

Recently, some friends of mine and I were discussing what our biggest pet peeves are. When it came time for me to share, I didn’t even hesitate. Due to certain family members, past friendships, and some of my clientele, Lord knows, I can’t stand it when people refuse to take accountability for their life or the problems/issues/drama that they cause — they blame what they say or do on other people, they constantly complain without making any changes, they make excuses or try and justify triflingness…I really could go on and on.
Yet the form of unaccountability that gets overlooked, far more than it should, in my opinion, are the people who attempt to control everything about someone else’s life when they need to be far more focused on their own. Like, how in the world are you over here worrying about me and what I’ve got going on when I can point out at least five things about your own world that should keep you good and busy? Whew, chile.
When I brought this up to my friends, one of them said, “You should write something about that because I think a lot of signals get crossed because a lot of people aren’t really clear about what they can control and what they can’t.” And since there are a ton of control freaks out here (for a myriad of different reasons), I decided to take her up on her suggestion — because maybe, just maybe, some people have control out of control because they need to put the word in its proper perspective.
So, let’s see what happens. Over the course of eh, 10 minutes (depending on how fast you read and how many times you have to switch tabs to keep your boss from seeing what you’re doing), let’s talk about some of the things that you actually do have control over along with some other things that you absolutely do not. By getting clarity on both, it could bring more peace into your life and more harmony when it comes to dealing with everything and everyone that’s around you (here’s hoping, y’all).
You CAN CONTROL Your Words
“Don’t mix bad words with your bad mood. You’ll have many opportunities to change a mood, but you will never get the opportunity to replace the words you spoke.” (Unknown)
Someone who can’t control their words is someone who can’t control themselves. There’s no wiggle room on this, either. And that’s why it half tickles/half annoys me whenever I see someone on a social media video say something that is reckless as hell, only to follow it up with something along the lines of, “That’s just the way that I am” with their variation of an Elmo shrug.
Please stop. You are that way because YOU CHOOSE to be that way — and chances are, you keep not controlling your mouth/tongue/words because there haven’t been enough consequences (yet) to get you to reel all of that thatness back in.
Listen, as someone who is known for being very direct and extremely candid, I get that there are some of us out here who are more comfortable being, let’s say, “verbally bold” than others. Yet there is also something to be said for timing, motive, delivery, and tone — and no matter what is going on around you, you have control over all of those.
So, how do you get control of your words if that’s not something that you’re used to doing? Listen and then ponder what is being said before speaking. Check the reason behind why you’re about to say…whatever you’re about to say. Ask yourself if whatever you’re about to share is going to do more harm than good. And above all else, free yourself from needing to get the last word all of the time. A person who is confident that their words are solid enough that they don’t need a ton of explaining or defending? That is someone who has mastered their tongue far more than most.
There’s a reason why Scripture says that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21), and an untamed tongue is “unruly evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:8). It’s because words are powerful. You know who is even more powerful than words, though? The vessel who is able to control which ones come out of them.
You CAN CONTROL Your Attitude
“You can control your attitude. Set it each morning.” (Earl Nightingale)
Not too long ago, I was asked in an interview about what I can see in adults that their parents totally dropped the ball on. The first thing that came out of my mouth was “Attitude. Too many people are all over the place emotionally because they don’t seem to know how to keep their attitude in check. It’s like they look like adults while acting like toddlers.” A big part of this is because they never fully or properly learned that although you can’t always control what happens to you, you can absolutely control how you respond or react to those things — and doing so is a sign of peak emotional maturity.
That’s why it’s always a huge red flag to me when someone flies off of the handle and then goes on to say that they did so because of what so-and-so said or did. That’s not taking accountability for your words/actions because no one made you do anything. If you feel otherwise, there is some growing up, in the lane of your attitude, that needs to be done.
So, what if you’re someone who is not used to keeping your attitude in check? That’s a good question. Something that you may want to start doing is journaling about if you tend to have more of a negative or a positive kind of attitude. If it’s the former, be intentional about surrounding yourself with more positive people and things. Another thing to do is get real about yourself if you operate from a mindset of lack or from a mindset of gratitude. The reason why I say this is because, if you always think that something is happening to you instead of for your greater good, that can keep you in a bitter and ultimately counterproductive state.
Another tip? Get a grip on the reality that the only person you can control is yourself. In fact, I’d venture to say that what pisses a lot of people off about others and their words/actions is they — wait for it — can’t control them. A lot of us spend a lot of time on what we think people should do, based on how we see things; then, when things don’t go according to our plans and perceptions…here comes the attitude (more on that in a bit).
