The millennial generation is known as the job-hopping generation, but who can blame us? We're either often underpaid, undervalued, or we get stuck at a company whose culture and values doesn't match ours - so we do what we need to do and peace out. However, hopping from one job to the next isn't always our ideal way to go. For many of us, we wish we can find that ideal job or position that will not only pay the bills (and more), but that'll also fulfill us, and actually make us want to go to work.
This type of energy and vibe is what I got after meeting Taylor Reed at a networking event earlier this year. As Taylor introduced herself to me she said, "I get paid to eat desserts all day and I love it.'' Funny thing is, I knew that she wasn't faking the flex, but she really felt that way. I don't know about you, but it's rare that I meet a millennial that's actually in love with their job and with what they do, so I was intrigued.
After talking to Taylor, I learned that her actual job title is an Associate Product Manager for 7-Eleven, and like many of us, she didn't always dream of being in the role that she's in now.
Taylor, a fashionista from the Chi, went to Dominican University and studied Fashion Design and Merchandising. She always dreamt of working in fashion and with products, but not in the food services space (previously she worked at Nordstrom and at the Art Institute of Chicago). However, instead of ignoring the career path that the universe had sent her way, she stayed the course. After graduating from college, Taylor was approached with an opportunity that would get her foot in the door of working with products, but not as she originally dreamed with fashion. This opportunity, while not ideal, taught her a lot and is what really helped her get to the happy career place that she's in now.
Keep reading to see how she got there and what you can learn from her experience.
*Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.
Sometimes the best opportunities are in disguise.
Courtesy of Taylor Reed
"My first big break was working for Sears in Chicago as an Assistant Buyer for vacuum cleaners. This was definitely far from what I imagined, but I knew I needed to be open to managing multiple products. At the end of the day, everything you do in my field is the same language, but just different products. You just need to know the fundamentals," Taylor shared. "The cool thing that I learned while in this role is that, for many companies, they have their own private label or brand, and honestly this industry is growing so much. At Sears, one of the products that I worked with was Kenmore and it's a private label brand. Working on this brand is really what sparked my interest in working with private labels. With private labels, you have a lot more room to negotiate and to create what you want to go in the store."
In less than a year at Sears, Taylor was promoted to an Associate Buyer and she learned more about the product development and management process. Her work ethic at Sears caught the attention of another retailer, Payless Shoes, and she started working with them in their Kansas office. While at Payless, Taylor worked as an Associate Buyer for accessories, and then eventually for kids shoes. In this role, it allowed her to work more in a more fashion-based role, and it taught her how kids and millennials felt about the products and their buying decision process.
Don’t just go to work and then go home - network!
"After Payless, I started working at 7-Eleven from a combo of networking and having an interest in product development. Before I left Payless, they had unfortunately filed for bankruptcy and went out of business, so I had to find a job. I was really pressed to find something in this short, unexpected period of time. During my search, I ended up getting two great offers, one at The Container Store and the other at JCPenney. I literally never imagined working in the food services industry, but things shifted."
Taylor continued, "While I was at Payless, there was someone in a senior role that had come from JCPenney. She was really smart and just amazing to know, so I made it a point to get to know her. After connecting with her really well, I learned that her best friend was working for 7-Eleven and was looking to hire someone to work underneath her as an Associate Product Development Manager. My friend at work told her friend at 7-Eleven about me, and really advocated for me. After a few interviews, I ended up getting the role at 7-Eleven as an Associate Product Development Manager, focusing on private labels with package bakery products and bread. In my current role, I'm accountable for everything from pound cakes, danishes, brownies, honey buns, and the Little Debbie-style products but private-label type of products, just to name a few."
Forget the unpopular opinion, ask to pick their brain.
Courtesy of Taylor Reed
"I always tell people, no matter what situation you're in or what education you have, go out and network, and meet people who are doing the work that you want to do. At both Sears and Payless, I took advantage of picking people's brains at work, and not being afraid to ask questions. For example, if you're currently wanting to get into product development and you have a product development department at your job, first try to connect with those people. If you don't have that type of team at your current job, go to networking events or even just go on LinkedIn and network. You'd be surprised at how many strangers I've reached out to for different types of roles and advice, and vice versa. You never know who's willing to actually offer advice and be of help," Taylor advised.
Greatness takes time and effort.
One of the biggest things that I learned from Taylor is that literally everything takes time, energy, and effort, no matter what the product is or what industry it's a part of. You cannot rush the process, or make anything great without proper planning or testing. For Taylor and her team at 7-Eleven, developing the product, taste testing, determining the price point, and signing off on it, can take as little as 8 weeks (which is rare) and as long as 24 weeks before it's ready to go in the store. "In my role, I'm responsible for pulling a report for my team to see how well our products did, and then from there, I'm meeting with different suppliers that make the honey buns, pound cakes, brownies, etc. and plan out when the product will hit the store and everything that's associated with how the customer will view and engage with the product," Taylor explained.
"With my team and with the suppliers, we discuss the trends that people are seeing in stores, and what's popular in pop culture. After that, the supplier will give me the product to view and taste, and I'll give them feedback. From there, I meet with the marketing team because they help me determine if the packaging of the product is in line with our goals and if it makes sense for the branding and image that we are going for. Sometimes, if I'm working on a product that I need a little help with, I'll take advantage of our test panel. At 7-Eleven, we have a test kitchen at our headquarters, and we can literally bring people from random departments to get their opinion on the product that we're working on."
The decisions you make today will either have you struggling or glowing up in the future.
Courtesy of Taylor Reed
For many of us, trying to figure out this thing called adulting is often stressful and confusing. We want to live our best lives, and having a fulfilling career is a part of that, but sometimes it's hard. Even when we do find a job and company that we love like Taylor, everyday isn't sunshine and rainbows. Because of this, it's important that we intentionally surround ourselves with positive energy, people, and vibes that take us higher instead of lower. For Taylor, that intentional living means budgeting well so that she can afford to travel the world and gain new experiences when she's not tasting desserts and developing new products at 7-Eleven.
Intentional living means not settling for less and always making it a point to network, learn, and perfect her craft so that she can continue to sustain a career that brings her joy. "When I need a pick-me-up and source of motivation, I also like to study this quote by William Blake that says, 'My business is to create or else become enslaved to another man's creation.'," Taylor revealed. "This quote motivates me because it shows me that if I slow down and don't do what I need to do to reach my goals, someone else will come and do exactly what I want to do."
For more of Taylor, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Taylor Reed
As a writer who really pays attention to word meanings, something that can be a bit frustrating about our culture is the fact that based on whatever is popular at the time, folks will just up and change the original definitions of words to suit a particular agenda or whim — and the word “platonic” 1000 percent fits into this category. And perhaps that’s why we seem to continue to go in circles about whether or not people of the opposite sex can (and should) be friends and what that even can (and should) look like.
Let’s talk about it for a bit. Because as a word-literal type of individual, while again, I absolutely believe that men and women can be friends, at the same time, I think it’s about as rare as a red diamond to truly find yourself in a friendship that is…platonic.
It’s Time (More) Folks Knew What ‘Platonic’ LITERALLY Means
GiphySo, let's do first things first — let's define what it literally means for something to be platonic. If you go to your favorite search engine and put something along the lines of "What does platonic mean?", the first thing that you're (probably) going to see is a ton of dictionary definitions that say something along the lines of "of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex" (Merriam-Webster), "designating or of a relationship, or love, between a man and a woman that is purely spiritual or intellectual and without sexual activity" (Your Dictionary) and, my personal favorite, "purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, especially in a relationship between two persons of different sexes" (Dictionary). Yeah, bookmark that last one; I'll be circling back.
Keeping this in mind (and please do), where does the word "platonic" actually come from? From what I've researched, the philosopher Plato once penned something entitled "Symposium." In it, he addressed the topic of two people sharing the kind of love that is free of any type of sensual desire, one that is based on divine love alone. An author from the 1800s broke it down this way: "Platonic love meant ideal sympathy; it now means the love of a sentimental young gentleman for a woman he cannot or will not marry." A write-up on Merriam-Webster's site stated that "The term platonic was initially used to mock non-sexual relationships, as it was considered ridiculous to separate love and sex, but eventually this connotation faded away leaving us with today's notion of close friendships." Yeah, we used to live in a culture where love and sex were not separated. Hmph, that's another article for another time, though (check out "We Should Really Rethink The Term' Casual Sex'").
