The Key To Healing & Being In A Place Of Wholeness
My healing began the day I decided it was too painful to remain the same.
At some point you get sick and tired of being sick and tired.
It's March but my New Year begins now. I quit smoking on January 1st and picked the habit up again a few days later. The ever-mounting stress of life made me return to my comfort zone. Note to self: Never do that. Don't. Go. Back. Nothing healthy grows from the comfort zone, so make it a point to never return.
You get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You sit in the hurt and you go through the motions and become reacquainted with self.
Up until this point in life, I had been focused on everything but me. Everything, but the healing. Everything, but growth. And it clearly wasn't working. Every single winter, I found myself plagued with depression. I had gotten better at managing the stress over the years, but I was coping and coasting.
I hadn't healed the hurt.
And it manifested in the physical, every year, without fail as the cold weather set in. While I didn't realize it – it was all in my head. I was the bag lady Ms. Badu, so eloquently spoke of. I carried with me, each year the depression that had plagued me all my life. I carried the hurt of failed relationships, family stress, and my inability to hold down a consistent job. I carried the drama of old friendships and a past life I no longer wished to revisit. And sis, them bags are heavy.
It was only when I embarked on the road of wholeness and healing, that I was able to enter my season of The Almighty Glow Up.
Below are three major steps I took to begin my healing and returning to a place of wholeness within my self.
I Wrote Myself A Love Letter
It went something like, "I love your broad nose. I love your fat ass. I love your wide hips. I love your outspoken nature." And I pretty much just shouted myself out for loving every single part of me that I was taught to hate. You know the features everyone is spending big bucks on these days.
Ya. That part.
It took me a while to begin the list, which was interesting as I sometimes spoke the language of compliments fluently and they rolled off my tongue on a whim. Whether I was complimenting a sister on her poppin' twist out or complimenting a peer on their perseverance, I needed to learn how to compliment myself. Encourage myself. Be my own cheerleader.
I Allowed Myself To Feel The Hurt
I needed to understand my emotions if I wanted to master them.
Why…did I feel so hurt when people abandoned me. Why…did I find it so hard to forgive and/or say sorry. Why…was it so hard for me to accept things as they were.
At the root of my problems, I knew that I was standing in my own way. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. And I had a whole lot of people to forgive. I started with the apologies I never got and probably never will. My peace was an inside project. I then went on to forgiving self for being too naive to know any better. I started to trust myself to make better choices, to choose my friends more wisely the next time around, to find a partner that actually loved me for me and all of the parts I was still learning to love. PS. Unicorn men do exist.
Let the tears flow – so your soul can open up.
I Made Personal Development A Personal Project
I read every book I could find. I sought out every mentor that embodied what I wished to become, and I clung to them for dear life. Listen, you are going to have to humble yourself on this journey to healing and peace. No one has all the answers and if you knew what you were doing, you wouldn't feel broken on the inside.
I attended every church service I could make it to because I knew my soul would be fed each week. I gobbled up the Super Soul Sunday episodes that Oprah would air on the OWN network ever so fittingly for my Self-Love Sundays. I devoured Iyanla Vanzant's Fix My Life until I could finish her sentences. Did y'all catch that episode with Neffe and Hubby? Chileeee, Iyanla. Does. Not. Play. And you shouldn't play with your life or healing either.
Wholeness is something we should all seek. When you are broken, it's only so the
light can reach you.
Now, I'm no therapist BUT these are the steps that worked for me. This is what catapulted my journey on the road to healing and wholeness. These are the steps I repeat as often as need be, so I never ever find myself chained to a hospital bed being force-fed medication to be happy. I've found a peace that surpasses all understanding and have subsequently attracted a wonderful man after years of dealing with abusive men who only wanted that one thing Lauryn sang about in "Doo Wop". I also have friends that embody traits I can be proud of and life's G R E A T.
I implore you to join me in the land of Happily Ever After. Now, shit is still going to happen because God laughs when we tell him our plans but I can assure you the universe definitely does not want you to sit and wallow in the valley of sadness for the rest of your life.
We. All. Gon. Get. This. Healing.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Danielle Smith is a Toronto-based Personal Development Junkie on the gram @youbettaglowgirl. She keeps her hands full as a Writer, Speaker, Stylist & Non-Profit Founder, all while doing her most important job as a full-time mama of one. Marching to the beat of her own drum and a playlist of her favourite 90s R&B, she's blazed a path of her own.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line CÉCRED & Here's My Honest Review
Beyoncé is snatching our wallets yet again with her latest business venture CÉCRED. In 2023, the Texas native hinted at a potential haircare line when she posted this photo causing fans to speculate that her next project would be focused on her famous tresses - they were right. Her haircare line Cécred launched on February 20 with her first drop called The Foundation Collection which focuses on haircare first, and I can only assume that a style product line for colored-treated hair will likely follow since Beyoncé is known for slaying various shades of blonde.