Now am I saying that you should suppress your feelings? No. What I am saying is taking the time to get quiet and still enough to ponder and process before responding (and especially reacting) is a really wise and mature idea. And yes, no matter what is going on, doing this is something that you absolutely can…control.
You CAN CONTROL Your Boundaries
"Our boundaries define our personal space — and we need to be sovereign there in order to be able to step into our full power and potential." (Jessica Moore)
I grew up in a household that, quite frankly, didn't give a damn about my boundaries. What's even wilder is the fact that, even as I became an adult, that didn't change very much. Some of it was due to abuse, flat-out. And then some of it was due to the fact that…I really think that more parents should go to therapy once their children are somewhere around college age. It can take a lot of self-work to reprogram your mind to see the people who you once raised as adults who have every right in the world to tell you "no" once they are responsible for their own life.
Helicopter parenting and controlling parents are kind of another topic for another time. At the same time, I do think they are a good lead-in for this next thing that you can control — and that is your boundaries. Now for the record, boundaries aren't walls. Boundaries aren't barbed-wire fences, either. Some folks need to hear that because what they think is a healthy boundary is actually a loud reaction to pain.
No, what I'm speaking of is a limit — and yes, as an adult, you have the right to set limits with whomever you want to, and no, you don't owe people a justification or an explanation for doing so. As I oftentimes say, going beyond a "no" is privileged information; no one — and I do mean no one — has an automatic right to it.
And here's what's wild about setting limits — once you do so, you're able to see who is good at respecting boundaries and who isn't because the moment someone tries to get you to break down your boundaries to them, those are typically the ones who are looking for loopholes, just so that they can break them.
You know what else is wild about boundaries? They can manifest in all sorts of unexpected ways. For instance, anyone who knows me (according to my definition of the word; check out "5 Signs You Really Know A Person") knows that I'm a pretty generous person. Oh, and don't have someone be a fellow Gemini (A LOT of my world is) because I'm really gonna show out! Even as I'm typing this, it's a friend's birthday, and when I asked him what he wanted, he said "nothing"; that he was blessed, had the need for nothing, and really just wanted to chill.
We've been friends for many years at this point, so in times past, I used to "railroad him with generosity" and do things for him anyway. While he was always gracious, it would end up putting tension on the friendship because he was never as excited as I would've been (on the receiving end), and that would make me feel like he didn't appreciate my efforts. Maturity has taught me that, actually, I was disrespecting him by not listening to what he said he wanted/needed on HIS day. It wasn't about what I thought about it — it was about honoring him and his limits…whether I agreed with them, understood them, or…not.
Yeah, boundaries are a mutha, yet never get out of your psyche that you are in complete and total control when it comes to the limits that you set for your own life. Do it without fear. Do it without reservation or apology. Do it exactly where you need to. Hmph. Let me tell it, the more folks who settle into the empowerment of this particular point, the less they will need to control things that they can't control.
We'll get into those "can'ts" after one more point.
You CAN CONTROL Your Timing
"Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." (M. Scott Peck)
This an interesting one because, off the top, you might be tempted to give it a bit of pushback. After all, you can't control the universe… universe-ing and even Scripture tells us that there is a time and season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3). While things do change, we can't always determine how, when, or why they will.
That said, what I mean by timing is you can control how YOU move — and you can. You can determine what's a waste of your time (by definition, if it's not giving you an adequate return on your investment, for the most part, it is a waste). You can determine if/when it is a good idea, for your sake, to say or do something at any given time. There are certain things that you can do that will actually help you to reclaim some of your time (check out "Here Are 10 Ways To Absolutely Reclaim Your Time, Sis"). You can also teach yourself how to become a more patient individual so that you don't move emotionally or impulsively. And how can you master that?
- Slow down
- Be mindful (learn how to make the most of each moment you are in)
- Stay grateful
- Strengthen your self-control skills
- Remind yourself that receiving something when it's best for you is best
Also, listen to your body and your conscience. If you're about to do something and your body immediately becomes anxious or tense, take a moment to ask yourself, "Why?" Patient people tend to be more peaceful than others because they aren't trying to rush matters — they just stay in a state of readiness for them. And yes, on many levels, that is absolutely something that we all can control (the readiness, that is). A state of readiness has a very profound influence on timing.
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You CAN’T CONTROL Other People
“Control leaves no room for trust.” (Glennon Doyle)
I’ve got a girlfriend who used to say all of the time that “should” is a really big word. Initially, I didn’t really understand where she was coming from — until she said it so much that it low-key got on my nerves enough that I decided to hone in on when and how I applied “should” in my own life. And boy, was it a revelation. I couldn’t believe how many times I unnecessarily found myself feeling triggered, upset, or disappointed, and it was all because I was should-ing all over the place — they should say this, they should’ve done that, it should’ve gone this way. How arrogant of me.
