Whether you're a makeup lover who loves a full face beat or someone who opts for a more minimal look - there's no denying the sleekness, timelessness, sophistication, and versatility of a nude lip.
However, for us Brown girls, finding the perfect nude lip color isn't always easy. With many mainstream brands failing to carry lip colors that work for our complexions, many a Brown girl (including myself) has found herself going the "do-it-yourself nude lip" route - having to improvise using a mix of lip liners, concealers, foundations and other products in order to create the perfect nude color. While DIY can be fun, finding the perfect nude lip color shouldn't have to be so hard.
In order to learn more about finding the perfect nude lip color, I spoke with some of my favorite makeup artists about the key to finding the perfect nude lip shade. Celebrity makeup artist Ashunta Sheriff, known for her work with Taraji P. Henson, likes to use nudes that are more pink or milk-chocolate. "Fenty has a shade called Uninvited, which is a gorgeous milk chocolate nude. Milani has a matte creme shade called Pretty, which is a stunning pink nude.
Atlanta-based makeup artist Noor, known for her debut product Skin Glass, explains that we need to be aware about the category of nudes. She explains, "You can have pinky nudes, peachy-nudes, and browny-nudes. Choosing the perfect one for your complexion based on your undertone and personal preference. Just don't choose anything that goes too chalky or otherwise you'll end up looking like a zombie! For tanner to deeper complexions, I love anything with a peachy undertone."
When all else fails, Noor has a pretty simple tip: "Look at the natural color of the lips and match that.If the lip has discoloration, then correct it with a warm-toned lip liner to even it out."
The secret to applying the perfect nude lip though is all about the liner. "I always use a chocolate lip liner on women of color and then I apply nude colors on top. I do this so the color doesn't read chalky or ashy in pictures and has a subtle gradient color," says Ashunta. If you want dimension, you can also try applying lip liner after applying the lipstick and then "blend the edges," adds Noor. Noor recommends NYX's Matte Lip Creme in the color London and Cork and Chestnut lip liners for darker toned women.
Armed with these tips, I went on my own personal nude lip color search, hitting my favorite Black woman-owned businesses first - and then venturing out to other brands with versatile nude lip color collections. I surveyed a wide range of contenders and came back with some of my favorites from the hunt. With the help of makeup artist Beneseth H., I was able to try and apply a wide range of products, including classic lipsticks, matte liquid lipsticks, and glosses.
Mented Cosmetics
Writer Rana Campbell / xoNecole
Berry Me $15.00 (gloss) & Mented #5 $16.50 (matte lipstick)
Mented #5 is one of my favorite nudes. This matte lipstick was easy to apply and needed no lip liner. To glam up the look and give it extra vibrance, I added Mented's Berry Me gloss to deepen the berry tones and bring out the fullness in my lips.
The Lip Bar
Writer Rana Campbell / xoNecole
Savage $13.50 (liquid lipstick)
Liquid lipsticks can be fun, yet tricky to apply. I used the application to "line" the lips then filled it in effortlessly. Savage is a deep reddish brown that wasn't overpowering, but still bold. What I loved the most about this color was that my lips still felt moisturized and the color stayed intact even after continuous wear.
Fenty Beauty
Wearing "I Quit" by Fenty Beauty
Writer Rana Campbell / xoNecole
I Quit $18.00 (matte lipstick)
This matte lipstick was a bit tricky. When first applying, the color came out too faint for my liking. However, after layering the color more, I loved the nude mauve color on my skin. For added color amplification and shine, I added a top coat of Broadway's Vita Lip Mint Oil gloss.
Jay Jill Cosmetics
Wearing "Rum Cake" by Jay Jill Cosmetics
Writer Rana Campbell / xoNecole
Rum Cake $16.00 (velvet lipstick)
If you're looking for a reddish-brown nude with lasting color power and character, Jay Jill's Rum Cake is a good pick. It was easy to apply and had a velvety lipstick finish. On my skin tone, I found that the red + brown wasn't too overpowering and still gave me a subtle finish.
NYX
Wearing "Praline" and "Tiramisu" by NYX
Writer Rana Campbell / xoNecole
Praline & Tiramisu $5.00 (gloss)
You can't go wrong with these colors from NYX. I mixed the two together to get a natural pink + peach finish. These glosses are recommended staples for an everyday, basic makeup look.
Osmosis
Wearing "Skinny Dip" by Osmosis
Writer Rana Campbell / xoNecole
Skinny Dip $25.00 (lipstick)
Throughout this process, I found that finding lip colors that match my natural lip color were very important. On its own, Osmosis' Skinny Dip was too bright. When paired with my MAC Chestnut liner, it gave me a super natural nude pink lip with sheer pink coverage. With this lipstick, less is more.
100% Pure
Writer Rana Campbell / xoNecole
Rum Nougat $26.00 (gloss)
This super peach nude is definitely not something I'd wear for an everyday, on-the-go makeup look. However, I loved how much color could be applied to my lips without have to over-layer. If you're someone who likes a bright nude with maximum color intensity and brightness, this could work for you.
AJ Crimson
Wearing "No Shade" by AJ Crimson
Writer Rana Campbell / xoNecole
No Shade, $20.00 (lipstick)
I loved the creamy, natural, barely there brown finish on this lipstick. It was easy to apply, and the applicator tube was very stylish (an added plus). It matched my skin color almost identically, so I'd probably mix this with a pink gloss for added definition.
Prime Beauty
Wearing "Au Natural" by Prime Beauty
Writer Rana Campbell / xoNecole
Au Natural, $15.00 (matte liquid lipstick)
I love learning about black woman-owned brands that weren't on my radar before. If you're looking for a brown liquid matte lipstick that has pink undertones, add this to your list. The formula also feels very moisturizing even after application, which is very important when wearing matte lip colors. If you are looking for something a bit brighter, try Prime Beauty Strip instead.
Thrive Causemetics
Wearing "Ruth" by Thrive Causemetics
Writer Rana Campbell / xoNecole
Ruth, $26.00 (gloss)
I'd never heard of this brand before searching for nudes for this project, but loved how the taupe tone paired with my skin. It can be worn alone or layered on top of another nude color for a shimmering effect. Here, I used my MAC Chestnut liner to help define and direct the powerful shine of the product towards the center of my lips.
Here are some of the biggest lessons I learned while finding the perfect nude lip color:
1. Finding what works for your undertone and natural lip color is important.
As someone who has natural two-toned lips, I generally gravitate towards brown nudes but really ended up loving the pink and mauve-hued nudes that matched my lip color. There is no one size fits all when it comes to nudes, so take the time to understand your unique color profile preferences. Thanks experts for this crucial tip!
2. It really is all about the application.
Take your time when applying nude lip colors. Make sure the product is applied smoothly. Don't be afraid to add layers for maximum color effect.
3. When in doubt, line it out.
MAC's Chestnut lip liner (or any dark brown liner) is the truth. Creating a gradual lip color gradient helped mute nude colors that may have seemed too bright for my skin color at first.
4. Don't be afraid to have fun and get creative.
I loved added gloss to amplify some of the shades. At the end of the day, there are no set rules when it comes to finding the right lip color. Experiment. Combine colors. Find what works for you.
Most Affordable: At $5.00, the NYX Butter glosses are great options when you need a simple nude color on the go, that you won't be too mad if you lose.
Best Color Range: Made especially for women of color, Mented Cosmetics offers a wide range of nudes from pinks and peaches to brown and berry-tones.
Brand I've Never Heard Of Before But Loved: Though pricery, Thrive Causemetics Ruth was the perfect nude, shimmery, yet colored gloss for my lips. It was easy to apply and created a beautiful gradient when paired with my Mac Chestnut lip liner.
Wildcard: Fenty's matte lipstick I Quit paired with a clear gloss gave me a mauve-nude that I surprisingly loved. It's something I wouldn't normally do, but from here on out, would love to try again.
What are some of your favorite nude lippies?
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Rana Campbell is a Princeton University graduate, storyteller, content marketing strategist, and the founder and host of Dreams In Drive - a weekly podcast that teaches you how to take your dreams from PARK to DRIVE. She loves teaching others how to use their life stories to inspire action within oneself and others. Connect with her on Instagram @rainshineluv or @dreamsindrive.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
1 In 4 Men And Women Are Faking It—Science Explains How To Change That
It’s no secret that I can’t stand fake orgasms. There are a billion reasons why — some of which I will get into in just a moment. For now, what I will say is, even if you can rationalize that faking orgasms will “get you out of” the sex that you may be having at the moment, when it comes to long-term satisfaction and benefits, how is faking it really going to get you anywhere? At least anywhere good — which is what you totally and absolutely deserve.
And that is why, while I was recently out in cyberspace seeing what the topic of sex had to offer (of merit), a particular study especially caught my attention. The reason why is because, while the topic of faking orgasms has been explored, pretty much ad nauseam at this point, what I haven’t personally seen a lot and enough of is how to stop them from happening so much and when people do them, what personally caused them to in the first place.
Today, we’re going to strive to get down to the root of some of those queries. And so, if you’ve always been curious about how to make the cycle of faking orgasms stop, this piece just might shed a little light. Here’s hoping anyway, chile.
