Live Vicariously Through Nola's Polyamorous Sex Life In the New Netflix Series 'She's Gotta Have It'
This Thanksgiving, our mouths will be watering for more than our grandmother's renowned sweet potato pie.
Netflix is gifting us early with quite the treat in the form of a remake of the 1986 Spike Lee joint She's Gotta Have It. The film not only gained prevalence for the fact that it was Spike's first, but also for its daring subject matter – a woman who unapologetically wants what she wants and has no trouble asking for it, i.e. one with a voracious sexual appetite.
The film's protagonist Nola Darling was that woman and even if you didn't agree with her choices, you admired her for her courage. Now, In 2017, we get to follow Nola through her sexual conquests with her various suitors for 10 episodes.
The millennial black creative is a self-described “sex positive, polyamorous pansexual" and each of the three guys (and the woman) on her dating roster bring something different the table as it relates to the unique value they bring to her love life both inside and outside the bedroom.
The star of the show bringing both color and new life into the updated Nola Darling is Baltimore-bred actress DeWanda Wise. Wise portrays the now fully realized Nola that is a woman who has an appetite for life, love, men, and women, who is ambitious, and insatiable, knows what she wants and doesn't know all at the same damn time. But what she knows she absolutely does not want is monogamy. It is a stark difference from Wise's reality because she's actually married to her husband and former Underground co-star Alano Miller.
Wise articulated her boundaries in a Cassius exclusive:
“We were very, very specific about what was and was not permitted. While viewers will only see the freedom of it, there's a lot you don't see. For example, you will never see any of my co-stars touching or fondling my boobs. There's no frontal on the show. [My husband and I] were super specific about our love and marriage, and keeping what's special and intimate, special and intimate. What turns me on, only Alano knows that."
The suitors on her roster include funny guy Mars who makes her laugh about any and everything, the model Greer who offers spontaneity and constant change, and Jamie – who offers her grown man sexy with the ability to take care of her in a way that exemplifies having it together. For fans of the movie and the show who watch and desire a sex life similar to Ms. Nola Darling's, Wise described to Cassius an easy solution:
“Find a partner who shares your sexual appetite. I have friends who are crazy voyeuristic, but they're compatible. They have the same vision and needs. For Alano [my husband] and myself, we have the same need to be in person, so we make our time together a priority. I think step one is be on the same sexual page. Step two is keep exploring. There are workshops and classes. There's so much you can do to explore what you like."
Black female sexuality is becoming increasingly more seen in the media thanks to shows like Insecure where Issa and Molly express themselves sexually and even Being Mary Jane. She's Gotta Have It not only paved the way for more stories about sexually liberated women of color but will hopefully join the ranks alongside some of those shows known for their women-centric stories that show women as complex sexual beings.
The actress recently told LA Times:
"We really don't see expressions of our sexuality. We sit at the sidelines of stories. So, I'm just thrilled to play people who I recognize as fully human. To say, 'We are here. We are full.' And in Nola's case, 'Yeah, we are sexually liberated.'"
Watch the full trailer for She's Gotta Have It below and be sure to tune in when it drops November 23 on Netflix.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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