When it comes to how she wears her natural hair, content creator Ragin "Ray" Al-Nahdy has always seen hairstyles as more than an accentuation of her crown. Ragin has been natural her whole life and has always seen her tresses, no matter their state, as a representation of where she is in her journey of self-discovery and self-exploration. Similar to her journey from childhood to adulthood, her hair would take the shape and form of styling choices that would, in turn, act as the quintessential extension of whatever season of her life she was in at that time, a snapshot, if you will.
"Wearing my natural hair in its many forms, whether that be loose natural or loc’d, has been a big thing for me when it comes to self-expression, self-exploration, and connecting with other people who share similar experiences," Ragin tells xoNecole. "Even in moments where we laugh and joke about the 'struggles' of maintaining natural hair comes with a sense of belonging that I am so proud to be able to relate to."
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Though Ragin has worn her hair in a plethora of ways and was known to switch it up a lot during her 28 years earth side, wearing her hair in locs would prove to be the longest and the most significant time in her journey of becoming. "I think it was necessary because I really needed to have something to help me make sense of what was going on inside of me and ground me in my new reality," she mentions of that time. Ragin was 24 when she started her loc journey, and unfortunately, early on in that journey, her mother passed away.
The way she wore her hair for that season of her life started as a grounding tool for her amid her grief but would eventually evolve into so much more. "I got so many things from the experience I had with grieving my mom, but one of the most special parting gifts that she gave me was a roadmap that helped me 'return to self,'" Ragin explains. "What initially started out as me grounding myself in the connection I started with my mom eventually ended up coming full circle and reminding me that none of the things I was looking for, whether it be the confidence I thought I lost, my connection with my mom or my strength that I felt desperate to hold on to, existed outside of me."
"The locs became a huge metaphor for my life, and through embracing the physical aspects of the journey and learning how to accept and love each phase without the suffering that comes from yearning for past versions of myself, I was able to accept all of the other stuff that was happening in my life that were outside of my control and choose to trust the process and love those things too," she adds.
The 28-year-old version of Ragin had come so far in her life from the time she loc'd her hair at 24. She was older, wiser, and more rooted in herself. Late last year, she gave herself permission to exhale, move beyond the season of her life she had been cocooning within, and embrace transformation. She no longer needed them. Being in her fourth year of grief and more firmly rooted in herself as a woman, Ragin knew it was time to release.
Armed with her metal rat tail comb, Ragin would gently and methodically comb out each of her 117 locs over a number of days. "The theme that whole year was very much about shedding my attachments to things I was feeling unnecessarily dependent on and old energy that didn't feel relevant to my current experience or the one I was trying to create," she says. "I felt a really strong desire to release and make room for my new experiences so that I can be fully present and have clarity."
From the coils and curls of her fro to the twists and turns of life, Ragin's hairstyles have all been outward explorations and expressions of her internal reality, with each style bookmarking a moment in her life journey through the years. As she prepares to enter the next chapter as a mother, Ragin takes us through the different seasons of her life and how the way she wore her hair defined where she was in her journey overall.
Childhood Years
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"When I was a little girl, my mom always loved to do cute styles in my older sister and my hair. She was always coming up with something different and accessorizing with fun barrettes that matched our outfits and sometimes even elaborate braid designs. Most of the time, we even had input on what styles we would get for the day or the week, and I recall those times, as early as three years old, as being some of my earliest memories of self-expression and choice when it comes to how I was perceived by the world. We would always get compliments on how nice we looked, which made me feel so beautiful."
My earliest memory associated with my hair is one of the hundreds of times I used to sit in between my mother’s legs and pick through our huge selection of colorful clips and barrettes as she brushed my hair with gel and conditioner that smelled like candy. The smell of that conditioner was so good I can literally smell it now as I’m talking about it. It has definitely become a core memory for me."
Young Adulthood Years
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"[This] picture was taken in 2015 when I was about 20 years old, right after I grew my hair back out from the experimental phase I went through as a teenager. During that phase, I was honestly just happy that my hair grew back after all of the back-to-back coloring and constant straightening I was doing.
