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What Exactly Does It Mean To Be A Free-Spirited Individual?
Is it just me or does it seem like, these days, folks are used to just throwing words and phrases out without really understanding what they mean? Take being a free spirit, for example. While some people may be spontaneous (at times), like to take risks or even be a lot of fun to be around, that doesn't automatically or necessarily make them a free spirit. In short, a free-spirited person is someone who's considered to be a nonconformist. And, even with that said, it goes a little bit deeper.
So, whether you feel that deep down you're a free spirit (and you want an article to confirm it) or you've got someone in your life who you sense may be one, I've got 10 signs that can definitely shed light on what being a free-spirited individual is truly all about.
1. You’re Fiercely Independent
My mother has told me, often, that beyond the standard "mama" and "dada", my first words as a baby were actually an abbreviated sentence — "I do myself, Mommy." She always follows that up with, "And you've basically been that way ever since." To a large extent, I wholeheartedly agree. Independence, for the most part, is about not depending on other people, especially when it comes to making a living. To me, this kind of person is cool on so many levels. Still, I will put the disclaimer out there that if you're so independent that you mentally, emotionally or literally live like you're an island in need of no relationships with anyone, that could result in some pretty lonely or limited living. Bottom line, when it comes to being an independent person, balance is key.
2. Peer Pressure Is Close to Irrelevant to You
Someone once said to me, "You don't care what anybody thinks." My response to that was, "I care. It's just that my list is extremely short." I promise you that I don't get what good comes from "following the crowd", just for following's sake. Humans are fickle. Humans are fallible. And oftentimes, they say and do things, just to fit in — not because those things are good or right. If you read all of that and felt like you were about to clap at your own phone or monitor, I'm sure you can get where I'm coming from here. Do free spirits have friends? Sure they do. Do they feel like they need a ton of 'em or that they must succumb to peer pressure in order to feel good about themselves? Usually not.
3. You’re Open to New Things
Wanna know someone who's tried a billion-and-one things before? Free spirits. That's because they tend to get bored pretty easily and don't like to stick to routines very much. Because of this, they tend to have lots of stamps on their passport, can recommend a ton of restaurants in their city and are considered to be pretty big risk takers overall. That's cool. The flipside is, because newness is so important to them, sometimes they're not the best when it comes to holding down a job or even a relationship for that matter. Sometimes the novelty of things (and people) is so important to them that they can't sit still for very long — which is usually more frustrating to the people around them than them. (Right, free spirits?)
4. You Do Not Live for Work
It actually wasn't until I sat down to write this article that I even knew there was such a thing as Workaholics Day (it's July 5). According to an article that I read concerning it, close to 50 percent of Americans consider themselves to be one. That's a damn shame. It's also pretty foreign when it comes to free spirits. When it comes to this particular point, an extreme version that comes to mind is Lynn from Girlfriends.
Free spirits are the polar opposite of workaholics. They typically hate the idea of being in an office setting. They often go the freelance or contract work route in order to avoid getting in a rut. And sometimes, because work is not something that is a huge priority to them, they don't have to be rolling in cash, they may not be the most financially stable on the planet and/or they may not have the most secure financial plans for the future.
The thing that free spirits have to keep in mind is there is a time for work and a time for play, no doubt. Still, there is a time to pay bills and a time to have an emergency fund for car repairs, hospital bills, etc. If you're a free spirit, you might've read all of that and said, "Eh. The universe will handle it." And yeah, that's just what I thought you would say (LOL).
5. You Know That Originals Are Incomparable (and You Are, Indeed, an Original)
All of us have moments when we need a bit of an ego boost (in the most humble way possible, of course). But when it comes to a free spirit, they don't typically struggle with self-esteem issues — at least as it relates to what other people think about them (which I already touched on). A big part of the reason why is because free spirits relish in their individuality. They totally get what being an original is all about. They like that there are things about them that are extremely unique. In fact, it's almost like they will go out of their way to do something that will make themselves stand out — a totally-out-of-the-box hair color, an oddly-placed tattoo or piercing, a fashion sense that is truly uncommon. And because they are incomparable, they don't typically struggle with envying others because others look and think nothing like them and they like that. Yeah, if "I don't give AF about what others are on" was a person, free spirits would definitely fit the bill.
6. You Move Like Water
When it comes to this trait of free spirits, a Bruce Lee quote immediately comes to mind. Perhaps you are familiar with it:
"Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend."
Because I was surrounded by control freaks while growing up and, subsequently, ended up having PTSD from it and then had to work on freeing myself from being a control freak myself (which I honestly have only semi-mastered in my 40s), it wasn't until I was in my mid-late 30s that this mindset of Bruce's became a priority to me. Another example of "flowing" is the first time I went to South Africa to visit my family. Because flying isn't my favorite thing on this planet, the turbulence, for all those hours, had a sistah tense. My brother said, "If you relax and move with the plane, it will be easier on your mind and your body." He was right.
Free spirits get, for the most part, that there is only so much that you can control. What you can't, you need to leave up to God (some would say the universe) and chill out. To those who aren't very flexible, the mere thought of being like water stresses them out and causes them to see free spirits as being nonchalant and even flippant. Free spirits don't care, though, because they are a lot more calm and serene due to feeling this way.
7. Long-Term Commitments Are a Bit of a Stretch in Your Mind
A couple of years ago, I checked out a video from a YouTube channel that I like called nappyheadedjojoba. I enjoyed it so much that it inspired an article for the platform entitled, "Single-Minded: So, What If You Like Dating But DON'T Desire Marriage?" because that's pretty much what nappyheadedjojoba said — relationships, cool. Marriage? Not so cool. You know, a couple of months ago, I was having a conversation with a married friend of mine about what she would do, relationally, if she were to ever get a divorce or her husband were to pass away. "Not get married again, I can promise you that," she said. While it might seem on the onset that she regrets getting married (if you personally do, check out "What Should You Do If You Feel Like You Married The Wrong Person?"), that's not what she meant. See, this person, in a lot of ways, is a bit of a free spirit herself and what marriage has revealed to her is she doesn't want to constantly answer to someone or even share all of the time. Actually, she reminds me of another never-been-married-before woman (who is close to her 70s at this point) who once said to me, "I'm too selfish to be married." She doesn't like the idea of accountability and sharing either.
While there does seem to be this odd misconception that just because some people don't desire marriage, they must not be interested in companionship — or are even capable of long-lasting intimacy — at all, free spirits totally get where long-term non-committals are coming from. It's not that free spirits are incapable of loving; they just don't like the paperwork, the high expectations and the constant day-to-day practices that are required in order to make marriage happen. So, they find other ways to connect. And they are just fine with that.
8. You Collect Memories, Not Objects
I don't know about y'all, but I don't personally know too many free-spirited individuals who are "gifts people" when it comes to love languages. In fact, I don't know too many free-spirited people who are big on money or tangible things at all. If anything, they are more into quality time (or maybe even physical touch) because they like the memories that come from spending time with people they enjoy being around. This means that if you've got a free spirit in your life, you don't have to worry about impressing them with expensive stuff. At the same time, they can still be a bit challenging to please — one, because they oftentimes have quirky taste and two, since memories (and nostalgia) are such a big deal to them, you've got to put real thought into what you plan on doing with them. While we're here, another thing to keep in mind is because they are so big on memories, they can sometimes be easy to disappoint. Plus, because this is the case, they aren't always the best at forgiving whenever you do.
9. Organized ANYTHING Kinda Freaks You Out
It's no secret that while Type A people tend to be far more organized, they also tend to be a lot more impatient and prone to being stressed out. Type B folks? C'mon. How much more "zen" can you get than a lot of them? That said, free spirits would definitely fall into the Type B category. While this can be cool on a lot of levels, because being Type B means that you are way more easy-going, there is something to be said for order. Organized people tend to pay bills on time. Organized people tend to manage their time well. Organized people tend to have a clean house and car — you get where I'm coming from. The thing that free spirits have to keep in mind when it comes to being organized is it's important to remember that you can be "free" and responsible too. In fact, when you are an adult, you absolutely should.
10. You Live Passionately
Probably my favorite thing about free-spirited folks is how passionate they are. This results in them being pretty positive people. This results in them knowing what it means to stay in the moment. This results in them enjoying (and taking) sex to new levels. This results in them feeling things fully and intensely. This results in them being excited about big things and simple pleasures. In a nutshell, free spirits like cultivating and experiencing pure, real and lasting joy. They believe that things should be felt deeply, that relationships should be profound, and life is meant to create powerful moments, as often as possible. This is a quality that makes free spirits a blessing — whether you are one or happen to know one. So, if this is the case, celebrate! They make life so much richer in their own special way. They really and truly do.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."