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Dating

Dating today can feel like a boxing match. You start the fight filled with energy and excitement but once you get in the ring and endure that heavy hit, your energy is drastically depleted. That is how dating is often experienced in many women's lives. I believe one of the reasons why dating has become so difficult is because many people do not date with boundaries. As a result, many individuals stay in dating relationships that should have long expired.

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Not too long ago, while doing a podcast interview, the host asked me why it seems that so many women have a pattern of picking the wrong kinds of men. As she went on and on about how it seemed to be that there were less good guys out in the world which was resulting in women feeling like they had to settle for less, almost instantly, I could feel one of my trigger buttons being pushed.

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There is something that is just so special about "firsts". Well, firsts that are done correctly, anyway. There's the anticipation. The excitement. The newness. It really does give you a lot to look forward to — and nothing exemplifies this more than a first date. And by "date, I mean date (check out "Have You Ever Wondered What Qualifies As A REAL Date?"). While there are different dynamics that can cause two people to decide to formally hang out with each other, what I'm gonna touch on today is the type of first date where you meet a guy and after a couple of conversations, you agree to go out with him in order to get to know him a little better.

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Most experts would agree that it's best to maintain a safe distance from an ex following a breakup. But with social media being the clickbait that it is, keeping many of us tethered to our devices at any given minute, it's that much harder to resist the temptation to engage in risky business after a breakup (i.e. lurking onto our ex's social profiles). Aside from the infringement of privacy into our ex's day-to-day activities, staying digitally connected can stunt our own process of healing.

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Not too long ago, a friend of mine and I were talking about a video we both saw that featured a baby being gently tossed into a swimming pool (they ended up floating immediately). Basically, it was the child's first swimming lesson and while my friend thought that the tactic was extreme, as a doula, I had a very different perspective. "Babies develop in water," I said. "That is their first home."

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Everyone grieves in their own way so recovery times will look different to different people. While one person may be ready to re-enter the dating scene after a few short weeks, it could take several months for someone else. In fact, a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology suggests that it only takes three months to see the positive aspects of a breakup, but I've successfully helped my clients in as little as 30 days move past their pain.

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