Tamron Hall Wants Women To Know That It’s OK To Be Independent & Still Want Love
Daytime talk show host Tamron Hall has got a lot to celebrate nowadays. Her Emmy-winning talk show Tamron Hall Show is in its third season, she is a new author and her two-year-old son Moses started school this fall. While she's always been killing the game when it came to her career, getting married and starting a family was somewhat far-fetched for the 51-year-old.
The award-winning journalist made an appearance on Jemele Hill's podcast, Jemele Hill is Unbothered, and reflected on the time in her life when she was satisfied as the auntie before having a child and why it's OK for independent women to want a partner.
As an aunt, Tamron has three nieces and a nephew and refers to them as "my children."
"...They satisfied that desire to care for someone else outside of my home. They certainly depleted my bank account like a parent would feel so they satisfied a lot and I was the exceptional aunt that so many women, particularly Black women have evolved to being and I was OK with that."
But just because she didn't have biological children at the time, didn't mean she was single. The thought of marriage, however, was something that was complex for her. The talk show host said her feelings about marriage involved "a lot of layers," but she did accept rings from past boyfriends. Because those relationships didn't end up working out, she eventually got to a point where she was afraid of getting into another relationship.
"Between 35-37, I definitely went through that fear of failed relationships. Like I'm not---I'm good. I think that was more of me saying to myself that I was afraid of another failed situation."
However, she would end up meeting her husband, Steven Greener. The two met at an event and kept running into each other after. She said he joked about them having a child during their first meeting, but she didn't take him seriously at first. As they continued dating (they moved in together after three weeks of dating), Tamron decided to look into IVF treatments and after multiple unsuccessful attempts, she found out she was pregnant.
In March 2019, Tamron surprised everyone when she announced that she was married and expecting her first child with her husband at 48. With finding her bliss, she wanted to explore the topic of relationships on her talk show, especially after conversations she's had with friends.
"I have girlfriends who will say 'I don't want to be in a relationship,' and I said, 'it's OK to say you do. It's OK to say I want a man in my life or a partner in my life or a woman, whatever it is that you want, it's OK."
She went on to talk about her experience being raised by a single mother and being taught to be independent, which is a similar reality for a lot of Black women. While she believes the messaging of being independent is out of love, it can also be harmful.
"I was raised to be an independent woman. You can do bad by yourself. If you bring the wrong one in, your bills double, your rent doubles. So, while I embrace that message that my mother gave to me being a single mom, and she didn't want me to be dependent upon it, it also can also come at a cost where you don't allow yourself to have that vulnerable moment of saying, 'yeah I can do bad by myself.' 'I don't need a man' or 'I don't need a partner', but 'I want one and I'm going to look for one.'
She continued:
"And I'm going to put myself at the bar with the good light just in case someone walks by and so that's been a big message to my friends and even to myself at some point in my life that it's OK to want to be married and it's OK to say it. That doesn't mean that you're weak or that you looking (sarcastically). It's OK to look, you might find him."
So, in other words, don't let being an independent woman keep you alone. Find your love queen!
Featured image by Daytime Emmy Awards 2021 via Getty Images
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Stress Awareness Month: Sneaky Workplace Triggers Affecting Black Women, And How To Cope
We all know about the major stress triggers of everyday life, from relationship woes to monthly bills to unexpected emergencies, but there are small, subtle triggers that impact Black women in a big way, especially when it comes to work. It’s good to be aware of these sneaky stressors in order to maximize your day and find ways to incorporate solutions into your self-care routines.
Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
valentinrussanov/Getty Images
How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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Featured image by Charday Penn/Getty Images