Zendaya and Tom Holland are one of the hottest young couples in Hollywood. After being cast together in Spider-Man: Homecoming in 2016, fans were hoping that the two were more than just co-stars due to their on-screen chemistry, and after years of speculation, fans got their wish.
It’s been said that the best relationships start off as friendships and it looks like that’s the case with Zendaya and Tom. They both met while filming Spider-Man and in an 2017 interview with People, the English actor referred to Zendaya as his best friend.
“We are like the best of friends. She’s so great and amazing,” Tom said. “I’m a little worried [about dealing with fame … but] Zendaya is super famous and she’s been through this, and I just call her up and say, ‘How do I manage being famous?’ I’m very glad I have a friend like her.”
Zendaya and Tom Holland: A Relationship Timeline
Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images
Adorbs!
However, it seems that they have been in an on-and-off relationship as they have been linked to other people since initially sparking romance rumors in 2017.
The Disney alum reportedly dated her Euphoria co-star Jacob Elordi in 2020 and Tom was rumored to have a romance with family friend Olivia Bolton in 2019. But like any on-and-off relationship, they found their way back to each other.
Here’s a timeline of Zendaya and Tom’s relationship:
2016
The 28-year-old actress made her first appearance on her now beau’s Instagram back in July 2016. While it appeared like an innocent pool day with friends, this could also be looked at as the beginning of their romance.
2017
Wait wait...my favorite is when it says we go on vacations together HA! I haven't been on a vacation in years!😂😭🤣hbu @TomHolland1996 ??? https://t.co/zSkvcfzzTa
— Zendaya (@Zendaya) July 13, 2017
@Zendaya Does the press tour count 😂😝 https://t.co/2WsstZPyde
— Tom Holland (@TomHolland1996) July 13, 2017
While Tom said that he and Zendaya were just friends in the People July interview, another source claimed that they were more than that. The source said that they began dating while filming Spider-Man.
“They’ve been super careful to keep it private and out of the public eye but they’ve gone on vacations with each other and try and spend as much time as possible with one another,” claimed the source. “They’re both really ambitious and they challenge each other — but, most importantly, they make each other crack up. They seem to have a really similar sense of humor and love joking around together. They have great banter back and forth.”
However, both of the actors denied the claims on Twitter. “Wait wait...my favorite is when it says we go on vacations together HA! I haven’t been on a vacation in years! hbu @TomHolland1996???,” Zendaya tweeted. Tom retweeted her and wrote. “Does the press tour count?”
The rumors didn’t stop there. In December of the same year, Tom had an outing with Zendaya and her parents. Page Six reported that the actress’ parents seemed to be “charmed” by the Englishman.
2018
Both Zendaya and Tom were pretty lowkey this year, sans a couple of Instagram posts Tom shared of the Dune actress. In May, he praised his “mate” for her MET Gala look. “All hail the queen. Killing it mate 🙌🏻,” he wrote.
Later on in September, he wished the Euphoria star a happy birthday. “Me, myself and the birthday girl. Happy birthday mate - keep killing it and paving the way for the rest of us ♥️,” he shared on Instagram.
2019
David M. Benett/Dave Benett/WireImage
In 2019, the Spider-Man co-stars were reportedly dating other people. Zendaya sparked dating rumors after she was spotted vacationing with her Euphoria co-star Jacob in August 2019. Tom was also seeing Olivia.
2020
Paparazzi caught Zendaya and Jacob kissing in New York City in February, but they never confirmed that they were a couple. Tom, however, broke up with Olivia, but seemingly confirmed that he was back off the market after he shared a photo of Nadia Parkes on Instagram.
2021: Tom and Zendaya are back together.
Zendaya playfully shading Tom in a since-deleted tweet back in July.
In July 2021, paparazzi photos of Zendaya and Tom kissing appeared online, which sent Twitter in a tailspin.
Esteban Camarillo/Instagram
A month later, the pair were spotted attending a wedding together in Esteban Camarillo's IG Story, a fellow guest at the wedding. In regards to romance rumors, Tom and Zendaya kept it cute and still on mute.
However, a source toldUS Weekly, “They’re both not one to make their relationship public. They’re private when it comes to dating so any photos that have come out would’ve just been them going about their business and not knowing photographers were around.”
In September 2021, not one to shy away from shouting out Zendaya when she's slaying, Tom shared a photo of him and the beauty on his Instagram. "My MJ," it read, "have the happiest of birthdays. Gimme a call when your up xxx."
A month later in October, while on a promo tour for the box office smash Dune, Zendaya took a BFF test with co-star and best friend, actor Timothée Chalamet. One of the questions the BuzzFeed series asked was about their biggest celebrity crushes.
Timothée cheekily responds for Zendaya by saying, "Easy. Tom Holland." To which Zendaya laughs knowingly before answering the same question for her co-star. The adorable moment starts at 1:01.
Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images
It wasn’t until December 5, however, that they made their first red carpet appearance as a couple. They were all smiles as they attended a photocall in London for their film Spider-Man: No Way Home.
After news broke of their relationship, the actors openly gushed about each other during interviews. Speaking with GQ in November, both Zendaya and Tom spoke highly of each other.
“Having her in my life was so instrumental to my sanity,” Tom said. “She is so good at being the role model for young guys and girls. When anyone comes up, like, ‘Can I have a picture?’ it’s never a bad time. Whereas my initial reaction was: ‘Why are you talking to me? Leave me alone.’”
Zendaya shared, “The equal sentiment [we both share] is just that when you really love and care about somebody, some moments or things, you wish were your own…"
“I think loving someone is a sacred thing and a special thing and something that you want to deal with and go through and experience and enjoy amongst the two people that love each other.”
2022
Compared to the red carpet moments and spotlight much of their No Way Home press tour was in 2021, Tom and Zendaya kept their relationship out of the public eye in 2022, except for putting engagement rumors to rest here and there and PDA-filled paparazzi photos.
There was one rumor though that Tom flew 4,000 miles from where he was filming The Crowded Room in New York to Budapest where Zendaya was filming the Dune sequel just to visit his girlfriend. You can see the proof of that here.
2023
Tom and Zendaya may be all about keeping their relationship out of the limelight as much as possible, but private doesn't mean secret and 2023 was a year where the private pair dropped hints about their love through sound bytes. "Our relationship is something that we are incredibly protective of and we want to keep as sacred as possible. We don’t think that we owe it to anyone, it’s our thing, and it has nothing to do with our careers," Tom shared withThe Hollywood Reporter in 2023.
He also referred to their relationship as something he holds "most sacred" in his life, later sharing in an interview for Jay Shetty's podcast that he and Zendaya "both feel very strongly that that is the healthiest way to move on as a couple."
In a September 2023 interview with Elle Zendaya echoed those sentiments, sharing how she feels about Tom and "protecting her peace" by holding their relationship close to her chest. "Parts of my life, I accept, are going to be public. I can’t not be a person and live my life and love the person I love. But also, I do have control over what I choose to share. It’s about protecting the peace and letting things be your own but also not being afraid to exist," she told Elle.
Also during that month, the two were spotted amongst A-listers enjoying Queen Bey's bday show during the Renaissance World Tour for date night.
2024
Date night in November 2024
Tom Holland/Instagram
With Zendaya's 2024 flawless back-to-back press tours for Dune: Part Two and Challengers, and Tom's stage role in the West End production of Romeo and Juliet and the release of his non-alcoholic beer brand Bero, there was no shortage of moments where the couple showcased their love for one another in their own way.
From very public Instagram Story displays of affection to holding hands behind the scenes at after parties or events, Zendaya and Tom were constantly spotted boo'd up and showing that their love was stronger than ever despite the lack of red-carpet appearances together.
In a February 2024 puppy interview with Buzzfeed, Zendaya gave her main man a massive shoutout when asked about "rizz" and said that his rizz works beautifully for her. "I think someone who has beautiful charisma, not on the Dune cast, but I personally—works for me—is Mr. Tom Holland. I’m more shy and kind of quiet, so it takes a little bit more to pull me out of my shell. But he’s great at just talking to people and getting to know people. You see him on talk shows and stuff like that. He’s just naturally very good at that. Whereas for me, I’ve definitely had to pull it out of me a little bit. So, he’s got that natural gift.”
2025: Zendaya and Tom are engaged
Zendaya attends the 82nd Annual Golden Globes Awards rocking what appears to be an engagement ring.
Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic
Starting the new year off strong, Zendaya sparked engagement rumors while walking the Golden Globes red carpet and sporting a sizable rock on her left hand that suspiciously did not match the vibes of the Bulgari jewelry she wore as accessories to the event. The rumors have since been confirmed with a source talking to PEOPLE, sharing that Tom has wanted to propose to Zendaya "for a while" and over the holidays was the perfect time to do it.
In a Dec. 18 interview for the Dish podcast, Tom teased his "secret" holiday plans with Zendaya for Christmas 2024 and shared that his hope for Christmas in the new year was that their families would be spending the holidays together. And now we know why. The actor had been planning to pop the question. He told the podcast, "I think what we'd like to start doing is rather than spending it with each family each year is bring the families together. That's what I think we want to do next time. This time, because we're both actors, we're terrible at organizing things, so it hasn't happened yet. The thought's there. The idea has been planted."
At the start of the year, comments Tom made in his cover story for Men's Health about respecting Zendaya's moment on red carpets by not walking them alongside her were making their rounds on social media, and now the couple we've all rooted for are engaged! In it, the 28-year-old actor said his reasoning was, "because it’s not my moment, it’s her moment, and if we go together, it’s about us." We love the way the Spider-Man star is never threatened by our girl's light! Congrats to the happy couple!
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Featured image by David M. Benett/Dave Benett/WireImage via Getty Images
Originally published on December 14, 2021, but has since been updated.
- Tom Holland And Zendaya Relationship Timeline ›
- Zendaya and Tom Holland's Relationship: A Complete Timeline ›
- Tom Holland And Zendaya Addressed The Viral Kissing Paparazzi ... ›
- Zendaya and Tom Holland's Relationship: A Complete Timeline ... ›
- Zendaya and Tom Holland's Relationship Timeline: 'Spider-Man,' More ›
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Your May 2025: A Monthly Overview
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We Are/Getty ImagesMay 2025 Horoscopes for Every Zodiac Sign
Keep reading for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what May has in store for you.
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThe impact from April is finally behind you, and you get to move forward this month, Aries. After a month of retrogrades and Eclipses, you are starting to see the progress of what you have been working towards financially this year. The Sun is in your 2nd house of abundance, self-confidence, and values this month, and you are putting your dreams here first.
With Venus also in Aries for the entire month of May, you are feeling the support within and without this month, and this is a beautiful month unfolding.
On May 24, Saturn enters your sign, beginning its transit in Aries, which will last for the next few years. Saturn is the master of tough love, and you are going to be learning a lot about yourself during his time and going through a growth spurt. The New Moon of May is at the end of the month on May 26 and will be giving you the answers and clarity you have been looking for, highlighting open communication in your life. Overall, this is your month of fewer obstacles and more progress.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTaurus Season is officially underway, and you are the main character right now, Taurus. Remember that. This month is about trusting your intuition and the timing of things, and knowing that things are working in your favor. With Venus, your ruling planet, in your 12th house for the month, you are seeking a lot of closure and culmination right now and are healing what was. Mercury enters your sign from May 10 until May 25, and it’s all about the perspectives you are gaining right now.
Don’t be afraid to ask the important questions and get down to the bottom of things that have been worrying you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of partnership, and you are closing the door on what has not been working for you in love. You are seeing the clarity of what you need within your emotional world and how you want to navigate the changes you have been through here now.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a new beginning for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy and vitality with you this month, and you are ready to accomplish some personal goals and intentions of yours. For most of the month, the Sun is in your house of closure and healing, and you are finding yourself rejuvenated from the transformations you have been through. Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and with the Sun in your sign, nothing is holding you back from shining and living in your truth right now.
On May 25, Mercury enters Gemini until June 8, and Mercury loves being in your sign, as this is your planetary ruler.
Mercury in Gemini is forward-thinking, quick, and intelligent. You are coming up with solutions to previous challenges or obstacles, and overcoming something that has felt restrictive mentally. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 26, and this New Moon is one of the best times of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest your dreams. Remember you are worthy of what you are setting out to accomplish this month, Gemini.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCancer, this month requires you to slow down, take care of your health, and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There is a chance you could be overthinking more than usual this month, and you are being reminded that there is only so much that is in your control, and to give yourself some more grace. The Full Moon in Scorpio on May 12 will help you gain a little more clarity of the heart and is going to be a time of feeling the love and appreciation in your life.
Saturn enters your 10th house of career on May 24, remaining here over the next few years, and you are getting an opportunity to grow and discover where you may have been limiting yourself professionally, socially, or within your aspirations in life. This time is all about reminding yourself that you deserve recognition for the work you do, but that you must also be the one believing in yourself as well. On May 12, there is a New Moon in your house of emotional healing, and you are seeing the gifts of alone time, safe spaces, and tending to your creative inklings at the end of the month.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is an opportunity for a new beginning in love and progress within your emotional world, Leo. You are learning to trust your intuition more, and you are putting more of your energy into your heart’s desires. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of the month, you are shining in your truth and remaining confident in your goals in life.
Venus is in your house of adventure for the entire month, and this is a good time for experiencing romance while traveling or getting out of your comfort zone a little.
Saturn makes a significant move from Pisces into Aries at the end of the month and enters your 9th house. With Saturn here, you will be learning more about what mental growth and clarity mean to you, and this is a good time to dedicate yourself to higher education, traveling, gaining a new perspective, and honoring your integrity and values. The New Moon of the month is on May 26, creating magic within your friendships and community.
You are leaving this month with hope in your heart and new plans for the future.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a month of abundance and fruition for you, Virgo. Your dreams and intentions are coming to fruition, and you are owning that which you have created for yourself. With Venus in Aries, this is a good time for seeing support in your life financially, dedicating yourself to your commitments and responsibilities, and seeing the gifts in that. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and this is an intuitive time for you, giving you the strength needed to close the chapter on what you don’t resonate with anymore.
On May 24, Saturn enters your house of shared finances, rebirth, intimacy, and resources, and over the next few years, you will be learning the importance of connecting with people who truly have your best interest at heart, and not committing to what feels unstable. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your house of career, and this is a good time to manifest and set your intentions for where you want to see professional growth in your life.
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LIBRA
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You are owning your authenticity and living in your truth fully, and this energy is magnetic.
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SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is about believing in the impossible, Scorpio. It’s time to take a leap of faith in yourself and to remember your power. You are seeking a new beginning in your life, and with the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month, you are being supported and encouraged in the process. Pluto, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde in your house of home and family from May 4 until October, and you are gaining clarity on the people and support systems you can rely on more.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year. You are in full bloom and ready for whatever is next for you, and this is beautiful. Previous intentions and goals come to fruition for you overall in mid-May, and there is a lot to look forward to right now as you are getting excited about it all. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your 8th house, creating a sense of empowerment through what you are looking to change and transform in your life right now.
This month is about not being afraid to take more risks and doing things your own way.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a beautiful month of magic, success, and good fortune, Sagittarius. You are feeling lucky this month and are attracting success to you in many different areas of your life. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and you are enjoying your life, feeling the love within your heart, and expressing yourself freely in May. You are a magnet for your manifestations, and dreams are coming true for you this month, Sag.
On May 12, we have a Full Moon happening in your house of endings and closure, and you are closing out a big chapter in your life this month.
