
Neglect: The Form Of Relational Abuse That Isn't Discussed Enough

While, in many ways, I'm passionate about everything that I write (that's the joy that comes with knowing that you are high-level functioning in your purpose; if you are, it's also a good reason to read "How To Handle 'Purpose Fatigue'"), if I could get every single Black woman on the entire planet to make the time to check out just one piece that I've written, this would be it.
As someone who writes a ton on relationships, I must say that if there is one thing that I don't think is discussed, even one-eighteenth as much as it should be, it's the fact that the source of a lot of unhappiness, dysfunction, and relational abuse is neglect. Since we don't talk about it, it's hard to fully see it transpiring. And when something is able to go down without being detected and called out for what it is, that makes it easier for it to continue.
Personally, I know that I've been the victim of neglect in many, if not most, of my romantic relationships. I've done enough self-work to also know that it stems from my childhood. My parents divorcing. The childhood abuse that I experienced. Having a mother who professionally thrived and also traveled a lot during my formative years. And also something that I think affected—and infected—me more than I thought it did back when I was around nine or so—my mother constantly asking her second husband (I'm not keen on the word "step-parent"; maybe I'll share why at another time) and my brother's father for compliments.
I grew up going to church on Saturdays and while we all would get ready, it was practically a ritual for my mom (who is physically stunning, by the way) to stand in the mirror and ask her husband how she looked. Although he wasn't unattractive by any stretch, looking back, I do think that he felt very threatened by mom. More specifically, threatened by how men tended to view her. In response, I think he thought that if he downplayed his admiration, it would "dim her light" (at least in her mind) so that she wouldn't notice the attention of others. Hmph. While he was out here being super insecure, what it modeled to me is marriage naturally comes with levels of neglect; that that's just the way it is.
Y'all, no it's not. Thankfully, as I got older and I was able to choose the people I wanted to be around, I saw couples who affirmed one another. Husbands who absolutely adored their wife and wives who couldn't get enough of bragging on their husbands. Spouses who nurtured, supported and esteemed their partners; not just on special occasions, but as often as possible. It was the compare and contrast that brought me to the conclusion that relational neglect is just as damning and detrimental as any other form of abuse. It's also tolerated entirely too much. I want to do my part to try and stop that—right here and right now.
The Definitions of Abuse. Revisited.
Photo by Shutterstock
Whenever people ask me to explain what my childhood (and adolescence) was like, I've come to the conclusion that the easiest—and most merciful to all parties involved—way to describe it is, "My family either got an 'A' or an 'F' when it came to how I was raised." It's the truth. There are certain things that I was taught that should go into best-selling parenting books—that's the "A". At the same time, while it wasn't every day or even every week, there was also quite a bit of abuse that I experienced—physical, sexual, verbal, definitely emotional as well as spiritual (one day, we should delve into what spiritual abuse is really like; you can read some about it here)—that's where "F" comes in. A big part of the reason is because my parents and my mother's second husband were also victims of abuse. So, let me interject something right here—parents, one of the best things that you can ever do for your children is heal from your own childhood wounds; preferably before even having us. A part of the reason why generational curses exist is because un-dealt-with pain is passed on from one generation to another. It's not good enough to survive and tell yourself, "I'll never do that when I have children."
If you don't deal with your trauma, you very well could repeat what is familiar to you, simply because it's a part of the fabric of what you know—whether you want to/intended to or not.
On this side of my own continual quest for clarity and healing, if there is a silver lining that comes from my own trauma, it's that I can spot abuse in others rather quickly. And, if there's one thing that I hear, far more than I ever should, especially from women, it's "Well, at least he doesn't…" Listen, a man who calls you names isn't any better than a man who hits you. A man who constantly pressures you to have sex isn't any better than a man who sexually harasses you. And a man who neglects you isn't any better than a man who tries to control you. The fact that a lot of us believe otherwise is how we end up remaining in abusive situations. So, why is it that I see no "levels" or differences in abuse (the consequences might be different but not the abuse itself)? It's because I know what abuse means.
Abuse: (verb) use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse; treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly; (noun) the improper use of something
Please let that sink in, just as low into your spirit as it can go. If you are misused in any way, that is abuse. If you are treated with cruelty in any form, that is abuse. If you are treated improperly, period, that is abuse.
A great definition of proper is "adapted or appropriate to the purpose or circumstances; fit; suitable". Another reason why a lot of us tolerate abuse is because we don't "get" the purpose of the relationship that we are in. A marriage is supposed to be a cherished partnership; when two spouses don't honor their union as such, there is bound to be some abuse. If you're currently dating someone, they should want to help you get to a higher level as you do the same for them; if that isn't happening, there is bound to be some abuse.
In both dynamics, oftentimes, that abuse is neglect. Because just think about it—if you don't understand why you are doing what you are doing or you don't value who you are doing that something with, it's very easy to neglect both the relationship as well as them. And how do you know, for sure, that this is the type of abuse that you are experiencing?
“Neglect” Is More than Just One Thing
The fascinating thing about neglect is it's not as easy to discern as say, a bruise on your arm or face or date rape (if even your boyfriend forces you to have sex against your will, that is rape). That's because, while a lot of us hold a general definition of the word in our mind, we fail to go beneath the surface of it. Let's do that now.
Neglect: to pay no attention or too little attention to; disregard or slight; to be remiss in the care or treatment of; to omit, through indifference or carelessness; to fail to carry out or perform (orders, duties, etc.)
Now, before going deeper, it's important that I put on record that unrealistic—or worse, unvoiced— expectations is not a form of neglect. Neither is being super needy (a person is to be your partner, not your savior or superhero). The "ouch" truth that some of us need to hear is, we're the victim of self-neglect because, rather than making it a priority to cultivate our own beings, we're looking for another person to do what we won't do for ourselves. No, what I'm speaking of is when you and someone else, mutually decide what the purpose of your relationship is, when you choose to be a part of one another's intimate lives, and yet—little attention is paid, no f—ks are given, there is a constant attitude of total indifference and/or the expectations that were agreed upon don't happen. If one, some, or all of these things are happening to you (or you are doing this to someone else), that is what it means to be neglectful. And since that results in "improperly using" the relationship, that is a form of abuse.
Why Do We Tolerate Neglect in Relationships So Much?
Right on January 1, a song popped up in my YouTube suggestions, that is basically the theme song for all of this. The artist's name is Savannah Cristina (whew, her voice is totally dope) and the song's title is "SELFISH: 2020". Here are some of the lyrics:
I know you ain't right for me, 'cause you would never ride for me
F—k n—ga got pride you see, 'cause you ain't even on my line, baby
I've moved on to something that is so much better, so much better
Now I'm SELFISH 'bout my money
And I'm SELFISH 'bout my hustle
I'm SELFISH 'bout my grind
'Cause you was SELFISH 'bout my struggle
Boy, I'm SELFISH and I don't give a f—k 'cause I don't owe you s—t
Her voice is so sweet, you don't even realize how hard of a cuss-out she's actually giving, whoever ole' boy is (although, when you think about, this could apply to just about any type of relationship). But I'm sure you can see just how and why the song resonates. Savannah didn't say that her ex hit her. She didn't say that he called her out of her name either. But what she did say was he neglected her. And the reason why I recommend that you listen to all of her words, at least three times in a row, is so you can pay attention to all of the ways neglect can happen.
So, why do so many of us allow ourselves to be abused in this fashion? Aside from childhood trauma and a lack of self-love and self-care that I already touched on, there are probably a billion reasons. But I want to conclude this with one more for you to strongly consider and ponder. Caring for someone is a powerful thing and we, as women, are natural nurturers. I honestly think that a lot of us believe that the more we support and encourage the object of our affection, no matter how little we get in return, it will eventually develop them into who we want them to be—or even who they claim they want to become. But the reality is people do what they want to do, including when it comes to neglecting someone in a relationship. And so, when we experience indifference, disregard and carelessness, what we need to accept is that no, the relationship is not valued and no, neither are we.
It's like if you've got a plant in your house. No matter how much you tell it that you love and appreciate it, if you don't give it some water and let it get some light, it's going to die; if not immediately, eventually. Your words mean very little; it's your actions that matter. And, if you valued your plant, you'd give it what it needs, simply because it needs it. To deprive it is to neglect it, to neglect it is to abuse it, and to abuse it long enough is to destroy it. Anything or one who plays a direct role in destroying something or someone it claims to care about, they are being abusive. ABUSIVE.
If you listen to Savannah's song all the way through, she ends it by saying, on loop, "I'm gonna hold me down." In other words, she's going to give herself what she wasn't getting from dude (or whoever). Listen y'all—when someone agrees to be in a relationship with you, they are agreeing to hold you down as you hold them down. When that isn't happening, it ceases to be relational—at least in a healthy and beneficial way. And when you keep tolerating that reality, not only are they abusing you, but another "ouch" truth is you are abusing yourself as well. You are saying it's OK to misuse you and be cruel to you—to treat you outside of your value and purpose. And that is absolutely NOT the case.
Have mercy, I could go on and on when it comes to this. But, for now, my hope and prayer are that a seed is planted and that you will not neglect to water it. You are far too precious and worthy of love for someone to be intentional about not giving it to you. All forms of abuse are bad and again, neglect is abuse. Don't let anyone mistreat you in this fashion. If they won't hold you down, hold your own self down and bounce. Then watch who comes into your path who will match what you are doing for yourself. Promise me that, OK? OK? OK.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Recognizing The Signs: Emotional Abuse Is Still Abuse
How I Reinvented Myself After An Abusive Relationship
This Is How Emotionally Abusive Friends Act
'Red Table Talk' Reminds Us That Self-Love Is The Cure To Domestic Abuse
Featured image by Shutterstock
- 64 Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse: How to Identify It, What to Do ›
- Relationship between abuse and neglect in childhood and diabetes ... ›
- Spotting Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse: Emotional and ... ›
- Emotional Neglect - Relationship Counselling ›
- The relationship of exposure to childhood sexual abuse to other ... ›
- How to Tell Emotional Neglect From Emotional Abuse in a ... ›
- 13 Habits That Show Your Partner May Be Emotionally Neglecting You ›
- What Emotional Neglect Does to a Relationship | Psychology Today ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your May 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Blooming Softly & Trusting Divine Timing
May is about being patient, nurturing your dreams, and creating beauty in your world. This is a more stable and generous month than the chaos that April brought, and we get an opportunity for closure, healing, and rejuvenation this month. We are still amid some important retrograde transits, but these are ones we can navigate better by grounding our energy in the present moment, and not allowing ourselves to stress over the what-ifs.
With the Sun in Taurus for most of the month, May reminds us that there is beauty in finding your peace and not allowing anyone to disrupt that.
Pluto goes retrograde in Aquarius from May 4 until October 13, and this will be a time of remembering your power when it comes to your purpose, innovations, and the ability to attract support into your life. Mercury moves into Taurus on May 10, making this a good time for negotiations, creating new plans financially, and sticking to your word on something that holds value to you. The Full Moon of the month occurs in Scorpio on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year, signifying growth and seeing the beauty in your life.
This Full Moon is all about letting go of what doesn’t feel authentic or resonate with you emotionally, and about experiencing more closure and healing within relationship matters.
Your May 2025: A Monthly Overview
Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and we enter air sign energy, which is good for communication, business, and coming up with inspiring and new ideas. On May 24, Saturn enters Aries, beginning its new transit where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn in Aries is bold, direct, and straightforward, but so are its lessons. There is a gift in resilience and finding your strength during this time, and this transit will show you where your power is, but it may challenge you to confront self-limiting behavior in the process.
Mercury enters Gemini on May 25, and Mercury loves being here. Mercury in Gemini is the creative genius, and this is a month of aligning yourself with this energy. On May 26, we have a New Moon in Gemini, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want a communication breakthrough in your life, and what new ideas you want to start planting the seeds for. This is a good New Moon for networking, exchanging ideas, having more fun, and getting inspired.
Article continues after the jump.
May 2025 Horoscopes for Every Zodiac Sign
Keep reading for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what May has in store for you.
ARIES
The impact from April is finally behind you, and you get to move forward this month, Aries. After a month of retrogrades and Eclipses, you are starting to see the progress of what you have been working towards financially this year. The Sun is in your 2nd house of abundance, self-confidence, and values this month, and you are putting your dreams here first.
With Venus also in Aries for the entire month of May, you are feeling the support within and without this month, and this is a beautiful month unfolding.
