
Are You Being Manipulated? Are You Manipulative? Here's The Breakdown.

To me, manipulation is a lot like lying: on some level, all of us do it at some point or another (anyone who says otherwise, ironically, is either lying or being manipulative). Then there are those who seem to not be able to have any kind of relationship with other people unless they are trying to attach strings on them to pull on.
From a mental health perspective, when manipulation is at a fever pitch, that can lean into personality disorders like borderline personality and narcissistic personality (you cannot “Google” an official diagnosis on these, by the way; a licensed and reputable therapist would need to draw that kind of conclusion). Okay, but what if you’re just trying to figure out, once and for all, if there are some people in your world who simply use manipulation far more than they should? More importantly, what if you’re trying to assess if the main manipulative individual in your world is actually…you?
This is just what we’re going to explore today: what manipulation is all about, how to properly discern it, and what to do if you want it to stop. Because, if there is one thing that can become a real cancer in relationships, it is sho ‘nuf manipulation.
What Is Manipulation?
Perhaps, one of the most fascinating things about manipulation is, there are so many ways to define it. Some say that it’s all about someone exerting their influence over one or more people in order to get their way (or a particular agenda accomplished). Others believe that it’s based on creating some sort of stratagem that will make it easier for one person to exert their power over another (or others). Still, others call it a form of emotional exploitation, playing mind games and/or coming up with clever tactics in order to accomplish something that will quite possibly harm (or drain) one individual while benefiting another at the same time.
At the end of the day, what all of these things have in common is manipulation is all about control. Therefore, people who don’t seek to control others aren’t considered to be manipulative — controlling ones are. And already, that should be a sobering thought for a lot of folks because, if there’s one thing that a lot of people tend to be, that they don’t want to admit, it’s controlling.
Some individual’s egos are so out of control that it won’t let them humble themselves enough to realize that they are this way. Then there are those who’ve been used to manipulating for so long, in a bit of a more subtle way, that they don’t get how much they actually do it. I’ll give you an example. Recently, I was out with a “love sister” (sister by love not blood) of mine. Her mom called her three times in a row. When she texted her to say that she was fine and that she would call her later, her mom called her again. That caused her to think that something was wrong, so she called her back. Nothing was wrong. Her mom said that it could’ve been, though, which is why she should’ve picked up.
Do you see the nuanced manipulation here? Her mother wanted her to pick up when she felt that she should’ve and then threw in some guilt to, in her mind, hopefully, get her daughter to respond immediately in the future. Manipulation. Ugh.
I’ll give you another example. I’m currently working with a couple who are having all sorts of sex-related issues. The main reason is that the wife uses sex as a tool of manipulation. She basically does this by withholding intimacy until or unless she wants something. When she does, suddenly here comes all of the candles and lingerie (eye roll). It really is another message for another time that transactional dating plays a very significant role in how so many people have gotten to a place of using — more like misusing and abusing — sex in marriage. For now, I'll just say that it was NEVER created to be an “if this, then” dynamic.
Sex, especially in marriage, is to be about two people expressing their feelings for one another in a way where they both physically and mentally benefit: it’s not a way to (say) get some new shoes or get someone to change their mind about something. Using sex in that way is — yep, you guessed it: a form of manipulation. And approaching sex in this fashion is absolutely nothing to be proud of.
So, if manipulation is a tactic that no one should be proud of, why does it seem like an overwhelming amount of people are, indeed, manipulative? Now that’s a good question right there.
What Do People Get Out of Being Manipulative?
Last year, the Harvard Business Review published an article entitled, “Are You Being Influenced or Manipulated?.”
One of the points it brought up is that while influence is about swaying people in one direction or another (because we see on a daily basis, via celebrity culture, that influence can be positive or negative), manipulation is all about “operating, moving, altering, stirring, guiding, and editing things in your environment. Over time, it’s come to mean handling and managing a situation skillfully to serve your own goals.” This basically means that, at the end of the day, while many could possibly benefit from another’s influence, the only person who truly benefits from manipulation is, indeed, the manipulator.
So, there you go. The reason why a lot of people have absolutely no problem with being manipulative is because all they really care about is doing whatever needs to be done to make something go/work in their favor. And since there are so many cryptic approaches to manipulation, oftentimes they will find ways to rationalize their approach in a way that makes them feel like saying or doing certain things are fully justified.
Things like what? Let’s touch on six rather common manipulation maneuvers.
6 Things (Most) Manipulative People Do
1. They take great pleasure in gaslighting. When you get a chance, check out “Gaslighting, Love Bombing & 5 Other Triggers To Call Out In Your Relationships” and “Are You Dating A Gaslighter? Here Are 6 Ways To Tell.” They both get into one of the things I hate with every fiber of my being: gaslighting. For now, I’ll just say that someone who is a gaslighter is someone who manipulates the truth or facts of something in such a way that they will have you wondering if you are the crazy one. Oftentimes people who suck at taking accountability for their own actions will take this particular manipulative approach.
2. They play the victim in order to change the narrative. Currently, I’m in the process of writing my third book. As I’m going over some of the most toxic people I’ve encountered, I think it’s interesting how much they liked to twist and turn things to where they basically wanted me to apologize to them for their ridiculous actions. Hey, but that’s what folks who play the victim do. In order to get extra attention or to deflect from the destructive (or even just offensive) things that they’ve done, they will find some type of way to get into a self-pity mode, cry and then try to pull you into the soap opera right along with them.
3. They pile on the guilt. No one likes feeling guilty — and no one knows this better than a master manipulator. If somehow they can get you to feel like you owe them or that you need to make something up to them, they might even convince you to go above and beyond. A great example of this is a series from a few years ago called UnReal. It was a kinda-sorta fictionalized take on The Bachelor/The Bachelorette franchise. Anyway, one of the main character’s, Rachel’s mom, was a psychiatrist who manipulated Rachel into thinking that she was a bad person for telling her mom “no” and not doing things that would keep some of her mother’s vile misdeeds private. Because Rachel was the victim of sexual abuse (at the hands of one of her mom’s patients, no less), Rachel’s self-esteem was already so low that whenever her mother would pressure her to do certain things, for a long time, she would cave. Anything to not feel bad about herself. See how guilt works?
4. They are BIG on ultimatums. An ultimatum is a threat. Plain and simple. And if you’ve got to threaten someone to get your way, not only is that a form of manipulation and ultimately control, it’s also something that, nine times outta 10, is gonna backfire on you at some point. This is something that I tell people who try and weaponize ultimatums in romantic relationships. If you’ve got to offer one for something to go your way, that’s a red flag. And whoever gives into that, they are going to either end up resenting you, hating themselves — or both? Because no one feels good about being pressured to do something. Folks who dish out ultimatums don’t care; so long as their agenda is accomplished, in their time, that’s all that matters.
5. They like to totally take over conversations. Manipulators are poor listeners. With all that I’ve already said, this should make complete and total sense because, if it’s about accomplishing what they want, the only person they think should be heard is pretty much themselves. Not only that but, if they let others speak for too long, that could throw a serious wrench into their plans because points may be brought up that they will have a hard time refuting. Yeah, folks who tend to monopolize conversations can definitely go into the file of being manipulative individuals.
6. They try to convince you that your needs are not as important as theirs. These types of manipulators are honestly what help to keep relationship therapists, counselors and life coaches in business because they honestly couldn’t care less about mutuality and reciprocity. If these manipulators were being real with, at least themselves, they would admit that they see others as a source or resource — no more, no less.
Like I said, manipulation happens a lot. In fact, it’s almost scary to realize how many people don’t know how to interact at all unless some type of manipulation, on their part, is going on. SMDH.
What Does a Manipulative Relationship Look Like?
So, now that we’ve explored some pretty common tactics that most manipulators use, let’s briefly explore a manipulation-based scenario for five different types of relationships, so that you can get an idea of how interacting with a manipulative person looks and feels like.
Parental: The reason why I’ve written articles for the site like “How To Require Respect From Your Parents As An Adult,” “How To Recover If You Had To 'Raise Your Parents' As A Child,” and “What If It's Your Parents Who Happen To Be The Narcissists?” is because, it really is an epidemic — hell, more like a pandemic — the amount of people who can totally relate to one of my favorite sayings: “Adulthood is surviving childhood.” That said, if you’ve got a parent (or older family member) who thinks that respect should not be mutual when it comes to engaging them and/or they like to pile on guilt whenever things don’t go their way and/or they feel justified in dishonoring your already-articulated boundaries, I promise you that you are dealing with someone who is manipulative.
Professional: It can’t be said enough that, before taking a position, you really should ask to see your job description in print. Take it from me, as someone who’s had a few nonprofit gigs over my life, folks will have you out here doing four jobs for one paycheck, if you’re not careful. And yes, that is absolutely a form of professional manipulation (check out “Ever Wonder If You've Got An Emotionally Abusive Boss?”).
Romantic: Yeah, I’m gonna keep this one short ‘n sweet. When you get a sec, please read, “The Right Relationship IMPROVES Not CHANGES You.” If after doing so, you’re either mad triggered or you totally can’t relate (to the improvement part), on some level, sis, yes — you are being manipulated (or you’re doing the manipulating…ouch).
Friendship: I’ll put this one this way: Do you have a friend who only calls when they want something? Do you have a friend who is all about calling you out on your ish yet then plays the “You should just support me” card whenever you return the favor? Do you have a friend who takes more than they give? Do you have a friend who is passive-aggressive in conversations? Do you have a friend who projects their issues onto you? Do you have a friend who finds an excuse for each and every time they do something wrong, offend you or simply hurt your feelings? Do you have a friend who likes to make you question your every move? You already know what I’m gonna say, right? So, please read this: “10 Signs You’ve Got A Close (TOXIC) Friend.” Oh, and this: “7 Signs Your Friendship...Actually Isn't One.” Hmm…now that I think about it, also this: “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend.”
