My healing began the day I decided it was too painful to remain the same.
At some point you get sick and tired of being sick and tired.
It's March but my New Year begins now. I quit smoking on January 1st and picked the habit up again a few days later. The ever-mounting stress of life made me return to my comfort zone. Note to self: Never do that. Don't. Go. Back. Nothing healthy grows from the comfort zone, so make it a point to never return.
You get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You sit in the hurt and you go through the motions and become reacquainted with self.
Up until this point in life, I had been focused on everything but me. Everything, but the healing. Everything, but growth. And it clearly wasn't working. Every single winter, I found myself plagued with depression. I had gotten better at managing the stress over the years, but I was coping and coasting.
I hadn't healed the hurt.
And it manifested in the physical, every year, without fail as the cold weather set in. While I didn't realize it – it was all in my head. I was the bag lady Ms. Badu, so eloquently spoke of. I carried with me, each year the depression that had plagued me all my life. I carried the hurt of failed relationships, family stress, and my inability to hold down a consistent job. I carried the drama of old friendships and a past life I no longer wished to revisit. And sis, them bags are heavy.
It was only when I embarked on the road of wholeness and healing, that I was able to enter my season of The Almighty Glow Up.
Below are three major steps I took to begin my healing and returning to a place of wholeness within my self.
I Wrote Myself A Love Letter
It went something like, "I love your broad nose. I love your fat ass. I love your wide hips. I love your outspoken nature." And I pretty much just shouted myself out for loving every single part of me that I was taught to hate. You know the features everyone is spending big bucks on these days.
Ya. That part.
It took me a while to begin the list, which was interesting as I sometimes spoke the language of compliments fluently and they rolled off my tongue on a whim. Whether I was complimenting a sister on her poppin' twist out or complimenting a peer on their perseverance, I needed to learn how to compliment myself. Encourage myself. Be my own cheerleader.
I Allowed Myself To Feel The Hurt
I needed to understand my emotions if I wanted to master them.
Why…did I feel so hurt when people abandoned me. Why…did I find it so hard to forgive and/or say sorry. Why…was it so hard for me to accept things as they were.
At the root of my problems, I knew that I was standing in my own way. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. And I had a whole lot of people to forgive. I started with the apologies I never got and probably never will. My peace was an inside project. I then went on to forgiving self for being too naive to know any better. I started to trust myself to make better choices, to choose my friends more wisely the next time around, to find a partner that actually loved me for me and all of the parts I was still learning to love. PS. Unicorn men do exist.
Let the tears flow – so your soul can open up.
I Made Personal Development A Personal Project
I read every book I could find. I sought out every mentor that embodied what I wished to become, and I clung to them for dear life. Listen, you are going to have to humble yourself on this journey to healing and peace. No one has all the answers and if you knew what you were doing, you wouldn't feel broken on the inside.
I attended every church service I could make it to because I knew my soul would be fed each week. I gobbled up the Super Soul Sunday episodes that Oprah would air on the OWN network ever so fittingly for my Self-Love Sundays. I devoured Iyanla Vanzant's Fix My Life until I could finish her sentences. Did y'all catch that episode with Neffe and Hubby? Chileeee, Iyanla. Does. Not. Play. And you shouldn't play with your life or healing either.
Wholeness is something we should all seek. When you are broken, it's only so the
light can reach you.
Now, I'm no therapist BUT these are the steps that worked for me. This is what catapulted my journey on the road to healing and wholeness. These are the steps I repeat as often as need be, so I never ever find myself chained to a hospital bed being force-fed medication to be happy. I've found a peace that surpasses all understanding and have subsequently attracted a wonderful man after years of dealing with abusive men who only wanted that one thing Lauryn sang about in "Doo Wop". I also have friends that embody traits I can be proud of and life's G R E A T.
I implore you to join me in the land of Happily Ever After. Now, shit is still going to happen because God laughs when we tell him our plans but I can assure you the universe definitely does not want you to sit and wallow in the valley of sadness for the rest of your life.
We. All. Gon. Get. This. Healing.
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