I believe I’ve shared on this platform before that whenever the topic of unconditional love between parents and children comes up, more times than not, I’ve got plenty of pushback to offer. Mostly because, through my fair share of experience and boatloads of personal observation, I’ve come to realize that what a lot of people think is unconditional love is actually manipulative control.
What I mean by that is, when many people say that they can’t unconditionally love an adult (like their spouse), yet they can their kids, the reason why kids are easier for them is that children have to do whatever they say. Oh, but let that child get old enough to have their own values, perspectives, and opinions (especially around the late teen years) — and watch all kinds of “conditions” from the parent arise (just think about it).
And a big part of that, in my opinion, is there’s not enough discussion that’s centered around if people RESPECT their children —you know, allow them to have their own views, don’t talk over them when they’re speaking, find other ways to discipline instead of always, and/or immediately putting their hands on them, giving them space to process their emotions…basically treating them as human beings who are just as worthy of respect as anyone else (because they are).
It’s kind of another topic for another time that a lot of grown folks basically suck at respecting other people, and it’s because their parents did a piss poor job at respecting them because I am a huge believer that it’s human nature to do what’s familiar more than what’s actually good or right (unless you’re hyper self-aware, very intentional and open to therapy). That’s the sad part.
How Do You Deal With Parents Who Don't Respect You?
The good news is if you’ve never even pondered the kind of respect that you are worthy of when it comes to your parents now that you are an adult or if you’ve been feeling disrespected and you’re not quite sure how to address it with one or both of your parents, here are some things that you can do to get the kind of respect that you deserve (because you absolutely do deserve it).
How To Deal With Parents Who Don’t Respect You #1: Be Okay with Setting (Firm) Boundaries
GiphyI once heard a therapist say that abuse is about having total disregard for someone else’s boundaries. As someone who grew up in an abusive home, on a few different levels, I would certainly agree. Boundaries are limits, and when it comes to mine, not only were some of my basic ones totally disregarded, but I also had a parent who went through my diaries, listened in on my phone calls, and pressured my doctors to give them intel — past my teen years.
Even well into my 30s and 40s, there would be things that they were explicitly told would be a violation of space, feelings, and needs that they would railroad right over — and feel totally justified in doing so when it came to my home, my relationships and my personal information.
I always knew that their actions were triggering as hell, yet it wasn’t until I read a book that I shout out every chance I get (Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't) that I got just how UNSAFE they were to act that way because a foundational truth about all healthy relationships is that boundaries exist and people respect them. And you know what? Parents don’t get a pass on that.
In fact, if they were serious about their role in your life, they would understand that they were to raise you to get to a point where you would know what limits should look like and which ones need to be set for everyone; them included.
Some of us have been controlled/manipulated for so long that we don’t even get what disrespect from a parent looks like. Honestly, it’s no different than when anyone doesn’t honor your boundaries:
- If someone dismisses your feelings or needs, they are dishonoring your boundaries
- If someone disregards your “no,” they are dishonoring your boundaries
- If someone pressures you to do something that you don’t want to do, they are dishonoring your boundaries
- If someone is hypercritical of you to the point where you try and be what they want instead of what you want, they are dishonoring your boundaries
- If someone has to be constantly reminded of your boundaries, they are dishonoring your boundaries
And again, they do not get a pass on this if they are your parents. In fact, if ANYONE should be the walking definition of “safe,” it should be them — and they aren’t emotionally safe to be around if your boundaries are not adhered to (only unsafe parents would disagree).
How To Deal With Parents Who Don’t Respect You #2: Remember That You No Longer Need Their Permission
GiphyOne of my parents is so off the chain that when they would stay in my house, they would try to tell me that I needed to stay with them whenever I took them to visit someone and that I would need to come back to my own house at a certain time — as I was on a curfew. Chile. And because I was afraid of what would happen if I said “no,” I would reluctantly agree. That is until one time — the last time I will ever allow this to happen — they violated a boundary and then tried to control my reaction to it.
It was then that I decided no more. Something in me realized that I didn’t need their permission to tell them that I wasn’t going to do or allow something…because I didn’t…and fully accepting that was oh so freeing! Permission means “authorization granted to do something; formal consent,” and we all reach a stage in our lives when our parents don’t have authority over us. Listen, I know that is difficult, especially in Black culture (especially if you were raised in Black church culture…more on that in a bit), to hear, yet it’s still the truth.
