Although a lot of us who serve as marriage therapists, counselors and coaches are probably seen as "relationship firefighters" more than anything else (you know, because we're called upon to "fix a fire" more than prevent one), if you're currently engaged, I hope that you will get into some extensive premarital counseling. Many studies support the fact that couples who participate in it have a 30 percent greater success rate in their nuptials than those who don't. If you happen to go to a professional who is truly invested in your relationship, hopefully, they'll provide you with tips like the one that I am about to share with you—free of charge.
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While more and more couples are ditching the (on average) $35,329 wedding day price tag and going with small or even tiny weddings (that are sooo much cheaper), one thing that continues to be a part of the wedding planning process is putting together a wedding registry. According to Martha Stewart, this is a practice that should never go out of style, for a few reasons. For one thing, a wedding registry makes it easier for your guests to know what you need and want. A wedding registry also prevents you from getting duplicates of things. Another benefit is it helps your guests to be able to contribute within their budget.
Not to say that everyone opts for a toaster or blender these days. Two things that have been pretty popular for a while now are honeymoon registries and newlywed subscription boxes. But the one thing that is slowly making its way to becoming really popular that I'm personally a huge fan of is a marriage registry. What in the world is that?
What Exactly Is a Marriage Registry?
You can read articles on the site like "6 Challenges All Newlyweds Should Expect In Their First Year Of Marriage", "What 5 Men Had To Say About Married Sex" and "What Should You Do If You Feel Like You Married The Wrong Person?" (for starters) to know that, over here, we love marriage; we celebrate it too (see "10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important" and "10 Married Couples Share The Keys To Their Totally Off-The-Chain Sex Life" and "These 7 Married Men Have Some Marriage Myths They Want To Debunk"). That doesn't mean that we also don't profess that marriage is serious, it requires a lot of mutual and consistent investing, and it's certainly not for punks. Not even a little bit.
And since a set of champagne flutes or some new linen is not what's gonna get you and yours through the tough times—ones that are sure to come—as you're in the process of putting your wedding registry together, I strongly recommend that you create a marriage registry too. If you've never heard of it before, a marriage registry is a list of non-tangible items.
Meaning, instead of it being something that you can put into a room of your house or spend on something that you'd like to do or have, a marriage registry is all about figuring out what type of emotional, spiritual and relational support that you will need once you and yours actually make it official.
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When I went to a page that provides examples of items that you can put on your marriage registry, there was a slew of things to choose from. Some of the ones that stood out to me are these:
Relationship Sage: A long-married friend or family member who can offer first-hand advice about how to keep a marriage healthy.
Prayer Partner: A friend or family member who is willing to lend spiritual support and encouragement by praying with you and your spouse and praying for your marriage.
Double Daters: Married friends who are willing to get together for a double date or other group activities.
Personal Finance Tipster: A friend or family member to whom the couple can go for help navigating their personal finances, setting a budget, saving and investing, etc.
Counseling Confidante: A friend or family member who has been through relationship therapy, marriage counseling, etc. and who can offer practical advice and encouragement.
Head Cheerleader: A friend or family member who celebrates your successes and offers encouragement as you strive toward your goals.
Sparring Coach: A friend or family member who is willing to work with one or both partners to help them learn healthy ways to argue and how to resolve conflicts before they become fights.
Comic Relief: A friend or family member who's quick with a joke and can inject some levity into serious proceedings.
How cool is this? I mean, really. It actually co-signs on something that I sometimes hear pastors say during wedding ceremonies; something that rings so very true. If you're invited to a wedding and you decide to go, it shouldn't be because you don't have anything better to do on a Saturday or Sunday, or because you wanna see what folks are going to wear or who else is going to be in attendance. Weddings are sacred because marriages are.
So, by attending, not only are you stating that you are in full agreement with two people joining their lives together (if you're not, why are you going?), you're also professing to lend your encouragement and support so that their union remains intact.
A marriage registry is one way to commit to being a part of a couple's support system.
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The whole concept of a marriage registry actually puts me in mind of something that I typically present to couples who plan on jumping the broom—"276 Questions to Ask Before You Marry". Whenever I pull it out and one or both people say, "276 questions?!", I'm always like, "I mean, you did say married…for the rest of your life, didn't you?" If that's what you and yours want to do, the more prepared that you are on the front end, the better. The. Better.
That's just one more reason why a marriage registry is so bomb. It's a reminder that while a wedding registry is all about your wedding day, a marriage registry is about your marriage; it's about getting some of the things that you're going to need that tangible items ain't gonna be able to help with.
So, there you have it. There goes my commercial for why I think engaged couples, newlywed couples and even married couples who are just now hearing about a marriage registry should have one. If it's something that you're totally down with, click here for the registry that I referred to earlier.
They say it takes a village to raise a child. It also takes a team to keep a marriage strong and solid. I think a marriage registry is a step in the right direction of marital preparation. How about you?
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Sooo...Do You Want A Marriage? Or Just A Wedding?
Paying For Your Own Wedding? Here's How We Did It
7 Pro Tips To Prepare For A Bomb Wedding And Marriage
10 Things Married Couples Wished They Paid More Attention To While Dating
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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With 37 beaches, charming French bakeries, and Dutch wine and cheese shops, the island is great for those craving variety. It also serves as a perfect base for exploring the neighboring islands of Saba, Anguilla, and St. Barths - all just a ferry ride away.
If you’re looking for a destination for an upcoming solo or girls’ trip that combines adventure, beachfront relaxation, and great dining, here’s why St. Maarten should be at the top of your list.
Sonesta Ocean Point Resort
Sonesta Ocean Point
Where To Stay
To get to St. Maarten, I booked a flight to Princess Juliana International Airport, which is on the Dutch side of the island. After landing, I checked into Sonesta Ocean Point Resort, an adults-only, all-inclusive property about 10 minutes from the airport. The property has 24-hour room service, four bars, and three restaurants. My favorite restaurant was the cliffside Azul, where some menu standouts included mushroom ravioli, grilled swordfish, and braised lamb shank.
If you want to party, you’ve come to the right place. The resort also offers poolside DJs, nightly live entertainers, and the largest casino on the island, Casino Royale. You can also spend some quiet time at the Serenity Spa getting a bamboo massage in the Japanese Zen garden or enjoying an Island Flow massage in the outdoor gazebo.
The hotel is also located on Maho Bay, just steps from the famous Maho Beach. Nicknamed “airport beach,” the beach is a popular place to snap pictures of the planes landing or departing just a few feet above you. If you want to know the best time to hit the beach, check out the Sunset Beach Bar, which has a chalkboard with a schedule of landings and departures.
Downtown St. Maarten
Credit: St. Maarten Tourism
What To Do
While you could easily spend your whole vacation at the resort, there’s so much to do in St. Maarten. One of the best ways to discover the island is by ATV through Xplore SXM, which offers daily rentals and the option of a tour guide. The rental office is just steps from the resort, and I opted for a guided tour of the island.
The island is only nine miles long and eight miles wide, and it takes just a few hours to drive around the entire island. There’s no border control (just a sign to mark each side of the island), and you can easily travel between the two sides. As part of my tour, I stopped by St. Martin’s Orient Bay, one of the island’s best beaches. I also spent the afternoon strolling through Phillipsburg, the Dutch capital, and browsing around The Amsterdam Cheese and Liquor Store, which offers gourmet cheese, wines, and even wooden clogs imported from the Netherlands.
Orient Beach
Credit: Mariette Williams
Another popular activity in St. Maarten includes ziplining. If you’re brave enough, book a trip to The Flying Dutchman, the steepest zipline in the world. The ride is over 2,800 ft long and includes a drop in elevation over 1,000 ft. At the top of the ride, you can see neighboring Saba, St. Barths, St. Eustatius, and Anguilla.
During my stay, I also booked a visit to the recently opened We Culture Museum in St. Maarten—one of the highlights of my stay. A visit to the 8,000-square-foot museum includes complimentary drinks and a history lesson on Carnival across the Caribbean. There were instruments and handmade costumes on display, and I tried on some of the Carnival wings and headpieces.
The We Culture Museum
Credit: Mariette Williams
Where To Eat
Of all the islands I’ve traveled to, St. Maarten/St. Martin has some of the most diverse food offerings. On my first night, I took a taxi to Bamboo House, an Asian restaurant overlooking the city. The restaurant offers a variety of dishes like braised duck nachos and a special West Indies Espresso Martini made with Venezuelan rum.
During my ATV tour, I stopped for breakfast at Chez Fernand, an authentic French bakery in St. Martin, where I practiced my French by ordering the pain au chocolat. I also ate eggplant lasagna at Irie Gardens, a local vegetarian restaurant in Phillipsburg. St. Martin also has a big Haitian population, and Villa Royale serves traditional Haitian dishes like djon djon rice, pikliz, and grilled conch.
St. Martin is also home to several beach clubs, perfect for day drinking and lounging in breezy cabanas. Rainbow Cafe has a laid-back, boho vibe, perfect for slow brunches, and Ocean’s 82 is a beachside French restaurant specializing in seafood like roasted sea scallops and lobster fettuccine.
Aerial view of Saba
Credit: Kai Wulf
Where To Island Hop
St. Maarten is one of the easiest places to island hop, and you can collect passport stamps in three nearby countries. Start with a trip to Saba, a Dutch island about a 90-minute ferry from St. Maarten that departs at 9 a.m. twice a week. You could also opt for a quick 15-minute flight and experience landing on the shortest commercial runway in the world. I opted for the plane ride and held my breath as we touched down the 1,300-foot-long runway.
If you’re just in Saba for the day, plan a hike to Mount Scenery. Guided hikes are offered through the Saba Conservation Foundation, and my hike was led by Crocodile James, an expert hiker and local Saban, who took my group on a 90-minute hike to the top of Mount Scenery, the highest point in the Kingdom of the Netherlands.
Mount Scenery Trail
Credit: Mariette Williams
Views of Saba from Mount Scenery
Credit: Mariette Williams
Mariette pictured taking in the views of Saba
Credit: Mariette Williams
After your hike, stop by Tropics Cafe for a refreshing lobster salad or curry coconut shrimp.
I also recommend a day trip to Anguilla. The daily ferry ride is about 25 minutes long, and rides start at 10:30 a.m. In Anguilla, the best beaches are Mead’s Bay and Shoal Bay, and my favorite restaurants on the island are SALT at the Four Seasons Anguilla, Straw Hat at Frangipani Resort, and 20 Knots at Zemi Beach House, which has tables right on the beach. Anguilla is made for beachgoing, but you can also go horseback riding on the beach or enjoy a rum tasting at Zemi Beach House’s Rhum Room, the island’s only rum bar.
St. Barths is another option for a day trip, and the 45-minute ferry from St. Maarten to St. Barths leaves three times a day starting at 7:15 a.m. The island has a reputation for being a hideaway for celebrities and socialites, and like St. Martin, it’s lined with swanky beach clubs and restaurants. Check out Nikki Beach or Ocean Club St. Barths and head to the island’s capital, Gustavia, to check out French boutiques like Louis Vuitton and Cartier.
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Featured image by Kai Wulf