

20 Reasons To Watch ‘Love & Basketball’ 20+ Years Later
While I knew in the back of my mind that the classic—not just "Black classic" either—movie Love & Basketball was celebrating its (can you believe it?!) 20th anniversary this year, I do want to extend a personal apology to the film's writer and director, the totally bomb creator Gina Prince-Bythewood. The actual release date crept up on me (it was April 16). Still, the movie continues to be "sentimentally significant" enough that the xoTeam still wanted to make sure that it got some love from us before the month ends.
The nostalgia of the film alone served as my motivation to want to pen this, but what really made me want to get it out even more was due to the article, "Black Women's Stories Are the Hardest to Get Made: The Gina Prince-Bythewood Interview". In it, Gina talks about how Spike Lee's 40 Acres and a Mule Films produced the movie, how it was Sanaa Lathan's first leading role (I also think it's cool that Regina Hall played the big sister Lena, and she and Sanaa ended up acting together later in The Best Man). With a $15 million budget, Love & Basketball went on to make $27 million at the box office. To this day, it continues to prove that there is a real market for Black filmmakers who tell everyday Black stories that are relevant and oh so very necessary to—everyone.
Personally, I don't think I know one Black person who hasn't seen Love & Basketball at least 10 times at this point. But in honor of a movie that continues to make an impact, for so many reasons and on so many levels, even now, let's review 20 things about why this movie is always going to be worth checking out…a few more times (and then a few times after that).
FIRST QUARTER
1. How cute were Kyla Pratt and Glenndon Chatman as Little Monica Wright and Little Quincy McCall, y'all? To put time into perspective, Kyla and Glenndon are both now 33. If that doesn't make you sit and think about how fast time flies by, I don't know what will.
2. I dig how thorough Gina was in her writing, right down to finding a "role" for Sanaa's real-life face scar. Although in the movie, the explanation is that it came from Monica showing Quincy her skills on the basketball court, Sanaa said that she actually got the scar from something that went down between her, an oven and some Play-Doh when she was a kid.
3. To this day, Debbie Morgan (who played Quincy's mom, Nona) is still one of the prettiest women to me. And Alfre Woodard (who played Monica's mom, Camille) is definitely one of the best actors of our time. I thought it was dope how they were both Black active mothers who, in many ways, couldn't be more different. I also liked how a commonality that they had is they were both relatively affluent. Black people are multi-layered. Gina has a way of depicting that well.
4. Dennis Haysbert as Zeke McCall. He was a jerk, but with that height, skin tone and voice? He was a sexy jerk. He also loved his son. Many Black men do.
5. It's hard to miss how…combative Monica and Quincy were, even as children.
I don't know about y'all but, to me, I didn't pick up that it was because of that toxic mindset of "Boys hit you because they like you." If anything, I think that "young conflict" happens when big-people-feelings come along before someone is wise or mature enough to have them (which could be quite the argument for why young people shouldn't even focus on having a boyfriend or a girlfriend; just learning more about themselves).
It's interesting, the kind of "roles" that Quincy thought should be played out in relationships at such a young age, like Monica needing to ride on the back of his bike. Hmph. It's also interesting how his stubborn perspective on what a girlfriend "should do" ended up playing out later (more on that in a bit).
SECOND QUARTER
1. Monica and her mother have a complicated relationship. I get that Monica's mom has walls up because she feels like Monica doesn't respect her (remember when Monica said, "Why? Because I'd rather wear a jersey than an apron?"). Still, a part of me also wonders if Monica's mom is mad jealous because Monica takes risks and because she puts herself first. I also wonder if Monica's mom might feel like she has to compete a bit when it comes to the bond that Monica has with her dad. Families are complicated, y'all.
