It’s Okay To Be Intentional About Finding Love
"Don't go looking for love."
"Love will find you."
I'm pretty sure we've all been told some variation of this before. I'm an Aquarius so it probably comes as no surprise that I don't subscribe to this school of thought. Personally, I think it is okay to be intentional about finding love in a way that is comfortable to you.
It seems we are intentional about everything else in our lives except love. We want a new job, we search for one. We want to further our education, we apply to schools. We want to lose weight and get in shape, we go to the gym and become conscious of what we eat. But when it comes to love, we're supposed to do nothing, wait for it to fall in our laps, and hope for the best.
People have even become embarrassed to admit that they even desire love for fear of sounding desperate. We pretend we are perfectly okay with being by ourselves when the reality is that a lot of us really aren't. Now when I say be intentional about finding love, I don't mean forcing love. Being intentional and open to receiving love are okay and we shouldn't feel bad about it either.
Get into some ways you can be more intentional about finding love:
Heal Thyself
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While I think that we are constantly growing, evolving, and healing, there is a certain level of work that must be done to be able to give and receive love. I met my current boyfriend more than two years ago, but neither of us were in a place to give or receive love so it didn't work. Fast-forward two years later: We reconnected. We both had done the work on ourselves separately. We took time to heal and now things are amazing between us. When I refer to "the work", I mean take time to heal from past traumas, really get to know you, your likes, dislikes, and fall in love with yourself. You can't expect someone else to love you if you don't even love yourself.
Check Your Energy
I've been told in the past by friends and family that my energy and vibe are off for someone that says they are looking for love, but it kind of went in one ear and out the other. However, last year I participated in the 7-Day xoNecole Happy Hour Challenge and it was through this challenge that I realized everyone was right.
Instead of walking around avoiding eye contact, listening to music, and looking at my phone, I accepted the challenge and made eye contact. I spoke to every one of the opposite sex for 7 days. While no love connection was made while participating in the challenge, there were lots of compliments, smiles, and great conversation---a far departure from before.
Put Yourself Out There
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After saying I would never in life try online dating, I gave it a try a couple of years ago. I learned that it wasn't for me, but I never would have known that if I didn't at least try. There are plenty of people who have met the love of their life online. So if you haven't had any luck out in these streets, try online dating for 30 days and see what happens.
If you absolutely know that online dating is not your style, maybe shooting your shot is. It's 2020 and ladies are not shy about jumping in DMs and making the first move when it comes to pursuing love. If after reading that you just thought "Nah, sis," you are not alone. Personally, I was never comfortable with shooting my shot either (I'm awkward). In my single days, I had more assists than actual shots. If I saw a guy that I was interested in, I would compliment him on his shoes or his jacket, and then see what happened from there. Try it.
Get Out Of The House
My mom once asked me if I thought my husband was just going to show up at my front door. She definitely tried it, but she was right. I used to spend most of my time in my apartment.
There was a point when I literally just left my house to go to and from work, to pick up takeout, and to go to Target. After being read by my mom, I made a conscious effort to actually leave my house at least a few times a week. So, whether it was eating in a restaurant instead of getting takeout, attending events, going out with my girls, going to the gym, or going for a walk, I made a point to be in these streets. While this might prove to be a little difficult due to the current state of things, this is definitely a tip to stick a pin in for once we're ready and able to resume our regularly scheduled programming.
Practice Manifestation
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Quit saying you'll never find someone and start saying that you will. Start believing it is possible and that it will happen for you, and then watch it manifest. The reason you're reading this article is because I literally manifested that I would write for xoNecole. So, if it can happen with my writing, it can happen for the love you want, too.
So whether someone met the love of their life in the gym, online, at the grocery store, or in the Uber Pool, there was likely some intentionality that went along with it. If love is what you want, be intentional about it, and don't stop until you find it.
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Featured Image by Shutterstock
- 7 Daily Rituals Intentional Couples Use to Cultivate Lasting Love ›
- 7 habits of intentional people | Caring Magazine ›
- A Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love | Psychology Today ›
- How to be Intentional in Your Relationship - P.S. I Love You ›
- Intentional Love: 7 Steps You Can Take Now To Manifest Your ... ›
- Self-Love, be Intentional | Caitlyn Roux | TEDxYouth@CapeTown ... ›
- Be intentional in all you do! | Live • Love • Work ›
Erica Green is a Clinical Research Associate, blogger, and a sneakerhead. She has a love for all things women and she's pretty sure that women are God's greatest creation. Connect with her on Instagram @ erica_britt_ or www.lovethegspot.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Why We'll Probably Never Hear Lupita Nyong'o Share Her Relationship With The World
Lupita Nyong'o is sharing a transparent look into her life after a recent breakup.
In a cover story for NET-A-PORTER, the A Quiet Place: Day One star shed light on the significant heartbreak she experienced following the end of her relationship with ex-boyfriend and TV host, Selema Masekela.
As a public figure, Nyong'o, 39, sought to divulge the news of the breakup in hopes of presenting a more authentic perspective on the pain that follows a separation.
"I was living in a lot of pain and heartbreak," she told the publication. "I looked at the environment of my social media and thought I don’t want to be a part of this illusion that everything is always coming up roses. Surely there is a lesson for me to learn in this, and I just want to be real about it."
The Black Panther star went on to explain that her choice to be transparent with her fans about her breakup came from the certainty she felt after ending the relationship. “In my mind, when I shared my relationship status with the world, it was because I felt sure about it,” she said.
While she didn’t know how the news would land with her fans, she found relief in knowing she wasn’t alone in her experience.
“I knew how it could be interpreted; I knew it would have a life of its own,” she reflects. “But then I started to see the comments and people were being so loving and supportive. The ones that moved me the most were other people sharing their pain and their heartbreak.”
Nyong'o and Masekela went Instagram official in December 2022, publicly announcing their relationship in a couple's video. In October 2023, Nyong'o took to her personal Instagram account to share the news of her breakup in her caption, writing, "At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust.”
She continued the vulnerable note, "I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception. I am tempted to run into the shadows and hide, only to return to the light when I have regained my strength enough for me to say, 'Whatever, my life is better this way.' But I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love."
These days, Nyong'o tells NET-A-PORTER that she is prioritizing profound self-discovery that extends beyond her career. She notes having a deliberate and unhurried approach to understanding herself.
She also alludes to keeping her relationships private moving forward after noting it was "very, very sage" of her not to talk about her private life professionally in the days before her last relationship. "I'm going back to those days by the way," Nyong'o shares of her reinstated boundaries around her personal life.
Earlier this month, Nyong'o made headlines alongside her new boyfriend actor Joshua Jackson. Nyong'o and Jackson went through public splits from their respective SOs in October 2023, with the latter splitting from his long-time partner Jodie Turner-Smith following her divorce filing from the Dawson's Creek alum.
The pair have been spotted together as early as December 2023, but nothing screamed "couple" quite as loudly as their recent getaway to Mexico for Nyong'o's 41st birthday featuring passionate displays of affection.
"Our purpose in life is to love. And so you have to get back in it," she tells the outlet, seemingly alluding to her budding new romance.
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Featured image by Taylor Hill/Getty Images