"I don’t even have photos of some of the styles I had during that time because of how often I used to switch it up, but I had red, midnight blue, shades of blonde, and even an accidental green. It was a wild time, but I definitely used it to express myself creatively, which was a lot of fun."
Independence
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"The blonde hair has always been one of my favorite looks. There’s an actress named Reagan Preston Gomez that had brown skin and honey-blonde hair, and I vividly remember seeing her on TV and thinking she was one of the prettiest girls in the world, which was so cool to me because we also share a similar name. I always dreamed of pulling off that look and hoped that it would make me feel about myself the way I viewed her.
"The first time I tried the blonde, I was 18, but in this particular photo, I was 24, and in such a beautiful season of my life where I was out of college with my first big girl job finally feeling like an adult. If I had to name that season of life, I would call it my 'Independence Era.' I was literally living the life that I always imagined I would be living as an adult, even down to the way that I always envisioned myself looking, and it made me feel extremely confident."
Restructuring
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"During my early teenage years is when I really started leaning into my own Afrocentricity because of different books and media that my older brother was sharing with me. I also hold very tight to my Jamaican ancestry and identity which made me interested in embracing the style and journey. Despite being able to choose my own styles as a small child, my mom is actually the one who told me to hold off on getting locs because she felt like I would not stick with it because of how adventurous I was with my look and my hair.
"In retrospect, I honestly can’t say that she was wrong, given the fact that shortly after that, I did everything you could imagine to my hair. By 2019, my mom decided to go on a loc journey, so I decided to join her, and that is how I ended up with locs for over four years."
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"I was 24 when I started my locs, and at the time, I had no idea how much that season would change my life. I initially started my locs with my mom, but she passed away two months to the day after we decided to go on the journey together, which not only left me feeling heartbroken, but I also felt like I completely lost my entire sense of self. I would call that season 'the restructuring' because I literally felt like I had to become a whole new version of myself in order to survive what I was going through.
"I love that my mom always made me feel beautiful and confident in myself by connecting with me through my hair journey, but once she was gone physically, I really struggled to feel confident without her being there to hold my hand and remind me of who I was."
"I love that my mom always made me feel beautiful and confident in myself by connecting with me through my hair journey, but once she was gone physically, I really struggled to feel confident without her being there to hold my hand and remind me of who I was. Since it was the last hair experience that we shared together, I grounded myself in my loc journey and used it to help me rebuild my confidence."
Remembering
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"[This] photo will always be very special to me because it represents my first attempt at doing a full cornrow and braid style on myself, which is something I was never able to do growing up despite my countless efforts. It’s like I had a mental block or something preventing me from actually picking it up. I honestly thought that after my loc journey, I would invite my social media community to join me on a 'learning to braid journey' but then I picked it up within five minutes and did this style on myself almost immediately after combing out my locs.
"It was really special to me because learning to braid so easily felt like another parting gift from my mom, and it also made me feel really close to the Ancestors. Now I’m just wondering what other gifts have been passed down to me that I am still unaware of. I can’t wait to discover them and pass them around to others in this season of life that feels like 'remembering.' It’s really reminding me that who I am is who I have always been and that all of my forms exist here and now without me even having to try to hold on to any particular aspects of myself."
Rebirth
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"Combing out my locs made me nervous at first because I was so comfortable with them, but once I realized what a long process it was going to be, I kinda switched into overdrive and just powered through it. It was a really beautiful process because my sister came from out of town to help me, and my husband helped me a lot, and those two were honestly the MVPs when it came to helping me survive my larger journey with grief, too. It all felt really full circle, and it felt really nice to be supported in that way.
"I got emotional throughout the process, but it wasn’t until I got down to the last few locs that everything really came flooding out. I could just feel a huge weight lifted off of me and things were happening around me that I have always viewed as signs of my mom’s presence. Now, as a 28-year-old woman who is in an entirely different phase of my life than I was when I started my loc journey, I feel strong and capable of everything that the future has to offer me. This season of my life would be called 'rebirth' and I am excited to have my antennas out in the world."