Why do I use the word “arrogant”? Because my shoulds were nothing more than projections that were based on my own perspectives. Someone should make a big deal about birthdays because I do? Someone should text by the EOD because I tend to do it immediately. Someone should take a particular approach to a political or moral issue simply because I do. Yes, y’all — that is ego oozing all over the place. Besides, how would you feel if someone was should-ing all over you?
The quote that comes along with this particular point is actually a pretty profound one because the author is right — a lot of control comes from a lack of trust. When it comes to intimate relationships, sometimes it’s not trusting that they will stick around, rise to the occasion or meet your needs. When it comes to humans, in general, it’s more about trusting in the fact that just like you are an individual who deserves the safety and respect to be your own self, they deserve the same thing; that where you and someone else complement one another, awesome….where you don’t, trust the universe to handle it instead of (poorly) attempting to exert your power over them to make them more like you.
Yeah, life flows a lot smoother and sweeter when you’re not should-ing all over everyone. I can personally attest to that, chile. Stop trying to control other people. It’s arrogant and ultimately…futile.
You CAN’T CONTROL What Happens Outside of Your Home/Personal Space
“Anything you can’t control is teaching you how to let go.” (Unknown)
This is why, even when people try to gaslight me about how strict my home-sanctuary boundaries are, it doesn’t phase my ambivert ass one bit. Because the more I accept that I can’t control things beyond my home and personal space, the more I am perfectly fine with controlling those two areas and the energy that comes into them.
Not only that but…peep the quote for this particular point. Even though everything around us can teach us something (if we’re open to learning), who wants to be a student 24/7 with no time off? Controlling where you dwell and your personal space actually gets you time “off of the clock” so that you can better handle/manage the chaos that oftentimes comes with people, places, things, and ideas that are outside of yourself.
I promise you that the more you focus on making your house a home and the more that you are intentional about how your energy is affected, the easier it is to accept that if someone talks crazy to you in the grocery store, there’s no need to totally fly off of the handle. Handle things in a responsible way, knowing that in just a few moments, you can head back to your space of peace…your home.
You CAN’T (TOTALLY) CONTROL the Future
“If you try to control everything, and then you worry about things you can’t control, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and misery.” (Unknown)
Final one. The reason why I say that you can’t totally control the future is that using discernment, common sense, and applying the things that we just talked about all definitely play a role in influencing how your future will go. Yet when you factor in that, you can’t control people and the space beyond your home, this means that there will be a ton of times when life simply does not go as desired or planned. You can’t control someone loving you the way you may want them to. You can’t control if a crisis happens or not. You can’t control if one day you lose your job (for reasons that have nothing to do with you).
Listen, when my place burned down three days before Christmas back in 2021, it was amazing how calm I was. As firemen were hosing it all down, I went to my already scheduled pedicure appointment. Why? Because I can only control what I can control, and I had to trust that even though my present was looking totally off the chain (and not in a good way), seasons change, and, at some point, the future would reveal some things to me.
One came from an instructor that I had a few months ago. Long story short, she revealed that the exact date of the fire was the date on a particular calendar of a rebirth that marked a certain era that only a few people would be a part of because it was marked by trauma. My middle name means rebirth, and the era is something that I am very passionate about — so it all tracked. I couldn’t control the future, yet not trying to is how I moved into the revelations that I received. Hmph. Funny how life works that way. Surrender over what you can’t control and watch how much it matures what you can control.
____
A writer by the name of Katie St. Claire once said, “No one has the patent on you.” Rest in that as far as what you can control, and also remember that this point applies to others too.
Goodness. If we all just focused on controlling what we actually can control, this world would be a lot less chaotic, that’s for sure. Yet hey — you can only control you, so focus on that and let the chips fall where they may with everyone else…elsewhere.
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- What Are Intrusive Thoughts & How Do We Manage Them? ›
- The Art Of Saying "No" To Things You Don't Want To Do ›
- You Just Might Be A Control Freak (In Recovery) ›
- This Hack Can Instantly Get You Out Of A Bad Mood ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Be Careful. Those Casual Friendships Can Be Red Flags Too.
A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to someone vent about an area of frustration that they couldn’t seem to get to the root of — why they keep getting taken advantage of by certain individuals. When you’ve been a life coach for as long as I have (and you were a journalist before that), you learn how to ask certain questions that can cause people to consider things that they may never have before.
So, when I asked her, “What is the common thread with all of those folks? And sit still for two minutes before answering,” when she finally heard her own self speak, her eyes got wide and her mouth dropped open: “They’re all people who I’m not really sure what they are in my life.”
Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
There’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
A couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
I’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
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I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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