I've Got 7 IRL Takeaways From The 'Pop The Balloon' Dating Show, Chile.
Whew. When I tell y’all that it truly never fails that, at least twice a year, something will come around that totally catches me off guard as far as how it’s able to grasp and then hold my attention? Words truly cannot express. And, as you can see from the title of this, in this season, one of those things is the internet-hit dating showPop the Balloon.
If you’ve never seen it before (if you’re online at all, is that even possible that this point?!), the co-creator is a woman by the name of Arlette Amuli who also happens to be the host. If you go to her YouTube page, the first thing that you will probably notice is her (absolutely beautiful) wedding video from a couple of years back and so, I’m assuming that since she found her own beloved, she wanted to provide a fun and entertaining way for others to do the same.
Now, as far as how smoothly all of that goes? Well, I’ll put it to you this way: when The New York Times published an article on Pop the Balloon earlier this summer, their headline was “Like a Firing Squad, but for Romantic Rejection.” LOL. And although, it pretty much depends on who you ask if it’s as mentally and emotionally drastic as all of that, what I will say is if you choose to view the show beyond something to do while on your lunch break or something to take your internalized irritation out on after a long week, you might just learn a few tips on how to “fine tune” your own approach to dating.
And that’s where my personal top IRL (in real life) takeaways from the show actually come in…
1. Double Standards Are Always Gonna Look/Sound Ridiculous
GiphyListen, I have watched enough Pop the Balloon episodes to know that if there is one thing that I am going to see, on loop, pretty much every time are double standards — both ways. Women think it’s cool to ask complete strangers how much money they make while they are appalled that a guy would ask about their body count (both questions are hella rude, by the way). Men don’t like wigs and weaves and yet think that women are being “difficult” if they don’t like locs or would prefer a lineup on a beard.
And can somebody please tell me how and why it’s cool to tease men for not being 6’ tall (only 15 percent of American men are) and yet, somehow, it’s misogyny abundant for a man to not want a woman who is in a certain weight class — aren’t they both preferences?
Examples of this are when social media commenters were just fine with this woman at around the 34:22 mark of this episode who said that a guy was too thin and yet were pissed when a guy at the 17:11 mark of this episode said that he popped his balloon because the woman’s weight wasn’t what he was attracted to (humans are something else — LOL). And while we’re here, for so many women to take issue with submitting these days, they sure do want to (physically) look up at men a lot — interesting. Also, while we’re here, a guy is not short if you are 5’4”, in four-inch heels, and he is 5’11”. Please let’s stop the madness.
And since this ridiculous kind of rhetoric is something that I see, hear, and notice, both online and off, I thought that a great place to start with this particular article is it’s really important to not have double standards while dating. At the end of the day, they create this sense of delusional entitlement that is pretty ridiculous.
Why? Because what you’re essentially saying is “I should have what I want, just because, but you shouldn’t because I don’t agree with it.” And when does that kind of mindset ever really work out for the betterment of a relationship? Moving on.
2. Please Have Realistic Expectations
GiphyEarlier this year, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “Okay, So Here's What You Need To Know About the '6-6-6' Man”. If you’re not familiar, that’s the kind of man who is at least 6’ tall, has at least 6” (of yes, that), and makes six figures. Now, if only 15 percent of men in this country are 6’ or taller, you can only imagine how rare a 6-6-6 guy (especially a single one) is (in walks, “The (Dating) Delusion Calculator. Let's Discuss.”).
And that’s why it always tickles me whenever a tall guy walks onto the Pop the Balloon platform (like this one at around the 34:52 mark ofthis episode) and gets passes on things that shorter men will not (like cornrows, jeans, etc.) just because he’s tall. And a lot of us, we’re the same way in the real world. If someone catches our eye or is our visual type (check out “According To Experts, We All Have A 'Type'”), we’ll let all kinds of stuff slide, including initial red (or orange or yellow) flags.
And where does the “unrealistic expectations” part come in with this point? Well, this time, I’m approaching it with a bit of a twist. For sure, two indications of having unrealistic expectations are you’re expecting a perfect individual (when you yourself aren’t that) or you’re not even a little bit flexible (which, according to many mental health experts, is a literal indication of having unrealistic expectations) when it comes to your list of wants in a relationship.
However, another example of having unrealistic expectations is when your expectations don’t make sense to the general public. Like this episode at around the 12:02 mark where the young woman said that she wants a man who takes care of her and her friends (girl, what?) or shoot, damn near the entire episode of 19 which featured men and women who said, “You’re super attractive just not my kind of attractive.” Or this episode here at the 1:06:00 mark where the last woman was rude and seemed to lack self-awareness, pretty much the entire time because she didn’t like that men didn’t find her being (self-admittedly) tipsy on set as attractive (wonder what her thoughts would be if the dynamics were flipped).
If the things that you’re expecting from someone else are what you would side-eye them about if they had the same expectations of you, you are being unrealistic in your expectations. Are you gonna cover the tab for a guy and all of his friends? If you’re attractive and someone says, “I just don’t think I’m attracted attracted” — doesn’t that sound a bit…unnecessarily complicated?
Don’t let these shows have you out here thinking that you can Build-A-Bear a man — that it really is as simple as picking flawlessness from an assembly line of guys. That is delusional thinking at its finest.
3. Ain’t Nothin’ Wrong with Vetting Via Social Media First
GiphySince I don’t have any social media accounts, I was a bit late to the game when it comes to even knowing about Pop the Balloon. That said, since I’m the type of person who likes to give credit where credit is due, my first time really taking it semi-seriously was after watching YouTuber Mediocre Tutorials and Reviews dissecting some episodes. Apparently, one of the things that he does whenever a woman first introduces herself is look up her Instagram handle to check out if her digital footprint actually lines up with how she presents herself on the show —and I get why that would be a wise move.
Before I get into why, I already know what some of you are thinking: people lie on social media all of the time and that would be beyond correct. In fact, one article I read (hey, don’t shoot the messenger) said that millennials do it more than any other living generation with Gen Z not being too far behind — and the motive is all about trying to impress people.
Still, just like many employers look at prospective employees’ social media accounts to see how they conduct themselves (and even how commenters interact with them because that can reveal additional intel, believe it or not), before going on an official date with someone, it can’t hurt to do the same thing and for the same reason — ‘cause hey, even if they do prove themselves to be dishonest in real life, at least you can call them out on it because you already had something to go on via the internet presentation. And that gives you reason to, at the very least, put your guard up, moving forward.
4. Don’t Dish Out What You Can’t Take. Then Rinse and Repeat.
Oh, so many episodes to choose from but, when it comes to this particular point, this (above) is the one that immediately came to mind. I think it’s because if you go around the 20:00 timestamp, this young lady is telling a man that “women are gonna women,” so he shouldn’t take issues with faux lashes, etc. (I also peeped how at around 15:29, she self-professed that she’s “a lot” and then popped her own balloon towards the end of another round at the 40:40 because she thought the guy wasn’t “strong enough” because she needs someone to “pull her in”…whew, chile) and then around the 32:32 timestamp, another young lady literally says to a man, “I like mustaches, I just don’t like yours.”
Now why should one man be ridiculed for his preferences while another should take a woman’s preferences with grace?The hypocrisy is truly all over the place.
And yet, probably why ish like this is so annoying to watch is because, unfortunately, it happens just as much in real life, wouldn’t you say? A great example? Somehow, it’s wisdom for women not to date single fathers and yet, when a man doesn’t want to date a single mom, somehow the word “misogynist” almost always finds its way into the discourse (funny how I don’t see misandry brought up as if that’s not a real thing as well. Hmm…).
There is plenty of data out in cyberspace to support the fact that social media is creating more and more narcissists by the day and three signature traits of narcissism is wanting admiration, can’t take criticism, and feeling entitled, and like you’re more exceptional than others.
That said, if you think that you can tell someone what you don’t like about them and then act like they committed some sort of unpardonable sin for telling you what they don’t like about you — not only could you be leaning into narcissism but you’re also revealing that you really suck at dishing out what you cannot take. And, one way or another, that is gonna bite you in the butter — if not immediately, eventually.
5. Games Are Just That
GiphyI always like it when I can find a way to weave a throwback song into my content, and when it comes to this particular point, “Games” by Chuckki Booker wins:
Would you be with me if I had nothing
If I couldn't buy you something
Now you've got your share
And look who's paying
I got your thing together
And you're not staying
I've worked hard
To get the things I have, ooh, oh
I've worked hard
To get the things you need
And I wanna know
Why you wanna play on me?
Why you wanna play your games on me?
I’ll admit that sometimes I get more “triggered” by Pop the Balloon than I actually should. The reason why I choose to frame it that way is that, even though I couldn’t possibly guess the motives for why each contestant comes onto the show (although A LOT of people seem to do it for nothing more than clout), what I do have to keep in mind is it’s pretty much a dating-themed game show at the end of the day — and games are for entertainment purposes more than anything else.
That’s actually why I find it wild that some folks are still emotionally invested in The Bachelor/The Bachelorette franchise or even Married at First Sight at this point. Ever check out the success rate of the couples on those shows? It ain’t even a little bit impressive (read more about that here and here). Oh, and speaking of The Bachelor, you’re in for a real treat if you never got to watch Lifetime’s UnREAL show from back in the day. Rumor has it that former producers from The Bachelor helped to write the scripts and chile…CHILE. Anyway, it’s on Tubi (at least for now). You can check out all four seasons here.
Okay, so all of this dating content that’s on television, streaming channels, and the web? Again, if anyone can find a genuine connection out of them, more power to them— and I mean that sincerely (shout-out to MAFS’ Woody and Amani Randall, for example).
For the most part, though, it’s all a form of game-playing and, in the real world, relationships shouldn’t be treated that way (which is why the approach to dating shouldn’t automatically mimic what you see via that type of programming). And what are some clear signs that someone is playing mind games when it comes to relationships (or potential relationships)?
They gaslight.They love bomb. They are inconsistent with their communication. They send mixed signals. They aren’t clear about where things are or are going — oh, I could go on and on with this one.
Anyway, the biggest takeaway with this point is always to remember that the objective of playing a game is for there to be a winner and a loser at the end of it. Love isn’t like that — not real, healthy, and genuine love. Neither is the process towards getting to it when both people have the right motives. Do you? Does he?
6. Become What You Want
GiphyThis will be the shortest point of all of my points because its title really covers everything. If you want a man who has good credit, make sure that you do. If guys want a woman who is wise in her sexual-related decisions, they should live the same way. It really is wild — and by that I mean, flat-out crazy — that I can watch shows like Pop the Balloon and people will look at someone crazy for not having a ton of money in their bank account or for not rocking a six-pack…when they don’t.
Listen, if in your mind, it should be a sign of maturity and evolution for someone to have their sh-t together while you don’t — how are you not boldly and totally contradicting yourself? Honestly, living by the motto that you should strive to become what you want in someone else? It’s what helps you to take a mature and even humble approach to dating because if you want others to give you grace for being a “work in progress,” you damn sure need to extend them the same courtesy. Well, if you want karma to be kind to you in the dating world, that is.
And that brings me to my final point.
7. Do You Desire a “Date”? Or an Actual Relationship?
GiphySometimes, while watching a Pop the Balloon episode, I will roll my eyes all the way in the back of my head because it’s beyond evident that the some of the women just want some high-end date that they can post on their IG page and the guys just want a Coke-bottle that they can try to have sex with as soon as possible. The main thing that makes it all hella evident is the kind of questions that are asked: they’re super superficial and that causes me to think that “they” aren’t looking for love or anything even close to that. It’s all basically an act of opportunism.
And that’s why I’m going to close all of this out with my final takeaway being that, whenever you watch shows like Pop the Balloon and you find yourself wanting to take the same approach that the contestants do, first ask yourself if you desire nothing more than a one-and-done date or do you want something much deeper and fulfilling than that?
If it’s the latter, that’s why I’ve penned articles for the platform before like “6 Things To Discuss On The Second Date. If Either Of You Is A Single Parent.,” “A Male Relationship Coach Shares 7 Questions Women Should Ask Men On The Third Date,” “7 Things People Don't Take Seriously Enough When They First Start Dating Someone,” and “The 'Pre-Commitment Interview' Every Dating Couple Should Have.”
