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It’s OK To Be Intentional About Finding Love

"Don't go looking for love," they say. But maybe they're wrong.

Love & Relationships

"Don't go looking for love."

"Love will find you."

I'm pretty sure we've all been told some variation of this before. I'm an Aquarius so it probably comes as no surprise that I don't subscribe to this school of thought. Personally, I think it is OK to be intentional about finding love in a way that is comfortable to you.

It seems we are intentional about everything else in our lives except love. We want a new job, we search for one. We want to further our education, we apply to schools. We want to lose weight and get in shape, we go to the gym and become conscious of what we eat. But when it comes to love, we're supposed to do nothing, wait for it to fall in our laps, and hope for the best.

People have even become embarrassed to admit that they even desire love for fear of sounding desperate. We pretend we are perfectly OK with being by ourselves when the reality is that a lot of us really aren't. Now when I say be intentional about finding love, I don't mean forcing love. Being intentional and open to receiving love are OK and we shouldn't feel bad about it either.

Get into some ways you can be more intentional about finding love:

Heal Thyself

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While I think that we are constantly growing, evolving, and healing, there is a certain level of work that must be done to be able to give and receive love. I met my current boyfriend more than two years ago, but neither of us were in a place to give or receive love so it didn't work. Fast-forward two years later: We reconnected. We both had done the work on ourselves separately. We took time to heal and now things are amazing between us. When I refer to "the work", I mean take time to heal from past traumas, really get to know you, your likes, dislikes, and fall in love with yourself. You can't expect someone else to love you if you don't even love yourself.

Check Your Energy

I've been told in the past by friends and family that my energy and vibe are off for someone that says they are looking for love, but it kind of went in one ear and out the other. However, last year I participated in the 7-Day xoNecole Happy Hour Challenge and it was through this challenge that I realized everyone was right.

Instead of walking around avoiding eye contact, listening to music, and looking at my phone, I accepted the challenge and made eye contact. I spoke to everyone of the opposite sex for 7 days. While no love connection was made while participating in the challenge, there were lots of compliments, smiles, and great conversation---a far departure from before.

Put Yourself Out There

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After saying I would never in life try online dating, I gave it a try a couple of years ago. I learned that it wasn't for me, but I never would have known that if I didn't at least try. There are plenty of people who have met the love of their life online. So if you haven't had any luck out in these streets, try online dating for 30 days and see what happens.

If you absolutely know that online dating is not your style, maybe shooting your shot is. It's 2020 and ladies are not shy about jumping in DMs and making the first move when it comes to pursuing love. If after reading that you just thought "Nah, sis," you are not alone. Personally, I was never comfortable with shooting my shot either (I'm awkward). In my single days, I had more assists than actual shots. If I saw a guy that I was interested in, I would compliment him on his shoes or his jacket, and then see what happened from there. Try it.

Get Out Of The House

My mom once asked me if I thought my husband was just going to show up at my front door. She definitely tried it, but she was right. I used to spend most of my time in my apartment.

There was a point when I literally just left my house to go to and from work, to pick up takeout, and to go to Target. After being read by my mom, I made a conscious effort to actually leave my house at least a few times a week. So, whether it was eating in the restaurant instead of getting takeout, and attending events, going out with my girls, going to the gym, or going for a walk, I made a point to be in these streets. While this might prove to be a little difficult due to the current state of things, this is definitely a tip to stick a pin in for once we're ready and able to resume our regulary scheduled programming.

Practice Manifestation

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Quit saying you'll never find someone and start saying that you will. Start believing it is possible and that it will happen for you, and then watch it manifest. The reason you're reading this article is because I literally manifested that I would write for xoNecole. So, if it can happen with my writing, it can happen for the love you want, too.

So whether someone met the love of their life in the gym, online, the grocery store, or in the Uber Pool, there was likely some intentionality that went along with it. If love is what you want, be intentional about it, and don't stop until you find it.

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