Darla And Ralph Angel Are Constant Reminders That True Love Heals
I'm a writer. It's what God called me to be. But if there are two things that I had a "quiet passion" for while I was in college, it was video directing and acting. I think that's why visuals can hold my attention so intensely to this day and, whenever an actor truly strikes me, I instantly become a fan. So is the case when it comes to Bianca Lawson. Although she's been in the game for 23 years now, I've gotta be honest—when it comes to her craft, I only really know her as Darla (interestingly enough, Darla doesn't appear to have a last name; I checked the cast list). And boy, is Bianca, as Darla, something. Truly something.
As I was checking her out on AOL's Build series from earlier this summer, something that the host Brittany Jones-Cooper said about Queen Sugar really resonated; that it is constantly written with so much intention. Indeed. Not just intention, but realism. Even the sugar farm that the entire show is built around is based in modern-day fact, not fiction. If you don't believe me, check out recently published pieces like "How Did African-American Farmers Lose 90 Percent of Their Land?", "The Great Land Robbery", "So Much of Our National History Is Lost to Guilty Amnesia" and "How Southern Black Farmers Were Forced from Their Land, and Their Heritage".
Not only that, but when it comes to this season's storylines, as an author who penned an autobiography that had a lot of my family (and church members) shook, I could relate to some of what Nova has been going through (although I shared galleys ahead of time; Nova showed out, even to me). As someone who has ran into my molester more times than I would ever like to, I can also empathize with Aunt Vi's paralyzing anger and fear at the return of her abusive ex-husband (you played that, David Alan Grier). But perhaps, more than anything else, the ebb and flow of Darla and that fine (really…does it get any more fine?!) Ralph Angel's love is what has moved me most of all. The writing. The chemistry. The way the love story is constantly unfolding is so… "relatable" is a word that doesn't do those two enough justice, but it's the first one that comes to mind.
Bianca sees it too. In an interview that I recently read on Black America Web, she said this about her and Kofi Siriboe's characters:
"Kofi and I had never met before and he came in and I didn't wanted to run the scene before he came in the room because I like the element of surprise and to see what happens in the moment. You can never get that first moment back. We did the scene and it was good, but after we did the scene, we [improvised.] That was the moment where it just felt that we were on the same wavelength."
When actors have onscreen chemistry, it's palpable and the audience roots for them, even when, as Lawson and Siriboe have seen, if the relationship is tumultuous. According to a funny post on her Instagram page, Lawson is "obsessed" with astrology (she laughs at this description) but can tell you that the two sun sign Pisceans both have Leo rising signs. So even the stars must have aligned to bring these two together.
"[Kofi] likes to say it's because we're both Pisces and we have that deeply intuitive, telepathic thing, which could be true. We can deeply connect depending on the other person's energy."
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Personally, I'm not even gonna try to challenge the theory because, last week, when Ralph Angel told his almost-girlfriend that 1) he hadn't been spending quality time with her because he had been supporting Darla through her relapse and 2) he couldn't commit to her because, when it came to Darla, "I can just see now that, when she hurtin', I'm hurtin'. When she bleed, I bleed. I ain't even sure it's much of a choice at this point but, I'm still in love with Darla"—chills. It literally felt like I was eavesdropping on a conversation in someone's house. Real acting is when you forget that that is what someone is doing. The characters on Queen Sugar pull that art form off so well.
When it comes to Darla and Ralph Angel specifically, unless you've been watching their story unfold, pretty much since season one, it's hard to understand how loving them love each other is far more impacting and significant than checking out a rom-com or fairy tale for fun. These two have such a raw and real story that, as a marriage life coach, I'm tempted to make it required viewing for some of my clients. Not the dating ones, the married ones. Because man, if there are two television characters that take "for better or for worse" to new heights, Darla and Ralph Angel would most certainly be it.
There's not nearly enough time or space to get into all of their nuances, but if there are three solid reasons why I think, if you are in a relationship, checking out this season On Demand is must-see TV, they are as follows:
Love Forgives
Sometimes I'll sit in a premarital counseling session and, although I know that the two people sitting in front of me care a lot about each other, what I also know is they are not remotely prepared enough for something that marriage requires, on some level and to a certain extent, every single day—forgiveness. Yeah, I promise you, with everything in me, that if you're not good at forgiving others (or yourself, for that matter), marriage is going to be really hard, if not close to impossible, for you. The reason why is because love doesn't work without forgiveness. It's not designed to. In fact, a part of what makes love so beautiful is its uncanny capability to "pardon offenses" and "cease to feel resentment against". Even the Bible says so—"Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]." (I Corinthians 13:7-8—AMPC)
Ralph Angel displayed this oh so well when, after Darla found out from her "friend" Jordan that she had been with two men on the night that Blue was conceived, that information devastated her to the point of relapsing and she shared all of this with him, Ralph Angel said, four times on loop, "You ain't got to be sorry." He then followed that up with, "You ain't got nothin' to apologize for. We gonna get through it. You hear me?...Whatever it take Darla, I'm right here with you. You know that? I'm right here."
This man found out last season, that after years of thinking that Blue was his biological son, he actually wasn't. The news caused him and Darla to end things. But now knowing that Darla had been too inebriated to give her consent to the sex that ultimately created her son—the one that Ralph Angel chose to continue to raise as his own—his heart has softened.
Ralph Angel felt betrayed. Understandably so. But his profound love for Darla helped him to see that she had been as well. Because he is a walking example of "love never fails", Ralph Angel is able to look past his fear, his pride and probably even mass confusion and love Darla anyway. Because true love forgives. And endures.
Love Evolves
I was just having a conversation with a couple about how, it is my belief, that one of the hardest things about staying married is figuring out how to grow as an individual while remaining intact as one part of a union; especially when one person may be developing light-years ahead of their spouse.
When I was watching Ralph Angel share with Darla that he still had feelings for her in last week's episode, a part of what he said was, "Just because we ain't together, don't mean I don't care about you no more. I have to. My own peace of mind, really…I ain't felt like that since, since we first got together. When we had Blue, I spent so much time, just worrying about you. Did she make it to her dorm OK? She had a good breakfast? Stupid stuff like that…thing is, nobody tells you that loving somebody could hurt so much." In response, Darla asks Ralph Angel if he could forgive her enough for them to go back to how they once used to be. I guess we'll have to see what happens next tomorrow night (September 4).
The roller coaster that is Darla and Ralph Angel. They get together, they break up. She grows, so does he. They get back together again, they break up. She grows some more, so does he. Sometimes, when you're only on the outside looking in, when a couple is in this kind of cycle, you're tempted to call it counterproductive or maybe even toxic. But when you're on the inside looking out, oftentimes what you realize is that the love came before the maturity—now the maturity needs some time to catch up.
Darla and Ralph Angel's journey, to me, is a poetic example of this very thing. Their love is big…HUGE even. But they've needed time to evolve into it. The show is letting them. Sometimes, in real life, we should follow suit.
Love Gives Both People Room to Learn How to Love…More
Something that is really unfortunate about certain break-ups is they come from one of the individuals believing that they've got love mastered.
Listen, as long as you're living and breathing, you will be a student of love. It is too powerful, too perfect, too supernatural for any human being short of Christ himself to be able to do it flawlessly. And for those of us who are paying close attention, every person who crosses our path, they teach us how to love…more. Better too.
There was something about Darla dating someone else this season that showed her the importance of establishing boundaries for the sake of self-care. There was something about who Ralph Angel was seeing (I really dug her too) that taught him the importance of being in something healthy; that relationships should be healthy. When the light bulb went on for both of them, when the lesson was learned from the people they were seeing, they "somehow" ended back together. Love has a way of doing that.
I don't have any idea what the writers have in store for Darla and Ralph Angel moving forward; that includes tomorrow night. What I do know is that what I've seen, thus far, has been a wonderful ode to love and healing. Darla and Ralph Angel's love story is deep, painful, rich, relatable and truly beautiful. Just like love tends to be in the real world. Sometimes we need to be reminded of that. If it has to be on a television screen, every Wednesday night, so be it. And thank you. Especially to you Bianca and Kofi. Well done. Salute.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Kofi Siriboe On Why He's Not Accepting Bae Applications
11 Black-Led TV Shows Worth Watching This Year (So Far)
10 Black Couples On TV That Make Love Make Sense
Colorism Is The Conversation We Should All Be Having
Feature image by Queen Sugar/OWN
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy