How and why creatives do what they do has always intrigued me. As a creator myself, I appreciate the dedication and persistence it takes to develop one's craft and the courage it takes to put your art into the world. Standing out, building your tribe, and carving a space in what can often be an oversaturated niche is difficult – but doable if you want it bad enough.
As someone who isn't a makeup connoisseur but appreciates the beauty of a well-done beat, I've noticed how the glitter trend popularity continues to rise. I've found myself scrolling through the #glitterglam hashtag and makeup artists' feeds, wondering, "How would I look like with a glitter glam? What's the process like to achieve this look anyway?"
However, the storyteller in me is just as curious about the question: "What's the story behind these creatives creating these looks?"
I decided that I wanted to try this glitter trend for myself and get to know more about the person behind the glitter along the way.
[ia_video https://s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F9125-glitter%2Beye%2Bshadow_1.mp4 source="https://s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F9125-glitter%2Beye%2Bshadow_1.mp4" autoplay=true feedbacks=true shortcode_id=1550773760639 expand=1 ]Meet Beneseth H. – a 20-year-old NJ-based makeup artist and hairstylist, known by her fanbase on Instagram as "@beautyby_bene". Her mother, a hairstylist in Benin, passed on her love for hair to a young Beneseth. Though she loved beauty, as a child Beneseth never saw herself doing makeup or hair. "I always saw myself pursuing a career in the medical field."
Meet Beneseth H.
Credit: Andrew Pompey
When Beneseth arrived in New York from Benin at the age of 14, hair became her first hustle to get extra money to support herself. She practiced on her sister and later began volunteering in a local braiding salon to advance her skills.
"My friends in high school started seeing my progress and told me I should make it a business. In 11th grade, I started doing it professionally. I managed the salon for a summer when my boss went back home. I started getting up to six clients a day. I moved from the salon in New York to New Jersey and continued seeing clients."
The love for makeup came while developing her hair braiding skills. Beneseth was an avid YouTube viewer and loved practicing achieving the perfect eyebrow look. "Sitting down and watching YouTube forever wasn't my thing. These YouTubers are showing you how to do the [look] and are doing the same thing over and over and it got tiring. I told myself if I can put my mind to it, I'll try something myself. So, I started practicing on myself, [my] sister, and friends."
Again, her friends urged her to take these newly developed skills into a business. She started out doing clients for free, then worked her way up to charging for various services including soft glam, full glam – and her signature glitter glam look.
Most of her clients give her creative freedom during makeup applications, but Beneseth also loves to use a client's outfit color or pull from photos for inspiration.
The Process
xoNecole writer Rana Campbell - Before
Credit: Andrew Pompey
I arrived to Beneseth's makeup studio with a freshly-washed, moisturized and bare face. I told her that she could do whatever she wanted. I'd be her muse. "Do you like blue?" she asked.
The rest was history.
For the next hour, my face became the canvas and Beneseth's hands were brushes – transforming my face into a sultry, yet sparkly work of art.
Beneseth worked quietly – but paused from time to time to talk about a few of her favorites. "I love JLaRue pigments when doing my glitter looks. Maybelline SuperStay is a great foundation because it's affordable and available in a wide range of skin tones. Blending is crucial for creating a smooth look. But, eyelashes really transform the face."
It was inspiring to see just how much she loved what she was doing.
In the end, I understood just how magical a full beat can be. Beneseth was able to capture my essence through blue pigments in a way I had never experienced.
You couldn't tell me ANYTHING for the rest of the day. I felt fierce, fly, and ready to take on the world. I took that confidence and was inspired to create my own art with it – something that I've been pushing myself to do more of lately. The worst part of the experience was having to wash my face at the end of the night.
xoNecole writer Rana Campbell - After
Credit: Andrew Pompey
xoNecole writer Rana Campbell - After
Credit: Andrew Pompey
If you’re an aspiring makeup artist, or trying to succeed in any creative entrepreneurial endeavor, Beneseth recommends a few things:
1. Take your craft seriously. Don't be afraid to invest in yourself, tools, and product. On her booking page, Beneseth ensures that she emphasizes her requirements for booking, late fees, and cancellation policies to all clients. Then, there's the smaller details such as having comfortable studio chairs to sit in, glam lights for the application process. Beneseth was creating an experience.
2. Showcase your work. Use social media, specifically Instagram, as a way to attract new clients. Convert to a business profile so that you can get added audience insights. Using industry-specific hashtags is also important for growing within your niche. Videos are good for showing angles and also a way to show how makeup really looks on a client's face. After each booking, she encourages clients to share on social and tag her work in order to drive referrals and new customers.
3. Learn from your inspiration, but never copy. Use your own creative abilities to create your own twist on an industry signature. Beneseth credits @beautyby_melissa and @shirley_beats as makeup artists that have influenced her style.
xoNecole writer Rana Campbell with makeup artist Beneseth H.
Credit: Andrew Pompey
This has become more than makeup for Beneseth. It's a way to support her family. It's a way to pursue her dreams. It's also a vehicle for realizing her own potential for greatness and economic empowerment through her creativity.
The dream for Beneseth, is complicated, yet evolving. While she was in school to pursue a nursing degree – she decided to take the semester off to see what can happen with her career as makeup artist.
"Believing in myself and believing that my work is worth it has been challenging at times. When you're running a business, you need growth in order to [succeed]. Sometimes I feel like my growth is slow, but other people are looking at me and telling me I'm actually growing really fast."
In less than a month, she's added more than 10,000 new followers on Instagram. With a laugh, she adds, "I guess I am growing!"
After I returned to the normal makeup-less Rana, I realized something: It's not the trends that define us. We define the trends. The power lies in our ability to create something special from one small idea acted upon.
Keep creating.
To check out more of Beneseth's work, visit her Instagram @beautyby_bene and website here: https://beautybybene.as.me/
Featured image by Andrew Pompey.
As a writer who really pays attention to word meanings, something that can be a bit frustrating about our culture is the fact that based on whatever is popular at the time, folks will just up and change the original definitions of words to suit a particular agenda or whim — and the word “platonic” 1000 percent fits into this category. And perhaps that’s why we seem to continue to go in circles about whether or not people of the opposite sex can (and should) be friends and what that even can (and should) look like.
Let’s talk about it for a bit. Because as a word-literal type of individual, while again, I absolutely believe that men and women can be friends, at the same time, I think it’s about as rare as a red diamond to truly find yourself in a friendship that is…platonic.
It’s Time (More) Folks Knew What ‘Platonic’ LITERALLY Means
GiphySo, let's do first things first — let's define what it literally means for something to be platonic. If you go to your favorite search engine and put something along the lines of "What does platonic mean?", the first thing that you're (probably) going to see is a ton of dictionary definitions that say something along the lines of "of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex" (Merriam-Webster), "designating or of a relationship, or love, between a man and a woman that is purely spiritual or intellectual and without sexual activity" (Your Dictionary) and, my personal favorite, "purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, especially in a relationship between two persons of different sexes" (Dictionary). Yeah, bookmark that last one; I'll be circling back.
Keeping this in mind (and please do), where does the word "platonic" actually come from? From what I've researched, the philosopher Plato once penned something entitled "Symposium." In it, he addressed the topic of two people sharing the kind of love that is free of any type of sensual desire, one that is based on divine love alone. An author from the 1800s broke it down this way: "Platonic love meant ideal sympathy; it now means the love of a sentimental young gentleman for a woman he cannot or will not marry." A write-up on Merriam-Webster's site stated that "The term platonic was initially used to mock non-sexual relationships, as it was considered ridiculous to separate love and sex, but eventually this connotation faded away leaving us with today's notion of close friendships." Yeah, we used to live in a culture where love and sex were not separated. Hmph, that's another article for another time, though (check out "We Should Really Rethink The Term' Casual Sex'").
Anyway, as with many things (especially in our culture), the word "platonic" is kind of used in "broad strokes" these days (bromances, female friendships, etc.). However, because there continues to be this forever discussion — and oftentimes debate — about whether or not men and women can be "just friends," I'm going to tackle this topic strictly from that angle — from the place where platonic actually originated.
You ready?
Yes, Men and Women Can Be Just Friends. But…
GiphyAt this stage in my life, I'm pretty sure that I have more male friends than female ones. There are layers of reasons why, yet I think a huge one is because I like the balance that masculinity brings to my femininity (especially as I'm learning to embrace different aspects of my femininity, intentionally even more). And while every single one of my male friends is respectful and is a super safe space in my world on every single level that I can imagine (and have been for years now), there are probably only a couple who I would say 100 percent qualify as being…trulyplatonic.
Why would I say that? Well, I'll illustrate this point with something that one of my male friends once said to me. He's super cute. He can sing his ass off (and definitely has one of my favorite speaking voices). People see us out together often, and some have told us that they assume that we've had something going on at some point. Anyway, after hearing someone share their theory about us, I told it to him.
Me: "I told him, 'He's my brother. We would never mess around.'"
My Friend: "Correction, you are like a sister. You are not my sister, though. Under the right conditions, you could still get it."
When I shared that exchange with another male friend of mine, he basically cosigned on the sentiment: "Shellie, I have never approached you like that because I really respect you. I want to be good for you for the rest of our lives." (That reminds me: check out "Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?" when you get a chance.)
Then I went to one more guy homie and ran both statements by him: "Girl, yeah. If I didn't want to keep you in my life long-term, I would've tried to holla a long time ago!" And he and I have been friends for almost 20 years at this point. When did he get around to telling me this? Eh, maybe two years ago. LOL.
So, my takeaway from all of these "for real?!" exchanges is even though men and women can be just friends, there is a certain level of intention, self-control, and ability to see into the future (on some level) that must go into account — because, just because something more-than-friends-like may not have gone down, that doesn't mean there isn't a "dormant seed" lying around somewhere…whether it's one-sided or on both sides of the friendship dynamic.
As you can see, I just provided you with three instances where the male friends in my life; we've had nothing sexual or even physically intimate beyond a hug when we greet each other in nature — although things aren't exactly platonic if there is some sort of attraction or sexual/romantic curiosity that simply never got explored. Because again, according to Plato, a platonic relationship is free from all of that kind of…tension — or possibilities. Zero. Nada. Zilch.
And now you probably get why I entitled this article in the way that I did…right? I mean, just think about it — out of your male friendships, where is there NO sensual desire or dormant romantic interest…on your side and/or on his? If you're not sure about "his"…have you ever asked him? Or them? Because again, once I really let the definition of platonic sink in, I think maybe two guys in my life totally fit the bill.
This brings me to my next point.
Are You Platonic? Or Are You Friend-Zoning?
GiphyNow that you know that probably 70 percent of the people you know (both online and off) have been using the true meaning of platonic all the way wrong, let’s go about deeper: when it comes to your friendships with men, are they genuinely platonic or…is it more like you’re friend-zoning them?
A few years ago, I penned an article on the topic entitled, “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.” If you’re skimming this on your lunch break, I’ll summarize friend-zoning as knowing that a guy has so-much-more-than-platonic feelings for you, yet because you basically want to keep the benefits of the friendship or even his emotions around, you will string him along on some level.
Personally, I can’t stand friend-zoning. I think it’s selfish, with some sprinkles of manipulation and wasting someone’s time. Don’t agree? How would you feel if a guy was friend-zoning you? (Yeah…exactly.)
This all needs to go on record because, knowing that a guy wants to “take it there” with you (whether sexually or romantically), you not full-on addressing it and/or giving him just enough hope to take you out, listen to all of your stories about other men and give you the attention that you need knowing that he doesn’t have a shot in hell — that is NOT a platonic friendship and honestly, you’re not being a good friend at all. Friends protect each other’s hearts, not abuse them.
A platonic friendship means that you both have no interest in each other, and, as Plato put it, while you may have a strong and solid bond, it’s spiritual love that connects you. And what exactly does that mean? Spiritual love also deserves its own article, yet the gist would be that you recognize there is a purpose in your friendship, yet it’s about wanting what’s best for one another and even helping each other to get there.
For instance, a platonic friend of yours may know that you desire to be married one day, so he has no problem setting you up with a good guy in his life. And if things go well, he would have no problem standing up as your own best man (without feeling like he’s dying inside) because he never saw you beyond anything but a friend. A guy in the friend zone doesn’t move like this; he likes you too much to help you move on with someone else. See the difference?
Why Relationships Should Start Off As NON-PLATONIC Friendships
GiphyBefore I end this with some tips on how to properly care for the few platonic friendships you may actually have, since the use of the word may require a bit of mental reprogramming, I do think we should also address that if you've got a good guy in your life, who right now is a friend and either you've never thought of him in that way or the topic has never come up — he's someone that you may not want to brush off.
What I mean by that is, it's one thing for there to be absolutely no interest in someone vs. never considering it before — and the reason why you might want to give it some thought is because, ask any healthy married couple who's been together for more than five years and I'll bet you my next rent check that they will say that the best relationships are birthed out of friendship (check out "Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?").
Yeah, just because you've filed someone in the "I see him as a good guy" category, that doesn't automatically mean that y'all's friendship is platonic. For instance, I have a male friend who is fine and I adore on many levels, yet the reason why it would never work on my end is because there are certain relational standards that I have that he does not meet. However, don't get it twisted — I've considered him because, on so many levels, we "fit." So, the mere fact that I ever seriously thought about him on that level means that we are "good friends," yet it's not exactly platonic.
I'm not free of potential sensual desire…I just choose not to act on it. Yet because I get the value of having friendship as the foundation for my own future marriage (should life play out that way), I am wise enough to know that I would've been a fool to not at least…ponder him and the possibilities.
So yeah, if there is a male friend in your life that the thought of dating or having sex with him doesn't make you want to throw up in your mouth, there's a pretty good chance that it's not a classic platonic dynamic — and you might want to consider if it could/should go to the next level — if not immediately, eventually. Because there's a pretty good chance that if you are thinking that way, he probably is as well.
Protect Your Genuine Platonic Friendship(s) At All Costs
GiphyLet me end this with how one of my platonic friendships rolls. We both think that the other is attractive, yet neither of us is attracted. We both give each other opposite-sex insights. We both have said that the mere thought of dating each other makes our noses turn up like there’s an odor in the air. And even when I try to imagine us together, my mind goes blank. I love, love, LOVE this man — oh, but it is absolutely nothing more than platonic — and he feels the same way. It’s as close to familial love without being blood relationships. It’s a rare dynamic, and that is what makes it so special. There is definitely a spiritual type of love there; no more, no less.
If you’ve got someone in your life who you feel the same way about (again, it’s got to be mutual; he must feel that way, too), you’ve got a gem of a situation going on because there is nothing like having the kind of friendship where you and a guy can hang out, exchange perspectives and thoroughly enjoy each other’s company, knowing that’s all it is and will ever be. Things will never get weird. No one’s feelings are gonna get hurt (from the whole friend-zoning thing). You don’t have to walk on eggshells. You can just be.
And that’s why I’m all for platonic friendships. And listen, if you’re blessed enough to have even one in your lifetime, be fiercely protective of it. Don’t take it for granted. Nurture it in a way that your male friend needs (because it probably won’t be the exact same as your female friendships). Y’all, platonic friendships are so bomb because, if it’s honored and protected correctly, it’s the one male friend that you can probably keep for life because even your romantic partner will not find it to be a (true) threat — hell, they honestly could probably end up becoming (some level of) friends with your platonic homie as well.
______
I hope that I broke this all down enough to where, when you decide to use a word to describe your opposite-sex friendships, perhaps you will pause and ask yourself, “Wait, is this a platonic friend or a good or close friend?” Because the clearer you are on the differences, the easier it will be to know how to maintain your friendship — and feel about your friend. Feel me? Cool.
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Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images
