Quantcast
RELATED

In the past couple of years, I've seen a lot of social media buzz about being positive and happy, which is great. However, if you're anything like me, positivity isn't something you grew up around. I didn't know what it meant to manifest and affirm the goals and lifestyle I wanted to obtain for myself. Growing up as a Haitian American, I was always taught to work hard, keep my head down, and do right by people. Speaking life into myself was unheard of.

It wasn't until I got close to my mid-20s that I started experiencing life for myself and began to understand that happiness is my responsibility. I'd dug myself into a black hole of negativity.

After finishing undergrad, I figured life would just jump-start because I did everything I was supposed to do. Wrong. Life looked me in my eyes and said, "It's time to find yourself, and I'm about to drag you through the mud because these lessons will be the testimony that will heal you and others."

At the time, I felt like I was being picked on. I was being hit with challenges left and right. From 2015 to present, I've gone through so many jobs that I've lost count, I've lost loved ones, and I've lost myself. I've even cried myself to sleep. There were times I was unsure if I was even worthy of being alive.

Seriously, how could I be this vessel for others when life keeps kicking my ass? Why would God hurt me like this?

This is going to sound cliché, but it's true what they say: When you're at your lowest---by yourself and desperate for answers---you find yourself. I was forced to look at my journey and dissect each situation. I had to take full responsibility for the part I played in every experience. I had to realize that despite the bad times, I made it through it all and there was always a lesson.

Here's the thing about life, we don't learn the lessons on our time, but the right time. It takes some maturity, self-love, and patience to fully appreciate the trials. Honestly, I was tired of recycled experiences and pain, so I knew from within it was time to make a change. It was time muster up some faith.

It doesn't happen overnight, and I'm not here to sell you a dream. Negativity was and sometimes is still a norm because it's always been my comfort zone. When things didn't go my way, I would lean on negativity to validate that I'm not worthy or some other lame excuse. I realized that to heal and bring the life that I want into fruition, I had to seek help outside of myself. I started going to therapy, which has been a blessing. It was the first time in my life that I didn't feel guilty for sharing my experiences and expressing myself wholeheartedly without judgement.

I had to trick myself into happiness. I know you all have heard the phrase, "Fake it until you make it." Well, manifest it until it's in your physical and spiritual possession. I have several positive apps that send me affirmations daily including Costar, Selfish Babe, The Pattern, and Idillionare. Every morning, I acknowledge my feelings, but I still push myself to start the day with gratitude.

I now find small things to be grateful for throughout the day. I listen to positive music and read books around wellness. I end each day by simply saying thank you.

It takes time to get into this routine, but I promise that you're worth it. Take the time you need to realize your greatness, but please remember that you are extraordinary. You weren't created to be mediocre.

xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.

 

RELATED

 
ALSO ON XONECOLE
Melanie Fiona

Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.

“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.

KEEP READINGShow less
How 10 Couples Reignited Their Sex Lives After Facing A Sexless Marriage

No matter which client (of mine) you talk to, if you were to ask them about one thing that I’m going to inquire about, during pretty much every session, it’s how their sex life is going. There are a ton of reasons why; however, the main one is because, when two people sign up to share their lives, intimately, only with one another until death parts them, a part of what comes with that is well, a consistent sex life— and if sex ain’t happening, that ain’t good; this includes if it’s only happening 10-15 times a year because that, my friends, is considered to be a sexless marriage.

KEEP READINGShow less
LATEST POSTS