These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily
"Yes, love yourself. But also analyze and be critical of how you think, act and behave. Self-love without self-awareness is useless. Hold yourself accountable." --Unknown
I'm actually chuckling to myself, even as I'm writing this, because I went to college with someone who used to make some of the dumbest choices (when it came to relationships, money, you name it). Yet whenever that fact was brought to their attention, their preset response was "I'm aware." Since being aware of something is simply being cognizant of it or having knowledge about it, it's not like they were exactly wrong by saying that.
The thing that used to baffle me was when were they going to get to a point and place in their life where merely being aware of their mess ups wasn't enough? When were they going to start putting some of that so-called awareness on the front end of their poor decisions? Ladies—and gents who are also peeking in—this is where bona fide self-awareness comes in. Because, indeed, it's one thing to have knowledge of something or someone, but it's another matter entirely when you have a ton of knowledge about yourself before even getting involved in something—or with someone—else.
I've had my fair share of compliments; however, I think one that goes on my Top 10 list is something that both my bestie and spiritual mentor have both told me before—that I am ever-striving to be a self-aware individual. And since that has been a focus of mine, life has been calmer, easier and much more drama-free. I think it's due to the fact that I put the following 10 things into practice as much as I possibly can.
1.Self-Aware People Pray and/or Meditate
GiphyI'm gonna refrain from taking y'all to church on this point, but there is scientific evidence that there are all sorts of benefits that come from praying on a consistent basis. One study reveals that it can help your body to fight off disease. Another study shows that it's an effective way to find relief from depression-related symptoms. There's even research to prove that it can increase longevity. And don't even get me started on the power of meditation; of learning how to get quiet, still and deep breathe (check out "Scientific Benefits of Meditation – 76 things you might be missing out on" when you get a chance).
Some of the most self-aware people I know are also the most humble. A part of what makes them that way is they know there is a Higher Power that they must respect, give honor to and rely on for strength and support. If you're someone who knows that a Source is playing a direct role in your life, pat yourself (humbly) on the back. You're more self-aware than a lot of people out in these streets, just based on this point alone.
2.Self-Aware People Really Listen to Themselves and Others
Anyone who tells you that they are self-aware but they don't listen is in complete and total denial. One of the signature traits of a self-aware individual is their ability to pay attention to what is happening inside of them and what is transpiring around them.
How can you know if you're a good listener or not? When it comes to listening to yourself, meditation helps with that. So does paying attention to when something physically feels a little "off" or your gut is sending you certain messages. Another sign that you're good at listening to yourself is you practice self-care. At the end of the day, self-care is about knowing that you can't even begin to take good care of others if you don't start by tending to your own needs first.
As far as if you're a good listener with other people, ask yourself the following questions. Do you make sure to give them your undivided attention? Do you give them time to express themselves? Do you ask questions in order to gain the clarity that you seek? Are you intentional about making them feel comfortable and safe in your space? Do you not turn things around and make them be about you while they are talking (I hate it when people do that!)? If the answer is "yes", not only are you great at listening to others, you've mastered a form of self-awareness that few make a top priority.
3.Self-Aware People Have and Respect Boundaries
Be leery of people who don't have boundaries and/or don't respect yours. As a late poet by the name of Gerard Manley Hopkins once said, "Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and right to choose." Indeed. And since the purpose of boundaries is the deepest parts of your being, it makes perfect sense that self-aware individuals would have them; not only have them but honor the ones that others have because they support their need to honor themselves too.
Anyone who tries to push past your boundaries? First, share with them a quote by two of my favorite authors on the topic, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend—"The first thing you need to learn is that the person who is angry at you for setting boundaries is the one with the problem." (#dropthemic) Then, if you want to keep them in your life, but you feel like they need some assistance in the learning-the-point-of-having-boundaries department, bless them with a copy ofBoundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. If they don't thank you now, they'll thank you later.
(Speaking of boundaries, if you're not sure if you have some, a read that is totally worth your time is "18 Signs You Lack Personal Boundaries (and Feel Constantly Used)".)
4.Self-Aware People Understand Different Emotions
According to many mental health experts, we basically experience four different types of emotions— anger, fear, happiness and sadness. Everything else is an extension of these. That might be true, but if you check out this emotion wheel, you'll see that what's going on in our head and heart is a lot more complex than just four feelings.
Something that I adore about my godchildren's mother is she makes sure that they are in tune with their emotions. When the older one (the second is a newborn) says that she is mad, her mom takes a moment to ask her if it's actual anger that she feels or maybe it's more like irritation, being overwhelmed or even tired.
Can you imagine how less emotionally confused a lot of us would be as adults if our parents took out the time to be this thorough with us when we were little? There's no time like the present. Check out the emotional wheel link. Print it out and hang it up if necessary. We're emotional beings. It's a good idea to know what all of our emotions are.
5.Self-Aware People Think Before Speaking
I used to date a guy who stuttered. He was also soft-spoken. Boy, did I learn a lot about communication, thanks to interacting with him. For one thing, I had to accept how straight-up rude it is to cut someone off while they're speaking. Whether we realize it or not, it's also an ego trip because we're basically saying that what we've got to share is far more important. Another thing that it taught me was how impatient I can sometimes be while engaging others. But since my ex took longer to get his words out and I have a naturally louder tone than him, it taught me how to slow down and really listen. Know what doing that did? It taught me how to do more thinking before I speak.
Thinking before speaking is basically taking out a moment or two to process what you're about to say and how you're about to say it in order to see if you're willing to handle the reaction that you just might get. It's also about applying tact and timing to truth.
Self-aware people typically don't like drama, so they would rather take long pauses in conversation than to rush to get things out, only to unnecessarily start problems.
6.Self-Aware People Observe Others’ Mistakes (to Avoid Making Them)
One of the best things I've ever heard my mother say is, "Discernment prevents experience from being your teacher." What that means, in a nutshell, is you don't have to go through everything in order to learn. Sometimes, observing someone else's life, can be impactful all on its own.
This is one of the best traits about a self-aware person. They don't think that you need a certain type of status or education or even a certain tax bracket to be a powerful teacher in their life. A houseless (which is what I prefer instead of the word "homeless") individual, someone in prison or a substance abuser can have brilliant points and insights just as much as anyone else. If you listen closely enough, they might even have more.
7.Self-Aware People Are Patient
Someone once said, "When you delay instant gratification, you will experience long-term satisfaction." Self-aware people know this. They're the kind of individuals who would rather save up for something rather than charge it on their credit card. They're also the ones who aren't interested in settling because they live by the quote by writer Maureen Dowd—"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for." When it comes to having something vs. having what's best for them, they'll take what's behind Door #2.
However, there is something else about patience that goes beyond waiting for things. One of the most slept-on definitions of patient (probably because it's uncomfortable and difficult) is "bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like". When you look at patience from this perspective, it is one of the hardest things to put into practice. Self-aware people do it anyway because they know that life isn't always easy nor is it always gonna go their way, but, at the same time, the best way to get through the trying times is to apply a nice dose of patience.
8.Self-Aware People Are Compassionate
I really like the word "compassion". There is something really soothing and safe about it. When there are people on the planet who don't just acknowledge someone's pain or discomfort but want to do whatever they can to help relieve it? That is humanity functioning at its finest. Compassionate people are empathetic. Compassionate people are giving. Compassionate people know how to forgive others and themselves. Compassionate people are mindful and grateful.
There is absolutely no way that you can be a compassionate person and not have a pretty high level of self-awareness; especially if you know that being compassionate starts with extending compassion to the one who's looking at you in the mirror.
9.Self-Aware People Are Focused
I have a friend who says the funniest thing about his mom—"I don't know what makes her think that if she calls me three times in one day that it's gonna make me call her back any faster. I check her messages and if it's not dire, I get back to her once I've done the other things that are already on my list." You know what kind of person functions this way? A focused one.
Focused people don't spend hours on social media while they are at work. Focused people don't buy an extra pair of shoes when they are trying to save up for a new car. Focused people don't settle for Mr./Ms. Right Now when who they really want is Mr./Ms. Right, period. Focused people refuse to let someone discourage them off of their plans and goals. Focused people have routines, work methodically and know how to embrace each and every moment they are in.
Something else that's dope about focused folks is they truly honor their time. I think it was an author by the name of Shannon L. Adler who once said, "Don't say you don't have enough time or enough money to change the world. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Gandhi, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci and Jesus Christ." A lot of focused/self-aware people? They probably have this quote hanging up in their office or house somewhere.
10.Self-Aware People Know How and When to Let Things Go
Cue in Toni Braxton's song, "Let It Flow" right here. Every March, there's a national observance day called National Get Over It Day. It's a reminder that everything has its own time and season. Self-aware people are not only accepting of this reality, they are often so in tune with themselves and what's going on around them that they can sense when much-needed shifts are coming. And since they know that, more times than not, in order to get to what's better, they are prepared to release what's before them—and they are able to let go with love.
Personally, I find letting ish go to be one of the best qualities of self-awareness. It's also one of the greatest motivations to make self-awareness a consistent life practice. How about you?
Featured image by Getty Images
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line CÉCRED & Here's My Honest Review
Beyoncé is snatching our wallets yet again with her latest business venture CÉCRED. In 2023, the Texas native hinted at a potential haircare line when she posted this photo causing fans to speculate that her next project would be focused on her famous tresses - they were right. Her haircare line Cécred launched on February 20 with her first drop called The Foundation Collection which focuses on haircare first, and I can only assume that a style product line for colored-treated hair will likely follow since Beyoncé is known for slaying various shades of blonde.