Faking Orgasms. Why I Loathe It So.
GiphyDo you ever stop to think about certain songs from back in the day and wonder if they were released now, would people try to cancel them (hmph, as if this culture ever really cancels anybody for really anything, right?)? An example of what I mean is Alexander O’Neal’s song, “Fake”. If you’re too young to know it, or it’s been a while since you’ve heard it, feel free to go back and listen to the lyrics in order to grasp where I am coming from.
And why am I bringing it up in the context of today’s conversation? Well, whenever I think about folks faking orgasms, that song almost instantly plays in the background of my mind because, while he’s basically talking about the word from the definition of “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc.,” when I think of “faking it” in a sexual way, definitions like “to deceive,” “to pretend” and “anything made to appear otherwise than it actually is” are what I ponder — because y’all, I don’t care how many people do it, how can any of those definitions truly be good, right or helpful when it comes to copulation? Deceiving your partner into thinking that you climaxed when you actually didn’t? Pretending to be satisfied when you actually aren’t? Making sex appear like it’s one kind of experience for you when it actually…isn’t? SMDH. Yeah, that is something that I can never personally get behind, which is why I once penned, “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” for the platform. To me, since sex is about establishing a profound mental, emotional, and physical connection, how can that truly and authentically happen if one or both involved individuals are not being honest with each other about what they want, need and desire in order to make that happen?
Yeah, when it comes to the ever so popular fake orgasms, I’ll pass and will forever encourage others to do the same.
Faking Orgasms. Why So Many People Do It.
GiphyHere’s what’s wild, though — even if what I just said made complete and total sense to you, there’s still a really good chance that you’ve faked at least one orgasm before (check out “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”). Know what else? There’s also a good chance that your partner has done the same (check out “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”. And why is it that so many continue to do it, even if, in the back of their mind, they believe that it’s at least somewhat counterproductive?
Well, from the personal conversations (and coaching sessions) that I’ve had with both men and women, the top reason for why so many men fake orgasms is because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings by telling them that the sex isn’t as good as they might think that it is, and when it comes to women, they fake in order to hurry up and get the experience over with — which, when you really think about it, for both genders, the motives are pretty much two sides of the same coin: people not being satisfied and trying to avoid sharing that reality with their partner.
OK, butwhat does science say is the main cause for men and women faking it? Well, a top reason for whya lot of men decide to go that route is because they simply want to get the experience over with (although being unable to orgasm due to drunkenness, medication, and/or boredom ranked pretty highly, too). And women? Difficulty achieving an orgasm is the biggest one (check out “How Can You Know For Sure That You've Had An Orgasm?” and “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms”). Hmph, when I stop to take this all in, I find both reasons to be unfortunate. On the male tip, is it just me, or does it seem like there is a real disconnect of intimacy if that is why men fake it? What I mean by that is, if you’d rather “hurry up and get done” — are you having sex with your partner or at your partner (some of y’all will catch that later)? And, as far as the ladies go, if you are so uncomfortable and/or self-conscious and/or embarrassed about not being able to climax to the point that you will lie and say that you did — do you trust your partner enough to tell him the truth and then are you willing to work through the process of achieving an orgasm…together?
These types of questions are what piqued my curiosity when I happened upon a study of over 11,000 participants that transpired over in the UK. The focal point of it? Since faking orgasms is so prevalent, what actually causes people to stop? Because listen, none of us are actually going to get anywhere if we only focus on the problem and don’t seek to find some sort of solution (lawd).
Faking Orgasms. What Actually Makes People Stop.
GiphyOK, so from what I’ve read and researched, The Journal of Sex Research hassemi-recently published the study that I was just referring to. Before we get into what caused people to stop lying — umm, faking orgasms, check out these findings first:
·51 percent of participants claimed to have never faked an orgasm before
·Close to 66 percent of men and 34 percent of women say that they have faked an orgasm
·Almost 19 percent of men and 35 percent of women say that although they have faked one in the past, they have since stopped
·Almost nine percent of men and 20 percent of women are currently “faking it”
Yeah, I already know. The discrepancies between the men and women are quite noticeable. Let’s keep going, though, because the reason for why men and women decided to stop is the main reason why we’re all here — plus, it’s pretty interesting.
