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George, We Are So Sorry. This WILL NOT Be In Vain.
It's amazing what the Most High prepares us for, sometimes without us even understanding why. At the top of the year, when some of the people in my world asked me what I would be focusing on in 2020, I said, "I feel the need to praise and support Black men more. That will be my mission." All this year, I've been intentional about complimenting Black men, both young and not-so-young. I've found ways to use my gifts to help them when and wherever I can. I purchased a shirt (that you can get here) that simply says, "Black Men Are Not Your Enemy" (they have one that says the same about Black women too, by the way).
And perhaps, that's why, the moment that I saw the video—the video that will be forever embedded in my brain that I will not be sharing here because I want to be sensitive to those who are triggered by such graphic visuals—I was immediately shook to the point of tears (Darnella Frazier, thank you for your courage in capturing the footage; we know things would be looking very different right now if you hadn't. We're holding you up, sis). Did I really just watch a man, yes, a Black man, die—no, be murdered—on a live video? By a cop? A cop who has a history of using "excessive force" with other civilians (and used to work with George at the same club months before. SMDH)? While three other cops watched? In front of over a dozen bystanders who pleaded with him to get off of George Floyd's neck? As George pleaded the same?
Even now, as I'm writing this, I'm having to take deep breaths because reliving what my brother—our brother—went through is gut-wrenching, heartbreaking and so hard to process, let alone digest. The pic that leads this story? It's selected by design to remind us that he lived the same regular day-to-day life that we all do. As someone who's lost a fiancée, I feel for his. Every time I read about how much of a "gentle giant" he was, I find myself getting triggered all over again. And what did he lose his life over? A freakin' counterfeit twenty dollar bill. One that Mahmod Abumayaleh—the owner of the store where George was last seen alive—said was very possibly one that George didn't even know was fake. One that, either way, shouldn't have resulted in the loss of his life. Have mercy, there are no words. Yet, I will try and find some. So that I can let those who knew and loved him know, in my own small way, that his living—and dying—will not be in vain by sharing these five points and suggestions.
Someone Just Died. Senselessly So. It's OK to Feel…However You Do.
There is no handbook for shock—or grief. That's why, there is no reason why any of us should feel apologetic about however we feel about George's death. Or how he died. With articles running like, "Prosecutor says he won't 'rush' to charge cops involved in George Floyd death", I totally get why there are Twitter posts like:
It's also why I appreciate others like:
And, while there are actual Black women (what in the world, Candace?! There are more than just white Karens in the world…clearly) who are posting thought-less videos about how Black people are acting like "trained chimpanzees" in response to their pain, I totally understand why actors like John Boyega are standing firm in saying things like this:
Y'all, we have every right to be angry. So, for all of the folks who are using the ever-so-popular, gloss-over-the-problem phrases like, "don't hate, love", please remember that even God Himself got angry, at times. The Bible says, "Be angry and do not sin" (Psalm 4:4, Ephesians 4:26-27). The Bible also says, "SEEK JUSTICE" and "REBUKE THE OPPRESSOR" (yes, I am yelling those phrases—Isaiah 1:17).
By the way, while we're here, one definition of hate is "unwilling". It is not "unloving" to be unwilling to put up with injustice. Please let's stop it with any narrative that presumes otherwise.
Yet what gave me the extra internal push to pen this piece was when I saw videos like the one from this absolutely beautiful young Black man, Keedron Bryant, singing about being "a young Black man, doing all that I can":
And a video that was posted by the Emmy-nominated actor Asante Blackk (who played the younger Kevin Richardson inWhen They See Us), as he shared how his parents' anniversary had a bit of a dim light on it due to how "traumatizing it is, growing up as a young Black man in this country":
Both of these are a very vivid reminder that, every time a life is taken, senselessly so, it has a domino effect. And, just like it takes a village to raise a child, it takes that same village to acknowledge, to mourn, to comfort, to speak up, to defend, to rally—to do what needs to be done to bring about real and lasting change. To do so, yes, as Malcolm X once said, "By any means necessary."
I won't pretend to act like I have even an inkling of all the answers. But as so many of us are sitting in our homes, staring at our computer monitors (or smartphone screens), still in utter disbelief of what this week has brought about, I did want to share a few gentle nudges about what we all can do to keep from being stagnant in our shock, fear, confusion—or all three.
5 Ways to Get Through This Time of Injustice
1. Speak Out
God gave us all gifts and platforms. One of mine is the gift of writing. That's a part of the reason why I thought it would be a slap in the face of my Creator to not use it to say something about this horrific loss. My godchildren's mother wrote a song entitled "We Are Seeds" with a visual that addresses police brutality (and ICE). Maybe you've got a T-shirt line. Maybe you have a podcast or YouTube channel. Even if it's just your social media account, it's not enough to just talk amongst your family members, friends and co-workers.
Author Germany Kent once said, "To say nothing is saying something. You must denounce things you are against or one might believe that you support things you really do not."
Your gifts and platform aren't just for yourself or your own personal gain. You are more powerful than you know. Find a way to speak out about what has transpired—what has been transpiring among our people. Not later. As soon as you possibly can. You never know who you'll motivate and inspire to do the same.
