It's kind of funny—in an ironic sort of way—that this article is coming right on the heels of us publishing some pearls of wisdom that Niecy Nash shared in a recent ESSENCE feature. If you didn't catch our write-up on it, the title basically says it all: "Niecy Nash Says 'A BJ A Day Keeps The Divorce Lawyers Away' & We Believe You, Sis."
If you think that Niecy is just "being Niecy" (because she's always pretty candid about her marriage which is something that I personally adore about her), I'll just say that I've had many a husband and wife co-sign on that very sentiment. Husbands have told me that morning sex that consists of fellatio is not only a big-time stress reliever, it also makes them think about their wife and her dopeness all throughout the day. And the wives? They say that everything about communicating with their man is easier to do—from kids to bills to them wanting to buy something that may not exactly be in the budget—once a BJ has been had. Well, given.
But here's the thing about all of this. I must admit that oftentimes when the topic of marital coitus comes up, it does seem like the focus is placed on pleasing the man. Hmph. Like we as women don't have needs. Double hmph. Like a lot of wives don't have stronger libidos than their hubbies.
This sentiment was clearly expressed in the Facebook comments that popped up underneath our Niecy Nash post. Personally, one of my favorite comments was by Lisa-Renee Halliburton: "Well Damn reading these comments does anyone just want to please your spouse?? Of course, It's not only about him, however... you should want to cater to his every need and vice versa or someone else will with no Problem!" Right. And amen.
Since we peeped how passionate so many of you are about making sure that there was a level playing field on this particular topic, we figured that today was a perfect time to share what some couples—husbands and wives—have told me keeps it on-and-poppin' in their bedroom (oh, and because everyone agreed to be so forthcoming, their names have been changed for courtesy's sake; some did ask if they could pick the names, though. I wonder if they're pet names. Hmm.).
Ready?
Married Couples Break Down Their Sex Lives and What Keeps Them Sexually Satisfied
Eric and Evelyn. Married for Three Years. Have Sex About Twice a Week.
Eric: "I promise you, I don't know when my wife finds the time, but she's always coming up with something new—a new position, a new toy…something. I can't speak for all men, but I'll say for myself that it's a gross assumption that we get bored easily and want a new woman. We do get bored, but it's from doing the same thing, the same way, all of the time. If a woman has a creative mind, she can keep a man monogamous. Mine does."
Evelyn: "My husband is the best kisser. Everywhere. That's all I have to say. But isn't that enough?"
Marcus and Jasmine. Married for 10 Years. Have Sex About Three Times a Week.
Marcus: "I think what keeps our sex life so good is that I'm not the one who has to initiate all of the time. Men want to feel wanted just as much as women do. Real talk, sometimes I have to spend extra time in the gym to keep up with my wife's drive. I love that about her, though.
Jasmine: "My husband wants me to cum. A LOT. If I haven't had at least three orgasms, he doesn't feel like his job is done. A man like that will keep you coming back for more…for the rest of your life, in my book."
Michael and Rachel. Married Six Months. Have Sex Once a Week.
Michael: "Let me just put it on out there that the reason why we're newlyweds who only have sex once a week is because of our work schedules. Well, that and the fact that we're not fans of quickies. If it's not gonna last for a few hours, why do it? And my wife? That dirty mouth of hers alone is worth not rushing. It's funny because she doesn't even curse in real life. But behind closed doors, I've never seen anything like it. S—t."
Rachel: "I've been with selfish men before. The kind of guys who would wink at themselves in the mirror while they're doing you if one was around. My husband treats me like a full-course meal. He takes forever on my neck, forever on my breasts. My mama told me not to tell other women the specifics about your man, so I won't even get into what he can do with a clit. I ain't goin' nowhere. There's absolutely no need."
Anthony and Cynthia. Married for 13 Years. Have Sex Every Day.
Anthony: "I think it's funny whenever people think that we're exaggerating about having sex every day. You eat every day. You might work out every day. You probably sit in front of the TV every day. What's the big deal? We make time for what matters, and my wife and I look forward to connecting that way. Sometimes it's for 10 minutes. Sometimes it's three or four rounds. It's our quality time and what I love most is I never get tired of her. She's my masterpiece."
Cynthia: "My girlfriends ask me if I'm always in the mood to do it all of the time. The short answer is 'yes'. Remember in the movie Love Jones when Nia Long's character said that his dick talked to her? Girl, when your man has something good to say, you're always in the mood to listen."
Quinton and Allison. Married 16 Years. Have Sex a Few Times a Month.
Quinton: "I'm glad you're not using our real names in this, because we're the couple who doesn't have more sex because of my libido, not hers. It's not that I don't desire my wife. It's that I take medication for my blood pressure. Anyone who does knows what that can do. But what it has caused us to do is become foreplay experts. When I was single, foreplay didn't matter much. Now, it's something that I really look forward to."