So, when it comes to the demographic of individuals who no longer fake it, what brought them to that point and place? Fascinatingly enough, around 26 percent of both men and women said that the communication between them and their partner improved while 24 percent of both men and women said that it was because their partner became more attentive. Well looka there — when couples connected on a mental and emotional level, the physical aspect of sex got better. Some other points did come into play, though:
·Around 29 percent of women and 25 percent of men decided to be content without having an orgasm
·Around 19 percent of men and 18 percent of women decided to get orgasms on their own (i.e., masturbate)
·Around 19 percent of men and (wow) two percent of women were caught faking it
·Around 15 percent of men and 10 percent are currently not having sex
OK, so when you read all of that, what tripped you out the most? As someone who works with married couples and is a huge advocate of them gettingthe most pleasure possible out of their sexual experiences, honestly, the first three (because, if you are married, please don’t settle fora sexless dynamic). I’ll break down why for each one.
First, if you used to fake orgasms and no longer do because you have settled for — pardon the pun — anti-climatic copulation…settling is exactly what you are doing. Listen, even if you’re not able to achieve a vaginal orgasm (and many women are not), it’s important to remember that there are oh so many other kinds to choose from (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”). And what if you’ve tried those and still there are nofireworks? Make an appointment to see your doctor (to get your hormone levels checked) and/or a sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). Remember, the reason whyyou have a clitoris is so that you can experience the heights of sexual pleasure. If that’s not happening for you, it’s important to do all that you can to get to the root of why.
Secondly, not faking it because you have taken matters into your own hands — literally. So, here’s my issue with that. Unfortunately, our culture is so lust-crazed that we tend to forget (or is it ignore?) that sex shouldn’t ONLY be about cumming; sex should also be about connecting. And so, while masturbation may help you out in the climaxing department, it’s essential to not get so used to it that you fail to bond with your partner or that you put up walls of resentment because there are things that are happening when you’re alone that aren’t happening when the two of you are together. In other words, don’t let jacking off or solo sex toy experiences get in the way of heartfelt and honest conversations with your partner about your sexual needs (check out “How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom” and “Sooo...What's Your Favorite TYPE Of Sex?”).
Finally, getting caught lying — again, I mean, faking it. Yeah, I know that I’m not the only one who noticed that there is a pretty big difference between how many women caught their man acting like he had an orgasm when he didn’t vs. how many men noticed that their lady acting like she had an orgasm when she didn’t. To that, let me first say that if you thought, “If a man ejaculated, he came. Duh” — look updry orgasms sometime. Believe it or not, it is possible for men to orgasm without cumming. And to the fellas (who may be reading this): I continue to be amazed by how you can’t tell if a woman is faking it because even if she is yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs, if her vagina isn’t contracting, guess what? Yeah, between that and extra lubrication coming from her vaginal area —those are pretty common signs that an orgasm has transpired; this basically means that if you don’t notice these things going down, how attentive of a sex partner are you? #justsaying3 Tips to Avoid Faking Orgasms
GiphyNow that you know what science says about why people fake orgasms, did any of the intel surprise you? More importantly, if you can personally relate to what was said, did any of the information inspire you to make some changes in your own sex life? Yeah, if faking orgasms is indeed a thing in your own world right now, as I close this out, here's three quick tips:
1. Remember the definitions of fake. Never forget them. Deception. Pretending. Making something look like something that it is not. No time to get into all of this today, yet I have worked with many people who fake orgasms and…fake other things in their relationship. You don’t want to deceive your partner or yourself. It’s not going to help the relationship. Ultimately, it’s only going to cause hurt and/or harm. Communicate your thoughts and feelings in the way that you would like to hear someone convey theirs to you (respectfully, thoughtfully, etc.); do make sure to share them, though.
2. Stop “performing”. Start being REAL. Know who fakes a lot of orgasms? Porn actors (I prefer to call them that over “porn stars”). That’s because sex work is…work; it’s a billion-dollar industry that people get paid to act like sex is always the bomb. You’re not a porn actor, so why put that kind of pressure on yourself? No matter what the reasons are for why an orgasm isn’t coming for you, if you are having sex with someone who can’t handle the realness of the reasons or “worse”, doesn’t care — don’t put that on the sex or yourself. Sis, you are simply sleeping with the wrong person/people.
3. If you build it, one way or another, it will come…and you will cum.Do orgasms come easier for some than others? 1000 and 10 percent. That is absolutely not the point, though. If experiencing this type of pleasure is what you long for, with the help of your intentions, your partner’s willingness, and if need be, professional assistance, you can get there. Not by faking it — by being honest about the fact that you need more time, patience, and empathy.
____
Clearly, faking orgasms is a common thing; that doesn’t mean that it has to be the case for you, though. As you unpack what has made you start, process how to make it all stop.
Hmph. Better to take a while in order to experience what true bliss feels like than to keep faking it and never really know.
Words to live — and lie down — by. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy