Have you ever looked at the hashtags of self-care? The first few hundred photos are mostly of white women smiling, brunching with their girlfriends, and in facial masks and expensive robes. The takeaway? Black women can't afford to take time for themselves.
I'm a firm believer that self-care Saturdays and Sunday should be abolished because my needs aren't defined by what day of the week it is, but I get it - the goal is to emphasize check-ins on you.
But who sets that standard for us? Last year, I decided that my self-care would be radical - which meant that I'd go out of my way to take care of me. And while I love a good spa day as much as the next person, I needed a routine that doesn't cost much, and helped my life run much smoother. Here are nine things you can add to your self-care arsenal:
1.Making difficult decisions.
Someone once told me that happiness isn't a destination that you find yourself at, it's a series of choices. It's those things you don't notice--getting up earlier, saying 'no', leaving your ex on 'read', setting a budget--that ultimately helps you create a life for yourself that love.
2.Owning when you need me-time.
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I find that most Black women wear being there for everyone as a badge of honor, and I refuse to subscribe to those toxic expectations that left our mothers and grandmothers overworked, underpaid, and their love tank on E. When I need time for me, I take it. I've learned that the opposite of selfishness isn't selflessness; it's boundaries and realistic expectations.
3.Doing your laundry before your hamper overflows.
Because being on your last pair of underwear, or your favorite workout gear not being clean in time for a gym session with your girls, never made anyone feel better about their lives (now I can't tell you that I folded the laundry, just know I washed it, sis, I don't know what you want me to tell you).
4.Drinking tea while it's hot.
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Raise your hand if you made tea, sat it down to take care of a million other things, and by the time you picked it up, it was cold - you all just virtually raised your hands. Taking the time to be in the moment and drink my matcha while it's hot in the smallest way is a way I can affirm that I deserve to be still, and enjoy small pleasures.
5.Going to therapy.
Therapy isn't free, but for Black women, it's essential. The weight that we carry around in this world mentally and emotionally deserves release, and we need to normalize prioritizing our budget for it. My co-pay has become my happiest weekly expense because that time on the couch will benefit me for years to come.
6.Clearing out unread emails.
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Answering unread emails/cleaning out spam has become my new favorite pastime. Having tons of people awaiting my response can trigger anxiety, so taking the time to assess my priorities and what I can/can't say 'yes' to is paramount to my organization routine.
7.Spend time with your best friend.
As crazy as my schedule can get, I make it a point to at least once a month make time to hang out with my best friend. Even if it's something as small as a coffee, take that time to check-in with the person that knows you like no one else.
8.Twerk lessons via YouTube.
I don't know if it's just me, but I got tired of not being able to twerk like my girl, Meg. One Friday night, I locked myself in my room, and I didn't come out until I learned how to twerk like the Houston rapper. Even if twerking isn't your thing, learn a new TikTok dance. Laughter and movement are therapeutic in and of itself.
9.Watch your favorite show.
My favorite show of all-time is Girlfriends, and I love watching it in the bathtub with some wine (as well as rose petals, if I have any on-hand). I used to think that romantic baths had to involve a partner, but that time to myself helped me realize that I can treat myself well, whether someone is there to facilitate, or enjoy it with me, or not. I deserve self-care because being a Black woman in American is a revolutionary act and as much as we can - we need to honor that and tend to us, first.
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Originally published on May 20, 2020
This year has proven that even breaks from make-up aren't a cure for all skin concerns. Quarantine has brought about a new pesky trend, called maskne, acne around the face due to mask-wearing for hours daily. There is a myriad of things to consider as to how your maskne might be present - your quarantine diet, stress, and skincare routine. But what you should think about most is the amount of time you're wearing a mask, and if that material of the mask is causing you breakouts.
A month after social distancing restrictions were put in place, I was ready to work out in the park again and I decided to get four miles in on the track near my home daily. While it felt great to get outside and have the sun hit my face, my skin repeatedly broke out due to wearing a mask as I'd often find myself passing runners, families, etc during my workout.
I tried so many things to eliminate the acne, switching up my cleanser, diet, detox, and nothing worked as well as my latest toy - a steamer.
Why I decided to purchase the steamer:
Prior to COVID-19, I swam and went to the sauna weekly and my skin never looked better. My weekly sauna trips opened my pores and my skin had the perfect glow, even in the coldest days of winter. With the gyms closing, I wanted to get creative and have a similar steaming experience that was safe (I tried putting my head into a pot on the stove, it's doable but a struggle - get the steamer, sis) and affordable. There are many sites that sell steamers, here's the one I purchased.
What to do before you steam?
Remove all the makeup/moisturizer off of your face, and as simple as it sounds, enjoy the experience. When I steam, I attempt to recreate the same experience as the sauna. I even purchased a bath head wrap and towel to make me feel like I'm somewhere else.
How long do I steam for?
The instructions stated that I should steam for 10 minutes, so I took the steamer into my room and set a timer. I tried standing in my bathroom for ten minutes and it made the process less enjoyable. Being able to relax on my bed made me feel excited about the experience, and enjoy myself.
How does my skin feel after?
While I didn't initially see the difference, two days later, a pimple I had that was extremely painful disappeared, and the scar was much lighter when it left in comparison to the acne scars that have been left on my face following a pimple. Additionally, I slept better following the steam, and the skin on my face and neck appeared clearer the next day.
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There have been many studies about the benefits of houseplants. NASA revealed that houseplants can remove up to 87 percent of air toxins in 24 hours. In tandem, studies have also proven that indoor plants improve concentration and productivity (by up to 15 percent), reduce stress levels, and boost your mood — making them perfect for not just your home but your workspace, too. Not to mention the latest craze of plant moms across social media and the posts outlining tips to care for your plants, and what plant you're likely to own by zodiac sign (which was very wrong for me, I'm an Aries who hate succulents).
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Months into learning my plants, I've realized that while caring for them is a new experience, the feedback that I'd received online (of often plants just die no matter how much you care for them) that plant care was much deeper than water, repotting, and exposure to sunlight - your plants are telling of your self-care regimen for yourself.
Here's how I came to the realization that your plants expose your patterns. If you're neglecting your plants, chances are:
You’re neglecting your morning routine.
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My morning routine starts off with scripture, drinking a liter of water, and watering my plants. When I skipped that, I not only neglected my own moments of stillness before my day, I neglected my plant's time to feel supported - and connected to me.
You’re not in a good mood.
Watering my plants, seeing the drainage knowing that they've been fully hydrated, and wiping the leaves makes me happy. It allows for me to have an opportunity to show appreciation for what they bring to my space. When I water my plants, I typically play upbeat music, and it fills me up for the day. If I'm upset, chances are I'm skipping what brings me joy and my plants days later look sad (aka the leaves droop).
You’re not completing tasks well.
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Plants are work, so much so that there are many people that opt-out to purchase fake plants that fill their home. When you ignore your plants, you're allowing for a task and responsibilities that you signed up for to not be taken care of. Sure, repotting and watering can at times become redundant, but the growth of your plants is rewarding if you're consistent and care enough to be.
Your space isn’t clean.
Watering my plants is a part of my housekeeping routine. I not only care for them, I clean around the pot, underneath, and the space behind my plants in my home for dust. Chances are if your plants are dying, you're ignoring the place in your home where your plants are (and additionally missing the opportunity for a check-in with your plants to see if they're happy with the area they're placed in within your home).
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