

Wanna Have A Great Day? Start With Asking These 6 Questions.
I've got a girlfriend who is currently serving as her mom's caregiver. When she started, her mom was in her early 90s. Now she's 96, I believe. Anyway, because of our schedules, it's easier for us to get a chat in during the morning hours before her mother wakes up. This means that, sometimes, I am on the phone when her mom calls for her and boy—those first 5-10 minutes are critical. What I mean by that is, little things like my friend's tone of voice or what's on her mom's television screen can determine if her mother is going to have a really good day or a pretty sucky one.
All things work together, right? The pattern of watching how my friend's mom's morning routine affects her mood has taught me to be more sensitive to how I start my day as well. Before doing anything else, oftentimes what I will do is stay in bed, take deep breaths, and ask myself a few questions—ones like the ones I'm about to share with you in just a sec. More times than not, when I ask certain ones and thoughtfully provide my answers, my day ends up going great. I think it's mostly because it helps me to start the day with intention and clarity. That way, I run the day instead of it running me. Feel me?
If you want to try this lil' exercise, just to see if it can get you off on the right foot, here are six questions that have helped me to approach my days with a half-glass-full perspective.
1. “What was the ‘high’ and ‘low’ from yesterday? What can I learn from both?”
Some of y'all might remember the movieThe Story of Us (Bruce Willis, Michelle Pfeiffer) from back in the day. One of the scenes that I liked so much that I incorporated it into my own life was how, at dinner time, everyone in the family would discuss their high (the best thing that happened) and low (the worst thing that happened) throughout their day. In fact, this is something that I also typically start my counseling sessions with too. Not only is it a good way to keep life in perspective (nothing is ever all good or totally bad), it's also a good way to determine what you learned from the best and worst moments of the day. When you take a moment to reflect on your "high", it can help you to figure out what you can do to duplicate that experience. When it comes to your "low", you can determine what steps you need to take in order to avoid a repeat performance.
2. “What can I accomplish today that I never have before?”
Believe it or not, the word "bored" is one of my absolute favorites. Why? Because within the definition lies the solution to having a boredom problem. To be bored is to be "weary by dullness, tedious repetition, unwelcome attentions, etc." When something is dull, it is uninteresting. When something is tedious, it's monotonous. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you know what unwelcome attentions are all about. If a part of what keeps you from having as many great days as you would like is because you feel like a hamster who's running endlessly on the wheel of life, something that you can do to break out of that is to try something new. It can be as simple as taking a different route to work or going to a new restaurant for lunch. Or, how about hopping onto a website like Skillshare to take a photography or graphic design class, or reaching out to a person who can help you to start a new business? Maybe it's trying a new color of nail polish or finally getting that new haircut that you've been eyeing.
Something that is dope about the start of each day is it comes with a freshness that beckons us to attempt something that we never have before. It's a clear reminder that if your life feels a little ho-hum, it usually has less to do with your circumstances and more to do with your choices. Why not make it a goal to do something new every day and see how that decision makes you feel?
3. “Whose life can I make better?”
Maybe one day I'll get into how, if "being happy" is your biggest goal in life, that actually could end up costing you in the long run. Yeah, that might sound weird on the surface, but even the famed poet Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well"; one way to live well is to do something for someone else. There is a Scripture in the Bible that says, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35) and I promise you, the days when I have made it a point and purpose to bless someone in some way, those are the days when I've had the most joy and peace. No matter what is—or isn't—going on in your world right now, if you take a moment to get the focus off of you and put it on someone else, it has a remarkable way of putting a smile on your face…and theirs.
4. “What do I bring to the table in a way that no one else can?”
Someone who I've been a fan of, ever since I saw her in the movieLovely & Amazing, is actor Raven Goodwin. Whether it's the series Being Mary Jane, the movie Christmas Belles or the upcoming biopic,The Clark Sisters: First Ladies of Gospel (peep some of the singing here), I've enjoyed watching her evolution as an actor and also the confidence she portrays as a woman; specifically a Black woman. She challenges the myth that skin tone or size can prevent someone from totally glowing up. For me, that's a great reminder that individuality, along with poise, self-awareness and self-assurance can cause you to make a real impact in any room that you walk into.
When you wake up every morning and declare to your own damn self that you are special, relevant, and very necessary, for such a time as this, it can give you the courage and boldness that you need to obtain whatever it is that you desire. And when you know that the world truly is yours, how can you not feel great about the day that is before you?
5. “Does my life look like how it actually feels?”
I must admit that when I first read about Instagram now providing a "false image" warning on the photoshopped images that appear on the platform, the first thing I did was chuckle. It really is kind of crazy how used we've gotten so used to seeing things through a filter that we freak out at the mere thought of seeing them as they truly are. But that sermon is for another day. The reason why I think it's relevant to this particular point is that it's a reminder to remember how important it is to live your actual life with realness and authenticity. You have no idea how many rich and famous people are depressed, right at this very moment, and it's basically because the life you read about is not the life they are actually living—or feeling.
Facades have destroyed many people. One way to ensure that you will have the kind of day that you truly can feel good about is to promise yourself that you will be honest with yourself, that you will speak the truth to others, and that you will be genuine in all that you do. When you can end the day knowing that you can feel good about how your life appears, because you are showing your actual self, that is a kind of high that is truly hard to beat.
6. “What am I going to do to treat myself at the end of the day?”
It happens to the best of us. "It" being how sometimes, we wake up and we already know that the day ahead of us is gonna be an unavoidable trip. It might be due to a staff meeting, a big project, a presentation, a certain conversation that we need to have or some other type of stressor. Even when you know that you are gonna be tried and tested, you can still have a great day. All you need to do is give yourself something to look forward to—a bottle of wine, a mani/pedi, a long soak in the bath…something that can keep you smiling, no matter what life shoots at you throughout the day.
Personally, I think that since no two days are alike, this means that every day, I deserve to treat myself. It doesn't always have to be something big. Just something that reminds me to pat myself on the back for a job well done. What are you gonna do for yourself today, sis? For surviving it, I can already assure you that you've totally earned it.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
10 Ways To Make Monday Your Favorite Day Of The Week
Creating A Morning Routine Changed My Life For The Better
Feature image by Cookie Studio/Shutterstock
- Tim Tebow Says: Ask Yourself These 2 Questions Every Day To Win ... ›
- Two Questions to Ask Yourself Every Morning - Greg McKeown ›
- Ask Yourself These 2 Questions To Jump-Start Your Morning ... ›
- 30 Thought-Provoking Questions You Should Ask Yourself Every Day ›
- Want to Be Happier? Ask Yourself This Question Every Morning | Inc ... ›
- If you're ready to transform, ask yourself these 9 questions ... ›
After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (missnosipho@gmail.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
This New Scalp Care Line Is Exactly What Your Wash Days Need
This post is in partnership with SheaMoisture.
When it comes to healthy hair care, there are a few things that will help you achieve healthy strands: a healthy hair care regime, hydration, consistent treatments, and scalp care. While scalp care is one of the most neglected practices, it is also one of the most important. Why? Because it helps promote healthy hair growth, clear hair follicles, and remove build-up.
When it comes to creating a healthy scalp routine, it helps to know exactly what you’re up against so you know how to specifically treat it. Two of the most common concerns are dandruff and dry scalp. It can be tough to decipher which is which, but here’s a quick breakdown: dry scalp is caused by a lack of moisture in the skin, while dandruff is caused by an excess of oil and yeast buildup on the scalp. Knowing that both of these are big concerns, SheaMoisture released two separate product lines to address both issues: the Scalp Moisture collection and the Anti-Dandruff collection.
Needless to say, if you tend to experience dandruff then I’d recommend you try the Anti-Dandruff collection. However, my biggest concern has always been dry scalp. A lack of moisture on the scalp can be caused by several factors like weather, age, and hair products to name a few. I’ve noticed that when I use certain gels or skip out on a deep scalp cleanse, my roots feel itchy and dry nonstop, which is uncomfortable.
The only way to relieve the discomfort is to properly wash and moisturize my roots, so I tried the Scalp Moisture collection and this is what I thought.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
First, What’s In The Collection?
The Scalp Moisture collection is a four-product line that includes a pre-wash masque, a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner, and a moisturizing scalp cream. Each product uses moisturizing and strengthening ingredients like aloe butter and vitamin B3 as active ingredients to provide eight times the moisture. Together, aloe butter and vitamin B3 work to restore dry and brittle hair, as well as add relief to the scalp.
Now, let’s break down each product…
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque may actually be the all-star of the collection. Using this deep conditioning masque is one of the best ways to target your dry scalp, restore hydration, and nourish your strands before shampooing.
I started by completely saturating my hair and scalp with water, then making small sections to apply the masque directly to the root. For my girls who have experience with relaxers and perms, it helps to apply the masque to your roots just like you would do with a relaxer. This way you can make sure you’ve covered as much of your scalp as possible while minimizing any breakage.
Pro tip: you can also use a color application brush to make this step easier.
After I completely covered my scalp, I massaged the product into my roots, used any excess on my strands, then left the masque in for 30 minutes. I was shocked by how moisturizing and clarifying my scalp and hair felt. One of the things that I love about the masque is the slip and how much softer it made my hair. While this is marketed as a scalp care product, it can completely transform your hair from dry and parched to completely hydrated.
In my opinion, the downside of this masque is that the quantity is too small for my liking. Truth be told, naturals go through deep conditioners faster than any other product (especially when it’s this good.) So SheaMoisture, if you’re reading this, we’d love a bigger jar.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Shampoo
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Shampoo is a gentle cleanser packed with the same moisture as the masque. The pearl-colored shampoo is lightweight with a serum-like consistency and a light and clean scent. The smell is pleasant, subtle, and not overbearing. When I applied the shampoo, I noticed immediately that it foams and lathers up very quickly, so less is more.
After applying the shampoo, I parted my hair and started at the roots to target as much of my scalp as possible. I recommend really taking the time to work the product and massage your scalp as much as possible.
Pro tip: using a scalp massager makes it easier and it feels amazing.
Once you start to massage your hair you’ll feel the product start to work. There’s a tingling sensation that might catch you off guard if you’re not used to it, but it’s not nearly as strong as other scalp products I’ve tried. I know some may not appreciate the sensation, but I loved it! My scalp felt clean, light, and breathable.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Conditioner
Like the shampoo, the SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Conditioner shares that pearly color and serum-like feel. It applies very easily while softening and moisturizing your hair. When I applied it to my hand, it gave my hands a lotion-like feel, which speaks volumes about its hydration capabilities. I also loved that the conditioner comes with a pump, instead of having to squeeze the product out – to me, it makes application easier.
I typically apply my conditioner to the ends first but because this is a scalp care product I started at the root and worked my way down to my ends. I did leave the conditioner in for ten minutes, although the bottle recommends leaving it in for three. The conditioner also provides that same breathable feel to your scalp. I honestly loved the relief.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Cream
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Cream is more of a daily relief product for your roots rather than your overall hair. It’s great for providing moisture and immediate relief to a dry and itchy scalp. Just like most of the collection, it gives a light and breathable feel – without the tingle. The applicator bottle targets specific parts of your scalp and makes applying easier.
Pro tip: I typically just squeeze the bottle to wherever I need the relief and use the tip to massage it into my scalp so it doesn’t mess up the hairstyle.
Overall, SheaMoisture’s scalp care line lives up to its claims – it moisturizes, strengthens, and provides immediate scalp relief. I definitely recommend trying the Scalp Moisture collection for an affordable way to treat itchy and dry scalp.
Featured image by Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
DC Young Fly Pays Tribute To His Longtime Partner Jacky Oh After Her Sudden Death: 'You Are The Greatest Mother I Know'
Actor, comedian, and Wild 'N' Out star John "DC Young Fly" Whitfield mourned the loss of his longtime partner and the mother of his three children, Jacklyn "Jacky Oh" Smith, with a heartfelt tribute.
For context, Smith --who rose to fame as a model and participated in the hit comedy game show Wild 'N' Out for five seasons-- tragically passed away on May 31 at the age of 32 in Miami, Florida. Although Smith's official cause of death has yet to be determined, TMZ reported that the entrepreneur was in town to undergo a cosmetic procedure known as a "mommy makeover."
As the news about Smith's passing was officially confirmed by family and on Wild 'N' Out's social media pages, a magnitude of people, from fans to the couple's close friends and colleagues such as B.Simone, Jessie Woo, Vena "Pretty Vee" Excell, Lauren "Lolo" Wood, Odell Beckham Jr., Cedric the Entertainer, D.L. Hughley, and so many others offered their condolences while honoring the mother of three.
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Warner Bros
Two days after Smith's death, Whitfield released a public statement to People magazine thanking everyone for their "well-wishes" and asking for "privacy during this difficult time."
The following week on June 8, Whitfield paid tribute to Smith by sharing a post on Instagram that featured various photos and videos of the pair and their children, daughters Nova Whitfield,6, Nala Whitefield,2, and a son, who was born in July 2022, named Prince Whitfield.
In addition to the upload, Whitfield revealed that he waited a while to post this because he wanted the tragic event "to be a dream." The 31-year-old would add that as the days go by following Smith's passing, he's "reminded of" the reality that she's no longer here, and he wanted to make sure to commemorate her in a "proper manner." Further into the post, Whitfield praised Smith for being the "greatest mother" and human being.
"I wasn't in no rush to post this because I wanted it to be a dream so bad, but every hour, I'm reminded of reality, so I wanna make sure I applaud you in the proper manner,” he said. “You are the GREATEST MOTHER I KNOW your soul was beautiful. You always wanted the best for others, and I admired how our family love each other!!! Never had to worry about our kids loving each other cause you were on top of Dat!!!"
Whitfield would disclose that although he may not understand Smith's untimely passing, however, because he and their family are "God-fearing" people and "grounded by the spirit," they aren't questioning "the higher power" but rather rolling "with the punches," while holding on to their faith during this tragedy.
The Almost Christmas star went on to say that the pair's "strong" children will constantly be reminded of how great of a person Smith was, "especially a great mother."
Whitfield would wrap up the upload by mentioning how much he loved Smith and that, even though everyone is hurting right now, they would be okay because God covers them.
"The QUEEN of my children will always have a spot in my heart and the paradise (You gon get me for Dat but it's true). LOVE YOU FOREVER. Just know we going harder than ever, and GOD is in control, and he got us covered," he stated.
In light of Smith's death, xoNecole takes a look back at her relationship with Whitfield and the love they shared over the years.
DC Young Fly and Jacky Oh's Relationship History
Whitfield and Smith met in 2015 in a hotel lobby while working together at Wild 'N' Out.
At the time, Whitfield became a recurring cast member during the show's seventh season while Smith was one of the Wild 'N' Out girls. Whitfield and Smith would become an item shortly after the season seven taping of Wild 'N' Out wrapped.
In 2016, after dating for a year and a half, the couple welcomed their oldest daughter Nova. In addition to expanding their family, Smith and Whitfield would give fans a closer look into their lives through social media and the model's YouTube page, which instantly became a hit.
Smith and Whitfield would ultimately become couple goals because people enjoyed their honesty, interactions with each other, and their family life.
Jacky Oh On What Makes Her Relationship With DC Young Fly Work
In a 2017 interview with DJ Smallz Eyes, Smith shared that her relationship with Whitfield works reasonably well because they aren't afraid to have an open line of communication and are willing to address any situation head-on.
"I think communication, I know it sounds really cliche, but just communicate with each other. I think getting things off of your chest in a nice, calm way. You don't always have to be confrontational with the person. But letting a person know how you feel about something so they don't carry on doing it for the next three, four, five months, years later on down the line."
Smith added that another factor that plays a part in the couple's relationship being so successful is her selectively picking her battles and choosing to address the situation in a timely manner.
Jacky Oh On The Pair's Humble Beginnings As A Couple
In 2019, during a Q&A session on Smith's YouTube page, the couple opened up about their humble beginnings as they addressed the wild rumors that she was using Whitfield for financial reasons.
While responding to the remarks, Smith clarified that when she met Whitfield, he didn't have money "like that."
"He had no money. It's not like he didn't have any money because he was broke, but he didn't have no money like that," she said.
Following Smith's comments, Whitfield jumped in and said he was "up" $40,000 and still living with family members with the occasional "hotel" stays, to which she interjected and corrected the comedian by saying that the pair were staying at "motels" early on in their relationship.
"We didn't stay at hotels, get it right. We stayed at motels. Talking about hotels, hotels are nice," she stated. "We stayed at motels that the bed stunk... You know I really like love him. Like it was dirty."
Whitfield would add that although they stayed at motels several times, Smith "thugged it out" with him because she loved him. Smith also shared that due to Whitfield rarely being home due to his profession, the couple slept on his sister's couch and his niece's room.
But as Smith and Whitfield's careers took off respectively within the entertainment industry and the beauty world, with the star launching her eyelash and lip gloss brand J Nova Collection, they would ultimately settle down and purchase a home.
Years later, in addition to their professional success, Smith and Whitfield's family would expand even more following the birth of their second daughter Nala Whitfield in 2020 and their son Prince Whitfield last July.
Although it is reported that the couple never married after eight years together, their love seemed stronger than ever, especially following Smith's Mother's Day post back in May, which featured images of the couple and their family.
All of us at xoNecole would like to send our condolences to everyone affected by this tragedy. Rest In Peace, Ms. Jacky Oh!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images