2. Gabrielle Union's character Shawnee and her fast butt. Hmph. Out here talking about licking sweat off of ninja's asses (in high school) and throwing jabs at Monica every chance she got. Every time I watch the movie, I think back to a girl I grew up with who acted just like Shawnee. They both were mean girls from the pits of hell (Gabrielle actually addressed that she knew that she used to be a meanie herself. You can read more about that here). If there is anyone who I wonder about in regards to what the heck she is doing with her life, 20 years from now, it's Shawnee. I mean, remember, she was the chick who, as Monica put it, while riding with Quincy after a game, "[Shawnee's] sending her coochie through the mail." (That continues to be one of the more memorable lines to me.) We've got OnlyFans now. I'm just sayin'.
3. As Monica and Quincy continued to grow and their relationship continued to evolve, I adore how they had a way of challenging and comforting each other.
Quincy would call Monica out on her stank attitude on the court (and sometimes off of it, if we're gonna be real) while Monica literally provided him with a place to lay his head when he couldn't sleep due to his parents' incessant late night arguments. A solid foundation was being laid, perhaps without them even knowing it, very early on.
4. The dance. Let me back up—the music and the dance...and what followed later that evening. "Making Love in the Rain" (Herb Alpert, Lisa Keith, Janet Jackson) played while Monica was getting ready for the dance. RIP to Johnny Kemp who had his song, "Just Got Paid" featured at the dance itself, along with the Zapp & Roger (also RIP Roger and Larry Troutman) slow jam classic, "I Wanna Be Your Man". Geeze so much happened up in that dance. Boris Kodjoe's character was Monica's date (do Boris or Sanaa ever age? I recently watched Boris in TLC's "Red Light Special" music video and asked myself that). Shawnee got some more shots in (like talking about Monica's "Nike dress"). Monica reminded Quincy that her date to the dance wasn't her basketball Spalding. But, by far, my favorite part was the GIF you're looking at. Sometimes eyes say more than words ever do.
5. And that eye contact ultimately led Monica giving her virginity to Quincy (did she always keep her bedroom door locked or what? Quincy sure was in that room a lot) with the help of another jam, "This Woman's Work" by Maxwell. If anyone recalls the first time when they had sex (especially if it was with your first love), you can vouch for that being a pretty realistic scene too (shout-out to Quincy using a condom). I'll leave that right there.
THIRD QUARTER
1. All these women hatin' on our girl Monica. Next up—Sidra's (one of Monica's teammates, played by Erika Ringor) hatin' tail. The thing that I really liked about Monica's college years is she was really figuring out her own voice and desires on another level. The thing that was difficult-yet-necessary to watch was Quincy realizing that parents are just people and his father was a man, not a god. Gina also did a wonderful job of revealing how men emotionally suffer; how it can have a domino effect on so many areas of their life when it's not properly addressed.
2. I'm pretty sure that another super memorable scene for a lot of us is when Monica and Quincy played strip basketball in his dorm room (with Guy's song, "I Like" playing). A part of the reason why I smile whenever I see this, I think about how fine Omar Epps was during that era; anyone who went to college with me knows that we had a guy on the yard who looked a lot like Quincy. A LOT (whew!). Anyway, did anyone peep the foreshadowing in the movie when, after the game, Monica said, "I won" and Quincy immediately said, "I wanted you to"? We'll pick back up on that in the fourth quarter.
3. I'm not sure how many think pieces have been done on how Quincy was emotionally stunted in some ways. When he and Monica were kids, he had semi-chauvinistic ideas of what girls should and should do and, in college, not much had changed. Remember how passive-aggressive-aggressive he was when he wanted Monica to stay out past her curfew once he found out his father cheated and lied (and lied and cheated)? Or how he had the nerve to invite her to go to Burger King with him and Monica Calhoun's character but then, later that night, had the balls to say to Monica, "If basketball is all you care about, why you bonin' me? Why don't you bone Dick Vitale?"
Y'all, toxic masculinity is not masculinity itself. Men are not created to think or act like women. Toxic masculinity is when a man doesn't understand his purpose as a man, a woman's purpose as a woman and how those differences are designed to balance one another. Quincy, in this "quarter", in many ways, was toxic..because he was in unresolved pain.