Back when you were not an adult, and your parents were providing for and protecting you under their roof, there was a certain level of authority that they had. Now that you are out on your own, though? You absolutely do not need their authority to do something. To think otherwise would basically imply that they have rules for your life, and I don’t get how any parent (short of perhaps some things that have to do with one’s culture) would need to do that for a self-sufficient adult.
Believe you me, once you really settle into the fact that a part of what comes with being an adult is being able to move without needing the formal consent of your parents, you’ll be amazed at how easy it is to apply these other following points to your life.
How To Deal With Parents Who Don’t Respect You #3: Also, Remember Their Words Are ADVICE, Not INSTRUCTIONS
GiphyMany of us are aware of the Scripture, “Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6 — AMPC) And the fact of the matter is, a lot of us know it because our parents taught it to us.
Yet, like a lot of people who only take the part of a verse that they like or is convenient for them and then disregard the rest when it comes to so much of the Bible (Psalm 37:4 comes to mind: “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”), many mothers and fathers stay parked at “train a child up” while forgetting (or is it ignoring?) that a child does not need their training forever; at some point, they are required to hold their own selves accountable in a way where the adult-child choose what training they will not depart from (Isaiah 7:14-15 is a good example of this).
And when it gets to that point and place, that’s when a parent shifts out of the position of giving instruction to giving advice — and no, an adult child does not have to agree with their parent’s advice, nor do they have to take it.
Because here’s the deal — advice, by definition, is “an opinion or recommendation offered as a guide to action, conduct, etc.” An opinion or recommendation isn’t always, nor does it mean that the opinion or recommendation is automatically right, especially right for someone (because all of us are different). Plus, a good advice giver knows that it’s not their role to force it on anyone. Typically, it’s not even volunteered because a wise advice giver knows that it is best received by people who actually ask for it. Not only that, but they also get that it’s not their job to conduct another adult’s life; that is the sole responsibility of the individual.
So no, healthy-minded parents of adult children aren’t invested in giving instruction because they know that is no longer their job, and they offer up advice…when it is sought after. They are able to chill out in this department because they release fear, remove ego and give their adult children the respect of living their lives how they want to — because that’s a huge part of what comes with adulting.
How To Deal With Parents Who Don’t Respect You #4: Don’t Accept Biblical/Spiritual Manipulation
GiphyDo y’all want to talk about how a lot of parents spiritually manipulate their adult children because they allow the leadership of their church to spiritually manipulate them? Since they don’t really know how to think for themselves, they pass that toxicity down to their offspring? Not now? Okay, just let me know when.
Because look here, the stories are countless when it comes to adults who have either told me that they lost their identity thanks — yet not thanks — to biblical/spiritual manipulation or they are out here living the lives that their parents mapped out for them instead of what their passions actually are. And how are so many parents able to get away with that? It’s with the help of one verse that happens to be a commandment (the fifth one, to be exact): “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12 — NKJV) Okay, but just what does that mean?
Let manipulators and control freaks speak on it, and they will jump right into the word “obey” when that isn’t even what honor means. To honor someone is to respect them. To honor someone is to give credit where credit is due. To honor someone is to give them a place of distinction that no one else holds. Now tell me where “do whatever they say and tolerate whatever they do for the rest of your life” is in any of those definitions. Yeah…exactly.
Some synonyms for honor include praise, celebrate, and paying homage. Yeah, looks to me like honoring one’s parents is more about recognizing the sacrifices they made in your life, not belittling their role, and giving praise where praise is due — not letting them talk to you any ole’ kind of way or intimidate you into living the kind of life they think is best for you. I mean, if we’re going by actual word definitions and not scripture manipulations.
So, does that mean that children aren’t to obey their parents? Ephesians 6:1-3 is clear about that being important — for children to do not adult children, though. Besides, I find it mighty interesting that usually, the parents who try and twist and distort the Fifth Commandment will be the same ones who act like Ephesians 6:4(NKJV) does not exist: “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
What does it mean to provoke someone? Provoking is about triggering them. Provoking is about emotionally stirring them up. Provoking is about saying or doing what you know will make them angry. It’s about arousing negativity in them — and parents aren’t even supposed to do this to little children, yet so many parents do this so much of the time.
