Reid"
"I Met Him In An UberPOOL & Now We're Married!"
"How To Lower Stress Levels At Work"
"How This Freelance Photographer Manifested The Career Of Her Dreams"
D'Shonda Brown
Age: 24
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: March 2020-present
Most Common Verticals: Exclusive Interviews, "Money Talks" and "Finding Balance"
"xoNecole definitely means a lot to me because the content is so versatile. As a woman in her mid-20s, it's so important for me to find relatable content where I feel as though the writers are my girlfriends and I have a genuine bond with people who are keeping it real with me. As a writer, this platform has helped me grow in unimaginable ways between my editors, my colleagues and even people who have followed my work because of my bylines in xoNecole. It's taught me to really push myself out of my comfort zone and there will always be a tribe of dope Black women there to support me no matter what I write and how I write it.
"I've been riding with Necole Kane since Necole Bitchie. To see her transformation into this renowned lifestyle brand that's bigger than just her is incredible to say the least. I absolutely admire her and it would be an honor to be able to replicate a sixteenth of the things that she's done for Black women. I'm now part of Necole Kane's family that contributes to the growth of Black women everywhere who are always reading our stories about sex, friendships, traveling, mental health and so many other things that show people that Black women are fabulous, we're human and we bleed blood and feel feelings just as anyone else does."
"To Necole: Watching you has been a pleasure and I spoke you into existence. I don't know if you remember, but back in January, I put in my Instagram story (and tagged you) that one day I would write for xoNecole. You reposted me and said, 'Yes, manifestation!', and at that moment, God heard you and myself and knew that two powerful forces wanted the same thing. Thank you for helping one of my dreams to write for xoNecole come true and I look forward to growing with you and your brand."
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"'Insecure's Premiere Is A Reminder It Might Be Time To Break Up With Your Molly"
"A Peek Inside Tank, The Lover"
"[Exclusive] Justine Skye On How She's Taken Her Journey To Self-Love By The Reins"
"I Said Goodbye To Negative Self-Talk"
"How Black Girl Magic Is Building An Online Community Through TikTok"
Kiara Byrd
Age: 29
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: June 2020-present
Your Most Common Verticals: Inspiration, Workin' Girl, Wellness
"xoNecole means to me that when we come together and empower each other, anything is possible. As a writer, I was lacking inspiration to continue my writing. Because of the xoNecole platform, I have been able to really tell my story and give others space to share their stories too. Watching Necole Kane's story reminded me that, despite the dark days, my story means something. Creating something positive from past experiences is how to gain back your power.
"Manifestation is real. This platform saw my potential in my blogs and gave me a chance to fall in love with writing again. I never considered myself a writer and now I am proud to add this title as a part of who I am. Now I have been able to challenge myself and connect with other writers where we motivate each other to keep our creative juices flowing.
"Necole, you have given me the space to be confident in myself again. I am more than my 9-5 and this platform has allowed me to give life to the creative that has lived inside of me all along."
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"In Order To Evolve, I'm Breaking Up With 'Healing'"
"The 'Pre-Commitment Interview' Every Dating Couple Should Have"
"These Mental Health Advocates Are Empowering Black Men To Take Up Emotional Space"
"Ladies, Here's The Tea On The Best Places To Travel When We Finally Escape Quarantine"
Zoe Hunter
Age: 31
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: 2018-2019
Most Common Verticals: Inspiration & Wellness
"As a woman, xoNecole embodies the many dimensions that accompany our womanhood—so many of us are able to find ourselves in these articles. That's one of the things that keeps me drawn to its content. I find so many different parts of myself on this website and it's beautiful to experience. Similarly, the diversity of perspectives that reflect Black womanhood (and our experience) is beautiful. There is no 'respectability politics' at play here. It is a safe space for us all to exist and be heard. So many of our identities are represented here, and I enjoy that so much for us. xoNecole is a sisterhood, and for me, as a Black woman, that is critical.
