As a person who rarely watches TV and doesn't get into a lot of shows, especially reality TV, I've been seriously pondering over what made me so invested in Netflix's #LoveIsBlind series.
The show was set up as a social experiment where they took 30 women and men, cut them off from the real world, and set them up on rounds of speed dating for 14 days to see if strong connections would be made. At the end of the 14 days, six couples walked out of the pods engaged, and they were whisked off to Mexico where they would spend time with each other for the first time. Only five couples made it out of Mexico, and they were thrust back into the real world to take on the task of meeting each other's friends and family and having to explain that they were in love and would be getting married in less than 30 days to someone they had just met just two weeks prior.
Whew chile, the mess of it all, but I couldn't stop watching!
After watching a cringe-worthy scene that involved the only black man that got shine on the show yelling at his fiancee, "That's why I don't date b*tches like you," a crass statement made after she couldn't quite process that he forgot to tell her he dated both men and women, I had little hope that a sista was going to make it out of this with a love story she could tell for ages.
But then there was breakout star Lauren Speed, who reminded me that the seemingly impossible was indeed possible.
The Detroit-bred, Atlanta transplant reeled me in from Episode 1 with her charming exchange with her soon-to-be real-life Prince Cameron Hamilton. By day two of the experiment, they were crying together and completely smitten over one another (while separated by walls mind you) and she became the first woman to get engaged.
Although I was rolling my eyes during the "I love you's" in the first episode, I was wiping my eyes by the finale. If I for one moment doubted Cameron loved Lauren before ever seeing what she looked like in Episode 1, all doubts were erased by Episode 9 as he never wavered, and tirelessly proved his love for her scene after scene.
It's not hard to see why there's so much hype around this couple, who has single-handedly driven the show to an international phenomenon. Here, we see Lauren, the epitome of #BlackGirlMagic, who is extremely independent, vocal about the plight of black people and the importance of a strong black family structure, fall for a man she wouldn't have otherwise dated under different circumstances. And he, too, was smitten throughout every single scene as she showed up as her full, authentic self (rocking a bonnet to bed on their first night together and all), and reassured everyone who would listen that he had landed the most beautiful woman in the world and he couldn't believe he was so lucky.
I hate to admit it, but this show made me believe in love again.
It made me wonder, what would life be like if you took away the distractions of social media, the followers, the titles, the accomplishments, the ability to Google and do your background searches, the doubtful opinions of family and friends, and able to date and fall for someone purely off of their character, soul and spirit with physical being an afterthought? Love in its purest form.
Last week, I caught up with Lauren and Cameron at the Love Is Blind finale party and they seemed even more in love than when they said their "I do's" in November 2018. I was curious to know how the marriage was working out for them after the honeymoon stage had worn off, and from the looks of things, they are proof that love is truly blind.
Here's what they told us:
xoNecole: You guys have received a tremendous reaction to the show as well as yourselves as a couple, what has been the most surprising reaction so far?
Cameron: Shonda Rhimes! It was awesome to see her tweeting about this show and saying that she was waiting on edge, just as we had been waiting on edge to see shows like Scandal.
Lauren: Yeah! It was awesome to see she was team Lameron. The love and support that we are receiving for our relationship is amazing.
How much did your family and friends know about the process when you were taping the show?
Lauren: Basically, our parents knew that we were going on a dating show that could possibly lead to an engagement or marriage. So, there were 10 days, or two weeks, where you couldn't talk to your friends or family. We were supposed to take those two weeks and focus on each other as a couple and the relationship. So, after we completed the show, it was like, "Hey mom and dad, I found somebody and I'm engaged." They were like, "What the hell? What do you mean you found somebody?" Then you had to explain to them that I met this person and I'm in love and it's kinda like…that's when things get a little…
Cameron: Yeah, they were skeptical on both Lauren and I's side. "We don't know about this, it sounds kind of sketchy..."
Lauren: Which is understandable.
Cameron: My parents advised me not to do it but I just had a feeling that it was the right thing for me to do.
Netflix
While watching, I felt like the cast was given questions or prompts from the producers that helped move the relationship along. I think naturally when you first meet someone, you are afraid to go deeper on the first few dates, but you guys had to go deep pretty quickly. So, what do you think were some of the questions that really helped you to get to know him on a deeper level and vice versa?
Lauren: For me, when I asked him when was the last time that he cried. That's the type of stuff, like do you ask that on a date? No, not really. But that can tell a lot about a person. What makes you cry? What's important to you? What motivates you to get up in the morning? What are you scared of? What are your fears? Those types of things can tell a lot about a person, about their lifestyle, and their personality. So yeah, those are the type of questions I was asking. I went for the jugular with the deep stuff.
"What makes you cry? What's important to you? What motivates you to get up in the morning? What are you scared of? What are your fears? Those types of things can tell a lot about a person, about their lifestyle, and their personality. So yeah, those are the type of questions I was asking. I went for the jugular with the deep stuff."
Cameron: Yeah, we were asking questions like, What are things you have done that you are not proud of? What are your deepest fears? What really drives you? Where do you envision yourself being in five years?
Lauren: Yes, life plans.
Cameron:How do you want to raise kids? Do you believe in spanking?
Lauren: Yes!
Cameron: We are on the same page about that!
After getting married and living together, what did you guys learn about yourselves?
Lauren: A lot! Whew, you're about to make me get deep. Cameron's parents were married for 33 years and my parent's marriage ended in divorce. So for me, I haven't had an example of a successful marriage and what it means to be a successful wife to a husband. I had to learn how to be a wife and I had to learn to be a partner. I've been living independently for so long that I hadn't really evolved that part of myself. I had to learn to really grow and learn how to partner with someone.
"Cameron's parents were married for 33 years and my parent's marriage ended in divorce. So for me, I haven't had an example of a successful marriage and what it means to be a successful wife to a husband. I had to learn how to be a wife and I had to learn to be a partner. I've been living independently for so long that I hadn't really evolved that part of myself. I had to learn to really grow and learn how to partner with someone."
Cameron: Yeah, we had to learn how to be together as a team on a daily level. Even that kind of minute, boring stuff—or how to keep things exciting when you both are working from home all the time and you know, not get tired of seeing each other. Giving each other space when you need to, but also have romance, go out on dates and all of that kind of stuff too.
So, did you keep your apartment?
Lauren: NO…
You know we noticed that background from the house tour in your Instagram photos…
Lauren: We got married and I kept it for three months, so that was a little transitional period. So, I would go over there sometimes and come back, but after the three months, I was like, you know if we are going to do this, let's do this. I'm all in.
Netflix
I heard Michelle Obama talking about Barack and she said I hate the way he chews. So, what gets on your nerves that you guys do to each other? Can you share that?
Lauren: Ohhhh…
Cameron: I've got something too, but go ahead.
Lauren: Okay, I can't stand when Cameron leaves dishes around the sink. All you have to do is rinse it and put it in the dishwasher. It's nothing serious.
Cameron: I was going to say, you don't know how to load a dishwasher. There is no rhythm or reason to it, she just kind of throws it in there.
Lauren: At least it's in there…
Did it take the time you had in the apartment to figure this out or was this after you got married?
Lauren: He was like, "No, the cups go on the top and you have to rinse it before you put it in there." Probably after moving in, once you start to share space, then you are like, ohhh, he does this like this…
Cameron: Well, you know, I think the things that we work on, and have worked on, are things I would assume all married couples would work on. Despite the fact that the experiment was unorthodox, I mean we are a normal married couple in most respects. I'd like to think we have a healthy marriage and we're not perfect but we work through the things and I think that's the biggest part. We communicate, even though at times that we don't want to. We talk about it and we work through it.
"Despite the fact that the experiment was unorthodox, I mean we are a normal married couple in most respects. I'd like to think we have a healthy marriage and we're not perfect but we work through the things and I think that's the biggest part. We communicate, even though at times that we don't want to. We talk about it and we work through it."
For more Lauren and Cameron, follow them on Instagram! And check out the Love Is Blind reunion, currently available on Netflix.
Featured image via Netflix
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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So, if you’re single and ready to mingle, here are a few helpful tips on how to have the best hot girl summer possible.
Start with self-care.
It's no secret that confidence is key when it comes to having a good time. Before you start swiping on dating apps or heading to the bar scene, take some time to indulge in self-care. Get a new haircut, buy a new outfit, and pamper yourself with a spa day. Having a fresh look and feeling good about yourself will boost your confidence and make you feel unstoppable.
Protect yourself and your partner.
Hot girl summer is all about having fun, but safety must come first. Before engaging in any sexual activity, make sure you and your partner use protection, whether it's a condom or other methods. Keep in mind STDs can still spread even with precautions, so it's important to get regular STD testing, especially if you're seeing multiple partners.
Delmaine Donson/Getty Images
Set boundaries and don't compromise.
It's common for women to feel pressured to do things they're not comfortable with during casual sex. In a hot girl summer, it's essential to set clear boundaries and not compromise on what makes you comfortable. If your partner doesn't respect your limits, then it's a sign they're not worth your time.
Be open-minded and explore.
If you want to spice up your summer, try exploring new sexual experiences and positions with your partner(s). For inspiration on what sex positions to try, check out articles on our site like this, this, and this. However, it's always important to make sure you're both on the same page and comfortable with what you're doing. Consent is key.
MoMo Productions/Getty Images
Date like it's your job.
With summer in full swing, dating becomes easier, and more people are open to meeting new individuals. Take advantage of this opportunity and start swiping on dating apps, or if you're more traditional, head to the bars or local events. It's important to remember that dating isn't about finding someone to settle down with; it's about having fun experiences and meeting new people.
Be honest about what you want.
Be honest with yourself. If you want a serious relationship, seek it out, but if you want to go on a casual date, go on a casual date. Hot girl summers mean doing whatever it is you want to do and not settling. Just be sure to communicate and be honest about who you are and what you’re looking for.
It's all about having fun, enjoying yourself, and exploring your sexuality. But it's crucial to remember that safety comes first. Use protection, get regular STD testing, set boundaries, and don't compromise. Be open-minded and explore new sexual experiences, but never forget to prioritize your comfort level, and don't let anyone pressure you into doing things you're not comfortable with. With these tips and tricks, you'll surely have the best hot girl summer yet.
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