Allison: "My husband and I had sex before marriage. His stroke was mean back then, but I felt really disconnected; like he was having sex with himself more than with me. I'd like to have more intercourse, but his mastering how to kiss my breasts and go down on me makes it worth it. It's not like we're not working to get him off of his meds, so I can only imagine what's in store. We're married. I can wait."
Chris and Donna. Married 11 Years. Have Sex Twice a Week.
Chris: "I read the Niecy interview. I'll just add that it's not the blow job that's effective; it's a good one. We don't want obligatory head. But a woman who acts like it's her favorite thing ever and sounds like she's gonna cum harder than you before it's over? That is the kind of head that is unforgettable. That right there is my wife. She's made me cry and I'm a true groupie. I'm not ashamed to say it either!"
Donna: "My husband is a freak. He likes to go down just because, and he's everywhere down there. But what I really like about him is the five words that he says, almost every time, before we get started—'How can I please you?' So many men assume that if they've got a big dick or even that they can make us orgasm that that should be enough. One night, I might be in the mood for romantic missionary while another, all I might want is for him to eat me. A good lover doesn't tell you what you should want, they want to cater to you. My husband is the best lover I've ever had. 100."
David and Monica. Married 20 Years. Have Sex Every Day.
David: "When you've been married as long as I have, you qualify different things as 'having sex'. Do we have full-on intercourse every time? No. But I'm going to get head or she's gonna get it. I may wake her up with a nipplegasm or she might give me a hand job if we're riding in together to work. 20 years in, you want to make sure your spouse is satisfied, even if you don't need anything at the time. The sooner you young folks learn that, the better."
Monica: "Wow. This is awkward. Our names are changed, right? OK. My man is passionate. My man is unselfish. My man makes love to me like he's grateful for the opportunity. He is present. I know they say that all married people are tempted to cheat at some point, but I've never considered it since I've been married. When you get a partner who is, I think 'aggressive' is the right word, about your every need, you just don't think about stepping out. I know I don't."
Greg and LaToya. Married 10 Years. Have Sex 3-4 Times a Week.
Greg: "My baby and I were virgins when we got married. 10 years later, I think what makes the sex so good is because we've been working with a blank slate. To me, she's the best ever because I don't have anyone else to compare her to. I also like that we were virgins because we could customize our likes. We aren't trying to get the other to be like someone else. Even now, we're just taking our time to explore and when we find a new 'favorite', that makes the sex even better."
LaToya: "We were abstinent for religious reasons, but we don't have the church anywhere in our bedroom! Have you read the Scripture about a man drinking from his cistern? (Proverbs 5:15) That is an almost daily practice in our home. Amen."
Justin and Cheryl. Married 13 Years. Have Sex Once a Week.
Justin: "Y'all can call it weird or whatever but this is my marriage and it works. When my wife and I were still dating, we asked each other about our best—our best sex, our best oral, stuff like that. Then we asked what made it that way. No general s—t; details. Then we worked through how to top those individuals. And we have. Folks are only insecure about each other's sexual past when they don't think they measure up. You can easily fix that by having open discussions about what you liked and even miss about your past."
Cheryl: "My husband is competitive. Not just when it comes to my past sex life, but with himself. That's sexy to me because he's like, 'If you thought last night was good, wait and see what I come up with next time!' He is never satisfied with my satisfaction. What I mean is he always wants to exceed himself. I never know what to expect and I really like that."
William and Anastasia. Married Four Years. Have Sex 1-3 Times a Week.
William: "My wife is animalistic. She really is. Sometimes, I can't even get all the way in the door without her wanting to get it on right there. I'm glad that I'm getting to share this—and that she's letting me—because it's a poor assumption that all women are docile or passive. Sometimes, I feel a little emasculated because she's hard to keep up with. But what I love about that is she always wants me, she never gets tired of me. That does wonders for how I feel about myself as a man. As her man."
Anastasia: "I'm not sure if I've ever told my husband this before, but I will now. I do have a high sex drive, I always have. And I do tend to be the aggressor. But what makes me jump him all of the time is because I have never been treated so well. I honestly can't think of one need that has gone unmet since I agreed to marry him; not just monetarily but emotionally. He truly takes care of me…and since he does it every day, I basically want to f—k him every day. I don't know what else to tell you." #whew
There you have it, y'all. Straight from the mouth of married folks.
Personally, what I think is cool about all of these responses is it's a reminder that there is no "one right way" to have sex or please your partner—that a part of the fun of being a committed couple is figuring out what works for you.
As far as Niecy's stance, I honestly can't see how any man would want to turn down a daily BJ. But, I also think that a good husband can't feel right about himself if he's not tryin' to get his wife right too.
If I were on social media, that would've been my comment yesterday. I would've said that, as these husbands and wives shared, it's mutual pleasure that (hopefully) keeps the divorce lawyers away. And who can argue with that?
Feature image by Getty Images
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
This year's It Girl 100 is a mosaic of brilliance, spotlighting entrepreneurs, cultural disruptors, beauty visionaries, and boundary-pushing creatives who embody the spirit of "Yes, And." This digital celebration honors the women who embrace every facet of themselves, proving you can chase the bag and still honor your desire to live life softly.
The women repping for the Business category are empire builders shaping the next generation of entrepreneurship, as founders, investors, and CEOs, shifting culture while expanding their brands and their net worth.
Here's the roll call for xoNecole's It Girl 100 Class of 2025: Business.
Artist and Founder of GROWN Media Kaya Nova
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Kaya Nova
Her Handle: @thekayanova
Her Title: Artist and Founder, GROWN Media
Who's That It Girl: Kaya Nova is the artist-entrepreneur whose voice bridges melody and empowerment as the founder of GROWN Mag and GROWN Media. We celebrate her for turning her artistry into activism, creating music and experiences that honor womanhood, vulnerability, and the beauty of becoming your full self.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm multitalented and I'm powerful beyond measure."
Founder and CEO of Vineyard Icon Erin Goldson
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Erin Goldson
Her Handle: @eringoldson
Her Title: Founder and CEO of Vineyard Icon
Who's That It Girl: We are inspired by Erin Goldson, brand marketer and founder of Vineyard Icon, a platform celebrating Martha’s Vineyard culture and creativity. She blends strategy and community building with effortless polish to turn ideas into impact.
Founder and CEO, My Happy Flo Necole Kane
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Necole Kane
Her Handle: @hellonecole
Her Title: Founder and CEO, My Happy Flo
Who's That It Girl: Necole Kane is a media mogul and entrepreneur who founded NecoleBitchie.com and xoNecole.com. She now leads feminine wellness brand My Happy Flo, advocating for women's hormonal health through plant-based supplements and holistic solutions.
FORVR MOOD Co-Founder and Content Creator Jackie Aina
Credit: Kirstin Enlow
Jackie Aina
Her Handle: @jackieaina
Her Title: FORVR MOOD Co-Founder and Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: A trailblazer who changed the face of beauty forever, Jackie Asamoah built a legacy on authenticity and advocacy. We love her for redefining luxury through inclusion and for reminding women everywhere that self-care is a radical, joyful act.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm owning my power and finding balance in it."
Founder and Investor Shannae Ingleton Smith
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Shannae Ingleton Smith
Her Handle: @torontoshay
Her Title: Founder and Investor
Who's That It Girl: Shannae Ingleton Smith is President and Co-founder of Kensington Grey, an influencer agency representing 200+ creators. A former media sales executive, she now invests in creator-led startups, including 12PM Studios.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I’m breaking ceilings and expanding the table."
Founder of LORVAE De'arra Taylor
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De'arra Taylor
Her Handle: @dearra
Her Title: Founder of Fashion Brand LORVAE
Who's That It Girl: We celebrate De'arra Taylor as the founder and CEO of LORVAE, an eyewear brand built on reinvention, confidence, and bold individuality. Her creative direction turns sunglasses into statements and community into a lifestyle.
Founder of The Lip Bar Melissa Butler
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Melissa Butler
Her Handle: @melissarbutler
Her Title: Founder of The Lip Bar
Who's That It Girl: Melissa Butler transformed The Lip Bar from a kitchen concept into a multimillion-dollar movement. We honor her for challenging industry norms and proving that boldness, beauty, and business brilliance can coexist unapologetically.
Director of Cultural Strategy & Innovation Denetrias Charlemagne
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Denetrias “Dee” Charlemagne
Her Handle: @dcharlemagne
Her Title: Director of Cultural Strategy & Innovation, Walmart
Who's That It Girl: A powerhouse behind purpose-driven partnerships, Denetrias Charlemagne bridges culture and commerce at Walmart with grace and innovation. We honor her for amplifying representation in retail and using her platform to build spaces where authenticity and excellence thrive.
Chief Brand Officer at Unrivaled Kirby Porter
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Kirby Porter
Her Handle: @kirbyporter
Her Title: Chief Brand Officer, Unrivaled
Who's That It Girl: Strategic, visionary, and driven by impact, Kirby Porter is building the future of athlete branding. We’re inspired by her as the founder of New Game Labs and Chief Brand Officer at Unrivaled, showing that strategy can be soulful and sport can be storytelling.
Founder and CEO of EveryStylishGirl Nana Agyemang
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Nana Agyemang
Her Handle: @itsreallynana
Her Title: Founder and CEO of EveryStylishGirl
Who's That It Girl: A journalist turned founder, Nana Agyemang built EveryStylishGirl to amplify Black women in media. We love her for opening doors, building pipelines of opportunity, and using her voice to change the face of modern storytelling.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm a boss and I'm still soft."
Vice President of Content at ESSENCE Nandi Howard
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Nandi Howard
Her Handle: @itsnandibby
Her Title: Vice President of Content, ESSENCE
Who's That It Girl: We are inspired by Nandi Howard, Vice President of Content and Editorial at ESSENCE. Her leadership elevates Black culture with clarity and celebration and shapes the stories and standards that move audiences.
Founder of Sisters In Media Oladotun Idowu
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Oladotun Idowu
Her Handle: @ola_idowu
Her Title: Founder of Sisters In Media
Who's That It Girl: We celebrate Oladotun Idowu, entertainment marketing leader at Campari Group and founder of Sisters in Media, for bridging brands and culture while championing women of color across media. Strategy and purpose guide her work.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes I'm walking into rooms with boldness and grace knowing that God has way more in stored for me."
Founder of Fortune & Forks Krystal Vega
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Krystal Vega
Her Handle: @krystalvega
Her Title: Founder of Fortune & Forks, Multimedia
Who's That It Girl: Krystal Vega’s work lives at the intersection of innovation and influence. We celebrate her as a next-gen entrepreneur shaping digital spaces where women of color lead confidently, create fearlessly, and build legacies beyond the screen.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm that girl and so are you."
Founder of Fortune & Forks Naomi Wright
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Naomi Wright
Her Handle: @naomiwrighttt
Who's That It Girl: Naomi Wright leads with style, purpose, and power. We’re inspired by her for building platforms like Fortune & Forks that merge beauty, business, and bold self-expression, proving that influence can be both impactful and intentional.
Entrepreneur and Podcast Host Emma Grede
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Emma Grede
Her Handle: @emmagrede
Her Title: Entrepreneur and Podcast Host
Who's That It Girl: Emma Grede is CEO and co-founder of Good American, and founding partner of SKIMS. She's a podcast host and the first Black female investor on ABC's Shark Tank.
CEO and Founder of TFNA Entertainment & Sports Management Kia Brooks
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Kia Brooks
Her Handle: @kiajbrooks
Her Title: CEO and Founder of TFNA Entertainment & Sports Management
Who's That It Girl: Entrepreneur and mother, Kia J. Brooks leads TFNA Talent Agency, representing top athletes and creatives. She’s known for breaking barriers, negotiating record NIL deals, and empowering others to build generational wealth.
Sports & Entertainment Brand Manager Des Dickerson
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Des Dickerson
Her Handle: @itsurdestinee
Her Title: Sports & Entertainment Brand Manager and Media Strategist
Who's That It Girl: Des Dickerson is a sports and entertainment brand manager and media strategist who works with top athletes and entertainers to elevate their platforms. She is recognized for creating innovative partnerships and driving visibility in sports and entertainment.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I build opportunities for athletes and entertainers and I transform them into lasting influence."
President of Collective Edge Management Shayla Cowan
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Shayla Cowan
Her Handle: @shayla_pc
Her Title: President, Collective Edge Management
Who's That It Girl: Shayla Cowan is an award-winning producer and President of Collective Edge. She's produced blockbuster films including Girls Trip and Beast, championing boundary-pushing storytellers and innovative artistry in entertainment.
Co-Founder & CEO of Fearless Fund
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Arian Simone
Her Handle: @ariansimone
Her Title: Co-Founder & CEO, Fearless Fund
Who's That It Girl: Arian Simone champions women of color in venture capital. She advocates for economic justice, investing globally in women entrepreneurs and addressing funding disparities rooted in racism and sexism through resilient, purpose-driven leadership.
Founder of Global State of Women and Seed, Valeisha Butterfield
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Valeisha Butterfield
Her Handle: @valeisha
Her Title: Founder of Global State of Women and Seed
Who's That It Girl: Valeisha Butterfield Jones is a globally recognized leader in tech, entertainment, and politics. This year, she created the Global State of Women platform, providing emergency grants to women facing high unemployment rates.
Founder and Content Creator Ava PearlCourtesyAva Pearl
Her Handle: @avapearl
Her Title: Founder and Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: Ava Pearl is the founder of Curly Culture and Curly Con LA, initiatives that champion natural hair and foster community within the beauty industry. As a beauty and lifestyle content creator, she is dedicated to creating impactful content that inspires authenticity, confidence, and self-expression.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I’m rooted in authenticity and rising with purpose."
Now that you've met the ladies about their business, see who else made our list. Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by xoStaff