Anyway, as with many things (especially in our culture), the word "platonic" is kind of used in "broad strokes" these days (bromances, female friendships, etc.). However, because there continues to be this forever discussion — and oftentimes debate — about whether or not men and women can be "just friends," I'm going to tackle this topic strictly from that angle — from the place where platonic actually originated.
You ready?
Yes, Men and Women Can Be Just Friends. But…
GiphyAt this stage in my life, I'm pretty sure that I have more male friends than female ones. There are layers of reasons why, yet I think a huge one is because I like the balance that masculinity brings to my femininity (especially as I'm learning to embrace different aspects of my femininity, intentionally even more). And while every single one of my male friends is respectful and is a super safe space in my world on every single level that I can imagine (and have been for years now), there are probably only a couple who I would say 100 percent qualify as being…trulyplatonic.
Why would I say that? Well, I'll illustrate this point with something that one of my male friends once said to me. He's super cute. He can sing his ass off (and definitely has one of my favorite speaking voices). People see us out together often, and some have told us that they assume that we've had something going on at some point. Anyway, after hearing someone share their theory about us, I told it to him.
Me: "I told him, 'He's my brother. We would never mess around.'"
My Friend: "Correction, you are like a sister. You are not my sister, though. Under the right conditions, you could still get it."
When I shared that exchange with another male friend of mine, he basically cosigned on the sentiment: "Shellie, I have never approached you like that because I really respect you. I want to be good for you for the rest of our lives." (That reminds me: check out "Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?" when you get a chance.)
Then I went to one more guy homie and ran both statements by him: "Girl, yeah. If I didn't want to keep you in my life long-term, I would've tried to holla a long time ago!" And he and I have been friends for almost 20 years at this point. When did he get around to telling me this? Eh, maybe two years ago. LOL.
So, my takeaway from all of these "for real?!" exchanges is even though men and women can be just friends, there is a certain level of intention, self-control, and ability to see into the future (on some level) that must go into account — because, just because something more-than-friends-like may not have gone down, that doesn't mean there isn't a "dormant seed" lying around somewhere…whether it's one-sided or on both sides of the friendship dynamic.
As you can see, I just provided you with three instances where the male friends in my life; we've had nothing sexual or even physically intimate beyond a hug when we greet each other in nature — although things aren't exactly platonic if there is some sort of attraction or sexual/romantic curiosity that simply never got explored. Because again, according to Plato, a platonic relationship is free from all of that kind of…tension — or possibilities. Zero. Nada. Zilch.
And now you probably get why I entitled this article in the way that I did…right? I mean, just think about it — out of your male friendships, where is there NO sensual desire or dormant romantic interest…on your side and/or on his? If you're not sure about "his"…have you ever asked him? Or them? Because again, once I really let the definition of platonic sink in, I think maybe two guys in my life totally fit the bill.
This brings me to my next point.
Are You Platonic? Or Are You Friend-Zoning?
GiphyNow that you know that probably 70 percent of the people you know (both online and off) have been using the true meaning of platonic all the way wrong, let’s go about deeper: when it comes to your friendships with men, are they genuinely platonic or…is it more like you’re friend-zoning them?
A few years ago, I penned an article on the topic entitled, “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.” If you’re skimming this on your lunch break, I’ll summarize friend-zoning as knowing that a guy has so-much-more-than-platonic feelings for you, yet because you basically want to keep the benefits of the friendship or even his emotions around, you will string him along on some level.
Personally, I can’t stand friend-zoning. I think it’s selfish, with some sprinkles of manipulation and wasting someone’s time. Don’t agree? How would you feel if a guy was friend-zoning you? (Yeah…exactly.)
This all needs to go on record because, knowing that a guy wants to “take it there” with you (whether sexually or romantically), you not full-on addressing it and/or giving him just enough hope to take you out, listen to all of your stories about other men and give you the attention that you need knowing that he doesn’t have a shot in hell — that is NOT a platonic friendship and honestly, you’re not being a good friend at all. Friends protect each other’s hearts, not abuse them.
