With the countless amounts of dating apps, the constant need to field prospective daters for trends to avoid and dealbreakers, and the act of surveying the lay of the land for red flags, there is no wonder why dating is sometimes referred to as a “game.” And because not everyone who plays the game wins it, dating and getting to know someone new can feel like a process that goes on and on…and on. It’s easy to see why some of us become frustrated with the work involved in dating and finding the partner that best complements them.
When it comes to finding love and matters of the heart, practice makes perfect. If you don’t find yourself consistently in fulfilling connections, it is possible that you’re bound by unrealistic expectations in dating and don’t even realize it. Author of How Not to Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love, Logan Ury believes that daters who are not having success in finding love might be unknowingly limiting themselves by falling into the trap of one of three dating tendencies.
As a framework, Ury, a behavioral scientist, developed the three dating tendencies to help identify behaviors that might be hindering daters from finding the love they want. According to Ury, the tendencies (or dating styles) are the Romanticizer, the Maximizer, and the Hesitator. You can take the quiz to learn which dating tendency most fits you here.
Though primary dating tendencies are further expounded on in her book, below is a brief rundown of each, as shared on The Well + Good podcast.
The Romanticizer
The Romanticizer is the dater who is in love with love. They believe in soulmates, they believe in “the one,” and see love as a fairy tale. Anything less than is beneath them and settling. For this dater, work and love do not go hand in hand. In fact, they believe that love and the relationship for them will be effortless and therefore, they will know then that they have found the right partner for them. There is no room for imperfection in the image of the perfect partner (be it looks, lifestyle, tax bracket, you name it) that they’ve created for themselves. So if someone doesn’t completely match up to a list that they may have or their idea of how a romantic partnership should be or even begin, they could find themselves easily closing the door on certain prospects.
How Being a Romanticizer Limits You in Dating:
It could be easy to say that the Romanticizer has high standards, and having standards in dating is actually a welcomed aspect of dating. However, it’s important not to confuse having standards with having unrealistic expectations. Though sacrifice isn’t a necessity in the early stages of dating, compromise is sometimes needed in order to find someone who best fits you, even if it is not in complete alignment with your idea of who that someone would be. The person of your dreams could present themselves to you in a different package than you pictured, and you should work on allowing yourself to be more open to what they look like.
The Maximizer
If “add tax” was a person, it would be The Maximizer. Similar to the Romanticizer, the Maximizer also has unrealistic expectations that stem from the feeling that the people they are meeting and interacting with aren't their "perfect" partner. What differs slightly is the way it manifests. The Maximizer cannot sit still in dating, let alone in a committed relationship, and are often left feeling like the grass is greener on the other side. They wish the person they were dating had a little more stylish or a little less goofy and are in constant search of a perfection that ultimately doesn’t exist. There is a tendency to nitpick the fact that the person in front of them is not “[insert trait or quality here] enough,” which doesn’t allow them to learn acceptance and the fact that no one can be everything to anyone.
How Being a Maximizer Limits You in Dating:
Instead of watering the grass where they are, the Maximizer misses out on finding love that could ultimately serve and grow them outside of what is "perfect." Great relationships don't just happen out of thin air, they are created. While it might actually be considered unproblematic that you are letting people go if you want to change them, the fact that you are constantly shutting potential down because you think the next date will offer you the “next best thing” in the form of your perfect partner is a ride you will always be on. Until you learn the art of compromise and acceptance, there will always be something “better” on the horizon. No one is perfect, and having a healthy relationship requires understanding that.
The Hesitator
And last but not least, we have the Hesitator as the final dating style or dating tendency. Unlike the two previously mentioned styles, The Hesitator’s unrealistic expectations lie within themselves. Instead of shutting down romantic prospects because the meet-cute isn’t good enough (side-eyeing the Romanticiser) and because you don’t like that the person you’re on a date with isn’t into enough of the same hobbies as you (tuh, Maximizer), the Hesitator never feel like they’re good enough to date anyone. Hardly ever. It’s a tad bit self-deprecating with the added touch of self-sabotage. They are always waiting for the “right time” to date and internalize not having the career they want, the body they want, the money they want, or the growth they want as barriers for them to reenter the dating world. And even when they get to a place or accomplish a goal they might have for themselves, they still hesitate to start dating and find more reasons why the timing just isn’t right.
How Being a Hesitator Limits You in Dating:
The phrase “best self” comes to mind when thinking of what holds the Hesitator back. That constant desire to be better isn’t inherently bad but it can become debilitating when there are parameters placed of certain hoops that must be jumped through before someone deems themselves "worthy" of a partner and the relationship they want. There is only so much growing a person can do alone and the self-work that is gained from navigating relationships and getting to know people outside of themselves is sometimes underestimated. At some point, a person just plateaus and there's no upward movement.