Freedom
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"This photo is actually one of my most recent ones taken after my first curly haircut. I was always the type to just trim off my ends as best as I could at home, but without the understanding of my hair density, texture, and how to shape my hair correctly, I pretty much always ended up with bad haircuts that didn’t compliment me well. Getting my hair professionally cut was a game changer because it allowed me to see the beauty that exists in wearing my natural hair out in a fro. It definitely boosted my confidence.
"This phase of life feels like 'freedom' which is so full circle because it carries a lot of the same feelings and emotions that I experienced as a little girl being able to pick what style and color barrettes I would have in my hair on any given day."
Motherhood
"I was actually pregnant when I combed my locs out but I didn’t tell anyone outside of my immediate family and close friends. I look at my loc journey as my interaction with motherhood from a child’s perspective, and this new journey as me experiencing motherhood from a mother’s perspective. I think that the physical change of identity is definitely helping me move into this next phase as the version of myself that feels empowered and confident rather than the version who was battling with grief and sometimes unsure about herself. While I make sure to hold space for and love on that old version of myself often, I no longer have the desire to relate to her so intimately."
"While I make sure to hold space for and love on that old version of myself often, I no longer have the desire to relate to her so intimately."
"The message I want to pass down to my children and really anyone who will listen is that life is full of tools and opportunities that can assist us in experiencing our lives with ease and joy. Hair and anything else, for that matter, can be used as a way to help us understand our experiences, transform how we view ourselves, and help us form meaningful connections with others that last a lifetime. I also want to teach them the importance of listening to their own guidance and to never forsake their authenticity for acceptance from others.
"I would always talk to my mom about using that sacred time of hairstyling to connect with my children just like she did with me and generations of people have done before us. I look forward to those times and I can’t wait to pass down the stories and lessons I learned while sitting in between my mother’s legs and picking out barrettes."
For more of Ray and her next chapter, keep up with her on Instagram @westindieray.
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RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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While the movies and shows on this list vary in genre and style, they all have toe-curling elements that make them truly mind-blowing.
1. Love & Basketball
Now, Love & Basketballis a universally memorable movie in the Black community in its own right, but that sex scene was almost revolutionary. The raw, realistic portrayal of Monica’s first time as she loses her virginity to her childhood soulmate Quincy was an important moment for young Black women everywhere. For a scene that had no on-screen nudity, the chemistry between the characters was enough to have us all feeling a little hot under the collar!
2. Set It Off
This 1996 sex scene between Blair Underwood and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s characters Keith and Stony had all the elements that take a sex scene from good to great. And let’s not let the fact that Jada used a body double take away from how iconic this scene is. Attractive actors, focused foreplay, close-ups, tension-building music (shout out En Vogue!), and chemistry for days. When I rewatched this movie recently and noticed the way Keith moved his chain out of the way (IYKYK), I yelled! Those little details set this sex scene apart.
3. Out of Time
Denzel Washington has been fine his whole life. He’s intergenerational fine. And when this movie came out he was in his PRIME, okay?! The chemistry between Denzel and Sanaa Lathan in Out of Time is undeniable. So much so that when the movie came out, rumors began to circulate that the actors were romantically involved. And if you’ve seen the movie, I’m sure you’re not surprised.
The icing on the cake for me was that roleplay scene (peep the video above). You know, the one where Matthias pretends to be investigating a crime and Ann talks him through what the “intruder” did to her and he reenacts it? Turns out WE were the ones intruding on a crime - assault with a deadly weapon, if you will.
4. Scandal
Thursdays haven’t been the same since ABC’s TGIT. Shonda Rhimes was in her bag when she gave us back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, AND How To Get Away With Murder. Lives were changed. Aside from nail-biting drama and salacious storylines, Shonda also consistently gave us an array of dangerously attractive characters and sexual tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.
I’ll forever be team #Olitz. Their steamy sex sessions were made even hotter because their relationship was taboo, scandalous, even.
