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Sex

When it comes to a lot of the self-help content that I write on any platform, oftentimes what you’re going to see me offer up is a list of questions. There are a couple of reasons why. One reason is that, although most of us share similarities (just by being human), all of us are also individuals. So, for many things, there is no cut-and-dried answer — based on who you are, how you view things and the stage that you’re currently in when it comes to your life, your answers may vary from someone else’s. Another reason is because questions can cause us to look deeper into ourselves than we might do if the questions were never presented in the first place.

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As we enter a new year, you and your partner are coming off of enjoying a few days off and you’re (hopefully) discussing some of the ways that you want to improve your relationship in the upcoming months, I hope that one of the topics that come up is your sex life. Because while a lot of people seem to treat sex like it’s the icing on the cake of their dynamic, I prefer to see it as an ingredient in the cake. It really can’t be said enough that one of the main things that (usually) set a long-term relationship apart from all of the other connections that people have is the sex — and since that makes sex exceptional, it should be treated as such…wouldn’t you say?

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One of the best things about being a marriage life coach and relationship writer (especially for as long as I’ve been doing it) is the fact that I come across all kinds of people who, so long as I’m willing to keep their identity on the low, will tell me just about anything that I want to know. And since we’re at the beginning of a brand spanking new year and also since y’all know that sex is something that I write about, damn near incessantly on this platform, I decided to hit up some of the people (middle names only) I know who are very open about sharing their thoughts on the topic.

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A couple of months ago, I was catching up with a male friend of mine who knew me back when I was throwin’ it back. OK, I guess I need to qualify that a little better because, he has never known me in the biblical sense; what I mean is, he knew me back when I was sexually active. “OK, so how many years is it about to be?” he asked. What’s funny is he sounded more stressed out about my abstinence than I did! It’s actually going to be 15 years this coming January 9 and chile, CHILE. I never would’ve thought. As far as my own journey, you can read about some of it via an article that I wrote on the topic a whopping three years ago (“I've Been Abstinent For 12 Years. Here's How.”).

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Fairly recently on the site, one of our amazing writers, Shellie R. Warren penned a piece entitled, “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not.” The article sheds light on the fact that while we are very pro-orgasms at xoNecole, there are women out there who really feel the need to "fake it" during sex for one reason or another. When we shared this on our Instagram shortly thereafter, the general consensus in the comments seemed to be a lot of “sorry to this woman,” which is fair.

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Fairly recently, I saw a tweet that cracked me up. Not because of the tweet itself but the comments (Black Twitter’s comment section is king!). I’ll let you peep the tweet for yourself and then guess what men said underneath it before actually looking to confirm your suspicions:

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