How I Found The Courage To Keep Chasing My Dreams And How You Can Too
"Don't die with your dreams."
It's a simple statement, but one I really needed to hear. After attending the live taping for The Hey, Girl Podcast's finale episode, I realized I'm not living my dream life. I have a decent job, my own place, and a great social life, but something is missing. That something? I'm doing what I'm supposed to, not what I want to do. However, shifting gears to have a more fulfilling life would require faith, taking risks, and being vulnerable—all things I struggle with. And I know I'm not the only one.
Some of us are settling for our life because we're afraid to try and fail. We're so scared to seem lost, directionless, or uncertain. We don't want to be judged or fear being misunderstood when we attempt to explain our lack of fulfillment to family and friends. We fear seeming "too old" to not have it "all together." We may also feel inclined to listen when the little voice in our head tells us we don't have what it takes to achieve our dreams or we don't deserve the joy and fulfillment that comes from walking in our purpose.
While these feelings and fears are valid, they don't reflect the reality of our situation. These feelings and fears are often rooted in stories that protect us from being vulnerable but keep us further away from our dreams.
We have to find the courage to tell ourselves a new story. One that affirms that we're exactly where we need to be and this part of life that feelings confusing, scary and uncertain is a necessary part of the journey.
Here's how we find the courage to do that:
Forgive yourself for not trying sooner.
As we get older, we may feel more pressured to settle down and play it safe when making big decisions. We may tell ourselves that we should have taken risks sooner and that it's too late in the game to attempt something new. It's hard to imagine new possibilities when we keep judging ourselves for choices we made in the past. We can wonder why the 25-year-old version of ourselves didn't make different decisions, but we can't change the past, and living with regret makes it hard for us to access our dreams. Forgiving yourself and being compassionate with yourself will allow you to access the confidence you need to be successful.
Stop comparing yourself to other people.
Reading and following the success stories of those we admire is a huge source of motivation. It can inspire us to dream big and imagine how different our lives could be if we took a risk. Unfortunately, it can also scare us into staying stuck because we'll fall into the comparison trap. We'll scroll through Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn and feel inadequate because people are further along than us. We may get discouraged when we discover people have access to funds, people, and opportunities that can help them excel faster than we can.
The truth is we don't know every detail of their story. We don't know what they've sacrificed or how scared they were when they started. What we do know is that they didn't give up. They found the courage to keep going despite their challenges, and we have the power to do the same.
Don't be controlled by what other people think.
It's natural to care about other people's thoughts because we're human. We thrive off being included and feeling connected. But we can't allow ourselves to be controlled by what other people think. Someone will always have thoughts about our decisions and desires. But we can't let the opinions of others keep us stuck and fearful. There is a difference between what we want and what others think we can, and should, have. Even people who love and care about us may attempt to limit us based on their fears and perceptions of who we're meant to be. But they don't have the final say over our lives, nor were they given our vision.
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Have faith the pieces will come together.
One of my favorite lines in Paul Coelho's The Alchemist is, "when you want something, the whole universe conspires in helping you achieve it." When we begin pursuing our dreams and taking steps to walk in our purpose, opportunities and experiences will open up to help us on our journey. To notice these opportunities, we have to lean into abundance. Shifting to an abundance mindset is hard when you've become accustomed to living in scarcity. There is enough money, help, opportunities, time, and resources to make our dreams a reality.
Lean into the unknown.
When we don't know the answer or something seems uncertain, we sense that moving forward would put us in danger. We figure the more we know, the less daunting the process will be and the more successful we'll be in the end. But that's not true. We can't control or plan for everything. Where we've been conditioned to see danger, we could begin to see possibility. There is a lot of joy in the unknown. Sometimes we'll need to have faith in ourselves and trust that we have what it takes to be okay wherever we land.
You have to stick with it even when it sucks.
