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What Is Gentle Parenting & How To Incorporate It In Your Parenting Style
As you mature from a child into adulthood, you come to realize that most of our parents did the best they could, raising us with the tools and information they had at the time. But as many of us embark on our own parenting journeys or ponder whether it’s the right route for us to take, we now have new resources, healed trauma, and higher levels of self-awareness that can help us make informed decisions on how to parent our children.
Just like it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes the right frameworks and methods to approach parenting's most challenging moments. From breaking rules to the occasional public meltdown, one parenting style suggests that no matter the hiccup, the behavior of a child should be met with compassion, kindness, and empathy. And such is the case for gentle parenting.
Gentle parenting is a parenting style that prioritizes understanding over punishment. It’s a science-based approach to parenting that focuses on respecting, supporting, and empathizing with a child’s needs and feeling while promoting their emotional and social development. Gentle parenting emphasizes the importance of positive communication, active listening, and boundary setting in a collaborative and compassionate way, empowering children to embrace their autonomy within a safe and nurturing environment.
“You cannot be a gentle parent if you are not first a conscious parent,” says Lisa Jean-Francois, a parenting and mental health content creator, who refers to gentle parenting as an act of “conscious parenting.”
As a neurodivergent wife, and mother of two sons — one of which is neurodivergent as well, she first began implementing gentle parenting during the pandemic while spending more time at home with her children. During that time, she began to realize that the reactive parenting style she was implementing with her children was no longer productive. “I was sick of yelling and threatening,” she tells xoNecole. “I was frustrated with the way things weren’t operating in my household, and I was relying on threatening and spanking.” Soon she discovered a Facebook group called Decolonized Parenting that exposed her to other Black parents looking to explore different tools outside of spanking and hitting, along with the mindset shift that came with it.
She explains that implementing a gentle and conscious approach to parenting first requires a deep level of self-awareness. “You have to make a decision to examine yourself, what your triggers are, and understand that the way you were treated as a child wasn’t beneficial to you then or now as a grown-up,” she says.
If it’s hard to fathom what your childhood might have looked like with this type of parenting technique in place, there’s a deeper reason behind why that could be. While many of us grew up in strict households ran on the foundation of structure, harsh disciple, and “do as I say” recoils, we can see that much of how we were parented was the direct result of ongoing cycles of fear and trauma passed down from the generations before. An approach to discipline that was put in place to protect us from the anti-Black society we live in to shield us from irreversible harm.
Traditional parenting styles within the Black community have been deemed as “violent” but necessary for our ongoing safety and survival. However, many young parents are now considering gentle parenting as a revolutionary act of healing generational trauma, offering an alternative to corporal punishment.
Still, it’s an unlearning process that must first begin with the parent.
“It’s doing the work on yourself, regulating your emotions, and then responding to your children's needs without shame, threats, fear, punishments, hitting, or yelling,” Jean-Francois explains. “You don't have to be a child development expert, but you should have an understanding of it because one of the reasons adults are often reactive to the behaviors of our children is because they don't fully understand how a child’s brain processes information.” With new research available, parents are now able to explore alternative child disciple tactics that are age-appropriate and aim to teach, and not punish.
“People will respond to tantrums harshly because they believe that it's an act of disobedience or defiance. But in truth, children between the ages of one to three will have moments where they are emotionally dysregulated, and it's absolutely developmentally appropriate,” Jean-Francois says. “Once you have that understanding, you're able to then problem solve and not take your child’s behavior personally.”
But it’s important to note that gentle parenting is more than just about finding ways to tame the nature of a child. In fact, Jean-Francois has found that gentle parenting has revealed parts of her inner child that need care and reparenting. “There really isn't any aspect of the way I parent my children that resembles even remotely the way I was parented,” she says. “I had to understand that my child is not beneath me. I'm not an authority over my child; my child is their own person. My role is to operate as their guide.”
For parents who are looking to practice gentle parenting, Jean-Francois says that self-education is key. Patience and books like The Whole Brain Child have been essential tools in her journey, along with having grace with your child’s development — at every stage. “You're going to keep responding to your child’s behavior like it’s a personal attack, so you have to understand the way their brain operates,” she shares.
Since implementing conscious, gentle parenting, Jean-Francois has found that the greatest reward has come through the proof that her children respect her, over fearing her, and even at their young ages, can advocate for themselves.
“My oldest son was raised for six years without a conscious mom or conscious dad, so he still kind of carries some of those things. But I see the results in the way in which he communicates with me,” she says.
“If I talk to him with any bass in my voice, he’ll say to me, I don't like the way you're speaking to me. Can you lower your voice? I don't talk to you like that. Why are you talking to me like that? He'll check you,” she shares lightheartedly. “I can see he’s not going to be a victim the way I was a victim in so many ways in my life. If those two things are all I get out of this journey, I think I’ve done really well.
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
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When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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