4. In fact, one more example of Quincy's toxicity was skipping out on Monica's game, showing up at an afterparty (drunk) and then trying to make her feel guilty for not wanting to have sex with him. Interesting how he struggled with celebrating her if he wasn't "the man", huh? Pretty sure he learned that from his home life. (Hmm.)
5. This leads me to another point. Remember how, when Quincy went to talk to his mom about his dad and Nona showed him those pictures that she got from a private detective of his dad with another woman. As someone who is a child of divorce who also got TMI from ALL of my parents, if you're a mom or dad who's reading this, that's NEVER a good idea. Children, as they are old enough to handle it, should know the truth, but not if it's being used as a weapon. You have no idea how that can scar us—well into our adult years.
FOURTH QUARTER
1. A wise person once said, "Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve." Call me petty if you want, but I did enjoy how life came full circle for Monica and Sidra when Monica beat Sidra in that championship game in Spain. I also like that they were able to come to some real peace. I think that prepared Monica for some other "healing moments" that came up in the final quarter of the movie.
2. Who didn't see a mile away that Tyra Banks' character, Kyra was the absolute worst match for Quincy (remember when she went out of her way to hold her ring finger out at the hospital or how she "we'd" Monica as Monica was leaving?). Ugh. Sometimes it's the wrong one who shows you who the right one truly is. I read between the lines when Quincy told Monica that he called her when she won All-American and when Magic Johnson retired.
Time and distance don't change love. People do.
3. All things work together. For me, a hard scene to watch was between Monica and her mom. Oh, but how necessary was that? I personally think that a lot of Monica's uber-defensiveness was because she and her mother were always on eggshells with one another. Before Monica and Quincy could have a real conversation, she needed to with Camille first (although when Camille said she had to "put her dreams on hold" to have her kids, I do wonder how Monica processed that). It's a reminder that a lot of us could stand to heal from our childhoods before trying to build a lasting relationship with someone else.
4. Case in point. Remember when Camille said to Monica, "You know Monica, something that always drove me crazy about you, and I have to admit, it made me jealous, but I always admired was the fight in you…remember when I said Quincy could do better? I was talking about you." Because Monica and her mom had started the process of forgiving each other and some walls were able to come down, Monica could really hear her mom and that, I believe, played a significant role in her "heart game" with Quincy.
5. And then there's the final scenes of Monica and Quincy; of Monica playing for Quincy's heart and—here comes the result of the foreshadowing from the Second Quarter—Quincy wanting her to. There were some good one-liners in the last 15 minutes, wasn't there?
Monica: "I've loved you since I was 11 and it won't go away."
Monica: "I'll play you [for your] heart."
Quincy (after Monica loses): "Double or nothin'."
After it's clear that Quincy indeed did know that he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life by marrying someone else, my favorite scene is at the very end of the film, when he and Monica's daughter watched Monica play at her basketball game. Love & Basketball, indeed.
The best stories are relatable ones. And, I believe that Love & Basketball will always be a fan favorite because it's not perfect. It's not a fairy tale. It is simply real and full of Black love. And that is to be both adored and commended. So yeah, I felt that it was only right to honor Gina and the movie by recapping 20 reasons why, 20 years later, her brainchild is still celebrated and appreciated. From the script, to the cast, to the soundtrack and everything in between, thanks Gina. The movie and you are still dope…20 years later.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Ready To Feel Old? 'Girlfriends' Turns 20 This Year. (Wow, Sis)
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
An author by the name of Alexandra Katehakis once said this about orgasms: “Great spiritual teachers throughout the ages have stated that orgasm is the closest some people come to a spiritual experience because of the momentary loss of self. Why is this true? Because with spiritual sex, you move beyond orgasm into a connection with yourself, your partner, and the divine — recognizing them all as one.”
