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![When It Comes To Your Life, Please Aim For GOOD. Never PERFECT.](https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy81MjMzNDIxNi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTczMjQ0NTM2Mn0.GtYhH72MJig02Ij_8t1-r5sRtZ7iJO9Uh10oHy1XK-g/img.jpg?width=1200&height=600&quality=90&coordinates=0%2C0%2C0%2C365)
When It Comes To Your Life, Please Aim For GOOD. Never PERFECT.
Back when I used to write devotionals three days a week (I did that for over 20 years, by the way), it was wild that, over time, far more than Christians were on the subscription list. Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, folks who were even agnostic and atheist were subscribed. There are various reasons why yet something that I have always said to people who have no interest in following the Bible is, even if it ultimately played out that everything in it was fictional, the Good Book still offers up some great “morals to the story” and food for thought that pretty much all walks of life can benefit from (which is why I enjoy reading books from other faiths myself).
I think that’s why it’s so easy for me to incorporate a lot of Scripture even in my “secular” writings — because again, even if the Bible isn’t your thing, there are still some takeaways that you can benefit from…so long as you remain open-minded and willing.
Take today’s message, for example. Whether you believe that the world started in the Garden of Eden with Adam and the Woman (Eve’s name prior to sin — Genesis 2:23 & 3:20) in it or not, there are all kinds of lessons in there; one, in particular, that I share with my clients (who also come from all walks of life) often. One that, almost every single one of them has found an immense sense of relief and freedom for themselves once they took it all in.
One that, if you’re someone who is a self-professed perfectionist or you simply know that you’ve got some pretty unrealistic expectations in a certain area (or some areas) of your life, hopefully, what I’m about to share can give you some peace of mind too.
Ready? Gather your imagination together and let’s stroll through a garden for a moment.
One of the Most Missed Points About the Garden of Eden. Hands Down
People who know me know that there is no question that my favorite place in the Bible is the first two chapters of Genesis. The reason why is because that is the only place where perfection is recorded and so, to me, that is the blueprint for how those of us who follow the Bible are to live our lives. For the sake of your time and my space, I can’t get into all of the gems that are at the beginning of Genesis.
Today, if you have a Bible (you can also go toBible Gateway if you don’t), go to the first chapter and tell me what you see when you read about light in verse 4; when God separated the land from the water in verse 9; when seeds, herbs, and fruits manifested in verse 12; when the day and night were separated in verse 18; when sea creatures and birds were created in verse 21, and when other animals came forth in verse 25.
At the end of each verse, what adjective is used to define what God had done: GOOD, right? And then, once humans were made, at the end of all creation, verse 31 says that God saw things to be VERY GOOD.
Good. Theologians believe that the original language of Scripture is Hebrew andthe Hebrew word for good is “tov” which basically means “functional.” Functional means “capable of serving the purpose for which it was designed.” So, according to Scripture, only in Genesis 1-2 are we seeing the world in the way that it was created to function. This means that prior to sin, things were functional. Now, things are dysfunctional.
If that isn’t a sermon unto itself, what I really want you to zero in on is the fact that even in a state of perfection, the word “perfect” was never used — good was. My theory is that because God is all-knowing and he knew that the Woman and then Adam (yes, in that order) were going to show all the way out, he didn’t want to go with the word “perfect.” However, even after all of the tree drama and sin entered into the earth (Genesis 3), guess what things could still be? GOOD.
Perfect means things like “excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement,” “entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings,” “matching in every detail the definition of an ideal type of something,” “thorough or complete; absolute” and “pure” — a lofty standard indeed. Yet again, even in the state of things being perfect, Scripture says that God preferred to go with the word “good” to describe what he had done.
Is good a lot? It is. Yet is it less stressful than perfect? 1000 percent. So, tell me something: If in the state of (biblical) perfection, when things were as functional as can be, since even God himself didn’t state that things were perfect (again, because I think he knew that sin was coming!), why, when things can’t get more dysfunctional in society and culture, on a billion different levels, than they are right now, are you stressing yourself out to not be content, satisfied, at peace with reaching the goal of good?
Why isn’t GOOD…good enough?
Why Perfectionism Works Against Not for You
Although it probably seems obvious that this would be an ideal read for people who are self-professed perfectionists, the reason why I think that everyone should at least skim it is that some folks are perfectionists-in-denial — and it’s mostly because they aren’t aware of whatsome of the traits are that come with actually being one. I’ll share seven:
- Perfectionists have unrealistic standards and expectations
- Perfectionists do a lot of things with fear (of failure) as their motivation
- Perfectionists tend to be big-time procrastinators (due to the whole fear of failure thing)
- Perfectionists are unteachable and quite defensive
- Perfectionists are inflexible and have an all-or-nothing kind of attitude
- Perfectionists are hella critical
- Perfectionists oftentimes have low levels of self-esteem that they mask
Okay, so now that you’re taking all of this in, are there certain points that you’re able to personally resonate with? With your friendships, do you have unrealistic expectations? In your relationships, are you inflexible? At work, are you a procrastinator or perhaps super critical of other people? If you’re nodding your head “yes,” all the while saying to yourself, “I mean, what’s wrong with that?” — two points.
One, Ionce read an article that featured a study about how coworkers absolutely prefer to not work with perfectionists. The reason why is that many individuals find them to be draining, pressuring, and full of unrealistic expectations. Something that I also found to be interesting about the read is perfectionists tend to live in what is known as “the tyranny of should” which reminds me of something that a friend of mine often says: “’Should’ is how a person decides how they think things should be that usually based on their own ego; not everything should be a certain way just because you decide that it…well, should.”