Adultery aside, Olivia and Fitz’s sexy time scenes never left anything to be desired. Interestingly, my favorite Olitz sex scene is their very first time. After six episodes of build-up, they finally did the deed and alleviated all the sexual tension we’d all been feeling. I think we all developed a new level of respect for Fitz when he ordered Olivia to take her clothes off, and she did not disappoint because she served bawdy in that white lingerie (I see what you did there, Shonda). Olivia served at the pleasure of the President, and so did we. For all 6 seasons.
5. Bridgerton
Dearest Gentle Reader, this couple certainly set the Ton abuzz in Bridgerton season one. For a Duke who was once lost for words, the cat’s certainly no longer in possession of his tongue. And luckily, it seems the Duchess is more physical touch than words of affirmation.
The Hastings basked in newlywed bliss all over their new abode and that library ladder scene - you know the one - took the couple’s sex life to new heights. What made this scene with Simon going down on Daphne while she’s suspended on a ladder so incredibly hot is how it centered *female* pleasure. He a good man, Savannah!
6. Insecure
One thing we could always expect from Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore’s hit series - a jaw-dropping sex scene. What I loved about Insecure’s sex scenes is that they’re not only seriously hot, but alsoVERY relatable. From that incident with Daniel, to Issa and Lawrence’s freshly-broken-up-unfinished-business ex-sex.
The one that tops my list has got to be when Issa and Nathan joined their own version of the Mile High Club on the Ferris wheel at Coachella. Cinematically, the scene was gorgeous but it also felt truly organic, like it was the perfect first time for them. I feel like we all collectively exhaled because she finally chose a man we could actually root for. You know what that is? Growth.
Honorable mention: the we’ve-finally-reunited couch sex Lawrence and Issa have when they finally get back together.
7. Power
From gunplay to foreplay, Power held nothing back. Every sex scene was spicy in its own way from Tate and his staffer, to the pilot episode Ghost and Tasha, to Tommy and Keisha. So many to choose from! The one that stands out in my mind is when Ghost and Angela get it on against the window of his hotel room overlooking the New York cityscape. Their chemistry was undeniable and the yearning was palpable in every single one of their sex scenes. Now, that’s acting!
8. Love Jones
WhenLove Jones premiered in 1997, a Black romance about a couple of creatives living and loving in the city was unprecedented. Between the novelty of the story and the charming dynamic between Darius and Nina, Love Jones quickly became a cultural classic. And even with the plethora of Black stories that have since graced our screens, Love Jones is a movie the conversation always comes back to. I mean, with bars like “I’m the blues in your left thigh trying to become the funk in your right”? Yeah, I would’ve folded.
Nina and Darius having sex on the first date felt bold and spontaneous, but that’s only part of why that scene was so steamy. Music can make or break a moment on-screen - sex or otherwise - and Maxwell’s "Sumthin’ Sumthin’" playing in the background made it feel like they were truly making love. Romance is sexy too, right?
9. Queen & Slim
Finally, on-screen car sex that actually looks enjoyable! It’s a beautifully shot scene with long, slow closeups of the characters making intense eye contact (IYKYK!). And the passion between the two actors is so realistic that some people even questioned if the scene was real! The buildup that led to this spontaneous daylight, on-the-run hookup made it even sexier. 10/10, no notes.
For so long, we’ve been starved of seeing positive Black female sexuality on screen and the She’s Gotta Have It remake helped to change that. DeWanda Wise absolutely killed it in the Spike Lee remake as Nola Darling, a polyamorous pansexual woman living her best sexually liberated life, boldly approaching relationships in a way we usually see as taboo. Men, women…one, two, three on rotation, Nola’s pleasure was Nola’s priority (IKDR!).
While her sexual appetite meant her loving bed saw many visitors, I think her best sex scene came when she finally decided to give monogamy a try with her girlfriend Opal. While the scene was pretty graphic, just like the others, this one was different because it was special. It felt like Nola and Opal were two women passionately in love. And what’s sexier than sex with someone you love?
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Featured image via Netflix