You are letting go of old pain or emotional experiences and choosing not to repeat a pattern that left you feeling hopeless before. On May 26, we have a New Moon in your sister sign, Gemini, enhancing your need for love, connection, and relationship development this month. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for what partnerships you want to see grow, heal, and come to fruition for you. Overall, May is your month of fruition, balance, and believing in the magic in your life.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is about slowing down and allowing yourself to find the answers you have been looking for, Capricorn. This isn’t the time to rush your progress or doubt where you are in life. The Sun is in your 5th house, and this is good for finding more time for fun, pleasure, self-care, and asking your heart what it needs. With Pluto going retrograde in your 2nd house of values and income, you are being reminded to hold yourself with integrity and to know that you are worthy of the things you are asking for.
The Full Moon on May 12 is a beautiful time to connect with loved ones or those who inspire you. The universe wants to show you that you are not alone this month and that you deserve to live a life where you can enjoy yourself more and manifest your dreams, rather than believing everything needs to be a challenge to be worthy. Saturn, your ruling planet, then enters your 4th house of home and family, and over the next few years, you are going to be rediscovering what home means to you.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour guidance for May is to trust that what is falling from your life or changing for you is doing so for your benefit, Aquarius. Trust that what is happening is happening for you and not to you, and don’t doubt that you will rebuild from this. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign from May 4 until October 13, you need a break from some of the confusion you have been feeling in your personal life, and you are getting a chance to gain a new perspective this month.
Use this time to get inspired by change rather than let it bring you down, and ground yourself in the present moment more.
Saturn enters Aries in May, where it will remain for the next few years, helping you grow in the areas of your life that have to do with communication, networking, transportation, siblings, and education. You will be learning a lot during this time and will be finding new outlets for self-expression and communication. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini occurring in your 5th house of romance, pleasure, hobbies, and entertainment, and after a month of navigating endings, changes, and closures, you are ready for a fresh start and are receiving one in love now.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleAllow what is to be, be, Pisces. May is a month of allowing yourself to trust the timing of the universe and not giving up hope that things are going to turn out beautifully for you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and this is a time to get inspired and see the benefits of closure. This Full Moon is about gaining a new perspective and not doubting what is clearer to you now, that you are worthy of a new beginning.
On May 24, Saturn moves into your 2nd house of income, and you are going to be moving through a journey of developing financially, and working on maintaining stability while building new foundations in your life. The New Moon in Gemini at the end of the month is about setting your intentions for your home and family life and creating some new energy here. Overall, May is your month of breaking ground on the things you want to create for yourself and trusting the timing of how things are unfolding.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
If, despite what the dictionary says, you don't believe that "to worry" is an ultimate form of self-torment, check out some points from WebMD's "How Worrying Affects the Body" article. Worrying has a way of affecting your appetite, your sleep patterns, your moods, and your relationships. Some physical results of worrying include headaches, nausea, muscle tension, the inability to concentrate, and bouts of anxiety. In a nutshell, worrying can make you feel like crap, stress out the people around you, and ultimately paralyze you with doubt, fear, and angst.
And here's the thing—once you're done worrying, not only is the thing that you're worrying about still lingering around, but your worrying has probably made it that much worse. Basically, worrying does what the late newspaper columnist Emma Bombeck once said—"Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere."
Another thing that I've concluded about worry is a lot of people who do it are in denial about something else that it reveals, that they are a control freak. Think about it. When it comes to most of the things that we worry about, aren't they usually connected to things that we want to control, but are totally out of our hands?
Y'all, the more that I unpack this worry thing, the more I know that if there's one habit that all of us must rid ourselves of, it's worry. And chile, there's no time like the present to do just that!
Stop Creating So Many Hypothetical Storylines
I always think it's funny that, when topics like "drama queen" come up, automatically some folks get triggered. It really shouldn't bother any of us to hear the rundown of what a drama queen is (or does) unless it's a bit of a "hit dog will holler" kind of thing. Even then, if you see yourself as being one, there's no time like the present to make a change—if you want to, that is.
Anyway, although the typical definitions of a drama queen include things like mood swings, constant complaining, throwing temper tantrums, being a constant attention-seeker, and always stirring up trouble, I personally think that a totally underrated sign is someone who is always making mountains out of molehills. You know the kind—their man calls to say, "We need to talk" and, before he can call back, they've already decided that not only has he cheated, but he probably has a baby on the other side of town. Or, there's an impromptu staff meeting at work, and they walk into it in tears because they can already imagine themselves living in a cardboard box.
Your day-to-day life already comes with enough plots, twists, and characters. Significantly reduce your chances of becoming a worry wart by refusing to feed off of hypothetical storylines that your imagination is trying to freak you out with.
Do the Best That You Can. Consistently So.
Something that is mad freeing is knowing that, at the end of the day, you did the absolute best that you could. Not in some categories of your life—every single one of them. I can personally attest to this because, when I know that I've let the ball drop on something, it is a whole lot easier to get nervous, anxious, or worried than if I did all that I could. An example of this is a time when my rent got lost in the mail.
My landlord was telling me that if it wasn't found, I'd have to pay it again. Whatever. I had proof of payment. It was gonna be what it was gonna be. But back in the day, when I was an impulse shopper and writing checks all over the place, sometimes rent time would roll around and I'd be freaking out because I didn't know if I truly had enough in my account or not.
See the difference? When you know that you've done what is within your control, what else can you really do? It's when you have to face that you've been back-steppin' that worry is able to creep in. The good thing about this particular point is that it's a reminder that a lot of what we worry about ceases to be an issue if we simply operate in excellence and leave the rest to the Universe to figure out. (The check showed up, by the way. In case you were wondering.)
Avoid the Need to Get a Dozen Different Opinions
This is a gem of a point because, if you're someone who has wired yourself to have to speak with a billion people before making a decision, not only does that mean you don't trust yourself as much as you should, but it also explains why you may be prone to worrying a lot more than what is needed. Case in point. I recently found out that one of my main writing gigs was dissolving its company. When I shared this news with someone, they began to panic, seemingly on my behalf. "What are you going to do about your bills?", "Do you think it's time to get a full-time job?", "How can you handle this type of uncertainty?" Goodness, girl. I was actually doing just fine before I brought you into the mix. Lord.
When you're going through a challenge or trial, it's natural and, to a certain degree, even wise, to get another person's insight. Just make sure that you source out the kind of individual who will bring the kind of perspective that will make matters better, not worse; someone who will help to make things clearer, not more confusing. Oh, and try and keep the number of individuals that you consult with down to a minimum.
The more voices you hear, the harder it will be to listen to your own. And, the easier it will be to find more stuff to worry about—thanks (but no thanks) to all of the "extra" that they will bring into your psyche.
Stay Away from Negative Energy and People
On this site, we tend to talk about toxicity quite a bit—toxic family, toxic friends, toxic significant others…you name it. Well, a surefire sign that someone is a toxic individual is if they are negative most of the time. Negative people are the ones who always think that things are too good to be true.
Not only that but they blow small things totally out of proportion; they dwell on the bad circumstances in life; they thrive off of gossip; they tend to be self-deprecating; fear is always consuming them; they are stagnant because they rarely take risks; their moods are always leaning on the side of pessimism; they don't know how to forgive themselves or other people; they are chronic complainers; they dwell on the past—geeze. I could go on and on, but I don't want you to let the negative energy of even exploring all of this bring you down.
The interesting thing about worry, as it directly relates to negative people, is that negativity is what fuels them. And, fascinatingly enough, a lot of negative folks remain on the "glass half empty" side of life because negativity makes them, well, lazy. They would rather just assume that nothing is going to go right than worry about it or try and make things better.
This means that negative people will not only feed seeds of worry and doubt, but if you stick around them long enough, you can transition from worrying to not caring about what once concerned you at all. And rarely is apathy ever beneficial or good. There is scientific evidence to support that negativity is not only really bad for your health, it's mad contagious too. If you want to quit worrying so much, but you're always around negative energy and people, yeah, good luck with that.
It's pretty much like trying to avoid the flu when you share a bed with someone who's got it. It's not impossible but at the same time, it's pretty probable that you'll come down with it. Eventually.
Think of the Worst Case Scenario. Then Let It Go.
No matter what you're going through in life, there is always going to be a worst-case scenario. But, as they say, 85 percent of what we worry about actually never happens. Still, I think a part of the reason why worrying wears a lot of us out is because we're expending so much time, effort, and energy trying to talk ourselves out of the worst-case scenario rather than considering and then letting it go. A good example of this that comes to mind is when I was a little girl, I actually missed a flight that ended up going down. As a child, I never gave it much thought. Oh, but as an adult, I have. I travel, but flying isn't my absolute favorite thing in the world to do. It's because I know that I could've crashed on one.
One time, while on the way to Alaska, one of the little planes that I was on felt like a piece of paper in a tornado. I hated every moment of it. But the man next to me looked at me and said, "If it's your time, it's your time. What can you do about it now? Calm down." Ever since then, I've applied that way of thinking to just about every issue that tempts me to worry. I think about the worst thing that could happen, I make peace with it, and then I let the thought go.
It might seem weird, but once I'm in the head space of "Whatever it is, I can face it because God's got me," there is a sense of calm and tranquility that makes me almost fearless. Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it.
Take Things One Day At a Time
Remember how I said earlier that most worriers have issues with control? I meant it. Think about the last thing you worried about. Did it have something to do with what was going on in the now or something that could possibly happen tomorrow, next week, or even six months later? There is a Scripture in the Bible that says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:34—NKJV) No matter what your personal spiritual beliefs may be, you've gotta admit that this is a real pearl of wisdom in these words.
One problem with worry is that it causes you to take the focus off of what is right in front of you. Instead, you tend to put your energy and emotions into something that may or may not happen in the future. As a result, it robs you of time and the ability to handle what's before you with excellence. Matthew 6:34 is right. Tomorrow will be here soon enough, and you can best believe that it will come with its own set of concerns. But since tomorrow isn't promised, why not concentrate on what you can be sure of? Right here and right now.
Quit Overwhelming Yourself
There's someone I know who's always telling multiple people all of their business. Then, once their business gets out, they're all stressed out because they don't know who leaked it. SMDH. This is what feeling overwhelmed can be like—you feel somewhat burned out, if not completely overcome, all because you've taken on so many things that you don't really know how to trace your own steps so that you can complete everything. And when you've got tons that need to be done, of course, it's going to cause you to worry.
I know a lot of us ladies think that we're the masters of multitasking, but there is plenty of research that proves otherwise. While we might do "okay" with trying to do five things at once, we'd be much better off doing one thing at a time. It will keep our stress levels down, so that we can concentrate on doing each task with excellence. And, as a wonderful bonus, we can learn the art of saying "no" more often.
Doing one thing at a time is just one more way to stop worrying as much as you probably do.
RELAX
No one is able to relax when they are worried all of the time. How do I know this to be true? Because some antonyms for worry include calm, trust, sureness, confidence, reassurance, contentment, and joy. In this world, we all are going to experience highs and lows. That's a part of life. But as the late Rep. Elijah Cummings once said that he always asked his children, it's important that when "the lows" come that we ask, not why is this happening to us, but why is it happening for us?
By taking on the second approach to our circumstances, we can settle our spirits down more. Then, by doing something along the lines of meditation, yoga, prayer, sleeping, or even just chilling out on the couch and watching something that will get our minds off of what's trying to stress us out, we'll be better equipped to take it on.
Worry hates it when we're relaxed because it knows that it can't really get to us whenever we do. Bottom line—do what you can, release the rest. In a nutshell, that's the key to training yourself to stop worrying so freakin' much.
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Originally published on November 9, 2019