As a super fan since the early 2000s, it was only right that I give an honest review of the full line and purchase the Super Fan Bundle (retailed at $265) which includes the full product line of the 8 products, as well as a branded cosmetic bag. If you’re thinking, “Girl that bundle is too pricey for me,” I can assure you that for the value you're getting, the price is quite reasonable. This bundle was an intentional and marketable way to allow consumers to experience every Cécred product.
The brand messaging surrounding Cécred has been salon-inspired, and rightfully so as an ode to Beyoncé’s upbringing growing up in her mother’s hair salon in Houston. This line is backed by science and licensed cosmetologists showing that she’s done her research and appointed the experts. Cécred's IG feed has been filled with images and videos inside of hair salons including some videos of Ms. Tina herself assisting in the styling of beauty experts who visited Cécred's private salon to have the VIP treatment!
Now, have I seen influencers, consumers, and beauty stylists using the Foundation Collection at home? Yes, but I thought it was best to experience Cécred with my go-to cosmetologist who also happens to be my Auntie Tawana. She has been my educator and go-to for hair knowledge since I was a child and has had a hand in my mom's hair health which has always been goals for me. As a little girl, my Saturdays were spent sitting in her hair salon while my mama got her hair done as I patiently waited reading Jet and ESSENCE, ever so carefully eavesdropping on the conversations of the ladies who were coming for much more than just a beauty routine, but an experience.
I’d fall asleep on the plush couch in the waiting area flipping through magazines while listening to the sultry sounds of Maxwell. And I had my first lesson in breakup empowerment when I heard Sunshine Anderson’s “Heard It All Before.” So there was no other place for me to go than to see her, and because I’m her niece, I was able to visit her private salon in her home that she calls The After Hours where upon arrival I was greeted with my favorite Black-owned sparkling Rosé, candles lit, and my aunt’s breakdown of Cécred.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
But let me refocus and share my salon experience as I tried Cécred for the first time.
If You’re Wondering…Who is Cécred For?
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
When news of Beyoncé potentially launching a beauty brand hit the internet, there were a bunch of predictions of what and who the line would be marketed towards and if she’d have any wig care products as she’s known for slaying her units! But she went in a totally different direction which I love, and I’m going to tell you why. Critics have questioned if Beyoncé should be venturing into the haircare industry because she is often seen in weaves and wigs, but true Beyoncé fans know that she has healthy hair and that, like many Black women, experiments with various styles.
Cécred was created for all hair types and textures, including straight to coily, virgin, color-treated, chemically processed, and heat-styled. As a Black woman who has worn wigs, had chemically processed hair, heat-styled, natural, and color-treated hair, let me tell you, this was no easy feat! The amount of money I’ve spent on my hair through its various changes just on product alone, forget styling has been astronomical.
Cécred is serving the needs of various hair types in textures and I truly believe that this is going to make Beyoncé a true competitor in the hair industry amongst brands that are comparable such as OUAI and Olaplex. Both competitor brands have similar items at a higher price point and unlike Cécred, their products and brand messaging haven’t always felt inclusive to Black women and other hair types.
Cécred has been tested inclusively and the reviews from various hair types and backgrounds of consumers are allowing the brand to stand out.
I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line Cécred: My Honest Review
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
My hair has never felt cleaner and it shined for well over a week following the styling (but the oil should be used sparingly if like me, oil can weigh down your hair.) Immediately when my hair touched the sink, my aunt told me that she saw all the dirt and oils lifting from my hair when she applied the clarifying shampoo. As a girl who loves my curls, I am often judgy when I use any other shampoo and conditioner aside from Pattern, but not this time.
When my aunt guided my hands across my hair, she showed me how my curls weren’t tangled, and how she didn’t need to comb out my curls before applying the moisturizing deep conditioner or the deconstructing treatment mask.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
She applied each step with care and walked me through the process, and to my surprise, the hair mask wasn’t thick - but through trial and error as a natural girl, I’ve learned that a thick mask doesn’t always equal what’s best for your hair. She styled me with a silk press that left my hair with shine and I can honestly say that each step of the line is needed especially if you are someone who changes up your hair and deals with breakage. If your hair is healthy, you can opt out of the reconstructing treatment mask but I recommend taking the product line to your salon, having a discussion with your stylist on where your hair health needs improvement, and then purchasing based on that.
We know ourselves better than anyone else, but your stylist knows your hair better than you do. I like to lead with their knowledge first and then incorporate what my hair goals are. If you’re a girly who’s committed to hair health and has either the discipline to incorporate each step at home or can bring your products to the salon, Cécred is for you no matter if you’re a silk press or a wash-and-go naturalist.
Give Cécred a try, I’ll be using the line for my hair appointments until it runs out and if I see long-term results, it will be added to the beauty regimen indefinitely.
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Featured image courtesy of CÉCRED