Because, while some folks are wasting time trying to figure out if a guy is at least five inches taller than them when their heels are on (SMDH), people who are serious about making a real connection know that there are far bigger fish to fry than that, chile. In other words, in order to have a deep connection with someone, you need to actually…go deep(er). Yes, deeper than easily 60 percent of the folks tend to do on Pop the Balloon.
____
Is the show close to addicting? Well, I know that I’ve personally spent a couple of hours more than I planned to while talking back to my PC monitor — a few times. LOL. Bottom line, just make sure that it’s more entertainment and even a low-key cautionary tale than anything else.
The search for love requires more than just being uncompromising about how a random stranger looks or having a set of expectations that seem like you want to live out a scripted rom-com rather than actually share a life with an actual human being.
A solid relationship doesn’t come from balloons that you don’t pop. Things of value are never that simple. In real life, leave that mentality to the internet world — not your own, sis. Something tells me that you’ll thank me later, if you do.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
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If you've been on TikTok lately, then you've probably engaged with a video or two about using castor oil to get great health benefits. As someone into holistic remedies and Ayurvedic medicine, I had to see what all the hype was about.
Now, I've already had a few experiences with castor oil. Years ago, I used to apply black Jamaican castor oil to my hair and my eyebrows to help them grow.
Also, my mom has often shared with me that growing up, my grandma would make them drink a spoonful of castor oil before starting the new school year.
According to her and other people 50+, drinking castor oil prevented them from getting sick, but it has an unpleasant taste. Fast forward to the present, we're seeing many people use castor oil in a variety of ways. Read below to see how to use castor oil and its benefits.
Castor Oil Benefits
Many TikTokers using castor oil claim that it brightens the skin, can shrink fibroids and cysts, supports liver and digestion, helps with menstrual cramps, can assist with weight loss, and more.
WebMD, however, lists castor oil benefits as constipation relief, may help to induce labor, may help heal wounds, and may help with inflammation due to its anti-inflammatory properties. Castor oil is made from seeds of the castor plant and it is very thick.
How To Use Castor Oil:
Castor Oil Packs
@nikki_kk19 Castor oil pack Castor oil pack for digestion Castor oil Benefits of castor oil Is castor oil good for bloating #castoroil #castoroilbenefit #castoroilpack #castoroilpacks #castoroilforbloating
Castor oil packs are an ancient practice that claims to help aid digestion, detox the liver, keep your stomach flat, and relieve menstrual cramps, especially when used with a hot water bottle. When wearing it to bed, beware that the oil can stain your sheets.
Drink It
@maryamjhampton Replying to @Mariama Bah castor oil gives the deepest cleanse ever #health #w #castoroil
Some people are using castor oil as a full body detox. TikToker @maryamjhampton shows us how to do it.
Rub Castor Oil Into Your Navel
@drsarubala #stitch with @PilatesBodyRaven sometimes we need to add in some extra nutrients when our sleep starts to improve 🫶🏾 #periodhealth #hormones #womenshealth #hormonehealth #cortisollevels #cortisol #castoroil
One of the most talked about ways to apply castor oil is by rubbing some into your navel. Some claim that it gave them the best sleep ever, and Dr. Bala explains why. Check out what she says in the TikTok above.
Add It To Your Skincare Routine
@itsjenniva Replying to @nitril0 Answering all of your questions about using castor oil on your face. #fyp #foryoupage #castoroil #castoroilbenefit #skincare #skincareroutine #skincaretips #skincaretiktok
TikToker @itsjenniva claims using castor oil has gotten rid of dark circles and overall brighten her skin. However, she did say that her skin went through a purge after using it. Speak to your dermatologist before adding it to your skincare routine.
Side Effects
@drjencaudle Castor Oil Packs? #castoroil #castoroilbenefit #castoroilbenefits #castoroilpack #castoroilforhair #castoroilforstomach #castoroilpacksbenefits #drjencaudle #fyp #fypシ
Although castor oil is a natural product, it can have some risks. It can cause skin irritation, and if you apply too much oil on your stomach or ingest too much, it can send you running to the bathroom.
While there isn't any scientific evidence that proves most of the claims are true, that shouldn't stop you from trying these tips. But make sure to start with a small amount to ensure no irritation occurs.
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