It’s unrealistic to think that someone has to be “perfect” before putting themselves out there to date. No one is perfect, a person is inherently already enough, and they can put themselves out there to meet someone who echoes that fact and mirrors that truth back to them. But first, they must dare to take that leap. As Ury shared, “There's no value in sitting around making excuses and not dating. And if you say 'I'm working on myself,' great—do that in tandem with dating.”
To listen to the episode in its entirety and learn more about Ury's three dating tendencies, check the podcast out below.
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Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Relationship Timeline
Sterling K. Brown and Ryan Michelle Bathe are one of our favorite Hollywood couples. We can't get over their adorable moments together on the red carpet and on social media. While they're both from St. Louis, they didn't meet until college, which they both attended Stanford. And the rest is as they say, history. Read below as we dive into their decades-long relationship.
Mid to Late1990s: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Meet
Sterling and Ryan met as freshmen at Stanford University. "We were in the same dorm freshman year...that's kind of how we met," Ryan said in an interview with ET. "I was mesmerized," she said after watching him audition for the school play, Joe Turner's Come and Gone. Sterling revealed that The First Wives Club star was dating someone else, so they started off as friends.
"She got cast in the play as well, and we would ride bikes to rehearsal, and we would just talk. We found out that we were both from St. Louis. We didn't know that we were both from St. Louis, like, our parents went to rival high schools. We were born in the same hospital. Like, we were friends," he said.
The first few years of their relationship involved many breakups and makeups. However, they ended up graduating and attended NYU's Tisch Grad Acting Program together.
Early 2000s: Sterling K. Brown Tells Ryan Michelle Bathe She's 'The Love Of My Life'
The Paradise star opened up about telling Ryan that she was the one. "We broke up for three and a half years before we came back into each other's lives," he said. "She was on the treadmill working out, and I had this epiphany, 'I have to go tell this woman she's the love of my life.'"
"I go to her apartment, I tell her, and she's like, 'Well, I'm working out right now,' and I was like, 'No, I can see that—I'll just talk to you while you're on the treadmill,' and she's like, 'Well, I feel like going outside. So I'm gonna go on a run,'" he continued. "So I'm like dressed [in a suit], and she starts running through Koreatown, and I start running along with her. Brother had to work, but it was well worthwhile."
2006: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Tie The Knot
The St. Louis natives eloped in 2006 and a year later held a larger ceremony. According to the bride, the best part of their wedding was the food. "The best thing about it was the food," she told ET.
"Can I just say, sometimes you go to weddings, and you get the winner-winner chicken dinner and you're like, 'I pay. OK, it's fine.' But I wanted people to remember their experience -- their culinary experience. So I was happy about that. The food was good."
2011: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their First Child
In 2011, Sterling and The Endgame actress welcomed their first son, Andrew. In a 2017 tweet, Sterling revealed they had a home birth. "An unexpected home delivery is something my wife and I went through ourselves with our first born, so this was round 2 for me!" he wrote while referring to a scene involving his character Randall, in This Is Us.
2012: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Appear On-screen Together
A year later, the couple acted together on the Lifetime series Army Wives.
2015: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their Second Child
In 2015, Sterling and Ryan welcomed another son, Amaré. Sterling shared an Instagram post about their latest addition to the family. "1st post. 2nd child. All good! #imoninstagram," the Atlas star wrote.
2016: Ryan Michelle Bathe Joins Sterling K. Brown On 'This Is Us'
Ryan guest appears on her hubby's show, This Is Us.
Sterling K. Brown Reveals Ryan Michelle Bathe's Mother Didn't Like Him At First
During their sit-down interview for the Black Love series, Sterling revealed that Ryan's mother wasn't a fan of him, which caused friction in their relationship.
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Explain How Jennifer Lopez Once Broke Them Up
While visiting The Jennifer Hudson Show, Sterling and Ryan share their hilarious Jennifer Lopez break-up story. "We had just gone out, we were living in New York City, we were in grad school, and we had gone to see a Broadway play and we came back to my place and my roommate was playing the ["Love Don't Cost A Thing"] video on MTV," Sterling said.
"Now I'm a fan of Jennifer Lopez's dancing, and I was watching the video and I knew my young...21, 22-year-old girlfriend was looking at me watch the video. And I know I'm not supposed to have a reaction. In trying NOT to have a reaction, what had happened was, my eyes began to water."
Ryan jumped in, "Otherwise known as, TEARS! I turn around and my boyfriend is weeping, tears like big fat [tears]. And I'm looking and she's just a shakin' and a shimming, and he's just crying. I said 'Oh no, I got to go.' "
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Launch Their Podcast, We Don't Always Agree
The couple launched their podcast, We Don't Always Agree, where they disclose more intimate details about their love story.
Feature image by Chelsea Lauren/Shutterstock