So yeah, if you happen to have a Bible-thumping parent in your life who acts like the Fifth Commandment is the joker card in a spades game when it comes to justifying how they try and violate your own boundaries, you are more than well within your rights, as an adult, to remind them of what provoking someone means — and that if you feel provoked by them to let them know.
How To Deal With Parents Who Don’t Respect You #5: Manage Your Emotions When It Comes to Their Disapproval
GiphyIf some of this is resonating with some of y’all to the point where you feel like you can break from the shackles (yes, shackles) of feeling like you have to constantly do what your parents say or put their happiness above your own, that’s awesome. I will say that as you’re easing into this new head and heart space that there is something else to keep in mind: yes, as an adult, you have the right to make whatever decisions you want — and no, your parents do not have to like it, agree with or support it. Ironically, you are trying to control them if you think that they should.
I can’t tell you how many times I have seen this scenario play out. One example that immediately comes to mind is a college student I know who initially took on a major that their parents pressured them into. When they decided, during their junior year, to switch to something totally different, they basically threw a temper tantrum when their parents pulled their financial support out of their tuition.
Yeah, that’s the part of adulting that a lot of people don’t want to deal with: they want to do whatever they want and still have their parents back their choices no matter what. Yet that’s not how it works. If you want your parents to respect your right to make certain decisions, you, in turn, must respect how they choose to respond to those choices. It’s not about if their reaction is “right” or “wrong,” it’s about them having the freedom to do what they will, just like you.
Another example that comes to mind is the movieWrath: A Seven Deadly Sins Story, which came on Lifetime several months ago, starring Michelle Williams and Tina Knowles-Lawson. Michelle’s character had a boyfriend that she asked her father’s opinion about, and then she got mad when he disapproved (he ended up being right, by the way). And you know what? That was immature on the daughter’s part…she asked.
It’s not like it doesn’t make sense, though. Just like parents of adult children have to, well, grow up and realize that their authoritative role has shifted once their children are grown, the children have to realize that their parents don’t have to like everything that they say or do — and that doesn’t mean they aren’t still loved (at least if the parents are healthy); it just means that there comes a time when parents and adult children have to learn to agree to disagree on certain matters. And that’s more than okay.
Yep. If you want the freedom to make your own decisions, you must also give your parents the freedom to be overjoyed or disinterested or even extremely disappointed about those matters. Real talk, they don’t have to celebrate everything you do. As you mature, you will learn to be fine with that. Again, it comes with growing up.
How To Deal With Parents Who Don’t Respect You #6: Be Okay with Providing Consequences (or Being Their Consequence)
One more. When it comes to setting boundaries, one quote that I like a lot is by an author by the name of Nick Chellsen. He once said, “Boundaries are what you say 'no' to. Priorities are what you say 'yes' to.” When you were a child, on many levels, your parents determined what your priorities should be; now that you are an adult, that call is solely on you. And yes, this means that you get to fully and freely determine what to say “yes” to (priorities) and what to say “no” to (boundaries).
So, what happens when one or both of your parents try to disrespect your call on these things? That’s when you need to introduce consequences. Yep — CONSEQUENCES. See, a controlling (which is an unhealthy) parent will already take issue with that because they have fooled themselves into believing that they are above consequences, yet all a consequence is, is the outcome of a certain action — and the reality is that most of us do not learn without consequences.
That parent of mine who I told you earlier in this piece crossed a particular boundary for the last time? There is a particular consequence that I have upheld for years now, ever since they did it. Because for years, I had been telling them to stop dismissing my boundary, and they didn’t care — and since they didn’t respect my needs on their own, a consequence had to be enforced. I’m at complete and total peace with it because the consequence is what finally got me what they refused to grant, just by my requesting it. The consequence is what reminds them, daily, that if you won’t grant the respect that I deserve on the merit of being an adult on your own, I will require it with particular outcomes.
Y’all, another article for another time is just how much I have been okay (more than okay) with living by the motto, “Sometimes you have to be someone’s consequence so that they will learn hard lessons so that they will stop wrecking other people’s lives.” Because the irony here is some of the main people who are out here “demanding their respect” are the very ones who are also out here being totally disrespectful to others.
And that’s because they think that respect is a one-way street when it absolutely is not. Never has been. Never will be.
