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Why Comparison Is Absolutely Ridiculous
We've all heard the saying, "Comparison is the thief of joy." You've probably even shared it as a post via Instagram or offered it to your friends in an attempt to pull them out of a funk. Still, after all is said and liked, you somehow find yourself in yet another rabbit hole with your old pal, Comparison.
The funny thing about what comparison has become in 2018 is that apps like Twitter and Instagram have made it that much easier to compare our lives to complete strangers. Who got engaged? Who just got a new job or promotion at the office? Who's having a baby now?
But have you ever taken the time to sit back and think why you're doing what you're doing?
It's almost as if we get off by analyzing everyone's every move and just pass it off by disguising it as "motivation." But there's really something strange and damaging about creating a mental Venn-diagram of all the differences and similarities between you and your online counterparts. Just as much as scrolling, liking, and reading updates on your college roommate's post-grad endeavors has been normalized, so has the opportunity for comparisons to be made. It's almost as if we don't even know that we're doing it when we're doing it.
I just have to ask, aren't you tired of that icky, drained feeling you get once you've put the phone down and returned to your homepage? If you're exhausted from the strains of comparison like I was, consider this to be your proverbial wake-up call, snapping you back to reality. Once you take a step back and put things into perspective, you will realize that all the time you've spent comparing your life to someone else's was a waste of time. In fact, I'm here to tell you exactly why comparison is completely, absolutely, and totally ridiculous.
You’re Out of Context
Fairy Godmother (in my head), Tracee Ellis Ross, once shared how we should all stop comparing our insides to other people's outside. How profoundly insightful is that? We've been tricked into believing that people just pop up one day and become these microwave success stories but in real life, that couldn't be further from the truth. When we look at someone's life through the lens of social media, we're only getting one sentence out of someone's entire life story. That's like starting a book in the middle and assuming you know all about the characters when you have no context to what happened before you started reading. Don't do that, beloved. In fact, channel the energy you're spending watching everyone else's life unfold and use it to create the moment you want to see in your own.
Faux Relationship Goals
The funny thing about the couples you see boo'd up on social media wearing matching outfits and performing elaborate birthday surprises is this: it's just a picture and nothing more. Anybody can hold a smile long enough to have their photo taken, but what you'll never see is what happens behind closed doors. Tell me: how many celebrities have you seen posing for the camera only to have their names pop up in the headlines about a cheating scandal the next day? When it comes to watching people's relationships unfold online, you only see what people allow you to see. No relationship is perfect. Every union has its shortcomings, that's why it's unrealistic to compare your singleness or even your own relationship to someone else's based off the little chunk they find to be good enough to share.
#IssaHighlightReel
About 30 seconds before your favorite talk show begins, you're entertained by a reel of flashing images showcasing the best moments of past episodes. Unless you've seen every one of those episodes yourself, you're left to assume that those nanoseconds in time passing before your eyes were the best, most exciting times that could ever be captured on daytime television. If you could create a capsule for all the amazing moments in your life's show, you would only share the best parts of it too, right? That's what social media is like. A mere highlight reel of the (seemingly) best moments from everyone's day to day life. Don't be fooled into comparing the intricacies of your journey to the mere highlights of someone else's. Instead, take it for what it is, a picture.
You’re the Leading Star
I like to think of my journey like a movie role. God casted me in the role of the person I am right at this moment and no one else in this world can do it like I can because it was made just for me. Think of it like Viola Davis in Fences or Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls, it's pretty hard to imagine anyone else playing those roles because they owned it from start to finish. You're no different. Remember that your journey is perfectly yours. God has a plan that's handcrafted and tailored just for you, so comparing your route to someone else's is fruitless. Regain your focus and know that nobody can do the thing called life you do, so go and do!
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."