2. Be a “Professional Student” When It Comes to Social Injustice
Something that a friend of mine and I were talking about this week is how there needs to be more leaders when it comes to social injustice and that we ALL need to be willing to become constant students of the issues that affect our community as well. I don't know about y'all, but when I was growing up, I was made to watch the Eyes on the Prize series and march on MLK Day. Ignorance about social justice and injustice was not an option. I didn't have access to the world wide web until college, but now, all sorts of information are at our constant disposal. You can immediately read articles like "Number of people shot to death by the police in the United States from 2017 to 2020, by race", "Risk of being killed by police use of force in the United States by age, race–ethnicity, and sex" and "Addressing Police Misconduct Laws Enforced by the Department of Justice", "Fighting Police Abuse: A Community Action Manual" and "Having 'The Talk': Expert Guidance On Preparing Kids For Police Interactions".
Speak with any lawyers you might know. Read about the laws in your own state. If you personally know a cop, get their insights and perspectives. Soak up as much information as you can. Then pass what you know down to your children. Knowledge will never stop being powerful. Let it fuel you.
3. Encourage Non-Blacks to Be ANTI-RACIST
You don't need me to tell you what it's like to be Black in America or what the headlines have been saying, especially as of late (RIP to you as well, Sir Ahmaud Arbery). As someone who went to a racist "Christian" high school, please believe that this has brought back all kinds of feelings of what it's like to be around people who aren't Black who think they aren't racist when…they actually very much so are. It can be very tempting to want to see all people who don't look like us as an enemy. Yet I must say that I have seen many people who aren't my ethnicity show up and show out during this time. No, it's not because they don't see color (maybe one day, I'll get into how that phrase makes me cringe); it's because they know that all hues deserve honor, respect and dignity. It's because they aren't just "not racist"; they are, as biologist Corina Newsome so powerfully, eloquently and concisely stated in a tweet a few days ago, anti-racist. They don't just think it's OK to not pre (or mis) judge someone based on their ethnicity, they encourage those around them to not be that way too.
There are articles like "Black People Need Stronger White Allies — Here's How You Can Be One", "'Unarmed Black Man' Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means" and "If You're a White Woman and You're Uncomfortable Right Now, That's a Good Thing" out in cyberspace that are sounding the alarm that racism is a human issue, not just a "non-white problem". Listen, I know that some people are intentionally ridiculous, I won't fight you on that. But others need to be educated. They need to hear our thoughts, our perspective—our history (because Lord knows that schools aren't boiling over with Black history and education). Share it.
4. Treat EACH ONE Like They’re the First One
There was absolutely no way that I was going to write without asking us all to take a moment of silence out for Ms. Breonna Taylor. A certified EMT who was killed as officers were in the midst of issuing a no-knock search warrant in a narcotics investigation. After firing 20 shots, with eight hitting Breonna, the officers "realized" they were looking for someone who was already apprehended. This happened on March 13. A lot of us didn't know about it until well into April and even May.
There has been a lot of anger surrounding the fact that, not only did it take so long for her story to become national—and even international—news, but it seems like her name is not being spoken as loudly as George and Ahmad's. I just want to take a moment to say that as a Black woman, her loss literally hits differently. She matters in a very unique and significant way. We will seek her justice, just as much, as well. Because we should never get so used to this kind of recklessness and brutality that everyone just…runs in together. Breonna, you also did not die in vain. We honor you and your legacy. We will not rest until justice is sought out on your behalf too. Rest in peace and power, sis. And Kenneth Walker—Breonna's boyfriend who fought to protect his and Breonna's life and then was unjustly arrested because of it—we appreciate you standing up for the woman you loved. That is manhood infinity. We see you. You are in our prayers.
5. Be Unapologetic About Being Revolutionary
Marc Lamont Hill recently shared his thoughts about George Floyd and the protests surrounding his death on Facebook. His message was entitled, "These Are Not Riots". I won't lie, as I was listening to some of what he said, Public Enemy's "Fight the Power" started to get louder and louder in my head.
As I watched the video, I thought to myself, "George is not a victim so much as he's a martyr." What I mean by that is a martyr is someone who endures great suffering, sometimes to the point of death, oftentimes for a greater cause than they would ever know. What happened this past Memorial Day has clearly lit a fire in so many of us that revolutions— a radical and pervasive change in society and the social structure—are needed sometimes. This, fam, is one of those times.
Regardless of what your personal thoughts and feelings of Cuban revolutionary Ernesto Che Guevara may be, one thing that he said is spot-on: "If you tremble with indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine." Just like each church-goer has their own way of praising the Lord, each of us have our own way of seeking justice on behalf of George Floyd and oh so many others. Let's be smart. Let's be safe. But yes, let's be radical too. Because as someone once said, "Nothing changes…if nothing changes."
George, as you cried out for your mother who passed last year in the very last moments of life, I truly believe that angels came to comfort you. I don't know one person, personally, who is not grieving along with your family that remains. Although it's not enough to say, we are so very sorry. Yet please know that this is not a passing news story for the Black community. This has raised a righteous anger and awareness in us that will not leave us any time soon. A change is gonna come. A revolution is in motion. You did not die in vain. From the depths of my heart, I can promise you that. Rest now. We've got you—and Ahmad, Breonna, Tamir, Alton, Sean, Atatiana, Philando, Korryn, Mike, Trayvon and…
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."