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Is trying to get respect from parents who aren’t used to respecting you easy? I ain’t got no lies for you, it absolutely is not. For years, they had a lot of say about what happens in your life, so it takes “both sides of the fence” to get reprogrammed in this department.
At the same time, what I will also say is if they always respected you, even as a child, the shift will be far less challenging. Meanwhile, if they never really did…well, all the more reason why you should start requiring it now. ASAP.
You know, I once read a quote by an author by the name of Michael Bassey Johnson. He said, “If you truly want to be respected by people you love, you must prove to them that you can survive without them.” Whew. Requiring respect sometimes comes at a high price when you’re dealing with people who would rather control you than respect you. Yet never fall for the myth that you are “out of bounds” for expecting respect from ALL people in your life. Your parents included. And don’t feel bad about doing what needs to be done to get that respect, even if the consequences have to be extreme for folks to learn. Your parents included.
It truly can’t be said enough — respect is a basic right. Require it.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Sex & The New Year: Single Women Get Candid About Their 2025 Intimacy Goals
Fail to plan, plan to fail. It is certainly a saying that all of us have heard at one point or another; however, when it comes to sex, specifically, and definitely when it comes to women who aren’t married or in a serious relationship, I’m not so sure that plans are encouraged as much as they probably should be. I don’t just mean planning to get tested with partners or planning to use birth control — hopefully, those things are a given (right?).
What I mean is, if you are someone who likes to sit down and come up with resolutions for the new year, when it comes to your sex life, what exactly are you resolving to do? What sex-related goals do you actually have? Because if you don’t know and you kind of just let life “happen to you,” the way you end 2025 may not be the way you planned…because there never was a plan in place.
All of this is why I decided to ask 10 single women to pause, ponder, and then produce a semi-formal sex plan that they would be willing to share with y’all. Although a few of them were taken aback by my request at first, by the time they gave me their answer, each woman found it to be something that they would be doing annually moving forward — because, like everything else in life, knowing what you want out of sex, for yourself, is essential. And you certainly increase your chances of getting what you desire…when there is a plan in place.
*Middle names are always used in these types of interview pieces so that individuals can speak freely*
1. Hannah. 28.
Giphy“Girl, my sex plan is to stop having sex with my ex-fiancé. When we broke off our engagement 16 months ago, I’m not sure if either of us thought that we’d keep having sex like we were still together. But who wants to keep racking up bodies or risking getting an STD? Plus, the sex with him? I have never had it so good and so consistent. But when you asked me about putting a ‘sex plan’ together, and I really thought about how our relationship has no future — I accept that I need to let that last part of us go. Otherwise, I could date someone and still be having sex with my ex. I’m not going to tell him [her ex] about my plan until after our date on New Year’s Eve. Don’t judge me. I’m a work in progress!”
Shellie here: Check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”
2. Alexie. 34.
Giphy“I’m gonna have me some multiple orgasms, dammit! I am so tired of reading about them and not being able to relate. I think women have been conditioned to think that even getting one is something that we should be grateful for — you know, kind of like that Salt-N-Pepa brag about getting knocked out for the night after one ‘shot.’ No ma’am. I wanna know what it’s like to cum, pause, cum again, pause, and cum again. I’m going to make that my mission for the entire year. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
Shellie here: Check out “How To Have Mind-Blowing Multiple Orgasms. Tonight, Chile.”
3. Thalia. 27.
Giphy“I want to learn how to enjoy oral sex more — not giving, receiving. I’ve always liked the power that comes from giving a man head, but I haven’t met a guy who makes receiving it feel as good as my girlfriends talk about. Whenever it happens to me, I feel annoyed; it’s almost like a dog is licking on me or something. Everything just feels wet, sloppy, and aimless. I’ve got a guy friend who says that he can get me what I’m after. I’m considering him because I’ll be damned if I’m out here giving out all this good head, and I end up dying not knowing what everyone else is even talking about!”
Shellie here: Check out “Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?” and “Okay. So, This Is Why Oral Sex Is Probably Not Satisfying You (Fully).” and (just in case) “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”
4. Icelynne. 30.
Giphy“‘Get over a man by getting under a different man’ is some bullsh-t. All you do is up your body count. The guy I’ve been seeing, the kissing is good but the sex isn’t that great, but I really like him. In the past, I would just move on, but now that you ask me to come up with a plan — I think the plan is to try and make sex better. You get older, and you realize that sometimes you ‘click’ immediately with someone, and sometimes, you need to be more patient. It’s not that the sex is bad, it’s just that I’m used to good sex being easier. Learning to talk about my needs and working with someone to meet them — that’s the plan for next year.”
