Celebrating Black Culture: 5 Lit Ways To Enjoy Juneteenth
Celebrating the Fourth of July might be the last thing on your mind with all that's going on in the world, but we do have a historical moment to celebrate in American history: Juneteenth. It falls on June 19 and is a day not only to celebrate the enactment of the Emancipation Proclamation, but to honor our contribution to American culture and advancement. Some companies are even making it a paid holiday and we're definitely here for it.
Whether you're self-isolating and limiting group outings, or living your best life out and about, here are a few ideas for fun things to do---and great ways to support black-owned brands at the same time---for a lit Juneteenth:
Solo Celebration: Indoor or Patio Barbecue
If you're still feeling a bit apprehensive about any type of group activities, I'm with you sis. Fire up the grill anyway or put that oven broiler to work. Cop a few sparklers and streamers and hit up a few vendors for fab party decor on Etsy. Find menu inspiration via cookbooks including The Cooking Gene by Michael W. Twitty or Jubilee by Tony Tipton-Martin.
Make a nice sangria with a wine bundle from the McBride Sisters or a few grown-and-sexy cocktails with HH Bespoke Spirits. Put on that holiday cookout mix from Spotify, and wear that printed romper you would've worn to that cancelled street festival.
Social Distance Soiree: An Outdoor Movie Party
This is a good way to get people together while promoting social distancing. Invite a small group (no more than 10-20), supply masks, rent a projector (or even invest in an affordable one like this or this ) and make a station for hand-washing and sanitizing. Place the seating strategically apart to accommodate interaction but discourage crowd-gathering.
Stream films like Miracle at St. Anna (a Spike Lee joint set during World War II), Glory (an Oscar-winning Civil War classic starring Denzel Washington), Hidden Figures (about black female NASA phenoms) or Barry (a Netflix film about the early life of former President Barack Obama). Not into history films?
Bring out the oldies but goodies set in summer like Crooklyn,The Inkwell, Independence Day, or Girls Trip.
Holiday Staycation: Friends Sleepover Edition
So your state has reopened its businesses and you feel comfy going outside---just not in a super-public space with strangers you don't know. Try renting a suite at a local or nearby hotel with a pool and create your own Juneteenth slumber party with a few besties or your immediate family. (You can start with this great list of black-owned bed-and-breakfast spots.) Or go with a local Airbnb that has a private pool. (Hosts are even offering "quarantine retreats" or "social distancing spaces" for people who want a break from their usual surroundings.) Wear fun PJs, tune in to a live DJ set on IG or streaming radio, and get creative with the snacks and drinks.
Remember, hotels have safety and sanitation guidelines they must adhere to. You can always bring your own wipes and disinfectant sprays, and continue practicing social distancing where mandated.
Airbnb even has updated its guidelines and best practices for hosts. If you're still a bit apprehensive about the cleanliness of a property where you'd like to stay, message the host, ask lots of questions, and look for listings that have flexible cancellation policies.
Interactive Game Party
I know, I know. Some of us have had enough of virtual events. But it might be nice to step things up a bit and have giveaways, care packages with wine glasses, snacks, and drinks sent to attendees beforehand. You can also set up breakout rooms where people can hear different types of music being played and mingle separately. (I attended an awards event that included these elements and it made participating that much more fun.)
Add games to the mix like University of Dope, Black Card Revoked, or One Gotta Go, and have everyone contribute to a Cash App or Paypal prize for the winners of each round. You could even do virtual karaoke and dance contests where everyone gets a chance to participate.
Share videos from past trips or parties and anecdotes about those memories. Make your party truly interactive where the guests feel like they're not even missing out on the in-person aspect of the usual holiday festivities.
We Outside: Rooftop Party
If you're OK with getting your party on and all the social distancing restrictions for gatherings have been lifted in your state, by all means, do you. This is a great option for those who live in smaller apartment buildings or brownstones where rooftop access is allowed, or for those who'd rather party with familiar faces in slightly larger crowds.
If you don't already live in a cool spot with roof access, try a platform like Peerspace or Splacer to find a cool space. Put a little money in the pockets of black lounge and bar owners and rent their rooftop or smaller cabana spaces.
(Here's a good place to start.) I still recommend a sanitation station for all entering guests (stocked with antibacterial soap, a wash basin, bottled water, and hand sanitizer at least)---and you might even want to throw in a few masks for those who still choose to wear them. Charge a fee or monetary gift for entry and then donate the proceeds to a great organization that supports creatives, entrepreneurs or activists of color.
Whatever you choose, be sure to remember what Juneteenth is all about: Remembering the magic that is us and empowering ourselves to continue to survive and thrive.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images