"xoNecole gave me my start as a freelance writer. As a blogger that contributed pieces for my own website for so many years, I was always hesitant to call myself a writer. Was I good enough for that title? Did my perspective truly matter to folks outside of my immediate audience? Could I really get paid for this? xoNecole's answer was always yes.
"The site and its editors believed in me since my first submission. Sheriden (the managing editor) saw my worth as a writer before I was ever able to put a price tag on it. Necole made me feel valued both as a woman and a writer. The entire xoNecole team gave me the confidence I needed to consider myself a writer and to pursue other bylines. They gave me a space to share my experiences and perspectives, and to pour into women in ways that I wasn't able to on my own side of the internet. I will always love xoNecole for giving me that opportunity.
"Like many, I started following Necole since NecoleBitchie. Her evolution is wildly inspiring. Watching her exit her former path, to pursue something more meaningful for her...the risks she took in doing so is an unavoidable lesson in purpose. It reminds me to let go of anything that no longer serves me, and to never be afraid to start anew. Necole left everything NecoleBitchie afforded her to step into a fresh calling—and five years later, not only are we celebrating the evolution of this brand (the brand partnerships, the events, the podcast, the community she's cultivated), but we're still celebrating the evolution of Necole as a black creative and entrepreneur. How inspiring!"
"You following your purpose has inspired me in ways that you may not ever recognize. I thank you for sharing your passion with me—with all of us. Thank you for following God's calling on your life. Thank you for taking this risk. Thank you for continually, and intentionally, giving black women a chance. Thank you for honoring, celebrating, and representing the complexities of Black womanhood. Thank you for staying true to this mission. And thank you for pouring so much into yourself, that you're able to overflow unto those you lead. You are a gem!"
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"What Will Smith Taught Me About Setting Expectations"
"Changing The Narrative For Women When It Comes To Love And Dating"
"The Rise Of Hustle Culture & How It Impacts Our Well-Being"
"The Greatest Love Of All, In The Words Of 4 xoNecole Writers"
"For Women Who Feel Like They Have To Constantly Chase What's Next"
Ashley Renee
Age: 32
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: 2016-present
Most Common Verticals: Love & Relationships
"For me, xoNecole is a safe haven for me to express myself, share my thoughts, anecdotes and advice to women around the world. Watching Necole's story unfold has inspired me to never say never, made me want to be more brave and reiterated the fact that it's never too late to start over and life is just a journey, it's up to you to fill it with beautiful experiences.
"Necole you have helped my platform grow, and me grow! The day I got hired as a contributor for xoNecole was the day I decided to quit a job I loathed and have been thriving as a writer ever since. Your journey has been an inspiration to me long before xoNecole and your growth has ignited my fire to keep going! I will always appreciate you for the opportunity and will continue to root for you with every stage you go through."
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"He Told Me He Would Kill Himself If I Left"
"Thank You Ne-Yo: A Letter From A Wife To A Married Man"
"How I Afford To Travel The World Without Breaking Bank"
"August Alsina Speaks On Devotion To Jada Pinkett-Smith: 'I Deeply Loved Her'"
"I Am Not Your Ride Or Die: What We All Can Learn From Keri Hilson"
Shonda White
Age: 38
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: 2015-present
Most Common Verticals: Love/Relationships, Life, Career
"xoNecole helps reassure me that my voice as a Black woman matters. It allows me to be authentically me. The platform allows me to be transparent with other women with the hopes that they, too, will embrace their authenticity, realize they're not alone, and come to know that their feelings and experiences are real and valid. Before I started writing for xoNecole, I wasn't sure if what I had to say was worth saying, let alone something that people wanted to hear. Although I didn't need xoNecole to validate who I was or the gift God gave me, writing for the xoNecole audience and seeing how my words resonated with so many women further confirmed that I had something to say and there were women waiting to hear it.
"Now, more than ever, I trust my voice and the gift that God has given me. I've been empowered because of xoNecole and people like Necole and Sheriden (the managing editor) who helped build my confidence, improve my writing skills, and nurture this gift. To be able to pen and share my stories, as well as the experiences of other incredible Black women, along with many other talented xoTribe writers, is something I do not take lightly. It's more than an opportunity; rather, it's another way for me to be used as a vessel to encourage, empower, and even entertain women.
"I'll never forget when Necole first announced her rebrand, she said: 'If I'm not relevant for the right reasons, I'd rather not be relevant at all.' Nowadays, it's easy to become consumed with being popular, so much so that we miss being purposeful. However, Necole's journey showed me how critical and how rewarding it is to walk and live on purpose - not just for yourself, but for those who are helped and impacted because of it. Watching Necole's journey is a wonderful reminder that purpose is what gives life meaning whether you impact one life, 10 lives, 1,000 lives, or a million. Her journey reminds me to trust the God-given vision within myself even when it doesn't make sense to anyone else.
"Necole's journey makes you really think and ask yourself, 'What am I doing with what God has given me,' and 'Am I using it to help serve others?' Despite everything that she's gone through, her journey is proof that there's power in the pivot, and even though you can't start your life over completely, you can always start a new chapter. Necole has been like a mentor to me, and watching how the site has evolved over the years has truly been a journey. It's a blessing to see how the audience has grown not just in numbers, but emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually because of the stories, expert advice, and experiences shared."
"Personally, I've evolved as a more fearless writer and contributor, and I have even expanded the types of verticals I cover (interviews, events/entertainment, career, etc.). Working with and for Necole has opened up so many doors in ways that I never would've imagined. I proudly wear the xoNecole name as a 'Black girl badge of honor'. I also understand, however, that as the platform continues to grow and as our fearless leader, Necole and her vision continues to grow, I, too, must continue my growth journey. As a contributor, I have a responsibility to help fulfill her vision, while inspiring others to fulfill theirs as well (including myself).
"I'll say this: Necole, please know that the sacrifices you've made and the seeds you've sown (including those unbeknownst to us) have yielded a harvest not just for yourself, but for so many Black women like me. You've given power to our voices. Thank you for giving me a chance, for giving us a platform via your platform, for helping me find purpose through my pain, for teaching me how to trust my voice, and for showing that I am equipped and more than capable of doing extraordinary things."
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"Don't Be A Wife To A Boyfriend: 10 Lessons I Learned When I Was Single"
"What The Ciara's, Cassie's & Karrueche's Of The World Have Shown Us About Moving On & Moving Up"
"What Michelle Obama Taught Us About Becoming More Than Just Somebody's Wife"
"Thank You Beychella: 6 Reassuring Realities Every Woman Should Embrace"
"How Artist Melissa Mitchell Manifested A Groundbreaking Deal With Spanx"
Courtney Simpson
Age: 31
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: "2017, I think. (TBH, it's been a while so not sure exactly when)."
Most Common Verticals: Style/Beauty
"'The world sees you and needs to hear your story' is what xoNecole means to me as a Black woman and a writer. While watching Necole Kane's journey, I saw a woman taking control of her success in a way that I hadn't seen before. The way Necole pivoted in such a transparent way was extremely aspirational to me, especially since I was pivoting myself. By being a part of the xoNecole family, I am inundated in an environment that is challenging, empowering, and supportive. Every step of my career has been helped by the building blocks I've learned at xoNecole.
"Necole, thank you for your vulnerability and willingness to be transparent on your journey. And, thank you for giving me the confidence to do the same. We need more leaders who are committed to leading through honesty and empowerment."
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"#PullUpOrShutUP: Beauty Brands Are Asked To Release Their Numbers Of Black Employees And Execs"
"We Failed Megan. Point Blank And Period."
"Gina Prince-Bythewood On 'The Old Guard' & Creating Space For Black Women In Hollywood"
Shanelle Harris
Age: 26
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: 2017-present
Most Common Vertical(s): xoMan
"As a Black Woman, this site is important and stands out from the rest because it's a space solely and unapologetically dedicated to Black Women. It's a space that evolves as we evolve, as I evolve. With every passing year, my interests and needs change and xoNecole always has content that meets me where I'm at and where I'm going. As a writer, this site gives honest, relevant persepctives from women who look like me and with whom I feel aligned with. It's a safe space to tell our stories, amplify our voices with no reservations or apologies.
"Necole's journey is a reminder that it's OK to walk away from anything that doesnt serve you holistically. Black women are multi-faceted creatures and it's important to surround ourselves in places and with things that help develop, magnify, and celebrate all of that. Necole's journey is also a reminder that people don't have to be onboard with your decision to grow in order for you to evolve. You don't need a cosign, permission, or backing to follow your calling. And that's on period!"
"On a personal level, Necole has always seen and believed in my potential from the very first article I ever wrote. She's consistently been there to provide honest feedback and insight into things when I didn't really understand. She's never been shy about helping me improve and has allowed me the space and extended the grace to evolve alongside her and the xoNecole brand. For that, I'll forever be grateful.
"If I could summarize what Necole means to me in one sentiment, it would be overwhelming gratitude. You see things in people that they sometimes don't rightly see in themselves, never lose that. You are kind, you're a light, and you're dedicated. Never change for anything or anyone, the world needs what you have."
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"Jada Pinkett Smith Wants You To Chill With The Negative Self-Talk"
"Tracee Ellis Ross Breaks Down Her Iconic Style"
"Luke James On Love, Intimacy & Who He Is As A Lover"
Dayana Preval
Courtesy of Dayana Preval
Age: 27
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: December 2019-present
Most Common Verticals: "I live in the Life & Travel section. I'm all about sharing personal stories and motivating the next woman."
"xoNecole means so much to me because as a Black woman, I feel seen. I love that xoNecole doesn't limit the narrative and the beauty of Black women. I don't have to fit into the box that society wants Black women to fit in so badly. xoNecole also helped with my courage to tap into my own voice as a writer. It's beautiful to see how women are healing and relating to my content because I decided to be vulnerable and in return, I get to help others. There's no better feeling than knowing that I am making a difference in the lives of black women with my words. I'm so grateful to be a part of this sisterhood.
"Necole is the perfect example of going all in and following your heart. Necole has helped me to realize that I'm not crazy for following my own dream. To see Necole being the Black woman she is and accomplishing what she has is admirable. It's a reminder that it's OK to go all in and invest in myself. I get the pleasure to chat with Necole often and I've learned so much about from her about gratitude, putting people first, and more. Working for xoNecole has been a blessing in many ways. It's challenged me to continuously find new ways to connect with Black women. It's also been a saving grace because, for the first time, I'm experiencing a work culture that I truly enjoy.
"Necole is such a beautiful and genuine soul. I've had the pleasure of getting to know Necole personally and I'm so grateful. Necole has so much knowledge and life experience and you can tell she's passionate about people. Her energy is so pure and loving. Her level of transparency makes it very easy to love her because she's not judgemental and she cares. Necole has made such a positive impact for Black women in media. I'm so excited to see how she continues to grow."
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"Here's What's Blocking You From Manifesting"
"How To Maintain Your Mental Health & Sustain Healthy Friendships At The Same Time"
"From Dropout To Self-Made Entreprenuer, Pauleanna Reid Paved A Lane All Her Own"
"How To Practice Social Media Self-Care & Keep Your Peace"
"Are You Good Sis? We Need To Discuss Black Women & Suicide"
Amer-Marie Woods
Age: 34
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: 2019-present
Most Common Verticals: Travel, Life & Travel, Politics
"Honestly, the xoNecole brand has been extremely instrumental in amplifying my voice at a time when I was going through a major life transition. xoNecole provided me a space to redefine how I use that new voice to impact other women. Especially Black women. There are very few internet publications that allow Black women to tell multidimensional stories but xoNecole created a safe space for our authenticity. This is a brand that celebrates and uplifts the unique excellence that is Black women. I couldn't be more grateful for an opportunity to be a new writer, podcast host and content creator while being embraced by the xoNecole tribe.
"What sticks out most to me is not necessarily the pivot but the rebuild. People always praise the pivot but they don't give the rebuild the respect it deserves. It takes a lot of patience to rebuild something from the ground up and even more to become successful. Doing it twice is unimaginable. So the biggest lesson I learned from Necole's journey is how to have tenacity and perseverance. Anyone can change directions but it takes a leader to be able to drive an entire company to the next level. That requires an extreme sense of self and confidence that most people lack. Watching it in real time grow to a success is a lesson you can't learn anywhere else. It gives me the confidence to go out and conquer the ideas that I think are the wildest knowing that another woman who looks like me and is like me has already done it successfully."
"My work on the platform has transformed from writing travel content to political journalism to podcasting. These are absolutely opportunities that no one else would have offered me, especially being new to media. Necole had the foresight and vision to see what I was not able to see in myself. She empowered me to be able to create the work that I was not sure I was capable of doing. Being new to anything can be a scary journey, Necole made sure that I was uplifted and supported. This ultimately gave me the confidence I needed to continue develop. That in itself is invaluable. There are a lot of people who are scared to share the knowledge they have in fear that someone else may take what they have created. Necole exudes leadership in a very different way by giving those around her an opportunity to shine."
"Necole, you are probably one of the strongest people I know. You have lived a lot of life and you have navigated it fiercely. There were so many things that were stacked against you and you could have easily given up on your dreams. However, you wanted so much more for yourself and you went after it fearlessly. You have inspired so many women to be authentically themselves and chase after the things that scare them the most. Thank you for sharing that gift with so many of us. You have a very big heart and an incredibly kind spirit that is uncommon to find in most people. There is no telling how many lives you have saved, how many hearts and minds you have touched but thank you for doing this work. Thank you for using your voice, thank you for being an inspiration, thank you for being you, and thank you for being my friend. Cheers lady, you deserve it!"
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"I don't have any favorite articles, I enjoy the content as a whole body of work. Each piece is a vibe that I need to celebrate myself and the women around me who mean the most."
Jamie Harrison
Age: 31
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: May 2019 - present
Most Common Verticals: Love & Relationships and Career
"Growing up, I always aspired to write for a publication that caters to Black women. Representation is very important for women of color and xoNecole celebrates the sheer essence of Black women. xoNecole shines a light, unlike any other, on the beauty, the class and the versatility of the Black woman. I appreciate being able to contribute to this site and I thoroughly enjoy reading articles from other writers!
"Learning about Necole's strength, resilience and tenacity inspires me as a creator and a Black woman. It shows that you can do anything that you put your mind to! I'm grateful that Necole has created a safe and welcoming space for me and other Black women. As a content creator, it's refreshing to have a platform where Black women can be their true selves – and I'm even more grateful to be a part of that!
"Even though I haven't met Necole personally, I love her focus on hard work, determination and mental wellness. Her remarkable journey of rebuilding and rebranding motivates me to continue striving for my goals, put faith over fear and to shoot for the stars – even if I'm a little scared!"
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"xoNecole Founder Necole Kane On How Bodybuilding Helped Her Battle Depression"
"What We Tend To Get Wrong About Finding Mr. Right"
"The Fundamentals Of Self-Care When You're Young, Black & Woke"
Sheriden Chanel
Age: 29
Time Spent Writing for xoNecole: "2015 - present. I write very occassionally now since transitioning from writer to managing editor but I'm always happy to get in where I fit in."
Most Common Verticals: Love & Relationships, Sex, I Tried It
"I remember exactly where I was 5 years ago when I first received an email from Necole Kane. As a fan of celebrity gossip and the infamous comment section, Necole Bitchie was a constant read for me, so to receive an email from Necole in my inbox was the life-affirming message that I needed from God and the Universe that this is what I've been put on this earth to do. To pen evolved from a passion into my purpose and a lot of that is thanks to her and her decision to take a chance on me in the midst of her taking one of the biggest chances of her life, starting over from scratch and building an empire that she didn't tolerate for the money and the fame, but something that too spoke to her purpose. xoNecole has been a blessing, a refuge, a gift, a solace, an inspiration, my heartbeat, and a lifeline. It has singlehandedly acted as the catalyst to some of my wildest dreams.
"What's more than a dream fully realized is that xoNecole has helped me tap into a sense of community I had no idea I needed, a sisterhood that showed me that I'm not alone. It is a platform that challenged and continues to challenge the monolithic view of Black women the world will have you believe. We are multidimensional, multilayered, multiifacted and powerful AF and xoNecole speaks to those women every day as a lifestyle platform that shows us we are worthy to hear these types of stories, write these types of stories, and be seen through these types of stories. It's OK because we are more."
"Necole's journey is one that I've had the pleasure of being closer to than most and it has been a thing of beauty to see the way that she has come into her own as a businesswoman sure, but also an unapologetic force who stands true to leading a life that she is excited about. Work plays into that and so does her success, and so does the evolution of her from NecoleBitchie to Necole Kane; but personally the thing that inspires me most is how passionate she is about cultivating happiness and what that means for herself. It's been an honor and a privilege to see the brand flourish and as a result to see her flourish and come into her own as a woman who pours into herself as often as she seeks to pour into other women. That love that I've been able to witness her giving so freely to others by way of events, talks, platforms, newsletters, apps, and the xoNecole brand as a whole, is the love that she is also giving herself. That has been motivating and inspiring beyond measure and I am so proud that after years of prioritizing other things, she's starting to say, 'It's time to give a little of that to me.'
"I express my gratitude for you all the time Necole. Today and every day, rest and stand proudly in the fact that you have done the things you set out to do. You have been the change you wish to see. You inspire and drive other women to strive through the unyielding bravery you've had in times where you could have been afraid to seek to find answers to the questions others might have feared to ask. You are doing God's work in the way that you touch others and empower them to own the fullness of their voices to uplift the next woman. Your authenticity and transparency inspires our authenticity and transparency. I know that can also be a lot of pressure but know that you are already worthy simply by being. Keep going and glowing, Queen. You deserve all the wins and more, holistically. Thank you once again today, and every day. I love you, we all love you!"
Top 5 Favorite Articles:
"Why Are Women Accepting Bare Minimum As Bae-Material?"
"5 Women On The Truth About Living Alone"
"We Talked To Over 20 Men About The Things They Like In Bed But Won't Ask For & Whew Chile..."
"Why You Should Be Unapologetic About Setting Boundaries With Toxic Family Members"
Featured image via Ashleigh Hardin-Jones
RELATED
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Things like what exactly? So glad that you asked.
How Serious Is the Relationship?
GiphyOkay, so if you’ve never heard of the “10-date rule” before, it’s basically the belief that after 10 consecutive dates with someone, it’s time to come to the conclusion that you are officially in a relationship with them. Personally, I have lived, observed and counseled enough people to say that when it comes to knowing where you stand with another person, you shouldn’t assume one damn thing — you should 1000 percent communicate your thoughts and listen to theirs in return.
That said, it is a bit different (wouldn’t you say?) if you’ve been out on a couple of dates with someone vs. if you’ve been with them for almost a year. So yeah, the first thing to ponder is how serious the dynamic is. Because honestly, if things are new and fairly casual, I don’t see how ending things, whether it’s the holiday season or not, is going to matter much — one way or another.
Remember, the holidays tend to be a very emotional time; however, if there isn’t a huge emotional investment going on, I don’t think anyone in a casual situation is going to look back and think that you are a villain (or Grinch), just because you’d prefer not to go on a third date with them. Good lord.
Next point.
Do You Want to Slow Down or End Things Entirely?
GiphyAre you totally over him or is it more like there are some things about the situation that you want to step back and ponder before making any major decisions about the future? If the answer is “B,” I recommend talking it over ASAP; especially if the two of you have been seeing each other for a while at this point. I say this because, whether you all are at the “meet the family” (or have already met the family) stage or not, when people are in a relationship, they tend to factor one another into their holiday plans — and it’s hella inconsiderate to not take this into account when it comes to the guy who you are seeing.
That said, I will say this: It’s mighty interesting that you are choosing this time of the year for this type of relational self-reflection — so, while you’re on this break, think about what it symbolizes.
