

What The Right Man And Wrong Man Actually Have In Common
Not too long ago, while doing a podcast interview, the host asked me why it seems that so many women have a pattern of picking the wrong kinds of men. As she went on and on about how it seemed to be that there were less good guys out in the world which was resulting in women feeling like they had to settle for less, almost instantly, I could feel one of my trigger buttons being pushed.
And just what trigger is that? A lack of personal accountability. As someone who, believe you me, has made some not-so-stellar choices in my past when it comes to matters of the heart — and mind and libido — if there is one thing that self-introspection, time, healing, humility and wisdom have taught me, it's what the brilliant Confucius quote says up top. It's something that seems to be what a lot of people simply don't want to face about themselves. It's the fact that indeed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, everywhere you go, there you are. And when it comes to relationships, this means that if there is one thing that all the men you've dealt with have in common, it's the fact that they were once involved with you. So, if you're always in something "less than", pardon the pun, but in order to make better choices, you've got to be willing to take some ownership and responsibility and admit that you are the common denominator. And gee, sis…why is that?
This kind of topic can go all kinds of different directions. Boy, could it. However, I think the best way to simplify it all is to do for you, something that I wish that I had done for myself years ago — and that's offer up a straight shot of how you know a man is right for you vs. being wrong for you. Because, again, the moment you decide to stop blaming everyone and everything else and opt instead to look deeply within, that is when some patterns can be broken, some real change can happen and you can get to the kind of love that is meant — meaning good — for you. You ready to take the first step?
The Right Man Brings Out the BEST in You
Best: (adj.) of the highest quality, excellence, or standing; most advantageous, suitable, or desirable; (adv.) most excellently or suitably; with most advantage or success
Lawd. Can you imagine, how much heartache, pain and drama we all could bypass if the mission, straight out of the gate when it comes to being in a relationship, is deciding to ONLY commit our time, effort, energy and parts into someone who brought out the absolute BEST in us? Someone who was good for our mind, body and spirit, without compromising any of the three, as we used the actual definitions of "best" as our standard?
Someone who was most suitable for and not just desirable to us (check out "Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?"). Someone who encouraged and supported us to get to or remain in a true state of Black excellence, no matter what. Someone who helped us to become even more successful as an individual. Someone who reminded us, by the way they lived their own life, what it means to be (here come some synonyms for the word best) a champion for ourselves, to excel as a human being, to raise the bar of what we expect and deserve, to outdo the goals that we've already accomplished and to have documented evidence that our life has only been further enhanced by the folks who choose to allow into our intimate space.
Sounds over-the-top? If it does, that's a part of the problem. It kind of reminds me of something I recently heard someone say. It was something along the lines of, we need to stop convincing others that we deserve to be loved. When I hear that, the thing that immediately came to mind was, when we love our own selves well (check out "What Loving Yourself Actually Looks Like"), that ceases to be so much of an issue. I speak from very up close and personal experience when I say that too, because when I wasn't living out my BEST life, when I wasn't prioritizing all of these definitions of the word "best" in my own world, I was sho 'nuf in some real stupid stuff with guys. If I wanted to, I could hem and haw about how it was all their fault yet, isn't it interesting that, when I treated my own self with honor and respect, my taste in and tolerance for bullshishery diminished? Not only that but there was no need to get on that "men are trash" raggedy ass bandwagon because the quality of men that I chose spend my time with shifted too.
Best complements best. Best doesn't want any less than that too. Best can't help it.
It's not about being cocky or even unrealistic either. What I mean by that is, once you are truly ready for the kind of person who will bring about the best in you, you get that "best" doesn't mean perfect (I mean, are you perfect?). It just means that — dates have a different agenda, sex isn't just about getting off and you are able to spot dead-end-potential (check out "Are You Wasting Your Time With 'Expiration Dating'?") very quickly. You become unapologetic about the fact that if he can't improve that quality of your life, in some really substantial and significant ways in comparison to what you've already accomplished on your own, why spend — or is it waste? — months and years of time that you can never get back doing what R&B singer Mya once said in what may be my favorite song of hers. Why would you give "The Best of Me" to others who aren't giving the best of themselves to you?
And a man who is going to give his BEST? He's not interested in lowering his bar, wasting his time or compromising his standards either. Best tends to beget best. And you know what? I know couples who bring out the best in each other. People who it is abundantly clear that, before coming together, their life was already really good and then, when they met their complement (check out "If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life"), things just went to a whole 'nother level. Professionally, they prospered more. Personally, they improved. Sexually, things were more fulfilling. Financially, life stabilized (if you're dating someone who puts you in debt or you're putting them in debt, that is not what "best" looks like). Because they were in such good shape prior to getting together, they only chose one another because they saw clear indicators that linking up with advance them.
That is what being with someone who brings out the best in you looks and lives like. And what about the worst? Whew, chile.
The Wrong Man Brings Out the WORST in You
Worst: (adj.) bad or ill in the highest, greatest, or most extreme degree; most faulty, unsatisfactory, or objectionable; most unfavorable or injurious; (adv.) in the most evil, wicked, severe, or disadvantageous manner; with the most severity, intensity, etc.; in the greatest degree
There is a quote that I happened upon, not too long ago that, as soon as I read it, it quickly became one of my all-time favorites. I don't know who the author is but it simply says, "Relationships fail because people take their own insecurities and try and twist them into their partner's flaws." Preach. Remember how I said earlier that people who lack accountability come to the convenient (is it, though?) resolution that when relationships don't work out or they find themselves in a toxic hamster wheel of guy-after-guy-after-guy (check out "Are You Dating The Same Guy Over And Over Again? Maybe."), it's everyone else's fault but their own? Goodness.
How is that when no one forced you to choose the men you've chosen, over and over and over again? And why is it that you're all about selecting those who are ultimately and holistically unsatisfactory, injurious (even neglect is a form of injury; check out "Neglect: The Form Of Relational Abuse That Isn't Discussed Enough"), are capable of doing things that can be seen as evil and/or who can cause you to feel some really severe and intense things about men, relationships and/or yourself? Because again, no one is making you do all of this? You are making decisions that lead to this particular kind of outcome.
I know it might be hard to take all of this in because it would be so much easier to act like there is some conspiracy that the universe has against you that causes you to get into relationships with guys who seem to bring out the absolute worst — inferior, substandard, mean, sad and low-quality — in you. Yet I promise you my next two checks from this platform that when you really get sick and tired (sometimes literally) of being connected to anything or anyone that brings out the worst qualities in you, you will remove yourself from them — person, place, thing or idea. On the romantic relationship tip, I don't care how long you've been together, how good the sex is or how afraid you are of being alone, when you get that no one can "make you worse", especially if you're not around for them to attempt to do so…life immediately elevates. You really do start to thrive on a whole 'nother level.
I've been involved with men who've brought out the worst in me before. It's kind of a long story yet, in hindsight, my (main) issue was the so-called love that I was tolerating from them was a reflection of the kind I got from many of my relatives (check out "Why You Should Be Unapologetic About Setting Boundaries With Toxic Family Members"); their BS was familiar to me. Oh, but when I got away from the DNA that was also bringing out the worst in me, while it took me a hot minute, I can't believe how much abuse ("abnormal use of") I used to take vs. how little I will tolerate now. I don't like how much "the worst" feels and so, I don't engage it — therefore, whenever I see signs of it, I remove myself…quick, fast and in a hurry. Not because I fear it. It's because I now loathe it. Life is too short to be with someone who, as one of my girls said in her recent visual, can "rearrange my box" and yet has me spiritually unstable as literal hell. Or has me in tears from laughter on Tuesday and then from devastation on the follow Sunday. Or has me out here dishonoring my own time to the point where I'm just…relationally stagnant because I've lost sight of what the best of me should look and live like.
Did you see all of the "I's" that were in that last sentence? I PLAY A ROLE IN WHO BRINGS OUT THE BEST OR WORST IN ME. SO DO YOU — and yes, I am yelling it. That's why I say that what the right and wrong man have in common is me. Or you. Because they need us to be present in order for either outcome to play out. The good and super empowering thing about all of this is, the moment that we see what we don't desire, whether it feels like it at the time, we absolutely have the power and ability to switch up and create another narrative.
You will never get this day, this week, this month, this year — this moment in time back. Why would you allow someone the privilege of you and your time if they aren't gonna bring out the absolute best in you? Only you can answer that question, sis. Think it through. Be honest with yourself. Change up if need be. It's all up to YOU. Not "him". YOU.
For more love and relationships, features, dating tips and tricks, and marriage advice, check out xoNecole's Sex & Love section here.
Featured image by Giphy
After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (missnosipho@gmail.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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The 7 Best Tina Turner Quotes About Love, Life, And Legacy
The world has become a little less brighter following the loss of the indomitable force known as Tina Turner.
The legendary singer --who was crowned the Queen of Rock 'N' Roll after captivating many hearts for six decades with her electrifying raspy voice, explosive dance moves, empowering life story, and much more-- died on May 24 at the age of 83 after battling a long illness. Turner's passing was confirmed in a statement released by the star's publicist Bernard Doherty.
In a statement to People magazine, Doherty revealed that Turner had "died peacefully" in her home in Switzerland, which she shared with her husband, music producer Erwin Bach. Doherty also announced that a private funeral service would be held at an undisclosed date for Turner's close family and friends.
"Tina Turner, the 'Queen of Rock'n' Roll,' has died peacefully today at the age of 83 after a long illness in her home in Küsnacht near Zurich, Switzerland. With her, the world loses a music legend and a role model. There will be a private funeral ceremony attended by close friends and family. Please respect the privacy of her family at this difficult time," the statement read.
Tina Turner
Photo by Harry Langdon/Getty Images
In addition to the public statement, Turner's passing was also confirmed on her social media accounts. Although, at the time, details surrounding Turner's cause of death were limited, it was ultimately revealed that the "River Deep Mountain High" songstress passed away from natural causes. This comes years after Turner underwent a kidney transplant, which her husband donated, and suffering from various health issues. The list included high blood pressure, stroke, and intestinal cancer.
As the news circulated online, many of Turner's close friends and fans paid homage to the icon by expressing how much she meant to them. The list included Angela Bassett --who played Turner in the 1993 film What's Love Got To Do With It-- Beyoncé, Dionne Warwick, Mariah Carey, Ciara, and longtime friend Oprah Winfrey.
In an Instagram post, Winfrey recounted how her friendship with Turner started. The 69-year-old explained that she was a massive fan of the "Proud Mary" vocalist, and upon meeting, the pair's bond would blossom into a decades-long sisterhood.
During that time, Winfrey shared that she was in awe of Turner's resilience from her past childhood traumas and being abandoned by both her parents to how she overcame her violent relationship with ex-husband Ike Turner. The former television host added that Turner's ability to preserve through life's hardships inspired an entire nation.
"I started out as a fan of Tina Turner, then a full-on groupie, following her from show to show around the country, and then, eventually, we became real friends. She is our forever goddess of rock 'n' roll who contained a magnitude of inner strength that grew throughout her life. She was a role model not only for me but for the world. She encouraged a part of me I didn't know existed," Winfrey wrote while honoring her longtime friend.
Tina Turner
Photo by Rob Verhorst/Redferns
"Once she claimed her freedom from years of domestic abuse, her life became a clarion call for triumph. I'm grateful for her courage, for showing us what victory looks like wearing Manolo's and a leather miniskirt."
Winfrey wrapped up her words by recalling her conversation with Turner regarding death. The Oprah Winfrey Show host revealed that Turner embraced it because "she had learned how to live surrounded by her beloved husband, Erwin, and friends."
"She once shared with me that when her time came to leave this earth, she would not be afraid, but excited and curious. Because she had learned how to LIVE surrounded by her beloved husband, Erwin, and friends. I am a better woman, a better human, because her life touched mine. She was indeed simply the best," Winfrey stated.
With Turner's untimely death, the "What's Love Got To Do With It" singer leaves behind an immaculate career spanning over 60 years. Alongside her countless hit songs, Turner's past accolades consist of eight Grammy Awards, a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award, and a Grammy Hall of Fame for three of her songs.
"The Best" songstress' other achievements included Turner earning her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, becoming a double inductee in the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame once in 1991 with Ike Turner, and again in 2021 as a solo artist, etc.
Turner is survived by her husband, Erwin Bach, many friends, and fans. Turner had four sons, two of whom she adopted while married to Ike. Her biological sons, Craig and Ronnie, both sadly passed away in recent years. To date, it is unclear if Turner has mended her relationship with her two adopted sons, who belonged to her ex-husband Ike Turner.
Turner’s music has impacted many people thanks to the beautiful storytelling and powerful words. In honor of Turner's legacy, xoNecole is looking back at her most memorable quotes on life, love, aging, and beauty over the years.
Tina Turner
Photo by Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images
Tina On Life
"If you are unhappy with anything…Whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self, comes out."
-via 1986 interview with Ebony magazine.
Tina On Love
"He [Erwin] shows me that true love doesn't require the dimming of my light so that he can shine. On the contrary, we are the light of each other's lives, and we want to shine as bright as we can, together."
via Turner's book, Happiness Becomes You: A Guide to Changing Your Life for Good.
Tina On Her Greatest Beauty Secret
"My greatest beauty secret is being happy with myself. It's a mistake to think you are what you put on yourself. I believe that a lot of how you look has to do with how you feel about yourself and your life."
-via 2016 interview with Woman & Homemagazine.
Tina Turner - What's Love Got To Do With It (Official Music Video)
Tina On Aging
"Fifty is the new 30. Seventy is the new 50. There are no rules that say you have to dress a certain way, or be a certain way. We are living in exciting times for women. Keep up with fashion, keep up with your figure and the clothes you wear. If you look good and you can still do it, then go and do it. I have never worried about age."
-via 2009 interview with the Daily Express.
Tina On Death
"Even when it's time to go and leave to another planet, I'm excited about that because I'm curious to know what it is about. Nobody can tell you because nobody has come back. I'm not excited to die, but I don't regret it when it's time for me. I've done what I came here to do. Now is [time for] pleasure. I've got great friends. I have a great man in my life now. I have a great husband, and I'm happy."
-via 2013 interview with Oprah Winfrey.
Tina On The Legacy She's Leaving Behind
"My legacy is that I stayed on course from the beginning to the end because I believed in something inside of me that told me that it can get better…So my legacy is a person that strived for wanting it better and got it."
-via 2013 Oprah interview.
Tina On How She Would Want To Be Remembered
"As the Queen of Rock 'N' Roll. As a woman who showed other women that it is OK to strive for success on their own terms."
via April 2023 interview with The Guardian.
Although xoNecole and the world are mourning the loss of the incredible Tina Turner, it is humbling to know that she accomplished so many things, personally and professionally, during her time here and continues to show why she was, in fact, "simply the best," even after death.
We will miss you, Queen. Rest in Power!
Tina Turner - The Best (Official Music Video)
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Feature image by Paul Natkin/Getty Images