As a super fan since the early 2000s, it was only right that I give an honest review of the full line and purchase the Super Fan Bundle (retailed at $265) which includes the full product line of the 8 products, as well as a branded cosmetic bag. If you’re thinking, “Girl that bundle is too pricey for me,” I can assure you that for the value you're getting, the price is quite reasonable. This bundle was an intentional and marketable way to allow consumers to experience every Cécred product.
The brand messaging surrounding Cécred has been salon-inspired, and rightfully so as an ode to Beyoncé’s upbringing growing up in her mother’s hair salon in Houston. This line is backed by science and licensed cosmetologists showing that she’s done her research and appointed the experts. Cécred's IG feed has been filled with images and videos inside of hair salons including some videos of Ms. Tina herself assisting in the styling of beauty experts who visited Cécred's private salon to have the VIP treatment!
Now, have I seen influencers, consumers, and beauty stylists using the Foundation Collection at home? Yes, but I thought it was best to experience Cécred with my go-to cosmetologist who also happens to be my Auntie Tawana. She has been my educator and go-to for hair knowledge since I was a child and has had a hand in my mom's hair health which has always been goals for me. As a little girl, my Saturdays were spent sitting in her hair salon while my mama got her hair done as I patiently waited reading Jet and ESSENCE, ever so carefully eavesdropping on the conversations of the ladies who were coming for much more than just a beauty routine, but an experience.
I’d fall asleep on the plush couch in the waiting area flipping through magazines while listening to the sultry sounds of Maxwell. And I had my first lesson in breakup empowerment when I heard Sunshine Anderson’s “Heard It All Before.” So there was no other place for me to go than to see her, and because I’m her niece, I was able to visit her private salon in her home that she calls The After Hours where upon arrival I was greeted with my favorite Black-owned sparkling Rosé, candles lit, and my aunt’s breakdown of Cécred.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
But let me refocus and share my salon experience as I tried Cécred for the first time.
If You’re Wondering…Who is Cécred For?
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
When news of Beyoncé potentially launching a beauty brand hit the internet, there were a bunch of predictions of what and who the line would be marketed towards and if she’d have any wig care products as she’s known for slaying her units! But she went in a totally different direction which I love, and I’m going to tell you why. Critics have questioned if Beyoncé should be venturing into the haircare industry because she is often seen in weaves and wigs, but true Beyoncé fans know that she has healthy hair and that, like many Black women, experiments with various styles.
Cécred was created for all hair types and textures, including straight to coily, virgin, color-treated, chemically processed, and heat-styled. As a Black woman who has worn wigs, had chemically processed hair, heat-styled, natural, and color-treated hair, let me tell you, this was no easy feat! The amount of money I’ve spent on my hair through its various changes just on product alone, forget styling has been astronomical.
Cécred is serving the needs of various hair types in textures and I truly believe that this is going to make Beyoncé a true competitor in the hair industry amongst brands that are comparable such as OUAI and Olaplex. Both competitor brands have similar items at a higher price point and unlike Cécred, their products and brand messaging haven’t always felt inclusive to Black women and other hair types.
Cécred has been tested inclusively and the reviews from various hair types and backgrounds of consumers are allowing the brand to stand out.
I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line Cécred: My Honest Review
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
My hair has never felt cleaner and it shined for well over a week following the styling (but the oil should be used sparingly if like me, oil can weigh down your hair.) Immediately when my hair touched the sink, my aunt told me that she saw all the dirt and oils lifting from my hair when she applied the clarifying shampoo. As a girl who loves my curls, I am often judgy when I use any other shampoo and conditioner aside from Pattern, but not this time.
When my aunt guided my hands across my hair, she showed me how my curls weren’t tangled, and how she didn’t need to comb out my curls before applying the moisturizing deep conditioner or the deconstructing treatment mask.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
She applied each step with care and walked me through the process, and to my surprise, the hair mask wasn’t thick - but through trial and error as a natural girl, I’ve learned that a thick mask doesn’t always equal what’s best for your hair. She styled me with a silk press that left my hair with shine and I can honestly say that each step of the line is needed especially if you are someone who changes up your hair and deals with breakage. If your hair is healthy, you can opt out of the reconstructing treatment mask but I recommend taking the product line to your salon, having a discussion with your stylist on where your hair health needs improvement, and then purchasing based on that.
We know ourselves better than anyone else, but your stylist knows your hair better than you do. I like to lead with their knowledge first and then incorporate what my hair goals are. If you’re a girly who’s committed to hair health and has either the discipline to incorporate each step at home or can bring your products to the salon, Cécred is for you no matter if you’re a silk press or a wash-and-go naturalist.
Give Cécred a try, I’ll be using the line for my hair appointments until it runs out and if I see long-term results, it will be added to the beauty regimen indefinitely.
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Featured image courtesy of CÉCRED