Adding to that, the article goes on to share that perfectionism is tied to stress, mental health challenges, eating disorders, and plain ole’ burnout. Know what else? It’s due to perfectionism that many remain stagnant or quit things that they’ve started. What could possibly be good about that?
Second point: perfectionists have a tendency to not be able to take what they dish out. What I mean by that is, while they oftentimes extend very little mercy or grace to others when it comes to how they think that things should be or should go, whenever they mess up, here come all of the excuses and justifications. Why? Because they are so caught up in wanting things to look flawless (when it comes to themselves) they will dodge accountability and gaslight in order to keep the façade of their own perfection going. What is good about that?
Adding to all of this, another article that I read on perfectionism said that it can cause people to feel very self-defeated, simply due to the fact that their own high goals can be overwhelming and so, “By avoiding mistakes at any cost, a perfectionist can make it harder to reach their own lofty goals.” What in the entire world is good about that?
Gee, I don’t know about you but the more that I read about trying to be perfect, not only does the outcome not even come close to being perfect, there’s not much good that comes from it either.
So, now that you see all of this, does the title of this piece make more sense to you? Why strive for perfection when strive means things like “to contend in opposition, battle, or any conflict” and to fight or struggle? Why not go a bit easier on and be realistic with yourself and aim for “good” instead — because to me, good is where it’s totally at.
Why Good, Not Perfect, Is Actually Best
Since I write mostly in the relationship lane, let me start to bring all of this home with a relationship goals example. I’ve shared before that, personally, very few things irk me more than when someone says that they are “waiting on their fairy tale” (insert a million eye rolls here).
Fairy tales aren’t real. Fairy tales, by definition, are stories for children. Plus, those who are on some “I want the princess treatment” — princesses are the daughters of fathers; in a relationship, a queen is the wife of a man — a king and she has a lot more responsibilities than a princess does (another message for another time, chile — Proverbs 12:4). So, already, just putting that kind of energy and mindset out into the universe, you are being unrealistic. I’ll keep adding on to all of this, though.
Now say that in your fairy tale, you want a 2.0 version of a 6-6-6 guy (check out “Okay, So Here's What You Need To Know About the '6-6-6' Man”). He’s got to have six figures, be at least 6’ feet tall (only 15 percent of men in America are that, by the way) and his package must be no less than 6.” Plus, he should be the kind of man who causes mouths to drop whenever he enters the room and, somehow, he should be hella ambitious and yet can be available for your every beck and call (that’s not really how ambition works, but…). In your mind, it’s a standard — oh, but is it really? Looks to me more like you are one hell of a (relational) perfectionist.
First of all, don’t even get me started on how many people who barely have $300 in their savings account think they should be with a wealthy individual; what you desire, you should certainly try, hard, to be. My main point, though, is this: FOLKS WHO LIKE THE “GOOD” IN LIFE KNOW HOW TO BE SATISFIED WITH LESS THAN PERFECTION. Just peep the definitions of good:
Good: righteous; satisfactory in quality, quantity, or degree; right, proper, fit; well-behaved; kind, beneficent, or friendly; in good standing; educated or refined; financially sound or safe; genuine not counterfeit; sound or valid; reliable, dependable, responsible; healthful; beneficial; comfortable; pleasant; free from distress or pain; attractive; competent; socially proper; remaining available to one (whew!); satisfactory for the purpose
Instead of being out here waiting for the perfect man — eh hem, when you yourself are not perfect — why not a good one? Does he have to be fine as hell or can he be “attractive”? Does he have to have millions (good luck) or can he be “financially sound”? Does he need to have a PhD or can he be “educated” (and there are a lot of ways to be that way)? After all, all of the words in quotes, they define what it means to be good and again, you’re not perfect…why not be intentional about being a good woman, so that you can connect with a good man?
Why isn’t that GOOD ENOUGH for you? Is your perfectionism tripping you up?
And listen, how truly awesome is it that the last two definitions that I listed for good are as, well, good as they are? If you have a man with an exclusive mindset (he is available to one) and you know what purpose a relationship is to serve in your life (do you?!) — a man who checks those boxes…shouldn’t you be completely satisfied with that? A kind, friendly, dependable, reliable man who you feel comfortable around who is righteous and genuine? That’s a GOOD man right there. Why pass him by because you’d prefer (even if it’s subconsciously) to stress yourself out with standards of perfection? Y’all, don’t tell me that I ain’t preachin’ here. LOL.
Oh — and best believe that all of what I said about relationships can apply to virtually any area of your life. I promise you that if you are someone who is caught up in the unrealistic world of perfectionism, once you choose (because it is always a choice) to be satisfied and content in life, you start to desire what is far more attainable: GOOD — and when you get to that place, more times than not, you realize that good wasn’t merely “good enough;” it actually is what was the absolute BEST for you.
It is author and speaker Brené Brown who once said, “Healthy striving is self-focused: ‘How can I improve?’ Perfectionism is other-focused: ‘What will they think?’” She’s right and I can promise you that, the more content you become with yourself, the less you will care about perfectionism (including what others think) anyway.
After all of this, do you get how ridiculously counterproductive that way of life is…how, at the end of the day, it is never truly meant for your — well, GOOD.
Be good to yourself. Go for what is GOOD. It’s the best thing going. Guaranteed.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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