Church-related: Spiritual manipulation is real. LAWD, IS IT REAL. One of the most common tactics that church folks will use to accomplish it is to twist and turn Scripture to try and talk you into doing something you don’t want to do. They will act like, so long as they give you a chapter and verse, your own relationship with God (along with your own discernment and wisdom), should take the backseat. Hmph. Even the devil himself knows the Bible. Nope. Hard pass on spiritual manipulation.
How to Stop a Manipulative Person in Their Tracks
Now that some clarity about manipulation and how it operates have made itself known, what can you do whenever you sense that someone is trying to manipulate you?
1. Call them out on their ish. Wanna see a manipulative person get triggered like nobody’s business? Tell them that they are being that way. See, the thing about manipulative individuals is they’re so busy plotting and scheming, all the while thinking that their actions are totally undetectable, that they feel exposed when you tell them that you can see what they are up to. Yeah, manipulative people like to think they have the upper hand at all times; you totally destabilize them when you let them know that they don’t.
2. Say “no” and mean it. Manipulative people have a really difficult time with the word “no.” It makes sense too because a part of what they’re consumed with is trying to get people to say damn near anything but that. That’s why you’ve got to be really firm with these types of folks. While sometimes a “maybe” or “it’s up for compromise or negotiation” can happen with other people, don’t bend with manipulative ones. For them, “no means no” needs to stick because they need to hear it…because not enough people are telling them that. Real talk.
3. Set clear, firm, and consistent boundaries. A boundary is a limit and you don’t have to ask permission, apologize for or wait for someone to agree with, let alone like, a limit that you have put in place for you to have some peace in your life. No manipulative person is going to agree with that because boundaries hinder them from accomplishing what they set out to do — and that’s exactly why they need to have them.
How to Stop Being a Manipulative Individual (and Why You Should)
So, what if after reading all of this, you are basically squirming in your seat, because you recognize that you are the one who is the most manipulative? First, I’ll send you a few handclaps because it takes some real self-awareness and humility to even be willing to admit that (even if you only admit it to yourself). That said, even if there’s a part of you that wants to keep operating in this space, the main thing that’s important to keep in mind is…how would you feel if people were constantly coming up with cryptic ways to control you? If you wouldn’t like it, don’t you think that folks are about sick of your own tactics at this point?
Listen, giving up manipulative ways is not something that happens overnight. However, if this is the day when you want to at least begin being a less manipulative person, here are a few tips:
Learn to listen. You don’t really get to decide if you’re a good listener or not — those around you do. So yeah, ask some of the closest people to you if you tend to cut them off a lot and/or not retain what they say. Non-manipulative individuals are all about flexibility and compromise and that comes from letting more than the sound of their own voice have the floor.
Respect those around you. The manipulative people of my past didn’t respect me; if they had, my boundaries would’ve been respected, my needs would’ve been respected, and my feelings would’ve been respected. Yeah, if you’re out here railroading people, you don’t have a “strong personality” — you are manipulative. Demanding respect while not offering it is some serious delusional thinking.
Accept what others want to do. Acceptance is hard and I’ll be the first one to admit it. I believe it’s that way because, when you really get to that point and place, you have to fully make peace that sometimes other people’s choices will not be ones that you like, understand, or make you feel comfortable. Still, if you want them to give you that kind of freedom, you have to be willing to do the same.
Humble yourself. Something that I oftentimes say is arrogance is nothing more than low self-esteem throwing a temper tantrum. In other words, a lot of cocky people don’t like themselves very much which is why they manipulate: they think they need to control things because they don’t trust that life will work out just fine if they learn to chill out and let things…be. Humble people are pretty good at this because they know that not everything is about them; especially all of the time.
Develop some patience. Manipulative people tend to be impatient as well. They want things to not only go their way but to happen on their timetable. If you want to steer clear of manipulation, master the art of waiting.
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Marianne Williamson once said, “The reason we’re such fertile ground for the dark forces of such lies and social manipulation is that we’re dissociated from the genuine light of self-awareness.” Indeed. If you don’t want to be manipulated, start with not being manipulative. Things are sure to illuminate from there.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Sometimes I get asked the same question, often enough, that I’m like, “It’s time to address this on a larger platform,” — and for, whatever the reason, as of late, folks have been asking me what different sex acts mean.
No, not from the perspective of positions or techniques. What they’ve basically wanted to know is if making love, having sex, and f-cking are simply different words to describe the same thing or if there truly is something deeper with each one.
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
Back when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
A few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
And finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
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One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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