I've been saying for years that I am ready for a relationship but after listening to an episode on xoNecole's Happy Hour Podcast called "I Met my Husband in an Uber Pool", I had to be completely honest with myself and admit that my behavior would suggest otherwise. In this episode, xoNecole founder Necole Kane talked about how she had to check herself and her energy. She realized that she was not giving off energy that said she was open to meeting someone. Instead she was constantly looking at her phone and often had her headphones on, all of which show that she is closed off and not interested in meeting anyone. Necole then challenged herself and her listeners to do the following:
For 7 days, whenever you encounter someone of the opposite sex, you must make eye contact, smile, and say "hi".
Sounds simple, right? Well, not for me. But that is exactly why I chose to participate in the challenge. I'm going to be moving to a new city in a couple of weeks and figured that this would be good practice for me, so I did it. Here's what happened:
On the first day of the challenge, I had to work at a clinic for a few hours and encountered only women while there. But after I left the clinic, I stopped by the mall to get lunch and figured that was a great place to start the challenge. I was smiling and saying "hi" to every man I crossed paths with in that mall. Young, old, black, and white. What I immediately noticed was that everyone regardless of race or age spoke back and they spoke back with a smile. I also noticed that everyone seemed pleasantly surprised that I spoke to them first.
Now, I don't mean that in an arrogant way but I think it's because it's uncommon for women to speak first and they were actually genuinely surprised. What I also noticed on that first day was how out of my comfort zone I felt. I honestly felt awkward which is crazy because I speak to women that I don't know all of the time. I am the chick that stays complimenting women on their shoes, hair, outfits, bags, and eyebrows. But initiating any sort of contact with someone of the opposite sex was not natural for me and I had to keep reminding myself to do it throughout the day.
On Tuesday, I had to travel to San Antonio, Texas and, later, Washington, DC for work. I immediately regretted starting the challenge. Do y'all know how many men are at airports? Traveling for work also meant hotels, restaurants, and Ubers. I started to abort mission and postpone the challenge on a less busy week, but that's why it's called a challenge right? It's not supposed to be easy. So, I pushed through. As I walked through the airport, I made eye contact, smiled, and said "hi" to every man that I came in contact with. Again, I was greeted with smiles and they all spoke back. I even struck up a conversation with a guy at a store I stopped in. Homeboy looked like he was about two seconds from asking for my hand in marriage. Also, I encountered a very attractive black man and I smiled and spoke to him as well. He spoke back before heading into the restroom.
When he came out, he sat across from me and every time I looked up, he was looking at me. I smiled again and he smiled back. I immediately checked his left hand for a ring and didn't see one.
Of course, at that moment, I had to pee really bad. *insert eye roll* I went to the restroom and when I came back, I noticed that he was talking to a group of people (co-workers, I'm assuming). Y'all tell me why this mug slid a wedding ring out of his pants pocket and back on that left ring finger? This joker also had the nerve to be wearing a W.W.J.D (What Would Jesus Do) bracelet. I'll tell you what Jesus would not do sir...he would not be taking his wedding ring off at the airport. Anyway, after I landed in San Antonio I talked to my Uber driver that took me to my hotel and also the Uber driver that took me to the restaurant where I had dinner. Usually, I wear headphones in Ubers to discourage conversation but I actually had a great conversation with both drivers. One was an older man. He was a retired Vet and he was so sweet. The other Uber driver was FINE, y'all. He was really nice and gave me some restaurant suggestions after I told him that I would be coming there on a regular basis.
On Wednesday, I worked all day in a clinic in San Antonio so, for the most part of the day, I didn't really encounter any men. From San Antonio, I had to fly to DC and my Uber driver was male. I initiated conversation with him and we had a dope conversation. We talked about choosing to see the positive in the world instead of focusing on the negative. He also said I looked 25 and not 37, so shout out to him. When I got to the airport in San Antonio, I spoke to this guy who looked to be in his twenties. He didn't speak back but made the "ooh you fine" noise. I encountered a lot of white men in the airport and what I noticed was that they were pleasantly surprised that I initiated conversation with them. Some of them gave me "the look". You know the look.
One guy in the San Antonio airport told me that I was a very beautiful woman after I said "hi" to him. The Uber driver that took me to my hotel in DC was a man but he was musty, so I couldn't talk to him. I was too focused on not throwing up in the car, so yeah...sorry Necole. What I found interesting was that a lot of men actually averted eye contact before I could even say "hi" or smile. It made me think of conversations I have had with some of my male friends. They said that approaching or initiating contact with a woman is very intimidating for a lot of men because of fear of rejection.
On Thursday, I worked at Georgetown University hospital in DC. I encountered some very attractive doctors who all smiled and spoke back. I will have to work there every couple of months, so I will keep y'all posted on that. I wouldn't be mad if my husband had MD behind his name. I was eventually joined by a sponsor representative that I work with which meant I had to tone down some of my grinning and speaking so that I could talk to him because...you know...work.
My weekend was pretty chill so I didn't come into contact with a lot of men. I worked from home all day on Friday. Saturday and Sunday were spent packing for my upcoming move.
As I'm writing this, it's Monday, the start of a new week and the challenge is officially complete. Thinking back, it was not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. I'm not sure why I thought it would be scary in the first place. It did take me out of my comfort zone but, after a couple of days, it started to become a habit. I realized that just like I do with my 9-5 job, and just like I do with my blog, I have to put myself out there if I want certain results. As a result of participating in the challenge, I am more mindful of the energy I put out as it relates to the opposite sex. I was also reminded that men fear rejection just like we do and if you seem a little more welcoming, they just may shoot their shot. I am glad I participated in the challenge and definitely plan to make this a habit. Thanks Necole! Be on the lookout for your wedding invitation!
Are you up for the challenge? Let us know how keeping your eye contact game strong has been affecting your love life in the comments down below.
If you haven't already, give the xoNecole Happy Hour Podcast episode "I Met My Husband In An UberPOOL" by clicking here.
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