Why Comparison Is Absolutely Ridiculous
We've all heard the saying, "Comparison is the thief of joy." You've probably even shared it as a post via Instagram or offered it to your friends in an attempt to pull them out of a funk. Still, after all is said and liked, you somehow find yourself in yet another rabbit hole with your old pal, Comparison.
The funny thing about what comparison has become in 2018 is that apps like Twitter and Instagram have made it that much easier to compare our lives to complete strangers. Who got engaged? Who just got a new job or promotion at the office? Who's having a baby now?
But have you ever taken the time to sit back and think why you're doing what you're doing?
It's almost as if we get off by analyzing everyone's every move and just pass it off by disguising it as "motivation." But there's really something strange and damaging about creating a mental Venn-diagram of all the differences and similarities between you and your online counterparts. Just as much as scrolling, liking, and reading updates on your college roommate's post-grad endeavors has been normalized, so has the opportunity for comparisons to be made. It's almost as if we don't even know that we're doing it when we're doing it.
I just have to ask, aren't you tired of that icky, drained feeling you get once you've put the phone down and returned to your homepage? If you're exhausted from the strains of comparison like I was, consider this to be your proverbial wake-up call, snapping you back to reality. Once you take a step back and put things into perspective, you will realize that all the time you've spent comparing your life to someone else's was a waste of time. In fact, I'm here to tell you exactly why comparison is completely, absolutely, and totally ridiculous.
You’re Out of Context
Fairy Godmother (in my head), Tracee Ellis Ross, once shared how we should all stop comparing our insides to other people's outside. How profoundly insightful is that? We've been tricked into believing that people just pop up one day and become these microwave success stories but in real life, that couldn't be further from the truth. When we look at someone's life through the lens of social media, we're only getting one sentence out of someone's entire life story. That's like starting a book in the middle and assuming you know all about the characters when you have no context to what happened before you started reading. Don't do that, beloved. In fact, channel the energy you're spending watching everyone else's life unfold and use it to create the moment you want to see in your own.
Faux Relationship Goals
The funny thing about the couples you see boo'd up on social media wearing matching outfits and performing elaborate birthday surprises is this: it's just a picture and nothing more. Anybody can hold a smile long enough to have their photo taken, but what you'll never see is what happens behind closed doors. Tell me: how many celebrities have you seen posing for the camera only to have their names pop up in the headlines about a cheating scandal the next day? When it comes to watching people's relationships unfold online, you only see what people allow you to see. No relationship is perfect. Every union has its shortcomings, that's why it's unrealistic to compare your singleness or even your own relationship to someone else's based off the little chunk they find to be good enough to share.
#IssaHighlightReel
About 30 seconds before your favorite talk show begins, you're entertained by a reel of flashing images showcasing the best moments of past episodes. Unless you've seen every one of those episodes yourself, you're left to assume that those nanoseconds in time passing before your eyes were the best, most exciting times that could ever be captured on daytime television. If you could create a capsule for all the amazing moments in your life's show, you would only share the best parts of it too, right? That's what social media is like. A mere highlight reel of the (seemingly) best moments from everyone's day to day life. Don't be fooled into comparing the intricacies of your journey to the mere highlights of someone else's. Instead, take it for what it is, a picture.
You’re the Leading Star
I like to think of my journey like a movie role. God casted me in the role of the person I am right at this moment and no one else in this world can do it like I can because it was made just for me. Think of it like Viola Davis in Fences or Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls, it's pretty hard to imagine anyone else playing those roles because they owned it from start to finish. You're no different. Remember that your journey is perfectly yours. God has a plan that's handcrafted and tailored just for you, so comparing your route to someone else's is fruitless. Regain your focus and know that nobody can do the thing called life you do, so go and do!
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage