The Key To Balancing Your Energy Might Be Aromatherapy
Our fast-paced, microwaveable ass society often pushes us to our limits, forcing us to grind day in and day out to make a living and hopefully afford some of life's luxuries. It's common for many of us to juggle multiple jobs just to make ends meet while attempting to maintain balance within other areas of our lives, including our relationships, hobbies, school and oh yeah—me time (which often gets pushed to the back-burner up until we reach a point of exhaustion, forcing us to replenish ourselves).
It's that reason alone that we need to be more proactive than reactive when it comes to our energy. Most of you are probably familiar with the oh-so-popular buzzword, chakras. If this word is new to you, here's a quick crash course about chakras. In Eastern medicine, it is believed that the human body is comprised of energy centers that help regulate all of its processes, ranging from the way we digest food, how we process emotion, and even how we connect with God. There are seven main chakras, which include the root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and crown chakras. Each chakra has its own unique vibrational frequency that is associated with a specific position on the body, color and functions.
So how do you know if your chakras need to be attuned?
Well, this imbalance of your energy can show up in different ways. The most common symptom of blocked chakras is extreme fatigue and a general sense of sluggishness. Other symptoms can include persistent financial issues, low self-esteem, hella toxic relationships, chronic anxiety, a lack of direction in life, and a whole bunch of other detrimental side effects that make your life way more difficult than it needs to be.
As the sensual creature that I am, I love to indulge in my senses—specifically smell because I know how quickly a scent can change my mood. Since I was a little girl, my parents were big on burning incense, especially on Saturday morning cleaning days. My love of incense eventually carried over into candles and essential oils as well. It has even been scientifically proven that fragrance can be used to "enhance health and promote feelings of well-being." (Yale Scientific Magazine)
Check out more information below on how to balance the seven main chakras using aromatherapy.
ROOT CHAKRA
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The root chakra, also known as Muladhara, is located at the base of the spine and is one of the most important energy centers due to it being the foundation of your chakra system. It is physically correlated with the legs, feet, colon, and the adrenal glands. This particular chakra is associated with our sense of security and stability within the world. It represents your basic needs for survival (food, water, shelter) and it represents your physical body and experience. Think of it as your more primal nature.
When your root chakra is out of balance, you can experience feelings of fear, anxiety, and greed. Most of humanity is stuck operating from an imbalanced root chakra due to financial strain and feeling the need to compete for resources.
It's important to practice grounding techniques, such as earthing, to attune this particular chakra. Patchouli is a musky-earthy aroma that is used to calm anxiety, alleviate fatigue, and help you stay grounded when it comes to pursuing your goals. Keep in mind that a little goes a long way and adding just a few drops to your favorite carrier oil for a foot rub can be just what you need to gain a sense of safety within your body and the world.
SACRAL CHAKRA
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The sacral chakra, also known as Svadhishthana, is located a few inches below the navel and is associated with the emotions, creativity, and sensuality. Physiologically, this chakra is associated with the reproductive system. It represents the element of water and is known as a more feminine energy center. The way that we relate to others is dictated by how balanced the sacral chakra. Symptoms of an imbalanced sacral chakra include codependent relationships with people or substances, being overly emotional or completely numb to your feelings, overindulging in sexual fantasy, and even lacking a sex drive altogether.
This sacral chakra is associated with how we experience pleasure. For many people, there is a lot of shame surrounding sexual desire and even just enjoyment. If you have a hard time letting loose, you may need to bring this chakra back into balance. Ylang Ylang is a dense, sweet, floral scent known to be an aphrodisiac and is popularly used in many perfumes. This essential oil, paired with a carrier oil, can be used for womb massages to get the energy in your sacral chakra flowing properly. It can also be used to get you and bae in the mood for some sexual healing.
SOLAR PLEXUS CHAKRA
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The solar plexus chakra, also known as Manipura, is located in the upper part of your stomach where your diaphragm rests. This chakra is associated with digestive system and metabolism. Its element is fire and it is often associated with the Sun. The Solar Plexus governs your will power, confidence, and independence. Imbalances in this chakra can result in a misuse of your personal power through manipulative or abusive tactics (on the opposite end of the spectrum, this can manifest as a sense of helplessness and irresponsibility), a lack of clear direction and purpose in your life, and making a shit ton of plans that you can't seem to practically follow through on.