Shellie here: Check out “Do You Lie About Your Body Count? Here's Why You Shouldn't.,” “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed” and “Is There REALLY Such A Thing As 'Bad Sex'?”
5. Gabriella. 45.
Giphy“I’m sick of reading about all of the different kinds of orgasms that you can have and barely knowing what a [clitoral] one feels like. If I can have a nipple orgasm, then I’m going to have one. And I can have one by myself? In my sleep? [Shellie here: Yes, sleep orgasms are an actual thing] And what’s this, you can come just from someone kissing you, right? What the f-ck?! I’m on mission to be able to say that I’ve had every type of orgasm there is. The interviewing process for this mission is about to be so funny, too. I already know.”
Shellie here: Check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”
6. Terrika. 33.
Giphy“I’m leaving faking orgasms in my rearview mirror. It doesn’t help anything. All it does is make men think that they’ve accomplished something that they haven’t and make me resent them for doing it. I hate to say it, but I’ve been acting like I’ve cum for so long that I can’t even remember the last time that I’ve had a real orgasm — oh, yes, I can, and it was two damn years ago! I think because I like sex, even if I don’t cum, is why I’ve put up with it for so long. I’m not getting any younger, and I need to make sure I end up with a man where I don’t have to do any pretending. 2025 is going to be my year. I am speaking it into existence!”
Shellie here: Check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” and “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”
7. Persephone. 38.
Giphy“I want to experience sexcations all over the world. I find it fascinating how much sex gets better for me whenever I’m in a new environment. If that can happen just with a different hotel or an Airbnb, I can only imagine what it would be like to make love in London, Cape Town, or Barcelona. It’s also sexy to get to know someone better in a different space. I met a guy [last year], and our connection is strong. We’ve been talking about stamping our passports together. We haven’t had sex yet. I think an international sexcation being our first time, would be perfect for the new year.”
Shellie here: Check out “Married Couples, It's Time For A Sexcation!” and “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”
8. Evelyn. 29.
Giphy“I want to know what ‘making love’ feels like. Is that weird to say? Coming into sex, I was what my friends say is a ‘late bloomer’ because I didn’t have sex until my junior year [of college]. It wasn’t random, but it wasn’t with a guy who I loved — well, I loved him as a friend and still do, but it wasn’t a romantic type of thing. I was curious and trusted him to try it out. I don’t regret that, but since, there have only been a few others, and the pattern has been the same: sex with friends and nothing mind-blowing. [In 2025], I want to wait until I’m in a serious relationship and then have sex. I keep hearing that love-making is the best. I have no clue. Would like to know.”
Shellie here: “Unforgettable: 10 Men Open Up About That 'One Experience' They'll Never Forget”
9. Tamiko. 41.
“I want to take a break [from sex]. During my marriage, we had so many sex problems that once we divorced, I definitely made up for lost time. It was mostly because I felt like I was being ‘sexually gaslit’ by my husband — like I couldn’t get the sex that I was after, and it was my fault. Now that I know that it wasn’t a ‘me problem,’ it was an ‘us issue,’ and I’ve gotten all of my ‘itches scratched,’ I’m ready to learn some other things that make me tick outside of the bedroom. I’m not necessarily declaring abstinence for a year, but I am done with my nothing-more-than-sex quest. Next time, it will be someone who gets me excited in more than just the bed.”
Shellie here: Check out “I've Been Abstinent For 12 Years. Here's How.” and “6 Genuine Signs You're Making An Emotional Connection With Your Sex Partner”
10. Lana. 51.
Giphy“My plan is to be more open-minded — not so much when it comes to my standards for a partner but the things that I’m willing to do sexually. I’m not the most conservative person on the planet, but when it’s always in the back of your mind that you can get pregnant, that can make you more cautious. I’m on the tail end of menopause now, so I suddenly feel more adventurous. With a steady sex partner, I’m ready to try whatever and do whatever. Sex that exceeds anything I’ve done before…that is my 2025 plan, girl. Let’s go!”
Shellie here: Check out “What Having Sex After Menopause Is Like, According To 10 Women”
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