Black cat energy is all the hype right now. It’s heralded as a key to a thriving love life that centers you as the prize, particularly to the golden retriever type of lover.
If you consider yourself mysterious, smart, playful, and highly selective of who you give your affection to, then you’re already exuding what TikTokers have coined as “black cat energy.” Or maybe you’re struggling with the mindboggling loop of dating the wrong lovers that make you feel like you’re chasing after them, and you want to learn how to flip the roles to make bae obsessed with you.
Either way, we’re breaking down how to harness the alluring black cat energy to attract and cultivate your purrrfect match, or how to deepen your current relationship.
What is Black Cat Energy?
Black cat energy has made a splash all over TikTok since 2021 where users have popularized “the black cat/golden retriever” theory based on the notorious attributes of felines and pups.
Pet owners and those who have had the pleasure of engaging with furry friends know that cats tend to have personality traits of being more independent, cautious, and unbothered until they develop a relationship with you – then you’ll be graced with their loveable side – whereas dogs, much like golden retrievers, are often overly excited to see you, bursting with happy energy, and seeking your affection, even if they just met you.
Black cats especially possess an elusive, regal, and pompous vibe that makes them irresistible. You can’t simply win these mysterious creatures over with your mere presence. You’ll have to earn their affection.
And if by a stroke of luck, they open up to you, they’ll always keep you wanting more of them. That same je ne sais quoi is what TikTokers are raving about, claiming that if you channel black cat energy into your love life, you’ll summon the person of your dreams and make them fall in love with every part of you.
What’s more, according to The Spruce Pets, single women in Japan who own black cats are believed to attract more suitors. In parts of Great Britain, a black cat is the quintessential wedding gift because they’re believed to bring good luck and happiness to the bride.
Why the Black Cat/Golden Retriever Dynamic Works
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Anyone can be the black cat or the golden retriever in the relationship, but TikTokers and some relationship experts say the best way to ensure long-lasting compatibility is for the woman to be the black cat, while the man exudes golden retriever tendencies.
Dating coach Anwar White solidifies finding the yin to your yang, instructing women to find their complement. “Most people look to date their clone and you’re going to need to date looking for your compliment – that is what is going to bring you the most success.”
In the 14 years he’s been a dating coach, he shared the best complementary personalities that make for a good match. “If you’re a type A, boss babe, you’re going to be looking for the optimistic golden retriever guy. This is the guy that wants to get done whatever you want to get done. This is the engineer, the federal employee, or an architect. It’s very much black cat/golden retriever vibes.”
No matter what stage you’re at in your love life, it’s never too late to transition from subservient golden retriever to omnipotent black cat.
TikToker @jaclyn.dasilva explains that she used to be in her golden retriever energy in her marriage – catering to her husband, and what he needed and liked until she learned how to epitomize the black cat energy.
“We have this beautiful energy as women. When we learn to put all that beautiful, nurturing energy into ourselves that is when they want us. That is when they chase us. Now I think about what I want to eat. What do I want to drink? What book do I want to read? And I put my energy into myself.”
She continues, “And now he’s the one chasing me. He’s the one who can’t get enough of me. When we see ourselves as the prize, that is when he sees us as the prize. Stop chasing him. Let him chase you. Be about you, he’ll be about you.”
How To Embody The Black Cat Principles In Your Dating Life
Dating and maintaining a flourishing relationship in today’s technology-driven world is no easy feat. We have abundantly more access to swipe right or left on apps, or serendipitously meet a great catch in person than our parents and grandparent’s generations.
And yet, with all the potential options, somehow it seems more difficult to stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right or to maintain a long-term symbiotic relationship. Fortunately navigating dating and relationships becomes easier when you know exactly who you are–your different quirks, flaws, and assets–and when you keenly understand the little things that titillate your world and accept the nuances and icks of a person that you know are not aligned with you.
A woman relishing in her black cat energy and femininity knows exactly what she wants and needs and doesn’t detour from who she is for anyone. These are the qualities of black cat women:
High Standards
Nothing says you’re the main character or HBIC like flaunting high standards and sticking to them.
TikToker Anna Kristina, the self-proclaimed creator of the "black cat theory" shared how to become the ultimate black cat and have men eating from the palm of your hand. “You have to be inconvenient. You have to be bitchy. You have to have standards and certain expectations. The higher the expectations, and the more unrealistic, the better.”
Elusiveness
Relationship TikToker Tomisin Atobatele offers women insights into the essence of being elusive. "I want you to stop being eager to tell men everything you’re thinking and feeling, and especially tell men exactly what you desire. If a guy asks you what you want out of a guy, or what you’re looking for, I want you to be vague…When you’re vague, and someone’s interested in you, it forces them to do work in order to get those answers.”
"And just that fast, you’ve created a scenario where he’s thinking about you," he added. "He’s thinking about your needs. He’s thinking about your wants and desires. And in the process of him thinking about your wants and desires, his focus is on you.”
Firm Boundary Setter
Self-preservation, respect, and overall happiness stem from healthy boundaries. A woman basking in black cat energy knows exactly when and how to implement boundaries. Black cats have boundaries. They will let you know when they are done getting petted," said TikToker Marian Bacol.
“They will let you know when they want to give you attention. They will stare you down if they are done with you. They are clear on their boundaries and they’re not afraid to enforce it. They don’t give love and affection to anyone and everyone the way that dogs do. Cats are more selective and that’s how you have to be with your energy.”
Unapologetically Authentic
A sure way to have a man perpetually falling for you is to be authentically you without changing who you are, solely for him.
“If you want him to chase you as opposed to you chasing him, you need to remember this one thing…whatever attributes you have: your style, your hair color, your whatever you’ve got going on – you don’t change for him," said life coach Margarita Nazarenko. "The black cat would never change for a man and that’s what’s going to make him chase you.”
She cements the rule with an analogy: “The rule is: if you make the best chocolate cake and he likes apple pie, make him the best chocolate cake, not a sub apple pie.”
Famous Couples That Successfully Personify Black Cat/Golden Retriever Energy
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These power couples prove why women who helm their black cat energy make their men swoon:
Rihanna & ASAP Rocky
"[The relationship] is going great. I don’t think there’s a more perfect person because when the schedules are hectic, she’s very understanding of that," A$AP Rocky told Billboard about his relationship with Rihanna. "And when the schedule’s freed up, that’s when you get to spend [the] most time together. It’s all understanding and compatibility.
Ashanti & Nelly
Lauren Speed Hamilton & Cameron Hamilton
Lauren Speed Hamilton and Cameron Hamilton are proof positive of the Love Is Blind concept. More recently, the married couple got real on their podcast about the struggles of expanding their family through fertility treatments. "When I saw what you were going through, terms of taking the medications, doing the daily shots, knowing that IVF and all this stuff wasn't really something that you naturally wanted to do but you did it for me," Cameron shared in episode 2 of The Love Seat podcast with Lauren, his voice beginning to crack.
"You showed me a new level of love that I'd never seen before."
Kristy Scott & Desmond Scott
Zendaya & Tom Holland
"You can’t really find anything against Zendaya, she’s kind of like the perfect person," Tom Holland shared about girlfriend Zendaya in a 2021 interview with Backstage. "It was so wonderful to have someone like her in my corner, to help me grow through that process … Having her as a friend has been so valuable to the success and happiness of my career and life."
Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade
Ciara & Russell Wilson
"For me, I knew that God had brought me in her life to bless her and for her to bless me," Russell Wilson told Access Hollywood about wife Ciara.
Serena Williams & Alexis Ohanian
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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By visiting and supporting Black-owned establishments, you’re not only indulging in world-class drinks but also contributing to a movement of equity and inclusion. Whether you're a wine enthusiast or craft beer lover, these businesses celebrate culture, tell stories, and foster spaces where everyone feels welcome.
The more we pour into these Black-owned breweries, bars, and wineries, the more doors we will see open for others to enter the beer, wine, and spirits industries.
There’s nothing I enjoy more than having a sip of wine surrounded by people who look like me in an establishment owned by someone who also looks like me. From lively bars to innovative breweries and boutique wineries, here are 10 Black-owned spots across the country where you can raise a glass to diversity and excellence. Cheers!
1.Harlem Hops - New York, N.Y.
Harlem Hops is more than just a craft beer bar—it’s a celebration of community and culture. Co-founded by three HBCU graduates, this gem focuses on showcasing beers from local and independent breweries, including offerings from Black brewers. When it opened in the summer of 2018, Harlem Hops became the first 100% African American-owned NYC local craft beer bar in Manhattan.
With its cozy vibe, rotating tap list, and tasty bites, Harlem Hops is the perfect spot to discover your new favorite brew while supporting a mission of inclusivity in the craft beer scene. Don’t miss their delicious beer pairings and community-driven events.
2.Brown Estate - Napa Valley, Calif.
Brown Estate is Napa Valley’s first and only Black-owned estate winery. Established in 1996, the family-owned winery is known for its exceptional Zinfandels and refined vineyard experiences. Beyond the Zinfandels, Brown Estate also crafts a variety of other wines to fit everyone’s preferences, including Cabernet Sauvignon, Chardonnay, and Petite Sirah. If you can’t make it to the winery, you can also enjoy an intimate tasting experience at their downtown Napa tasting room, which opened in 2017. With stunning views and award-winning wines, Brown Estate is a must for wine lovers visiting Napa.
3.Abbey Creek Vineyard - North Plains, OR
Facebook/AbbeyCreekVineyard
What do you get when you merge a love for wine with an appreciation for Hip Hop and Culture? You get Abbey Creek Vineyard in North Plains, Oregon. Loved by both locals and visitors, this community spot offers a unique wine experience while embodying the saying “Hip-Hop, wine, and chill." Owner Bertony Faustin became Oregon’s first Black winemaker when he founded Abbey Creek Vineyard. Faustin’s wines, dubbed “The Creole Collection,” bring a unique cultural perspective to Oregon’s wine industry. Visitors can enjoy tastings at the vineyard’s wine bar, known as “The Crick,” for an intimate experience that’s all about community.
4.Two Locals Brewing Co. - Philadelphia
Business is always better when it’s a family affair. Two Locals Brewing is Philadelphia's first Black-owned brewery, founded by brothers Richard and Mengistu Koilor. The brewery officially opened its doors in early 2024 in the University City neighborhood after years of planning.
The brothers, West Philadelphia natives, started brewing beer as a hobby in 2016 and began planning their expansion while noticing the lack of Black representation in the brewing industry.
Aside from serving up tasty brews, the brothers offer Liberian food, a homage to where Mengistu was born. Throughout the month, guests can pop in for some improv or a comedy night event while enjoying a cold one.
5.House of Pure Vin - Detroit
Located in the heart of downtown Detroit, House of Pure Vin is a Black-owned wine bar and retail shop. It features an impressive selection of global wines, including many from Black winemakers. One highlight is their focus on boutique and hard-to-find labels, offering guests the opportunity to discover unique flavors they won’t see on typical store shelves.
The space frequently hosts events such as wine education classes, collaborations with local chefs, and themed wine nights, giving customers plenty of reasons to pop by throughout the week. Whether you’re shopping for a bottle, enjoying a tasting flight, or attending one of their vibrant events, House of Pure Vin is a must-visit destination for anyone looking to elevate their wine experience while supporting a Black-owned business.
6.LaShellé Wines - Woodinville, WA
LaShellé Wines, located in Woodinville, Washington, stands out as one of the region’s few Black- and female-owned wineries. Founded by Nicole Camp, the winery reflects her passion for winemaking, which she developed through her formal training at the Northwest Wine Academy. Opened in 2021, LaShellé Wines is known for its range of refreshing white and red wines and offering a welcoming and family-friendly environment. On any given day, you can expect to pop in and see owner Nicole involved in the day-to-day functioning—from destemming grapes to hosting guests in the tasting room.
7.Diamond Farm Winery and Brewery - Nokesville, Va.
Instagram/DiamondFarmWinery
This lovely venue was the result of hard work and a change of plans. Diamond Farm Winery & Brewery is an exciting new Black-owned establishment that blends rustic charm with modern sophistication. Owners Alice and Glenn Bertrand, Sr. originally purchased the property to serve as their retirement home but decided to go in a different direction after seeing the historic barn on the land.
Situated on a picturesque farm, the venue offers a serene setting with features like a remodeled historic farmhouse and a romantic heart-shaped pond. While their tasting room is slated to open this spring, the winery is already a sought-after event space, hosting weddings, corporate gatherings, and private celebrations. The venue is rolling out over three phases, so expect all aspects to be fully functioning later this year.
8.Thurst Lounge - Washington D.C.
Thurst Lounge is the first Black-owned LGBTQIA+ bar and lounge in Washington, D.C. Located in the historic U Street corridor, this bar serves as a much-needed inclusive space for the Black LGBTQIA+ community residing in the city. The lounge offers an intimate setting for socializing, complete with carefully curated cocktails and a stylish ambiance that’s perfect for linking with the crew.
Beyond its role as a nightlife destination, Thurst Lounge aims to foster a supportive environment for community connections and cultural celebration.
9.Seven Springs Farm and Vineyard - Norlina, N.C.
Seven Springs Farms and Vineyards is a Black-owned vineyard established by Preston Williams and his family, and it sits on a 140-acre property featuring seven natural springs, providing a picturesque setting for wine tasting and events. The vineyard specializes in muscadine grapes but also grows Merlot, Cabernet, and Chardonnay varieties. Visitors can enjoy tastings in the cozy tasting room, participate in seasonal grape-picking events, or even book a stay at their on-site Airbnb for a more immersive experience. This family-owned space is the perfect location for an outing with the girls or a group event.
10.For The Culture Brewing - Houston
The name says it all with this one. For The Culture Brewing is a craft beer brand focused on creating an inclusive and vibrant space for beer lovers. Holding the title of being H-Town’s first Black-owned brewery, owners Jonathan Brown and Carl Roaches Jr. began working on this brand after realizing that there weren’t many brands marketing to Black Men who like to drink beer.
The brewery aims to cater to a wide range of tastes, offering a variety of beer styles such as tropical IPAs, rice lagers, pale ales, and dry stouts.
While still in the process of opening its own dedicated taproom, the brewery often collaborates with other local businesses, including Ovinnik Brewing, through a unique cooperative model called Craft Culture X. This collaboration has allowed them to share resources and brewing equipment while planning events and developing new beer recipes.
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