When this chakra is balanced, we are typically capable of achieving our goals more easily because we feel capable of doing so. Self-esteem is associated with the solar plexus and without it, none of your dreams will be actualized. If you find it difficult really going after what you want in life because the voice in your head is constantly trying to bring you down to size, you could benefit from balancing this chakra. Bergamot, a citrus fragrance, can be used to revitalize your energy and boost your spirit. I personally like burning this in oil in a diffuser or making a homemade spray that I can use whenever I need a pick-me-up.
HEART CHAKRA
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The heart chakra, also known as Anahata, is located in the middle of the chest. Physiologically, this chakra governs the lungs and cardiac system. The primary functions the heart chakra serve are compassion, forgiveness, and love for self and others. When this particular chakra is healthy, we have an easy time receiving and giving love to others. This serves as your sense of connection to the people in your life. However, when the heart chakra is out of balance, you may have a tendency to hold onto grudges, feel extremely jealous, and even completely withdraw yourself into isolation due to fear of being hurt or seen in a more vulnerable space.
This particular chakra is important as it serves as the link between the lower and upper chakras, helping us to integrate the spiritual and physical experiences more effortlessly. If you find yourself living in one dimension more than the other, this can signify an imbalance in the heart chakra. As you begin to balance this energy center, you'll feel more meaningful relationships due to your ability to look beyond your ego. When we are living from the heart, we transcend the limitations of our identity and recognize the common thread between all of humanity. This ultimately increases your capacity to love unconditionally. Rose oil is one of the most common scents used as the fragrant flower is often associated with purity and love. Put a few drops of rose or jasmine oil in your bath for the perfect self-love ritual. If you're feeling witchy, try doing this on a Friday (the day of the week associated with Venus—planet of love).
THROAT CHAKRA
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The throat chakra, also known as Vishuddha, is located at the base of the throat. It is related to the element of sound, driving our communication and personal expression. This particular chakra is associated with the mouth, jaw, and thyroid and it's also linked to the shoulders and neck. Characteristics of the throat chakra include the propensity to express your truth, your ability to bring forth creative ideas to reality, and realizing your purpose in life. Both the throat and sacral chakras are naturally connected as the sacral houses the emotions and creativity, while the throat chakra actually gets it out there.
When this chakra is out of balance, it can manifest as dishonesty, shyness, and a lack of connection to your purpose. On the opposite end of the spectrum, this imbalance can result in an inability to listen to others due to excessive talking and not being able to hold water, as my grandmother would say. Peppermint oil can be used to stimulate this chakra while lavender can be used to calm it. Try making your own anointing oil by setting some intentions for how you would like to communicate. Whenever you have an important conversation, meeting, or interview, dab a little bit of your oil on your throat to help you express yourself clearly and gracefully.
THIRD EYE CHAKRA
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The third eye chakra, also known as Ajna, is located on the forehead between the eyebrows. It is commonly associated with intuition and foresight, governing the way that we perceive the world. This is probably one of the most well-known chakras, given its notoriety within various spiritual communities and conspiracy theorists alike. Physiologically, it governs the pineal gland which regulates our biorhythms, including both sleeping and waking times. This particular chakra is a key player in activating spiritual awareness and, in some cases, clairvoyance.
When in balance, this chakra helps us perceive the world beyond the veil, granting us access to deep wisdom and insight. It is often the guiding light when things don't make much sense in the physical world and it can serve as a powerful tool during times of transition or the unknown. When your third eye is out of balance, you may feel stuck in the mundane day-to-day activities of life with little to no capability of seeing the bigger picture. There may also be a lack of clarity and inability to tap into the vision for your life. You may also have a tendency to reject any and everything spiritual. When this chakra is overactive, you may fall into the trap of fantasies that easily classify as delusions. It's important that your lower chakras, particularly your root chakra, is stable as you attempt to open yourself up more psychically. Frankincense, commonly referenced in the Bible, is a woody aroma that can be used to activate your third eye chakra. You can either burn some incense or meditate with a chakra candle to help you develop your inner guidance.
CROWN CHAKRA
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The crown chakra, also known as Sahasrara, is located at the top of your head. It governs your connection to higher states of consciousness radiating outwards into the ethers to receive insight from God/Spirit/the Universe. This chakra is associated with the hypothalamus and pituitary glands which regulate the endocrine system. Due to its placement, the crown chakra is associated with the brain and nervous system as well.
When in balance, we can experience the blissful ecstasy that is felt when we're essentially at one with God and all that is.
When the crown chakra is out of balance, it can manifest as being disconnected from Spirit and overly critical of anything not rooted in the material plane. On the other hand, an overactive crown chakra can result in being way too in your head and not grounded in reality. There could even be a bit of an obsession with spiritual matters, causing extreme disinterest in your day-to-day routines. Cedarwood is a rich, woody aroma that the ancient Egyptians used in their spiritual practices as it helps keep you grounded as you activate higher states of consciousness.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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These 11 Married Couples Share Their Keys To Long-Term Marital Success
The late actor Audrey Hepburn once said something that I think a lot of married couples who have at least 10 years under their belt will agree with: “If I get married, I want to be very married.” In my mind, this means very committed, very complementary, and very willing to go the distance — otherwise, what’s the point?
Really, what’s the point?
Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, y’all) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be — folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And I’m not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how they’ve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Let’s all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content that’s like this so that people can speak freely*
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1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: “Some of your readers aren’t going to want to hear this but it’s worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when they’re not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if you’re expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, you’re going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.”
Adrienne: “Talk to people who respect your man about your marriage. I’ve never believed that you shouldn’t ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who don’t respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so that’s where things go left. Sometimes, you need an ‘outside in’ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesn’t respect marriage, or isn’t someone who holds your man in high regard, don’t ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why you’re friends with her at all.”
Shellie here: I’m big on engaged and married couples having a “village” of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'” to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: “Some of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. It’s where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make ‘7’ difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if you’re waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ain’t gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying you’re gonna be spontaneous and…never are.”
Paulette: “Initiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it — I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. We’ve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when we’re the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isn’t ‘Young and the Restless’, where you’re just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.”
Shellie here: What’s a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.”
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: “Reenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. We’ll go back to where we had our first date, or we’ll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to ‘play out’ later on.”
Gaia: “If you want to ‘mom your husband,’ you need to have kids — or at least get a dog! I didn’t realize how bossy I was until I got married. It’s because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought that’s what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They don’t try to change each other, and they definitely don’t make any demands. They’re very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Don’t be that.”
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4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: “Go to therapy for your childhood. I’m dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If you’re at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.”
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: “Meditate together once a day. Even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if we’re focused on each other, we can take on…whatever.”
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: “An argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and you’re home-free. That’s all I got.”
Rachelle: “That advice that you just got? That sums up what it’s like to live with my husband. He’s very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldn’t want ‘two of me’ in the house [LOL]. He’s right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.”
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: “Be prepared for your partner to change — not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now it’s not the person you stood with on your wedding day; it’s someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and that’s just not how life is. If you’re rigid, controlling, or don’t know how to adjust, you don’t need to marry anybody. You’re gonna be miserable, and so will they.”
Madison: “Pray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how it’s more than just what we’re getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I don’t think you’ll regret it at all.”
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
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7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: “Check in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldn’t assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I don’t mean sharing each other’s schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, ‘How are you doing? How are you really doing?’. It’s a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.”
LaTasha: “Give each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a man’s phone, and I won’t start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because we’ve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldn’t feel like jail.”
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: “Ask your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they haven’t changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Don’t personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we don’t know what our partner will think or ‘cause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. I’ve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.”
Wynter: “It’s okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just don’t go with people who don’t have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesn’t need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they don’t tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girls’ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someone’s wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.”
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9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: “STOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and that’s not what you’re doing if you’re constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if we’re gonna be real about it.”
Yvette: “I already know that some women are going to assume that my man must’ve done something to say all of that (LOL). He’s a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that he’s forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. I’ve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.”
Allen: “Sh- t, that’s bars, babe!”
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: “Why anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. It’s delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others aren’t — or that what you do isn’t ‘as bad,’ and that’s why you deserve forgiveness and others don’t. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. I’m here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you can’t see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isn’t for you.”
Danyelle: “I don’t know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but it’s a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ‘nothing’ when your man asks you what’s up because, if you’ve got a man like mine, he’s gonna say ‘Okay’ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isn’t his responsibility, it’s mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, that’s not going to get you anywhere either.”
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: “Have more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people don’t think like that. If you’ve got a friend since college, you’ve been through some things and you’ve learned to forgive and move past it. If you can’t see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didn’t take vows with; that’s ludicrous. Before anyone else, I’m going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It’s because I value her more than anyone. That’s what marriage is.”
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: “Even if you’re not about ‘traditional gender roles,’ discuss what the expectations are for the home. People don’t divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and you’ll look up, and it’s been 20 years already.”
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Gems. Pure gems, y’all.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)…better.
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