Something that I really love about my inner circle is, I can't think of one person in it who, not only knows what their purpose in life is but, they are totally thriving in it! As I shared in the article "5 Signs You Are Living Your True Purpose", they feel connected to the Giver of their purpose (God—Psalm 20:4); they are truly creative (inventive, original, productive); they use the gifts and talents that come to them naturally on a consistent basis; their purpose is not only benefiting them but many around them, and most of their days are good ones because they are purpose-minded and purpose-driven.
The only thing is, when you are this kind of individual, you either have the tendency to run yourself totally into the ground (even God rested on the seventh day, y'all…geeze) or you have moments when you are totally uninspired. No ideas come to you. If you're any kind of writer, you feel like you've come down with a bad case of writer's block. You're moody, irritable and can't really sleep. For days on end, you feel like you and your purpose are not in sync; it's basically like the two of you are only going through the motions.
If this is something you can relate to and it's driving you totally up the wall because, when you feel disconnected from your purpose on any level, there is a huge void—trust me, I totally get it. I also wouldn't worry too much about it. Sounds to me like you've got a little bit of what I call "purpose fatigue". You love your calling but, at the same time, you're feeling a little weary and drained about it.
It really is an uncomfortable feeling (again, I would know). But the good news is it's a season that will pass and there are some I've-tried-it-before-and-it-works ways to get through it.
Get to the Root of What’s Causing It
GiphyI would venture to say that a part of the reason why a lot of us can't find solutions for certain things in life is because we don't really know what the problem is in the first place. When it comes to something like purpose fatigue, while you may know that you're worn out, you might not be able to articulate exactly what got you there.
So, lie down on your bed, put on some 90s R&B (the slow stuff) and think about it. Is it because you're feeling overwhelmed? Is it because you're burning the candle at both ends? Is it because you're doing a lot of sowing without seeing much reaping? Is it because you don't feel supported? Maybe it's because no matter what you do, you feel stuck or you know that you're in your purpose but you're still struggling to make ends meet.
Or, maybe you just need to accept the reality of what artist John Mayer said in a recent interview with Complex—" Nobody can be a good pilot of their behavior and their creativity endlessly, successfully...You just can't be at the center of your own behavior as the creative director of all your thoughts without saying, 'I'm gonna come to the end of a winning streak here.' You have to get off the field for a minute and take a break and watch the world go by." So that you can recenter your focus and recharge yourself.
For each of these issues, there's a different plan of action that needs to be made. But do you see how, by knowing what exactly is wearing you out, you gain a greater sense of clarity on what you should do—and not do—next?
Avoid Overthinking
I have a client who, more times than not, after we get off of the phone, I have to take a nap. It's not because of their "issues"; it's because they are Olympians when it comes to overthinking. So much to the extent that their thoughts end up superseding the challenges that they have (i.e., making them so much worse).
One day, I'm going to write an entire piece on why overthinking is the ultimate no-no. For now,Inc. has a great piece with studies about how overthinking increases your chances of having a mental illness, totally disrupts your problem-solving abilities and totally jacks up your sleep (more on that in just a bit).
It's kind of common that when we're experiencing purpose fatigue, we're tempted to go down the rabbit holes of "Am I doing the right thing?", "I can't afford to take a break" or "Maybe I've been wrong about this all along", but all that's going to do is make mountains out of molehills. No one makes the best decisions when they're weary. The last thing your brain needs is you to put more stress onto it than it already has. Overthinking will do just that. So…stop.
Have a Change of Scenery
What should you do instead of putting your brain into overdrive? Take a day, weekend or week (if you can) to get as far away from anywhere where you work on your purpose a lot, whether that's your office (including home office), your devices or even your bedroom (you do know that bedrooms should only be reserved for sex and sleep, right? Google it sometime). Not only does a change of scenery give you the opportunity to relax, it actually works for, not against, you getting your purpose mojo back (check out "10 Reasons Changing Your Landscape Can Boost Creativity", "Why a Change of Scenery Is More Important Than You Think" and "Can a Change of Scenery Improve Your Productivity?").
Although taking a vacation would be awesome and ideal, I can speak from personal experience and say that just getting a hotel room for a night, sleeping in your girlfriend's guest room or hanging out in a movie theatre for a day with your phone turned off can make you feel like a new woman.
The same scenery can get boring after a while and boredom can be draining too. Changing your scenery could easily change your life, or at least this season of your life. Don't knock it until you've tried it.
Do Something That Inspires You
When it comes to purpose fatigue, this is a point that a lot of us miss because, if you're like me and you're in love with walking in your purpose, it can be challenging to be intentional about finding other sources of inspiration. For me, when I've had enough of keystrokes, I'll read a book by another author. When I am like, "I can't listen to one more married person's problems", I'll bless a couple with a hotel or B&B stay (if you happen to be a married person reading this, hit me up at shellie@xonecole.com; you never know if you might be next).
Inspiration is all about being influenced in a productive way and doing what makes you feel exhilarated; it's about doing something that reminds you of why you're operating in your purpose to begin with. What arouses you, what excites you, what even reassures you—whether that's volunteering somewhere, going to a concert or hanging out with positive people, make sure you do that. Inspiration is one of the best remedies for purpose fatigue.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
Envy has always been and will always be a temptation for us humans (check out "How to Stop Envying Your Favorite Celeb's Life"); but thanks—or, in this case, no thanks—to social media, it's almost impossible to not look at how someone else is movin' and shakin' when it comes to their purpose or passion and not envy them or, at the very least, compare where you are to where they are. In fact, I'm willing to bet good money that this is one of the leading causes of purpose fatigue.
If this is what has you so worn out, what's important to remember is it is super-counterproductive to compare your purpose—including the progress that you're making in it—to someone else's. Why? By definition, your purpose is the reason why you exist. It's connected to your own personality, your own gifts and talents, your own perspective, your own experiences, your own drive and ambition. Just because someone appears to be farther down the road, that doesn't mean they are "better" than you or that you have anything to be ashamed of. It simply means that they are doing them, just like you should be doing you.
Constantly comparing yourself will have you out here never fulfilling your purpose. If anything should "wear you out", it's letting the reality of what I just said really sink in.
Write Your Purpose a Love Letter
Mark Twain once said, "The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why." Again, your purpose, by definition, is "the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc." If you know the very reason for why the Most High has placed you on this planet, you are more self-aware than a lot of folks (#facts). Take that awareness and write it a letter of love.
What do I mean by that? Take out an hour one day and literally talk to your purpose like it's the greatest love of your life. Tell it what draws you to it, what you appreciate about it, what you are willing to do for it and just how committed, until death, to it that you are. Then get it professionally printed and matted and hang it up in your bedroom or home office. In many ways, just like a marriage, you need to remind yourself why you are "in this thing" with your purpose to begin with. So that you can get back up and keep going.
Celebrate Your Progress
I have to admit that I have a pretty bad habit of setting a goal, reaching it and immediately moving on to what's next without taking the time to celebrate what I already accomplished. The reason why this can also lead to purpose fatigue is because if you're fully functioning in your purpose, there is always going to be something to do, goals to reach, higher levels to take on. No one is created to go constantly without taking some breaks along the way. Something that can relax you and refuel you is making the time to pat your own self on the back for the things that you've (already) done.
It's not cocky; it's self-acknowledgement. It's recognizing that you're doing what God put you here to do. If anything is worth commemorating, sis, it's that.
GET SOME SLEEP
GiphyAccording to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one-third of us don't get enough sleep. How much sleep is that? No less than seven hours, each and every night. Those of us who know our purpose and are extremely ambitious also know that we probably fall into this statistic. That ain't good either because sleep deprivation causes all kinds of drama and problems—irritability, anxiety, stress, lack of concentration, disorientation, hunger, weight again…and that's just the tip of the iceberg!
A contributor to this site recently wrote "'Team No Sleep' Is a Ridiculous Concept" and she's right. Not only that, but if you know you're not catching enough z-z-z's, there's a huge possibility that you're not purpose fatigued; you're physically fatigued. If that is the case, apply "10 Simple & Effective Ways to Improve Your Quality of Sleep" to your life for a week and then see how you feel.
I wouldn't be surprised in the least if after a few consecutive nights of rest, you'll look up and realize that this article may not have applied to you as much as you initially thought—and that you should bookmark it for another time. And season. All good. It'll be here.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
This Career Coach Gave Up A $103K Salary To Live In Her Purpose
5 Signs You Are Living Your True Purpose
Letting Go Of Perfection Helped Me Live My Purpose
This Former Stylist Quit Her Job To Follow Her Purpose Of Helping Homeless Women On Their Periods
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
Riska/Getty Images
1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
Riska/Getty Images
19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by
While the movies and shows on this list vary in genre and style, they all have toe-curling elements that make them truly mind-blowing.
1. Love & Basketball
Now, Love & Basketballis a universally memorable movie in the Black community in its own right, but that sex scene was almost revolutionary. The raw, realistic portrayal of Monica’s first time as she loses her virginity to her childhood soulmate Quincy was an important moment for young Black women everywhere. For a scene that had no on-screen nudity, the chemistry between the characters was enough to have us all feeling a little hot under the collar!
2. Set It Off
This 1996 sex scene between Blair Underwood and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s characters Keith and Stony had all the elements that take a sex scene from good to great. And let’s not let the fact that Jada used a body double take away from how iconic this scene is. Attractive actors, focused foreplay, close-ups, tension-building music (shout out En Vogue!), and chemistry for days. When I rewatched this movie recently and noticed the way Keith moved his chain out of the way (IYKYK), I yelled! Those little details set this sex scene apart.
3. Out of Time
Denzel Washington has been fine his whole life. He’s intergenerational fine. And when this movie came out he was in his PRIME, okay?! The chemistry between Denzel and Sanaa Lathan in Out of Time is undeniable. So much so that when the movie came out, rumors began to circulate that the actors were romantically involved. And if you’ve seen the movie, I’m sure you’re not surprised.
The icing on the cake for me was that roleplay scene (peep the video above). You know, the one where Matthias pretends to be investigating a crime and Ann talks him through what the “intruder” did to her and he reenacts it? Turns out WE were the ones intruding on a crime - assault with a deadly weapon, if you will.
4. Scandal
Thursdays haven’t been the same since ABC’s TGIT. Shonda Rhimes was in her bag when she gave us back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, AND How To Get Away With Murder. Lives were changed. Aside from nail-biting drama and salacious storylines, Shonda also consistently gave us an array of dangerously attractive characters and sexual tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.
I’ll forever be team #Olitz. Their steamy sex sessions were made even hotter because their relationship was taboo, scandalous, even.
Adultery aside, Olivia and Fitz’s sexy time scenes never left anything to be desired. Interestingly, my favorite Olitz sex scene is their very first time. After six episodes of build-up, they finally did the deed and alleviated all the sexual tension we’d all been feeling. I think we all developed a new level of respect for Fitz when he ordered Olivia to take her clothes off, and she did not disappoint because she served bawdy in that white lingerie (I see what you did there, Shonda). Olivia served at the pleasure of the President, and so did we. For all 6 seasons.
5. Bridgerton
Dearest Gentle Reader, this couple certainly set the Ton abuzz in Bridgerton season one. For a Duke who was once lost for words, the cat’s certainly no longer in possession of his tongue. And luckily, it seems the Duchess is more physical touch than words of affirmation.
The Hastings basked in newlywed bliss all over their new abode and that library ladder scene - you know the one - took the couple’s sex life to new heights. What made this scene with Simon going down on Daphne while she’s suspended on a ladder so incredibly hot is how it centered *female* pleasure. He a good man, Savannah!
6. Insecure
One thing we could always expect from Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore’s hit series - a jaw-dropping sex scene. What I loved about Insecure’s sex scenes is that they’re not only seriously hot, but alsoVERY relatable. From that incident with Daniel, to Issa and Lawrence’s freshly-broken-up-unfinished-business ex-sex.
The one that tops my list has got to be when Issa and Nathan joined their own version of the Mile High Club on the Ferris wheel at Coachella. Cinematically, the scene was gorgeous but it also felt truly organic, like it was the perfect first time for them. I feel like we all collectively exhaled because she finally chose a man we could actually root for. You know what that is? Growth.
Honorable mention: the we’ve-finally-reunited couch sex Lawrence and Issa have when they finally get back together.
7. Power
From gunplay to foreplay, Power held nothing back. Every sex scene was spicy in its own way from Tate and his staffer, to the pilot episode Ghost and Tasha, to Tommy and Keisha. So many to choose from! The one that stands out in my mind is when Ghost and Angela get it on against the window of his hotel room overlooking the New York cityscape. Their chemistry was undeniable and the yearning was palpable in every single one of their sex scenes. Now, that’s acting!
8. Love Jones
WhenLove Jones premiered in 1997, a Black romance about a couple of creatives living and loving in the city was unprecedented. Between the novelty of the story and the charming dynamic between Darius and Nina, Love Jones quickly became a cultural classic. And even with the plethora of Black stories that have since graced our screens, Love Jones is a movie the conversation always comes back to. I mean, with bars like “I’m the blues in your left thigh trying to become the funk in your right”? Yeah, I would’ve folded.
Nina and Darius having sex on the first date felt bold and spontaneous, but that’s only part of why that scene was so steamy. Music can make or break a moment on-screen - sex or otherwise - and Maxwell’s "Sumthin’ Sumthin’" playing in the background made it feel like they were truly making love. Romance is sexy too, right?
9. Queen & Slim
Finally, on-screen car sex that actually looks enjoyable! It’s a beautifully shot scene with long, slow closeups of the characters making intense eye contact (IYKYK!). And the passion between the two actors is so realistic that some people even questioned if the scene was real! The buildup that led to this spontaneous daylight, on-the-run hookup made it even sexier. 10/10, no notes.
For so long, we’ve been starved of seeing positive Black female sexuality on screen and the She’s Gotta Have It remake helped to change that. DeWanda Wise absolutely killed it in the Spike Lee remake as Nola Darling, a polyamorous pansexual woman living her best sexually liberated life, boldly approaching relationships in a way we usually see as taboo. Men, women…one, two, three on rotation, Nola’s pleasure was Nola’s priority (IKDR!).
While her sexual appetite meant her loving bed saw many visitors, I think her best sex scene came when she finally decided to give monogamy a try with her girlfriend Opal. While the scene was pretty graphic, just like the others, this one was different because it was special. It felt like Nola and Opal were two women passionately in love. And what’s sexier than sex with someone you love?
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image via Netflix