'I Won't Let Any Man Take My Power Away': Hair Porn Queen Rhea Carter On Becoming Sexually Liberated
Everybody say heyyyyy Miss Carter.
I first came across Rhea Carter years ago through my obsession with Tumblr’s blog and reblog culture. She was a unicorn, black, and carefree with mermaid curls falling to the middle of her back. I think that’s always the first thing people affiliate her with, hair porn.
In fact, it was what struck a chord with Vogue and led her to being stalked and interviewed by the mag early last year. At the time, her curls were an interpretation of Storm’s look translated through her own ombre hair trademark. I wanted to assure her when talking to her, that this wouldn’t be about hair. Much to her relief and mine, the topic of sex was a shared interest. Although born and raised in Chicago, the 23-year-old New York City transplant moved to the Big Apple as a means to follow her music-making dreams as well as to be truer to her identity.
On one fine Sunday, while she perused the big city and I took in the four walls of my bedroom, we had a conversation where we related to one another like friends over ain’t shit n-words and sex politics in our community. Read on to be as captivated by this young queen as I was. Hair, mind, spirit, and all.
Photos By: Miranda BarnesCourtesy of Rhea Carter
What is great sex to you?
Great sex to me is feeling secure and comfortable with my sexual partner, knowing that whoever it is, that they have the requirements I have in a lover. If the chemistry isn’t there, if they’re not mature enough, they kind of “x” themselves out. Being able to let go is great sex to me. I don’t want to have any thoughts in my head (laughs). Someone who makes me feel like a woman, you know what I mean? We might not be in a relationship, it might be just sex, but at the end of the day, a man should respect a woman – that’s how you make me feel like a woman. And I have to know who I’m with.
I feel sexiest when…
When I’m being myself; when I can shut out things of an external nature, and just be. With another person, I feel sexiest when the focus is strictly on me, not on your phone, not on social media, just me. When I’m alone, I feel sexiest when my hair’s done (laughs). When I’m taking care of myself. Self-love is so important, I’m big on that, because then you can never be fooled. And even if my hair isn’t done (laughs), if I am able to relax and be unbothered by outside judgment, I feel sexy. When things just flow, I feel sexy then too.
[Tweet "Self-love is so important, I’m big on that, because then you can never be fooled. "]
When was the moment that you became sexually liberated?
As sexually liberated as I am, I am also strict about it too. I don’t want anyone to take that away from me. I am really strict about who I let in my life as a sexual partner. I am really into feeling empowered and being a woman who can make choices and not be judged for them. As women we should be allowed to do what men are allowed to do. That’s one thing I will not tolerate from a man. For me, my moment with sexual liberation came after a really hard breakup. I met someone and on a whim we hung out, from there, I was freer with how I viewed my sexuality.
I realized phrases of “You’ve got to respect yourself” and “You can’t do this or that or you won’t be a lady” were criticisms by men who dish it a lot more than they take it and not rightfully so. Being single and experiencing people left me liberated. I don’t owe anyone anything. It’s up to me and my choices. It’s up to me to decide how I feel about me. As a woman, I don’t want to let any man take my power away from me as a woman, shame me or try to change me. They’re the ones who are usually insecure anyway.
[Tweet " I don’t owe anyone anything. It’s up to me to decide how I feel about me. "]
Who are some women that have inspired your sexual liberation and what are some words you would use to describe their embodiment of that?
Photos By: Miranda BarnesCourtesy of Rhea Carter
Tumblr. I think the Internet is what really fostered this community of women being more open about sexuality. It could be the fact that it’s easier to be honest and speak about things more openly behind a screen than in person. There is a community culture online definitely taking a stand and not allowing things to happen to us or allowing us to continuously be degraded. I want to specifically talk about black people and black women because there are a lot of communities that claim that they are for us, but they just want our approval so they can win us but they are not actually trying to help us. As far as a woman in particular? I really admire Nicki Minaj for being fearless and speaking out on the injustices we as black women face.
What’s your advice to women who want to be more in tune with their sexuality?
Listen to your gut. Be open, but never force yourself to do something just to please someone else. Don’t hang out with close-minded people who will encourage you to sexually suppress yourself! They're the worst and they're probably having bad sex. Don’t give into slut-shaming and don’t box yourself into a category. Sexuality can be fluid so explore what appeals to you, and be safe!
Photos By: Miranda BarnesCourtesy of Rhea Carter
Biggest turn-on?
Respect. Treating me the way that I’m treating you. Reciprocity in that regard. Maturity. Communication and consideration. Those qualifications are turn-ons for me.
Turn-off?
When you’re around me, don’t be on your cell phone. Don’t bring up Instagram. Immaturity is a big turn-off! And don’t talk to me like I’m every woman, make me feel like I’m the only woman. Time wasters.
And what are you up to these days?
I’m working on an EP, I have a few singles I’m going to release. I’m really into music. I adore the fashion industry, but I think I’m really going to put my focus into music at this point in my life. I have always been into writing, mostly poetry so music feels like a natural progression. My first song should be dropping really soon actually. I’m excited about this song because it’s in the mind frame of a woman and I’m sticking to that subject because I’m passionate about it and I’m passionate about myself. It definitely speaks to women. It’s an interesting song because it’s not about a woman in love or a woman wanting to be in love, it’s a woman in the middle.
Vibe to Rhea’s sounds on soundcloud.com/rheacarter, or follow her on Instagram @rheacarter.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Curate The Vibes With These Black-Owned Candles For Every Mood
Black women of the 90s and early 2000s had incense, and Black women of today are fully embracing our luxury candle era. Candles have become just as important as our perfume selections, and as a luxury candle connoisseur, I keep all of my favorites in stock in my storage closet.
Whether you’re moving out for the first time and want to try new scents or looking to set the mood for a self-care day or sexy evening, consider these Black-owned candle brands to curate the vibe you’re looking for.
If You’re Feeling Bad & Bougie
The Original Candle
If you’re the bougie friend of the group, this candle is for you. Hanifa has become a staple luxury brand; with celebs like Tracee Ellis Ross, Jennifer Hudson, Naomi Campbell, and Danielle Brooks seen in her designs, they have become everyone's favorite brand. They recently launched their first candle, The Original. The candle is infused with notes of mandarin, orange blossom, caramel, sandalwood, jasmine sambac, and vanilla.
When Wash Day Comes...
"Wash Day" Candle
Cavo
Need some inspiration to get up and section that hair so you can get to washing? Not to worry. This pineapple, mango coconut milk, and sugar candle will have your house smelling as good as your favorite conditioner.
Wellness Girl Necessity
Sunday in Brooklyn Candle
If you’re a girl who loves clean scents that clear the energy in your home and feel like the best Sunday you ever had, you need this candle. Infused with wild basil and lemongrass, it’s guaranteed to help you find your zen.
For Sunday Brunch If You’re Hosting
Champagne Showers
Champagne Showers is the perfect candle for a birthday celebration, Sunday brunch night in, or toast to your next big win! The candle includes a blend of bright bergamot, peach fizz, and creamy woods. It’s a bubbly fragrance that’s as sophisticated as our girl, Jackie Aina.
After You Listen To SZA
"After A Good Cry" Candle
Cavo
Let the tears flow, and let the healing begin. This rainwater, lavender, vanilla, and bean and bourbon candle is just what the doctor ordered if you’re getting over a breakup. But once you’re done crying, just remember you're worthy of much more, okay?
For The Lover Girl Era
"Love" Luxury Candle
If you’re done crying and have found the one you’ve been waiting for, let this candle burn as warm as your love for your new boo. Harlem Candle Co.'s "Love" fragrance represents a dramatic, romantic theme with both masculine and feminine accords melding beautifully together, infused with crisp apple and watery green notes.
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Featured image by Maskot/Getty Images