I was baptized Catholic and raised with the teachings of the Bible. My mother always told me, "God doesn't like evil." She would always preach the bible and call out to God in her trying times. I can hear her voice now. My father is a born Muslim, but I have never read the Quran. When I say a born Muslim, I mean yes, my father is Indian and was born into an Islamic family. My last name is not Ali by chance, nor did my father convert to Islam, and no I am not related to Muhammad Ali.
There is a mixture of religions among my family; some are Christian, Episcopalian, Hindu, Catholic, Baptist, and whatever other denominations exist. I am fortunate to have grown up in a multi-religious family with total acceptance of other religious practices. That is Trinidad for you––we are the only country in the world that celebrates ethnic and religious differences in unity.
I am effing proud.
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Before I discuss my present-day spiritual practices, let me step back and discuss my journey in Catholicism. My mother had my brother and I baptized at 12-years-old in Trinidad at the Catholic church across the street from my grandmother's house. We were baptized at a later age because my mother wanted us to have an understanding of both religions and a choice in the matter.
At the time, I told my parents I choose to be Catholic because I didn't want to cover my body from head to toe nor give up the experience of drinking alcohol when I become of age. That was my extent of knowledge regarding the Islamic faith. I know, I know, what does a 12-year-old know about these things? Not a gawd damn thing.
When we returned to the the United States, my mother, brother, and I would attend a Saturday evening Catholic service as my father worked the night shift. There was a time my dad converted to Christianity, I think it was when he married my mother way back in 1981. My mother also enrolled my brother and me in Catechism classes during my freshman year of high school. I didn't like going to these classes, at the time it was more of a social gathering to me in trying to fit in. I still didn't understand the repetitious kneeling to pray either.
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Yes, Catholic girls are indeed bad and a little fast (not me––I swear). I completed four of the seven sacraments; Baptism, Confirmation, Eucharist, and Reconciliation and Penance. Shortly after graduating from high school, I stopped attending the Catholic church. I think my brother and I had no interest in going because we were dropped off and forced to go by my mother. We were more concerned with house parties and kickbacks.
As I entered my mid-twenties, I began attending a non-denominational church with my uncle and aunt the first time I lived in Florida. It was our Sunday ritual, the sermons were easier to understand, the message received, and it gave me comfort to do something together with my family. I was also lost moving to a new state. I didn't know anyone and was unsure what direction my life was going to take.
Eventually, we all stop going to church.
Life happened, my uncle and aunt began to care for their grandchildren on a full-time basis. My time was consumed by a full-time job, part-time graduate school, and my newfound love for health and fitness. Throughout that time, I always prayed to God and I always knew the good in my life was only because of my faith in Him.
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Ultimately, I stopped believing in the church. I realized I believed more in the power of prayer and living my life right than I did the church.
I believed in one universal God with no separation of religions. It was all the same to me; the same lessons, the same discipline, and the same words translated a million times over. Phrases like "my God", and "our God" truly bothered me. It's the same God.
As I entered my early thirties, I attended a non-denominational church upon returning to California for a total of one time. I just didn't like being there. It seemed like one big show, a free concert, with colored stage lights, and drop-down projection screens. It was too extravagant for me. I continued with my nightly prayers at home, but then trauma hit. When trauma hits, it hits oh so differently. I knew I needed a different type of prayer and healing as my life began to spiral. I decided to undergo Reiki. Reiki resonated with me more than any religion.
To understand my energy, chakras, and my soul was what I needed to learn to become high vibrational and step into my power and light.
I have done both in-person and distance Reiki four times. Each time it revealed things I had to work on within myself or be conscious of.
I started to work with sage and crystals. I would sage myself, my car, and my room. I started carrying crystals every single time I traveled and kept them under my pillow at night, setting an intention for each one. I have purchased oracle cards to learn more about my divine feminine energy too.
More recently, I have had readings from a medium and a psychic. Again, revealing things to me I needed to be aware of, heal, or work on.
Fast forward to this current moment.
As of yesterday, I underwent a past life regression (stay tuned for part two of this article). A past life regression is a form of hypnosis. Let me tell you, I most definitely had a past life and a happy one too. It also reveals your soul lessons and helps you understand yourself a little better.
I still believe in God. I still believe in prayer. I still believe in faith. I still go to church if I am asked to go. But, I also believe in the universe, synchronicities, spirit animals (mine is a horse), and spirit guides too.
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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