If it’s counterintuitive to what you’ve ever thought about orgasms, believe it or not, there are even pastors who have said that climaxing is the closest comprehension of heaven on this side of it: it is an extreme kind of bliss that is indescribable and is best experienced between two people who share a sacrificial kind of love for one another.
Although this might seem like a heavy way to intro this particular topic, because the O Method is an orgasm-achieving technique that centers around housing energy, embracing the mental practice of manifestation, and the attempt to achieve the best climaxes ever — it all works together pretty well if you ask me. If you want to take your orgasms to the next level, it’s important that you get out of yourself (to a certain extent), that you see the spiritual role that manifestation plays, and that you are open to trying new things. No doubt about it.
So, let’s learn more about what the O Method is all about and how it very well could be just what you’ve been looking for…even if you didn’t know it.
What Is the “O Method” All About?
Question: When’s the last time you’ve had an orgasm? Not just any orgasm — I mean a really mind-blowing one (I’ll give you a second to think about it). Now, what if you could manifest that experience to the point where it wasn’t a rare occurrence but something that happened almost every time that you and your partner had sex with each other? How absolutely awesome would that be?
That is pretty much what the O Method is all about — helping you achieve the kind of orgasms (and sexual pleasure, in general) that you desire through the practice of manifestation. And since your biggest sex organ is your brain, it would make perfect sense that even with all of the tips and techniques that you might learn to do as far as your body is concerned, honing in on what you think about is super imperative to sexual fulfillment, too. And that’s just where manifestation comes in.
What If You’ve Never “Manifested” Anything Before?
Before we get into a quick lesson on manifestation, I think it’s important to mention two things. One, for the cynics, there is a lot of truth in the fact that it’s got some solid spiritual basis to it because even the Good Book says that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). At the same time, that same Good Book tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). So, while it is always a good idea to focus on good, positive, and productive thoughts, just thinking about them isn’t enough — at some point, you’ve also gotta get out here and DO something (bookmark that).
Okay, with that mini-sermon out of the way, whether it’s in the bedroom or not, manifestation is basically about focusing on something tangible that you desire, harnessing your energy in such a way that your words and actions are directed towards that longing until what you want, well, manifests. For the record, aside from this having a spiritual backing to it, in many ways, science cosigns on manifesting, too. There is actually a scientific process known as neuroplasticity that consists of reframing your mind so that your actions ultimately end up aligning with your goals — and that is another way to look at manifestation.
So, what if you’re someone who has never set out to do a manifestation practice before? No worries. Something that’s awesome about it is there are several different approaches that you can take.
Some people manifest what they want in their lives via:
- Journaling
- Visualization/Creating vision boards
- Writing down their desires before going to bed (so that they can “download” them into their dream state)
- Creating mantras and affirmations
- Applying the 369 Manifestation Method (you can learn more about that here)
- Meditating
- Learning more about what you want to manifest (which brings forth clarity)
This is important to keep in mind because, when it comes to manifesting the types of orgasms that you want to have, as you can see, you can try different manifestation methods until you find one (or ones) that you are truly comfortable with. One that can ease you into the entire process rather smoothly is something known as sex journaling.
How Sex Journaling Can Actually Help You to Have an Orgasm
As a writer, I’m a big fan of journaling. Mostly because it’s a way to get out some of your deepest thoughts and feelings so that you’re able to really process what is happening inside of you in a private setting. And when it comes to sex journaling, specifically, it’s all about centering yourself on the things sexually that you want to “unpack,” get clarity on or come to some revelations about. For instance, if there’s only been one partner from your past who’s been able to help you achieve the type of orgasms that you wish to manifest, journaling about what makes him different from the other guys can provide you with some solid ah-ha moments.
Or if you need help getting as specific as possible about the sexual experiences that you’re after, journaling can help to make that happen for you — because one thing that manifesting reminds us all to do is be as specific as possible.
Yeah, simply saying, “I want to have better sex” isn’t detailed enough when you want to get your energy to match with your desires — instead, describe how all of your senses should feel in the experience, along with why, that can get you so much closer to achieving your goal. Once those things are documented, you can segue into creating mantras and/or meditation that are based on them. Yeah, sex journaling really is an underrated superpower on a lot of levels (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”).
5 Tips for Making the O Method Work for You
Now that you know more about what the O Method is and how manifestation plays a direct role in its process, let’s talk about five ways to make the O Method truly effective in your own (sex) life.
1. Focus, FULLY, on your feminine energy. What do rose quartz, amethyst, moonstone (which is a Gemini birthstone as well; yes, I’m a Gemini), selenite, and rhodonite all have in common? They’re crystals that help you to go deeper into your divine feminine energy. Traits that are associated with this include compassion, creativity, kindness, gentleness, and sensuality (feminine energy is also accepting and forgiving). If you were to study energy from a biological standpoint, it’s about producing change, responding to stimuli, and having the ability to do what needs to be done (work). So, when it comes to manifesting the kind of orgasms or sexual experiences that you want, using things like your creativity and gentleness in your thoughts and actions can play a role in bringing balance to your partner’s masculinity, which can create a profound sense of pleasure — after all, opposites do attract.
2. Don’t hold back on what it is that you desire. Whenever I interview sex therapists, something that they all say is, a huge mistake that people make as far as sexual satisfaction is concerned is, they have walls up — not just with their partners but even within themselves. Sometimes, there is intimidation, fear, or even shame around what they really want to happen during sex to the point where they aren’t able to channel their energy fully in those directions in order to manifest what they want. For the O Method to work, you can’t let those types of negative emotions hinder you; the more you are able to articulate what you want and how you want it, the better chance you have of making it happen. So yes, get graphic. As graphic as possible.
3. Make manifestation a daily practice. Repetition is important when it comes to manifestation. That’s because the more you declare what you desire (a mantra), get still and think on it (meditation), or look at the “art” that you’ve created surrounding it (visualization), the quicker it becomes a part of you. So yes, make manifestation a daily practice. For instance, if one of your mantras is, “I am going to have intensely passionate orgasms, one right after the other,” don’t just state that 15 minutes before sex is going to happen. Wake up and declare it. Then say it on your lunch break. And again before turning in. The more your thoughts are “streamlined” in this way, the easier it will be for your body to follow suit.
4. Share this practice with your partner. If you were to do even more research on the O Method, one thing that most of the articles will mention is it’s a practice that you can do alone or with your partner. Indeed. However, I just want to make sure that you get into your psyche that great sex is, in part, about good communication. And so, the more comfortable you are sharing with your partner what you are doing as far as the O Method is concerned and what you ultimately want to happen as a result of the practice, the easier it will be for him to “match your energy” — both in and out of the bedroom. And when your partner is on the same page as you? That definitely increases the chances of attaining your sexual desires — exponentially so.
5. Stay in the moment. While I was reading one article on manifestation, I really appreciated something that the author said: manifestation isn’t some supernatural power. In other words, while it can be beneficial, it’s not like you can just think of something, and it instantly appears out of nowhere. Manifesting is a discipline, and it must be accompanied by action, consistency, and patience — this means that you must also practice mindfulness. Meaning, now that you know better what you’re looking to achieve as far as sex is concerned, every time that it transpires, maintain a level of positive energy, remember what your end goal is, and then determine in your mind to enjoy the moments as they come. Remember, manifestation isn’t to add stress…it’s to cultivate clarity.
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At the end of the day, the O Method is simply a way of reminding you that your mind plays a huge role in your sexual pleasure, and when you channel it and your energy exactly where you want them both to go, you’ll be amazed what your body is capable of doing…and accomplishing.
So, what kind of orgasm are you wanting to achieve? You’ve got a tool to get you there. USE IT.
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