If sex clubs had frequent flier miles, I would have earned a free visit by now. To say I’ve gone to my fair share of sex clubs would be an understatement. I’ve not been to many since the pandemic, but before COVID, I would go pretty often. Sex clubs for me are a place to explore my inner freak with whatever lover I have at the time. I don’t have a dungeon in my house, but the sex club up the street does. I visited my first club in 2018. I was both nervous and excited. They were something I was always curious about but not sure how to find. So when a friend of a friend asked me to go with her to one that she found and it was, surprisingly, located just thirty minutes away, I was all in.
This was a “first” for both of us. We were clueless. Even though I had an idea of what a sex club was from watching Eyes WideShut and Real Sex, I still had questions. What kind of sex goes on there? What type of people frequent this club? Will someone I know recognize me? These and a million more questions were running through my mind. I’d envisioned sex clubs to be a big orgy fest with sex everywhere. In reality, it’s just a bar where people also fuck.
While COVID and monkeypox are most definitely a thing, if you are considering going to a sex club in the distant future, here are some things to keep in mind.
Look before you try.
To help me and my friend prepare for our wild night of sex clubbing, I visited the club's website. This is a practice I recommend to all newbies because on it they list the dress code, cost of admission, and the theme of the night. Sex clubs understand that people have questions and they want you to be as prepared as possible when visiting their establishment. Checking out a club’s website is a great way to get a sneak peek into the experience and figure out general information regarding what the club has to offer, its rules, etc.
Dress the part.
The club we attended had a sexy lingerie theme. Luckily for me, I already had a few pieces of sexy negligee in the closet so there was no need to buy anything. I decided to go with something that was cute yet simple. I didn’t want to do too much or be too flamboyant on my first visit. I wanted to blend in while being comfortable. Nothing is worse than thinking you’re cute but having to adjust straps and hooks all night.
It’s important to note that you can’t wear lingerie to the club. You have to bring a "main outfit" and change into sexy lingerie once inside. My main outfit consisted of a cute “City Girls” dress—you know the kind: short, tight with my titties sitting right. Your main outfit should be an outfit you’d wear to a regular club or bar. Pick something exciting yet sexy. Just like in regular clubs, first impressions matter.
Feel your way through.
My friend and I made sure to get there early! We wanted to allow ourselves plenty of time to get acclimated. For a newbie, going to a sex club can be a bit of sensory overload. The surprise isn’t so much about all the other couples or singles, but about the reality of the atmosphere compared to what your imagination conjured up. Show up early, and chat with the bartenders or hosts to get a feel for what the place is like. The club we went to gave us a tour, which was extremely helpful. It gave us an opportunity to ask questions and come up with a plan of action. I made mental notes of all the things I did and didn’t want to try.
It's different strokes for different folks.
That night, I had zero sex. I just watched and took it all in. At a sex club, you can do as much or as little as you like. It’s a common misconception that you have to have sex. In the words of my momma, the only two things I have to do in this life are “stay Black and die.” This same sentiment holds true when attending sex clubs. In fact, some people never engage in sex at these establishments. Some people enjoy the voyeurism thrill of watching people have sex, while exhibitionists enjoy having sex in front of others. There are also people who are a mixture of the two.
The important thing to remember is that you control what happens, no one will force you to do anything you don’t want to do. Oh yeah, and bring your own shit, too! Even though I didn't engage with anyone on my first visit, I was prepared just in case. You won’t have to get ready if you stay ready, period! I had a bag packed with sex toys, condoms, and lube. Most sex clubs have condoms on deck but I still like bringing my own.
After people-watching and mingling for hours, my friend and I called it a night around 2 a.m. I went back several times after that without her and each time was better than the time before. Guess you can say I was hooked.
Sex clubs are truly what you make them. I think everybody should visit a sex club at least once because they truly have something for everyone who is willing to get out of their comfort zone. But as always, if you do wish to partake, stay safe out here.
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Featured image by Juan Algar/Getty Images