A platonic friendship means that you both have no interest in each other, and, as Plato put it, while you may have a strong and solid bond, it’s spiritual love that connects you. And what exactly does that mean? Spiritual love also deserves its own article, yet the gist would be that you recognize there is a purpose in your friendship, yet it’s about wanting what’s best for one another and even helping each other to get there.
For instance, a platonic friend of yours may know that you desire to be married one day, so he has no problem setting you up with a good guy in his life. And if things go well, he would have no problem standing up as your own best man (without feeling like he’s dying inside) because he never saw you beyond anything but a friend. A guy in the friend zone doesn’t move like this; he likes you too much to help you move on with someone else. See the difference?
Why Relationships Should Start Off As NON-PLATONIC Friendships
GiphyBefore I end this with some tips on how to properly care for the few platonic friendships you may actually have, since the use of the word may require a bit of mental reprogramming, I do think we should also address that if you've got a good guy in your life, who right now is a friend and either you've never thought of him in that way or the topic has never come up — he's someone that you may not want to brush off.
What I mean by that is, it's one thing for there to be absolutely no interest in someone vs. never considering it before — and the reason why you might want to give it some thought is because, ask any healthy married couple who's been together for more than five years and I'll bet you my next rent check that they will say that the best relationships are birthed out of friendship (check out "Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?").
Yeah, just because you've filed someone in the "I see him as a good guy" category, that doesn't automatically mean that y'all's friendship is platonic. For instance, I have a male friend who is fine and I adore on many levels, yet the reason why it would never work on my end is because there are certain relational standards that I have that he does not meet. However, don't get it twisted — I've considered him because, on so many levels, we "fit." So, the mere fact that I ever seriously thought about him on that level means that we are "good friends," yet it's not exactly platonic.
I'm not free of potential sensual desire…I just choose not to act on it. Yet because I get the value of having friendship as the foundation for my own future marriage (should life play out that way), I am wise enough to know that I would've been a fool to not at least…ponder him and the possibilities.
So yeah, if there is a male friend in your life that the thought of dating or having sex with him doesn't make you want to throw up in your mouth, there's a pretty good chance that it's not a classic platonic dynamic — and you might want to consider if it could/should go to the next level — if not immediately, eventually. Because there's a pretty good chance that if you are thinking that way, he probably is as well.
Protect Your Genuine Platonic Friendship(s) At All Costs
GiphyLet me end this with how one of my platonic friendships rolls. We both think that the other is attractive, yet neither of us is attracted. We both give each other opposite-sex insights. We both have said that the mere thought of dating each other makes our noses turn up like there’s an odor in the air. And even when I try to imagine us together, my mind goes blank. I love, love, LOVE this man — oh, but it is absolutely nothing more than platonic — and he feels the same way. It’s as close to familial love without being blood relationships. It’s a rare dynamic, and that is what makes it so special. There is definitely a spiritual type of love there; no more, no less.
If you’ve got someone in your life who you feel the same way about (again, it’s got to be mutual; he must feel that way, too), you’ve got a gem of a situation going on because there is nothing like having the kind of friendship where you and a guy can hang out, exchange perspectives and thoroughly enjoy each other’s company, knowing that’s all it is and will ever be. Things will never get weird. No one’s feelings are gonna get hurt (from the whole friend-zoning thing). You don’t have to walk on eggshells. You can just be.
And that’s why I’m all for platonic friendships. And listen, if you’re blessed enough to have even one in your lifetime, be fiercely protective of it. Don’t take it for granted. Nurture it in a way that your male friend needs (because it probably won’t be the exact same as your female friendships). Y’all, platonic friendships are so bomb because, if it’s honored and protected correctly, it’s the one male friend that you can probably keep for life because even your romantic partner will not find it to be a (true) threat — hell, they honestly could probably end up becoming (some level of) friends with your platonic homie as well.
______
I hope that I broke this all down enough to where, when you decide to use a word to describe your opposite-sex friendships, perhaps you will pause and ask yourself, “Wait, is this a platonic friend or a good or close friend?” Because the clearer you are on the differences, the easier it will be to know how to maintain your friendship — and feel about your friend. Feel me? Cool.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images
