OK, I'm about to show all of my age by bringing this song up. Are any of you familiar with "Friends and Lovers" by Gloria Loring (fun fact: she's Robin Thicke's mother) and Carl Anderson? They used to play it back in the day on Days of Our Lives when Beau and Hope were trying to figure out what the heck they were doing. Anyway, the hook of the song says "So, I'll be your friend and I'll be your lover/'Cause I know in our hearts we agree/We don't have to be one or the other/We could be both to each other". Now looka here—there is some big time wisdom in that 80s pop song. Let's break it down in sections.

First, they didn't sing I'll be your lover and then your friend. But, unfortunately, that is exactly what a lot of us do. Either we are solely looks driven (check out "Should You Consider Dating Someone You're Not Attracted To?"), and by "looks driven" what I mean is, we have a type and we stick to it as if our lives depended on it (also check out "According To Experts, We All Have A 'Type'" and "Can Having A Type Hold Your Love Life Back?"). Or, we have sex way too soon with someone who we are physically drawn to. If we repeat this patten enough, we think that it's more important for there to be a sexual chemistry than an actual friendship. Not only does that way of thinking set us up to need to read other articles like "Don't Mistake A Great Sex Partner For A Great Life Partner", it can also program us into believing that an attraction is more important than a connection. I'm not saying you shouldn't have both; you most certainly should. What I am saying is the foundation should be the connection—the friendship. Most people live their lives like it should be the reverse.

Second point. A cute movie that I recently checked out is A Second Chance (Chico Benymon, Jennifer Freeman). It was all about two besties and their journey towards discovering that there were right for each other. A lot of the push back that they—catch this—put themselves through consisted of them thinking that, although they adored each other, liked the same things, could talk about anything, had each other's back and found each other attractive…they were friends and should be nothing more than that. What in the entire world?

I've been a marriage life coach for quite a while now and I'm here to tell you that what causes a lot of people to divorce is that they never really were good friends. Not only that but, what holds a lot of marriages together is, true friendship. "Just friends" can be a horrible way to look at a real connection with someone. If you've got something like what I just described with a man and you both are single, it's at least worth pondering why you don't think you two can be more than that. Why you can't be friends and lovers? In that order too.

Final point. Time is precious. Do you know how many people end up taking the long route, unnecessarily so, when it comes to realizing that they need to take a friend out of their friend zone and explore the possibility of being more than "just friends"? Please hear me when I say that YES, you need to have chemistry with someone and YES, you need to be attracted to them, including sexually. Yet also hear me when I say that NO, you don't have to have drama and challenges for something to qualify as being a relationship and NO, you don't have to rip each other's clothes off before bonding mentally and emotionally. In other words, don't think that just because someone is a good friend that they can't be a great lover too. Ideally, the friendship should come first and if you're not so busy out here "zoning" folks, you will be more open to seeing what else they could be in your life.

Because here's the thing that is also true about male and female relationships—oftentimes, our male friends are drawn to us on some level; they simply don't act on it out of respect to us. This means that they aren't nearly as quick to friend zone us as we are to friend zone them. This means, you may be in your own way when it comes to finding "the one". You may already have—he's a friend of yours.

Some folks belong in the friend zone; no doubt about it. All I'm saying is, if you can't seem to find "him", he might be closer than you think. A man shouldn't be disqualified just because you were friends first or because he's not "your type". If there is some sort of spark, don't be so quick to put it out. The best of lovers are friends first. The best of married couples can certainly vouch for that.

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The R&B artist is baring it all and putting it on record.