

Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
If you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
If you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
So, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
And this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
Can You Really Make Your Hair Grow Faster? Depends On How You Look At It.
Four years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Let's Gain An Inch A Month Of Hair Growth 'Til December, Shall We?” The main reason why I did it was because, I feel like almost every week, I will see someone on social media (male and female alike) say that Black women aren’t able to grow long hair — and boy, does it truly piss me off.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a trillion times before: So long as your hair is growing, you can grow long hair. It might take longer than other people, yes — and I will get to win why in just a moment. However, more than anything, what affects length is length retention, and what impacts that is if you’re doing things that result in you losing the ends of your hair at about the same speed as the roots of your hair are growing in.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? If I really want some serious inches and/or I want my hair to grow faster, there are ways to do it? Believe it or not, the short answer to that is “yes.” Adding to that initial yes, YES, you will need to be methodical. YES, you will need to be consistent. YES, you will need to be patient. Yet if you’re willing to make that type of commitment and then apply at least 3-4 of the following 10 suggestions, you really could end up reaching hair goals that you’ve never been able to reach before.Inches upon inches…and even a bit faster than what you’ve been accustomed to experiencing.
I’ll Be Real With You: Genetics Dictates Speed, Texture, Color and Length — to an Extent
Okay, so let’s first get into something that can’t be helped via any tip or hack: genetics. When it comes to things like texture, color, density, and, to a certain extent, length — yes, that is predetermined by your DNA. This means that the reality is, the reason why some people can get hair down to their butt while others can’t seem to get past their bra strap is because hair has a growth cycle and some people’s anagen phase (the phase that literally determines how long your hair will grow) is simply longer than others.
When it comes to this, in particular, it’s also important to keep in mind that diet, age, and the condition of your health can also play a role in lengthening or shortening your anagen phase; however, so long as your hair is growing 1/4”-1/2” a month and you are able to retain length, you should be able to at least get a very nice lob (long bob) going.
Also, while we’re here, please don’t fall for the STRAIGHT UP LIE that only other ethnicities have longer anagen phases. Aside from the video that you just watched, examples like these here, here, here, here, here, here and here and here are living proof that regardless of ethnicity or texture, some women have hella long anagen phases — including many Black women.
And what about speed (which is the main focus of today’s piece)? Well, although there are some things that you can do to stimulate your hair follicles, which could get them to grow a bit faster, the main thing that you should be concerned with is taking such good care of your hair that you don’t end up breaking it off or causing it to weaken — because strong hair that can retain length is going to give the impression that your hair is growing faster because you aren’t losing any more of it than you actually should (which shouldn’t be more than 50-100 strands on a daily basis, by the way).
So, with all of the science stuff out of the way, here are 10 things that you can do that will either stimulate hair growth or help you maintain the locks that you’ve already got.
10 Proven Ways To Grow Your Hair Faster
1. Take a Multivitamin
When it comes to the gaslighting of health-related issues in this country — geeze, where do we start? For instance, how wild is it that “some folks” believe that taking a multivitamin is pointless? Meanwhile, pharma will push commercials down our throats — meds that come with side effects that are oftentimes worse than the health problem that it’s supposed to treat, to begin with. Not to mention the fact that research shows that over 90 percent of us don’t get enough vitamin D, almost 90 percent of us could use more vitamin E, 50 percent of us need more magnesium and around 40 percent of us are deficient as it relates to calcium as well as vitamins A and C.
So yes, while maintaining a healthy diet is the best way to get your system what it needs, if you want to “fill in some gaps,” a multivitamin can certainly be beneficial.
As far as your hair goes, your tresses need: zinc for healthy hair follicles; vitamin A to keep your scalp well-moisturized; vitamin C to boost collagen (and give your hair more elasticity); biotin to prevent hair thinning and hair loss; iron to provide your hair follicles with oxygen, and vitamin E to keep your scalp healthy and your hair moisturized — goodness! Instead of taking a lot of different supplements, decide instead to knock all of these nutrients out by taking one multivitamin on a daily basis. A list of some highly recommended brands can be found here.
2. Consume More Protein
Your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin, to be exact), so it definitely needs some of that in order to thrive. In fact, some health experts say that if your hair isn’t growing at the rate that it should, it could be because you don’t have enough protein in your system. That said, if you’re a meat eater, steak, lamb, chicken, and turkey can all do your hair a lot of good. If you’re not, I actually penned an article with you in mind a while back. Check out “Vegetarian Or Vegan? Check Out These High Protein Foods.” when you get a chance.
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3. Try Some Coffee Beans on Your Scalp
In my opinion, coffee is always going to be a polarizing topic. On one hand, if you drink too much of it, it can cause a few problems with your health (check out “Your Morning Coffee May Be Causing More (Health) Issues Than You Think”). On the other, if you’re looking for ways to incorporate it into your beauty routine, it can bless you in some pretty unexpected ways (check out “Why Caffeine Is Great For You On The Beauty Regimen Tip”).
Take your scalp, for example. Using coffee as a hair rinse can help to keep the pH level of your scalp where it’s supposed to be. Also, if the beans are ground up, you can exfoliate your scalp with them in order to remove dead skin cells and product buildup so that your hair follicles are able to grow — sometimes faster since the caffeine that’s in coffee can help to stimulate hair growth.
4. Add Oil to Your Shampoo
When your hair is dry, that can lead to breakage because moisture is critical when you’re trying to keep some inches on your head. And you know what? When you shampoo your hair, although it’s cleansing your scalp and tresses (and stimulating your scalp which can help your hair to grow a bit faster), it’s also stripping your hair of its natural oils — and that isn’t a good thing.
A hack? Add a carrier oil like rosemary, olive, avocado, jojoba, or soybean, so that your shampoo won’t be able to dry your hair out so easily or much. (P.S. This is also a great tip if you don’t have a lot of time to deep condition your hair sometimes.)
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5. Never Go Without Bond Builder
Another article that I want you to check out when you get a chance is “Everything You Need To Know About Bond-Building Your Hair.” Listen, my life (hair-wise) has totally changed ever since I added this extra step into my wash day. That’s because bond-building products are able to reduce breakage, make your locks stronger, decrease frizz, make your hair softer and more manageable, and even help to protect your cuticles — especially if your hair happens to be color-treated. I’m telling you, if you didn’t get anything else out of this read, get you some bond-builder products.
My (current) personal favorites are Marc Anthony's Repairing Hair Mask, Repair Bond + Rescuplex, and Repairing Leave-In Conditioner. Just for the record.
6. Apply an Essential/Carrier Oil Blend to Your Scalp and Ends
It can never be said enough that the ends of your hair are the oldest parts of it. And so, if you don’t take care of them, I don’t care how fast your hair grows out of your scalp, you aren’t going to see much progress because your ends will be weak, split, or snapping off left and right. Something that you can do to avoid all of this is to apply an essential oil and carrier oil blend to them. For instance, a mixture of rosemary and cedarwood will not only strengthen your ends, it’s great for your scalp in the sense that it will help to increase blood circulation to your hair follicles (which can help your hair to grow faster) as well as soothe your scalp if it happens to be itchy and/or irritated.
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7. Use a Conditioning Spray on a Regular Basis
Something else that I would definitely do a free commercial for: Bronner Brothers's Smooth Sheen Conditioning Spray. Whew, chile! Since my hair can never seem to retain enough moisture (check out “Is Your Hair Dry No Matter What You Do? I Can Relate.”), this spray has been a real lifesaver in between wash days because, even though it “acts” like a regular oil sheen, I’ve yet to come across a spray (that isn’t wet) that keeps my hair super soft and manageable. Yeah, if your locks are on the drier side and you don’t want to add water to them, a conditioning spray is definitely the way to go.
8. Be “Drink Conscious”
A couple of years ago, I read an article that said that when men consume, even one soda on a daily basis, that could make them more susceptible to hair loss. That got me to wondering about what can be consumed that will help with hair growth. Carrot juice is like a multivitamin for your hair thanks to the vitamins A, B, C, and E that are in it to keep it strong as well as the antioxidants that help to increase blood flow; the high amount of water, as well as the potassium, iron, amino acids and vitamins C and K, help coconut water to deeply hydrate your scalp, strengthen your hair and reduce the potential for hair loss, and the properties in green tea can help to prevent hormonal hair loss.
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9. Massage Your Scalp (at Night)
Throughout this article, I’ve mentioned a few things that you can do to stimulate blood circulation to your scalp and hair follicles. I’ve also said that when you do that, it can help to speed up hair growth to a certain extent. Well, out of all of the things that you can (and should) do to accomplish this particular mission, giving yourself a scalp massage, at least a couple of times a week (for 10-15 minutes each time), is probably the most effective.
It reduces head tension and stress, helps to strengthen your hair over time and it can even make your hair strands thicker. My two cents would be to warm up an essential oil like lavender, thyme, or peppermint, add it to a bit of grapeseed oil (which is packed with antioxidants), and then use your fingertips to gently rub your scalp. Not only does it feel amazing, the oils will deeply condition and nourish your hair in the process.
10. Reduce Your Stress Levels
If you’ve heard before that stress can lead to hair loss and even premature graying — that’s not a myth; it’s totally true. As far as hair loss (and growth) goes, that’s because, when your cortisol levels are elevated, that can extend your hair’s resting phase — which basically means that it can “stunt” your hair’s progress. And chile, from where I’m sitting, that’s just one more reason to determine that you will not allow any person, place, thing, or idea to stress you out this year! Not only is it not good for your health, but it could also totally wreck your hair goals. And nothing is worth that, right? Precisely.
Chill out. Grow hair. That’s the motto for this year, sis. Straight up.
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Featured image by Manu Vega/Getty Images