For instance, are you slowing things down right now because you’re not sure if you want to go into a new year with him or are you doing it because spending the holidays together tends to represent that a relationship is far deeper than you want yours to be right now? Because really, you could’ve gone with the summertime (for example) not the holiday season to make this type of move…so, if your “pump the brakes” time is now, chances are, there is some subconscious subtext going on that you really should get to the root of.
Actual Holidays Are a DEFINITE No-No
GiphyYou would think that this wouldn’t need to be said yet since I once experienced a guy who decided to be a complete a*shole on my birthday some years back — yeah, let’s address it. Isn’t it interesting that one study revealed that during the first week of December, searches for how to break-up with someone go up by a whopping 60 percent? Then, if you add to that the fact that the holidays can sometimes be pretty stressful — well, while most folks with a heart and a conscience wouldn’t dream of breaking up with someone on an actual holiday, sometimes the pressure of everything can create the perfect storm for it to happen anyway.
That said, a super-duper throwback song by Neil Sedaka entitled, “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” — and it absolutely is. Know what makes it worse: It happening on a holiday, so that every time the day rolls around, it’s bittersweet because you remember that someone broke up with you then.
Listen, just because you may not love or even like someone (in that way) anymore, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t treat them with some common decency and respect. Besides, don’t you also want your own Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day to be as unscathed and drama-less as possible?
Whatever you’re gonna do, you’re grown, chile. If you want my advice, though — put good energy into your future holiday seasons and avoid breaking up (or even having deep decisions) on actual holidays.
Definitely Keep the Golden Rule in Mind
GiphyProbably, until the end of time, there are going to be debates about whether karma is real (in the sense of it being scientifically proven). While quite a bit of data says that it isn’t and that it tends to be adapted and promoted by certain faiths more than anything — if you do believe that you reap what you sow (Galatians 6:7-8), at the end of the day, that is pretty much what karma is all about and, as I oftentimes say, karma (or sowing and reaping) don’t have expiration dates. In other words, what you have said and done can manifest in ways and at times that you never saw coming. A cautionary tale, indeed.
So yeah — even if you’ve been with ole’ boy for a while now, you’ve tried to make it work and you just don’t see a future for the two of you anymore, however you decide to end it, definitely keep the golden rule of doing unto others as you would want them to do unto you in mind.
Be as kind as you are honest. Be as empathetic (putting yourself in his shoes) as much as you possibly can. Avoid gaslighting him about how he feels about your decision. Be clear about how you’d like things to be moving forward (for instance, if you actually DON’T want to be friends afterwards, there’s no need to say it). And try not to do anything that will make him feel used — like waiting until after receiving a Christmas gift to end it (you’d be amazed by how many people do exactly that. SMDH).
The thing about break-ups is, live long enough, and you’re probably going to be on the giving and receiving end of one. So, even if you’re not really emotionally invested in your relationship anymore, be kind to your future self and be as respectful as possible throughout your…relational transition. Because even if you don’t feel like he deserves it, your feelings up the road, with someone else who may do the same thing to you…absolutely do.
Timing Is Everything
GiphyA bishop by the name of Fulton J. Sheen once said, “Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is ‘timing’ it waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.” And while it might seem really challenging to figure out when the RIGHT time to break up with someone is — “right” is about using good judgment, right is about conforming to certain principles (like integrity and fairness), right is about doing things in order. Now with that in mind, is the RIGHT TIMING now or should it be later?
Only you can really answer that yet what I will say is if your mind, body and spirit aren’t on the same page — figure out why before making any moves. Oh, and if it’s simply about fear — girl, whether it’s November 30, December 9 or January 14…break-ups are always going to be uncomfortable. It’s about knowing what’s best for you and then ending things in a way that is as respectful, timing-wise, as possible (again, due to the whole karma thing).
____
‘Tis the season and sometimes “out with the old” means leaving a relationship behind. Just make sure that you move with wisdom and discernment and not hypersensitivity and knee-jerking.
That way, you can look back on every holiday season with as little regret as possible.
Due to how you handled things. Including a (potential) break-up.
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