'I Won't Let Any Man Take My Power Away': Hair Porn Queen Rhea Carter On Becoming Sexually Liberated
Everybody say heyyyyy Miss Carter.
I first came across Rhea Carter years ago through my obsession with Tumblr’s blog and reblog culture. She was a unicorn, black, and carefree with mermaid curls falling to the middle of her back. I think that’s always the first thing people affiliate her with, hair porn.
In fact, it was what struck a chord with Vogue and led her to being stalked and interviewed by the mag early last year. At the time, her curls were an interpretation of Storm’s look translated through her own ombre hair trademark. I wanted to assure her when talking to her, that this wouldn’t be about hair. Much to her relief and mine, the topic of sex was a shared interest. Although born and raised in Chicago, the 23-year-old New York City transplant moved to the Big Apple as a means to follow her music-making dreams as well as to be truer to her identity.
On one fine Sunday, while she perused the big city and I took in the four walls of my bedroom, we had a conversation where we related to one another like friends over ain’t shit n-words and sex politics in our community. Read on to be as captivated by this young queen as I was. Hair, mind, spirit, and all.
Photos By: Miranda BarnesCourtesy of Rhea Carter
What is great sex to you?
Great sex to me is feeling secure and comfortable with my sexual partner, knowing that whoever it is, that they have the requirements I have in a lover. If the chemistry isn’t there, if they’re not mature enough, they kind of “x” themselves out. Being able to let go is great sex to me. I don’t want to have any thoughts in my head (laughs). Someone who makes me feel like a woman, you know what I mean? We might not be in a relationship, it might be just sex, but at the end of the day, a man should respect a woman – that’s how you make me feel like a woman. And I have to know who I’m with.
I feel sexiest when…
When I’m being myself; when I can shut out things of an external nature, and just be. With another person, I feel sexiest when the focus is strictly on me, not on your phone, not on social media, just me. When I’m alone, I feel sexiest when my hair’s done (laughs). When I’m taking care of myself. Self-love is so important, I’m big on that, because then you can never be fooled. And even if my hair isn’t done (laughs), if I am able to relax and be unbothered by outside judgment, I feel sexy. When things just flow, I feel sexy then too.
[Tweet "Self-love is so important, I’m big on that, because then you can never be fooled. "]
When was the moment that you became sexually liberated?
As sexually liberated as I am, I am also strict about it too. I don’t want anyone to take that away from me. I am really strict about who I let in my life as a sexual partner. I am really into feeling empowered and being a woman who can make choices and not be judged for them. As women we should be allowed to do what men are allowed to do. That’s one thing I will not tolerate from a man. For me, my moment with sexual liberation came after a really hard breakup. I met someone and on a whim we hung out, from there, I was freer with how I viewed my sexuality.
I realized phrases of “You’ve got to respect yourself” and “You can’t do this or that or you won’t be a lady” were criticisms by men who dish it a lot more than they take it and not rightfully so. Being single and experiencing people left me liberated. I don’t owe anyone anything. It’s up to me and my choices. It’s up to me to decide how I feel about me. As a woman, I don’t want to let any man take my power away from me as a woman, shame me or try to change me. They’re the ones who are usually insecure anyway.
[Tweet " I don’t owe anyone anything. It’s up to me to decide how I feel about me. "]
Who are some women that have inspired your sexual liberation and what are some words you would use to describe their embodiment of that?
Photos By: Miranda BarnesCourtesy of Rhea Carter
Tumblr. I think the Internet is what really fostered this community of women being more open about sexuality. It could be the fact that it’s easier to be honest and speak about things more openly behind a screen than in person. There is a community culture online definitely taking a stand and not allowing things to happen to us or allowing us to continuously be degraded. I want to specifically talk about black people and black women because there are a lot of communities that claim that they are for us, but they just want our approval so they can win us but they are not actually trying to help us. As far as a woman in particular? I really admire Nicki Minaj for being fearless and speaking out on the injustices we as black women face.
What’s your advice to women who want to be more in tune with their sexuality?
Listen to your gut. Be open, but never force yourself to do something just to please someone else. Don’t hang out with close-minded people who will encourage you to sexually suppress yourself! They're the worst and they're probably having bad sex. Don’t give into slut-shaming and don’t box yourself into a category. Sexuality can be fluid so explore what appeals to you, and be safe!
Photos By: Miranda BarnesCourtesy of Rhea Carter
Biggest turn-on?
Respect. Treating me the way that I’m treating you. Reciprocity in that regard. Maturity. Communication and consideration. Those qualifications are turn-ons for me.
Turn-off?
When you’re around me, don’t be on your cell phone. Don’t bring up Instagram. Immaturity is a big turn-off! And don’t talk to me like I’m every woman, make me feel like I’m the only woman. Time wasters.
And what are you up to these days?
I’m working on an EP, I have a few singles I’m going to release. I’m really into music. I adore the fashion industry, but I think I’m really going to put my focus into music at this point in my life. I have always been into writing, mostly poetry so music feels like a natural progression. My first song should be dropping really soon actually. I’m excited about this song because it’s in the mind frame of a woman and I’m sticking to that subject because I’m passionate about it and I’m passionate about myself. It definitely speaks to women. It’s an interesting song because it’s not about a woman in love or a woman wanting to be in love, it’s a woman in the middle.
Vibe to Rhea’s sounds on soundcloud.com/rheacarter, or follow her on Instagram @rheacarter.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Everything You Need To Do Today To Enjoy Your Future PTO In Peace
Being a 9-to-5 powerhouse has its perks, from stable benefits to consistent schedules to great opportunities for professional development, but one thing you're not going to do this year is neglect the use of that paid time off (PTO).
While it might seem like a popular narrative on social to quit a job and live life freely traveling the world (or doing nothing), there's absolutely no shame in loving the practice of going into an office three to five days a week, getting that bi-weekly notification that your direct deposit hit your account, and enjoying multiple stints of PTO throughout the year.
That being said, here's how to take full advantage of the PTO benefits you not only negotiated but deserve (and in some states or according to some contracts, you're entitled to by law.)
1. If you're about to accept a job offer, ask about expanded PTO even if the company's policy is strict about not negotiating it.
Before you accept a job offer, you should talk to your future employer or HR manager about the PTO portion of your benefits package. This is especially important when you know you have major events coming up this year (a destination wedding, surgery, an anniversary, or that solo birthday trip you've been wanting to do for the past five years).
Negotiate for ample time to accommodate those special events. You don't have to be specific about how you're using the time or why you need it. Simply ensure that the amount of PTO they're offering and in what capacity will accommodate your participation.
If they're only offering two weeks of PTO and you have things you need to do outside of work where you'll need days off, be sure to speak and ask, "Can we discuss updating the PTO to three weeks of PTO if I am able to do x, y, and z?" or "How flexible is the one week of PTO in being increased to four weeks?"
And while experts say that some companies have strict no-negotiation policies when it comes to PTO (and will offer more money instead), they also recommend asking for an alternative like working more hours four days a week, for example, to have the fifth day off in the case that this happens.
2. If you're already employed, put in your PTO requests early (at least 90 days in advance if possible.)
Since we're still in the early stages of January, you'll have a bit of a time advantage when you plan adequately and well ahead. This also helps when there's an issue of first-come-first-serve requests or seniority. The earlier you make a request, experts say, the better. Don't make the mistake of waiting two weeks or even a month before you need to take off if you know about that trip or special occasion well ahead of time. Get those dates blocked off and out of the way as soon as possible.
Sometimes schedules can be amended or a bit more flexible when your manager already knows you've made a request long ago and was diligent about it.
There's another advantage to this: In the event that the request is denied (and sometimes this is for very valid reasons despite what the social media streets say), the earlier you request, the better able you are to adjust your plans or find other ways to accommodate the original request (i.e., ask a coworker to switch days with you, prepare an offer to your employer that might justify a reconsideration of the denial, or figure out how you can budget and take the day off anyway.)
3. Schedule PTO around the paid holiday closure policies of your company.
This might seem like a no-brainer, but sometimes when we're in the thick of working, we forget that there are holidays when the company has allotted the offices to be closed (or at least at less capacity when it comes to present professionals required to be available). Get into those three- or four-day workweeks and plan your vacations, self-care trips, and other times when you want to be out of the office around those office closures.
Some months even have back-to-back holidays when you can leverage working remotely for a few days out of a week and continue with a two-week break.
The office closure policies are unique to each company, and they can change year over year, so simply inquire at the beginning of the year about updates on a confirmed calendar of closures, or be diligent about looking out for the company when HR managers release the information.
4. Be more diligent with your time management, productivity, and setting boundaries.
Enjoying PTO isn't just about the time you have off. It's also about how you spend that time. If you're still answering emails and putting out fires over the phone while beachside in Bali, what's the point? Start today with setting boundaries (via one-on-one conversations with your team or manager about how much you value your time off and how they can effectively communicate with you (or vice versa) during those times).
Set up systems where you're spending your time wisely before your PTO kicks in versus indulging in workplace time-wasters, manually responding to common inquiries (Hello, use AI!), or neglecting to automate and delegate the parts of your job that should be.
When you're able to put systems in place that allow you to do your job not only well, but with ease, you're more likely to really enjoy that time off, whether you're on an excursion, handling a tough life situation, or doing nothing at all.
5. Create cultures of family and friend support when it comes to how you use your PTO.
Your time off often includes the ones you love, so even though you're being paid during your downtime, it's important that your family is on board with whatever vibe will accommodate that time spent. Talk with your partner or spouse about your paid time off and how you like to use it. Make sure your values align with friends and family so that there aren't unreasonable or stressful expectations about how you'll spend that time.
And when you can, schedule those necessary or not-so-fun appointments (healthcare visits, school meetings, etc.) for breaks during your actual work day so you won't be using good PTO to do those things.
Block out dates for certain appointments that come out every year, and schedule the next appointment while you're already at the office, school, or clinic. Hire that cleaner, delegate parenting duties, and get the help you need so that more of your PTO can be used for self-care, reflection, and fun. You deserve a bit more ease, balance, and a couple of real breaks this year.
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Featured image by Visivasnc/Getty Images