If my friends could use one word to describe me, it would be compassionate. And that I am – or so I thought. I am also extremely giving and forgiving. But how do you forgive someone that has caused you a lifetime of emotional pain? How do you let your anger subdue with each memory and nightmare? This someone is a "him", and he thought it was OK to molest his cousin, which was me.
I had spent twenty-four months in therapy crying my eyes out learning to cope with my pain. I tried talk therapy, journaling, and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). I spent thirty-seven days solo in Europe to heal. And I did heal. I even journaled a letter in an attempt to forgive him. But still, I found myself angry. I believed I wouldn't be free until this wrong was made right. My favorite uncle aka "My Ace" who kept telling me to understand "him" is mentally ill. A Reiki healer told me I need to show "him" a sense of compassion. I didn't want to. We didn't forgive Harvey Weinstein, so why do I have to forgive "him"? But the memories and nightmares got to be too much. The remnants of pain lingered. I lacked sleep, peace, and a clear mind. I finally had to realize that forgiveness was not for "him", it was for me. It was for my peace of mind and well-being.
A friend of mine suggested that I try a past life regression with her therapist. A past life regression is a form of hypnotherapy that allows an individual to access memories and experiences from previous lives or incarnations that are hidden in their subconscious mind. It's a type of therapy that can help you understand deep connections, soulmate experiences, karmic relationships, unresolved emotions, and key lessons. At this point, I was willing to try anything. My journey into modern-day spirituality has been quite interesting and I have learned so much. I reached out to my friend's therapist and I scheduled a consultation. After a one-hour conversation, it was clear that a past life regression would help me understand if I met my cousin in any of my past lives. This appointment was scheduled two weeks later.
Preparing For A Past Life Regression
I was asked to think of some questions to ask my spirit guides. A Google search revealed people generally ask about their life purpose, health, or relationships. I had so many questions I wanted answers to. Questions about my family, past lovers, friendships, and "him". But hypnotherapy can be two to three hours long and it is not cheap. I was about to pay $200 per hour to access my subconscious mind. These questions had to be specific and on point.
My Past Life Regression Experience
My past life regression was scheduled on a summer morning in August. I was dressed comfortably. I threw on an oversized black t-shirt, a pair of gray sweatpants, and slipped into my jelly slides. I was advised not to consume too much food, liquids, and not to drink alcohol. I was excited and nervous as I had not done any type of hypnotherapy before. I walked into my therapist's office. My therapist was a woman, and I was welcomed with a warm smile. She reviewed my questions and ensured I had nothing to be nervous about. I was ready to begin. I was given a pillow, and a blanket as I laid on the couch and slowly closed my eyes.
My therapist began to put me into a relaxed state by asking me to take a couple of deep breaths. Her voice guided me into a deeper state of relaxation with colors, and detailed descriptions of scenery. By this time, I was in a transitive state. I was not awake, but I was not sleeping. I felt heavier and heavier as my body sunk deeper into the couch. My therapist then directed me to go to the first significant event in this lifetime. She continued to ask me descriptive questions as she wrote down what I said. What was I wearing? How old was I? What do I see? Where do I live? What was my name? Am I male or female? What kind of job do I have? For each significant event in this lifetime, I answered similar questions. Describing where I was, who I was with, how I felt, who was with me, and what was happening.
I felt like I was in a movie, and the theme of my movie was called freedom. I had a whole damn life too. A life that encompassed travel, passion, true love, and writing. I experienced everything; happiness, joy, hurt, pain, and fulfillment. I was a wife, a mother, and a divorcee. I had no regrets because I followed my heart and I flourished in my authenticity. In that lifetime, I lost my life to a snakebite in the mountains. This is revealing because I have a legit phobia of snakes and mountains are not my thing.
Sure enough, the same cousin appeared in my past life. He returned to this lifetime so I could learn how to deal with him differently. I needed to control the feelings of anxiety I had towards "him". I would have preferred to tell my family earlier on what had happened to me, but I didn't. So, in this lifetime I chose to release and heal. I was punishing myself for not being strong enough to make the right decision. It wasn't that I needed to forgive "him", I had to forgive myself. I had to give myself grace for who I was then and who I am now. I had to reconcile my unresolved emotions of guilt and self-hate that were no longer a part of me. A healing journey never ends. This was the only way I was going to continue to shed the past and live in the now.
Create the Life You Want to Live
In that life, everything I did fed my soul. I lived a full life. I was, and always will be a free spirit. Similarly, I am creating a life I love today. Even though in that lifetime I had a husband and a child, no one was holding me back, and there is no one holding me back now. I am creating every word, in every paragraph, on each page, and in this chapter. When I'm in the flow of the universe, then I flow with it. Sometimes, life takes unexpected turns, but we must learn to pivot to create the life we want to live.
A Message from My Grandmother
I have been told by psychics, Reiki healers, and mediums my grandmother is always with me. They see my grandmother protecting me and guiding me. One of my questions was "Out of all her grandchildren, why me?" Before my therapist brought me back to a state of consciousness, I met my grandmother in-between lives. My grandmother said I have always been special, and I am very much like her. I have a good heart as she did. She told me to continue in my journey, release my fears, and know that I will always be okay. I am to always walk forward, and not backward.
Post-Past Life Regression
My therapist gently guided me out of the transitive state I was in. I almost didn't want to wake up. She was impressed at how visual I was during the session as only a small percentage of people can do so. She said I was under for two and a half hours and I probably could have stayed under for three hours. We were only able to work through four of thirteen questions and I was OK with that. She said she would give me a written transcript of my past life, soul lessons, and spirit guide answers so that I can refer to them when needed. I thanked my therapist for her help and left her office feeling light-hearted and peaceful. I was also tired; my body and mind were exhausted.
Having experienced a past life regression and hypnosis, I would recommend it to others struggling with forgiveness, trauma, or other major life events. Through my spiritual journey, I continue to have a better understanding of myself.
My heart is now open, and my soul is now free.
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