You can't skip the hard days. Sometimes we want to reach our dreams without struggling. As soon as something undesirable happens, we question the entire process and wonder if we've made a mistake. But experiencing lows is part of the journey. It won't always be easy, even when you want something and you're meant to have something. You can take a break, rest, and give yourself space to reassess the plan. But remember, "if the plan doesn't work, change the plan, not the goal."
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Make time for your dreams.
Sometimes we're so busy using our time, energy, intellect, and creativity as conduits to other people's dreams that we forget to make time for our own. We'll feel productive, but we won't feel fulfilled. We have to stop hiding behind other people's happiness and make time to create our own.
Be vulnerable.
One of the hardest things to do is ask for help. But when you have big dreams, you need a big network. You need a community of people that loves, supports, and encourages you. You also need people that share similar interests and goals. Don't be afraid to share that you're struggling and need help. Asking for help can be scary because it creates opportunities for people to judge you and question your ability to succeed, but those people likely weren’t rooting for you to begin with. People who love and support you won’t view you asking for help as a sign of incompetence.
Finding the courage to chase your dreams when you feel like you’ve waited too long is hard. But telling yourself that you’ve “waited too long” is keeping you stuck and unfulfilled. The person you are in five years will thank you for starting today. The choice is yours. But remember, “don’t die with your dreams.”
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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From Toxic Traits To Transformative Growth: Understanding Evolved Vs. Unevolved Zodiac Signs
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
Have you ever heard someone talk about a certain zodiac sign and wondered why your experience of that particular sign has been completely different? We have all heard about the notorious Gemini Man or Virgo Man being a difficult partner to have in love, but does this apply to all Geminis and all Virgos? Well, this is where the discussion of evolved signs vs. unevolved signs comes in. It’s the idea that, while some toxic or challenging traits are more prevalent in certain signs, it also depends on the individual at hand and on whether or not they have evolved in life.
Evolved vs. Unevolved Signs: A Guide
Astrology is life-changing not only because it allows you to learn more about yourself, but it also allows you to see certain behaviors or traits in yourself, and change them if you are not happy with the way they manifest in your life. To be evolved means to learn and develop. In order to tell whether you are dealing with an evolved sign or an unevolved sign, look at the way they navigate their strengths and weaknesses. We are all predisposed to certain behaviors aligned with our zodiac sign; it’s how you grow from your experiences rather than what you accept as a defining characteristic of who you are.
Evolved signs have done the inner work, unevolved signs make excuses for their behavior.
When we are talking about evolved zodiac signs, we are talking about the Virgo who appreciates progress more than perfection, the Libra who trusts that they can stick to a decision rather than accepting they are incapable of making the best one, and the Aries who takes intentional action rather than an impulsive one. It’s those people you meet and they make you change your perspective on a certain sign you may have had a negative experience with in the past. An unevolved sign, however, is the Aquarius who isolates rather than expresses how they are feeling, the Scorpio who lets their jealousy get the best of them rather than trusting their connections, and the Leo who puts their ego before anything else.
The good news is that if you feel you are living a more unevolved version of your zodiac sign, you can change this by first addressing where you may be self-sabotaging, and where you can highlight more of your strengths. Healing from past traumas, seeking a therapist or astrologer, or overall making your well-being more of a priority all will benefit. When you are feeling good within, you attract more experiences to you to where you can be that evolved version of yourself rather than entertain old habits or ways of relating that don’t serve you.
It takes work, but the more you tap into the evolved version of yourself and strengthen this part of you, the less you will revert to your old ways or attract those same types of toxic or unevolved people towards you.
So, how do you know which side of the coin you are dealing with or are yourself? Read below to find out more about the traits and characteristics of the evolved vs. unevolved signs of the zodiac.
EVOLVED ARIES
- Confident
- Methodical
- Disciplined
- Leader
- Energetic
UNEVOLVED ARIES
- Aggressive
- Short-tempered
- Reckless
- Arrogant
- Impulsive
You’ll know whether you are dealing with an evolved Aries versus an unevolved Aries through the way they communicate and approach others. If they are confident and encouraging, you are dealing with an evolved Aries who is comfortable with who they are but also doesn't feel the need to force their energy on you. Unevolved Aries will make you take a step back, evolved Aries will make you want more. Aries’ strengths are that they are bold and assertive, but an unevolved Aries tends to create more disagreements or challenges with others in the process.
EVOLVED TAURUS
- Abundance-mindset
- Grounded
- Generous
- Compassionate
- Trustworthy
UNEVOLVED TAURUS
- Materialistic
- Stubborn
- Lazy
- Vengeful
- Envious
An evolved Taurus versus an unevolved Taurus can be differentiated by the person who has stability or who has goals in life that they share with you and are working towards. The unevolved Taurus you will most likely find on the couch, demanding that you give them what they need at the same time. Unevolved Tauruses tend to show traits of envy or jealousy when you are explaining a recent win to them. An evolved Taurus will be the first person you want to go to with the good news, and they are a big support and secure person to their loved ones.
EVOLVED GEMINI
- Communicative
- Curious
- Creative
- Innovative
- Fun
UNEVOLVED GEMINI
- Confusing
- Chaotic
- Disorganized
- Bored
- Unpredictable
An evolved Gemini will have you feeling understood, heard, and inspired. They are fun and light-hearted people to be around. An unevolved Gemini will have you questioning them, life, and everything in between- and will create unneeded chaos in your life. Unevolved Geminis are notorious for being unavailable and disloyal in relationships, and you can tell the difference between whether they are evolved or not by what they do when they are bored. Do your Gemini create or connect, or do they do something destructive, leaving you feeling a deep sense of distrust around them?
EVOLVED CANCER
- Compassionate
- Nostalgic
- Supportive
- Nourishing
- Protective
UNEVOLVED CANCER
- Moody
- Holds a grudge
- Pessimistic
- Manipulative
- Clingy
An evolved Cancer leaves you feeling supported, nourished, and loved. An unevolved Cancer may make you feel the same way, but will be hot and cold on when and how they show it. An evolved Cancer will be your go-to and someone you can trust with basically anything. An unevolved Cancer, however, you will steer away from and not want to express yourself to them for fear of them making things worse. Evolved Cancers understand their emotions, unevolved Cancers let their emotions get the best of them.
EVOLVED LEO
- Self-confident
- Passionate
- Generous
- Motivating
- Kind-hearted
UNEVOLVED LEO
- Entitled
- Angry
- Selfish
- Controlling
- Dramatic
Evolved Leo has an evolved ego. They have a strong sense of self, they know who they are and what they want, but they don’t let that get in the way of how they treat others. Unevolved Leos command the room in a way where you are looking at them in shock rather than in awe. Unevolved Leos think the world revolves around them, evolved Leos think the same thing but also want other people to be in that world or think the same thing about themselves as well. Evolved Leos are like the Sun, and you will feel enlivened in their presence.
EVOLVED VIRGO
- Organized
- Caring
- Down-to-Earth
- Inspiring
- Helpful
UNEVOLVED VIRGO
- Perfectionist
- Overly critical
- Resentful
- Anxious
- Cynical
The easiest way to tell the difference between an evolved Virgo and an unevolved Virgo is the way they make you feel. If they make you feel inspired and like you can accomplish or experience great things, you are dealing with an evolved Virgo. If they are overly critical of everything you do, you are dealing with an unevolved Virgo. Evolved Virgos help you grow, unevolved Virgos tend to make you feel incapable of that. Evolved Virgos can laugh off or let go of the little things, unevolved Virgos will get caught up in them.
EVOLVED LIBRA
- Relationship-oriented
- Balanced
- Charming
- Diplomatic
- Fair
UNEVOLVED LIBRA
- Codependent
- People-pleaser
- Flaky
- Indecisive
- Dishonest
Evolved Libras make some of the best partners, friends, and confidants. Unevolved Libras make some of the hardest of the above to maintain. The difference between the two is the Libra's ability to find the balance between their needs and the needs of others. Libras are relationship-oriented people, but unevolved Libras tend to let this trait get the best of them and will be in and out of relationships and never really settle down to figure out what they truly want and need. Evolved Libras love, but will not sacrifice their sense of self in the process.
EVOLVED SCORPIO
- Passionate
- Mysterious
- Intuitive
- Transformative
- Resilient
UNEVOLVED SCORPIO
- Obsessive
- Secretive
- Reclusive
- Destructive
- Ruthless
The difference between an evolved Scorpio and an unevolved Scorpio is their ability to let go. Evolved Scorpios have learned from their past and have made their life better in the process. Unevolved Scorpios hold onto a lot of resentments and often cause themselves or others emotional turmoil. Evolved Scorpios can let people in and make some of the most loyal, protective, and supportive partners. Unevolved Scorpios tend to be very distrustful of others and have a hard time letting go of control in any way or letting people get close to their inner world.
EVOLVED SAGITTARIUS
- Outgoing
- Optimistic
- Spiritual
- Adventurous
- Genuine
UNEVOLVED SAGITTARIUS
- Dramatic
- Brash
- Superiority-complex
- Unreliable
- Careless
The evolved Sagittarius are inspiring, optimistic, and hopeful. The unevolved Sagittarius is just about the complete opposite of that. Evolved Sagittariuses have learned to fuel their adventurous spirit with intentional action rather than recklessness, and are there for their loved ones rather than leaving people hanging or being unreliable. Unevolved Sagittariuses can be very rude and aggressive and will mask this behavior with humor. They can be very harsh, rather than the evolved Sagittarius who is still outgoing, but is also genuine and confident and aligned with their highest self.
EVOLVED CAPRICORN
- Hard-working
- Loyal
- Stable
- Sensible
- Ambitious
UNEVOLVED CAPRICORN
- Workaholic
- Unforgiving
- Rigid
- Stubborn
- Dominating
When you are looking at an evolved Capricorn, you find yourself in the presence of someone loyal, hardworking, and down-to-earth. An unevolved Capricorn can be judgemental and cold, with only their personal goals in mind. Unevolved Capricorns seem to be stuck in the same place in life, and unmoving in what they believe is best for them. Evolved Capricorns are open to feedback and are flexible enough to figure out what is truly best for them, to explore, and to allow someone else to lead them at times. Evolved Capricorns are responsible and productive but take care of their well-being in the process.
EVOLVED AQUARIUS
- Freedom-oriented
- Logical
- Friendly
- Open-minded
- Outgoing
UNEVOLVED AQUARIUS
- Distant
- Cold
- Disloyal
- Detached
- Superiority-complex
Evolved Aquarius and unevolved Aquarius are mirrors of each other. The evolved version of Aquarius is friendly, open-minded, and supportive of not only themselves but of others as well. The unevolved version of Aquarius can be quite distant and detached from their relationships and life altogether and can be hard for people to get close to. Evolved Aquariuses value their independence, but don't use escapist behavior as an excuse for their actions. Unevolved Aquariuses will leave someone on read for months instead of just telling someone how they feel.
EVOLVED PISCES
- Loving
- Intuitive
- Compassionate
- Creative
- Romantic
UNEVOLVED PISCES
- Consuming
- Escapist
- Moody
- Distant
- Unrealistic
Evolved Pisces are the artists, muses, lovers, and dreamers. Unevolved Pisces may have that same creative energy but tend to wear rose-colored glasses that get them into trouble in the process. Pisces are hard to grasp in the first place with their fluid, mutable nature, but an unevolved Pisces will make that distance feel like miles. Unevolved Pisces can get pretty messy and will act out on their emotions without getting the full picture or giving themselves time to sort things through. Evolved Pisces on the other hand, let their emotions inspire them and know how to step into their true power.
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