On May 24, Saturn enters your sign, beginning its transit in Aries, which will last for the next few years. Saturn is the master of tough love, and you are going to be learning a lot about yourself during his time and going through a growth spurt. The New Moon of May is at the end of the month on May 26 and will be giving you the answers and clarity you have been looking for, highlighting open communication in your life. Overall, this is your month of fewer obstacles and more progress.
TAURUS
Taurus Season is officially underway, and you are the main character right now, Taurus. Remember that. This month is about trusting your intuition and the timing of things, and knowing that things are working in your favor. With Venus, your ruling planet, in your 12th house for the month, you are seeking a lot of closure and culmination right now and are healing what was. Mercury enters your sign from May 10 until May 25, and it’s all about the perspectives you are gaining right now.
Don’t be afraid to ask the important questions and get down to the bottom of things that have been worrying you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of partnership, and you are closing the door on what has not been working for you in love. You are seeing the clarity of what you need within your emotional world and how you want to navigate the changes you have been through here now.
GEMINI
May is a new beginning for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy and vitality with you this month, and you are ready to accomplish some personal goals and intentions of yours. For most of the month, the Sun is in your house of closure and healing, and you are finding yourself rejuvenated from the transformations you have been through. Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and with the Sun in your sign, nothing is holding you back from shining and living in your truth right now.
On May 25, Mercury enters Gemini until June 8, and Mercury loves being in your sign, as this is your planetary ruler.
Mercury in Gemini is forward-thinking, quick, and intelligent. You are coming up with solutions to previous challenges or obstacles, and overcoming something that has felt restrictive mentally. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 26, and this New Moon is one of the best times of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest your dreams. Remember you are worthy of what you are setting out to accomplish this month, Gemini.
CANCER
Cancer, this month requires you to slow down, take care of your health, and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There is a chance you could be overthinking more than usual this month, and you are being reminded that there is only so much that is in your control, and to give yourself some more grace. The Full Moon in Scorpio on May 12 will help you gain a little more clarity of the heart and is going to be a time of feeling the love and appreciation in your life.
Saturn enters your 10th house of career on May 24, remaining here over the next few years, and you are getting an opportunity to grow and discover where you may have been limiting yourself professionally, socially, or within your aspirations in life. This time is all about reminding yourself that you deserve recognition for the work you do, but that you must also be the one believing in yourself as well. On May 12, there is a New Moon in your house of emotional healing, and you are seeing the gifts of alone time, safe spaces, and tending to your creative inklings at the end of the month.
LEO
This month is an opportunity for a new beginning in love and progress within your emotional world, Leo. You are learning to trust your intuition more, and you are putting more of your energy into your heart’s desires. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of the month, you are shining in your truth and remaining confident in your goals in life.
Venus is in your house of adventure for the entire month, and this is a good time for experiencing romance while traveling or getting out of your comfort zone a little.
Saturn makes a significant move from Pisces into Aries at the end of the month and enters your 9th house. With Saturn here, you will be learning more about what mental growth and clarity mean to you, and this is a good time to dedicate yourself to higher education, traveling, gaining a new perspective, and honoring your integrity and values. The New Moon of the month is on May 26, creating magic within your friendships and community.
You are leaving this month with hope in your heart and new plans for the future.
VIRGO
May is a month of abundance and fruition for you, Virgo. Your dreams and intentions are coming to fruition, and you are owning that which you have created for yourself. With Venus in Aries, this is a good time for seeing support in your life financially, dedicating yourself to your commitments and responsibilities, and seeing the gifts in that. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and this is an intuitive time for you, giving you the strength needed to close the chapter on what you don’t resonate with anymore.
On May 24, Saturn enters your house of shared finances, rebirth, intimacy, and resources, and over the next few years, you will be learning the importance of connecting with people who truly have your best interest at heart, and not committing to what feels unstable. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your house of career, and this is a good time to manifest and set your intentions for where you want to see professional growth in your life.
Overall, May is about embracing your freedom while honoring the people and connections that help you grow and make you feel more secure in life.
LIBRA
This is a month of feeling empowered and ready to take on anything that comes your way, Libra. You are inspired by the progress you are making in your life right now, and with Venus in your 7th house of love, you are being well-received. This is a month of finding your balance between your path and the growth of your relationships, and there is a sense of support, harmony, and love in your life in May.
You are owning your authenticity and living in your truth fully, and this energy is magnetic.
However, Saturn also enters your 7th house of love this month, where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn empowers and helps you grow, but you can also feel a little more challenged within your relationships during this time. The more you can own your wants and needs, the more you can find vulnerability and support within your relationships. On May 26, a New Moon in a fellow air sign occurs and happens in your 9th house, creating a chance at a new adventure and an opportunity to discover some new inspiration.
SCORPIO
May is about believing in the impossible, Scorpio. It’s time to take a leap of faith in yourself and to remember your power. You are seeking a new beginning in your life, and with the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month, you are being supported and encouraged in the process. Pluto, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde in your house of home and family from May 4 until October, and you are gaining clarity on the people and support systems you can rely on more.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year. You are in full bloom and ready for whatever is next for you, and this is beautiful. Previous intentions and goals come to fruition for you overall in mid-May, and there is a lot to look forward to right now as you are getting excited about it all. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your 8th house, creating a sense of empowerment through what you are looking to change and transform in your life right now.
This month is about not being afraid to take more risks and doing things your own way.
SAGITTARIUS
May is a beautiful month of magic, success, and good fortune, Sagittarius. You are feeling lucky this month and are attracting success to you in many different areas of your life. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and you are enjoying your life, feeling the love within your heart, and expressing yourself freely in May. You are a magnet for your manifestations, and dreams are coming true for you this month, Sag.
On May 12, we have a Full Moon happening in your house of endings and closure, and you are closing out a big chapter in your life this month.
You are letting go of old pain or emotional experiences and choosing not to repeat a pattern that left you feeling hopeless before. On May 26, we have a New Moon in your sister sign, Gemini, enhancing your need for love, connection, and relationship development this month. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for what partnerships you want to see grow, heal, and come to fruition for you. Overall, May is your month of fruition, balance, and believing in the magic in your life.
CAPRICORN
May is about slowing down and allowing yourself to find the answers you have been looking for, Capricorn. This isn’t the time to rush your progress or doubt where you are in life. The Sun is in your 5th house, and this is good for finding more time for fun, pleasure, self-care, and asking your heart what it needs. With Pluto going retrograde in your 2nd house of values and income, you are being reminded to hold yourself with integrity and to know that you are worthy of the things you are asking for.
The Full Moon on May 12 is a beautiful time to connect with loved ones or those who inspire you. The universe wants to show you that you are not alone this month and that you deserve to live a life where you can enjoy yourself more and manifest your dreams, rather than believing everything needs to be a challenge to be worthy. Saturn, your ruling planet, then enters your 4th house of home and family, and over the next few years, you are going to be rediscovering what home means to you.
AQUARIUS
Your guidance for May is to trust that what is falling from your life or changing for you is doing so for your benefit, Aquarius. Trust that what is happening is happening for you and not to you, and don’t doubt that you will rebuild from this. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign from May 4 until October 13, you need a break from some of the confusion you have been feeling in your personal life, and you are getting a chance to gain a new perspective this month.
Use this time to get inspired by change rather than let it bring you down, and ground yourself in the present moment more.
Saturn enters Aries in May, where it will remain for the next few years, helping you grow in the areas of your life that have to do with communication, networking, transportation, siblings, and education. You will be learning a lot during this time and will be finding new outlets for self-expression and communication. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini occurring in your 5th house of romance, pleasure, hobbies, and entertainment, and after a month of navigating endings, changes, and closures, you are ready for a fresh start and are receiving one in love now.
PISCES
Allow what is to be, be, Pisces. May is a month of allowing yourself to trust the timing of the universe and not giving up hope that things are going to turn out beautifully for you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and this is a time to get inspired and see the benefits of closure. This Full Moon is about gaining a new perspective and not doubting what is clearer to you now, that you are worthy of a new beginning.
On May 24, Saturn moves into your 2nd house of income, and you are going to be moving through a journey of developing financially, and working on maintaining stability while building new foundations in your life. The New Moon in Gemini at the end of the month is about setting your intentions for your home and family life and creating some new energy here. Overall, May is your month of breaking ground on the things you want to create for yourself and trusting the timing of how things are unfolding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy