“I’ve always felt opportunity is available for everyone, so why compete?” - Altrichia Lekay Cook
We live in a time where some women are intimidated by a woman who may look beautiful, have a great career, an amazing relationship, or all of the above. Instead of taking the time to learn from them we speak negatively against them, and fail to talk or seek to build positive relationships because we are too busy hating on other women and on their success. In the age of #BlackGirlMagic where many of us are winning in our respective industries, we should empower others and strive to leave a positive impact, and use our lives as platforms to inspire others.
See how Altrichia empowers women and helps women recognize and celebrate their inner and outer beauty.
Name: Altrichia Lekay Cook
Age: 28
Occupation(s): CEO & Founder of Allusions by A.Lekay Swimwear & motivational speaker
Website: Allusionsbyalekay.com
Twitter: Allusionsbabe
Instagram: AllusionsbyAlekay
LinkedIn: Altrichia Cook
Her business:
Altrichia is the owner behind a luxury swimwear line that features retro-inspired high-waisted bikinis so that women can look banging on the beach without feeling as if they need to compete with the gal next to her.
Her inspiration:
Wanting to cover up the abdominal imperfections that she personally received after the birth of her first child, Altrichia set out to create her swimwear line in 2013 for women with similar struggles. Since she couldn't find a swimsuit that would fit her needs and wants, she designed her own, and since then, this mom-turned-entrepreneur has made a name for herself and her brand.
Her journey:
One month before she graduated from high school, she found out she was pregnant, and she felt so scared. She grew up having parents as ministers and was really involved in school. She was captain of the cheer squad, homecoming queen, class president, so she was embarrassed when she got pregnant because she was like a role model to her peers.
Before she graduated, she was already accepted into Florida State University so she immediately started her college classes in June. Just a few months after that she gave birth to her son Anthony in December of 2005. At the early age of 17, she had to learn how to balance being a mother, student, and employee. She worked hard and graduated within four years, and then continued her education by obtaining a graduate degree from Florida A&M University. After college, she began work as a probation officer and had the same occupation even after she started her swimwear business.
The sacrifice:
During the beginning stages of her business, Altrichia had to make a lot of sacrifices and couldn’t go out all of the time or shop like most young women in their 20s.
For Altrichia, there were sleepless nights. There were times when she literally wouldn’t go to sleep. She would get home from work, make dinner, help her son with homework, prepare for the next day, respond to emails, package orders, and more. Altrichia's work ethic was on a special level - she was running a full-time legitimate business while working full-time. Yes, it was hectic but she made it happen. She was too focused and determined to do nothing but succeed.
Altrichia reveals: "Although a journey is never smooth sailing, you have to know that you are going to have bumps, dips, and detours along the way but it is up to you to make it to your destination. So with a good mindset and being among people that can lift you higher, you can definitely achieve success and thrive. You have to understand that success is not an overnight process. You have to grind, and make sacrifices."
[Tweet ""There will be bumps, dips, and detours along the way but it is up to you to make it to your destination." "]
The beginnings of the business
By utilizing social media as a millennial, Altrichia was able to find her niche and learned how to start a business. Her business idea stemmed from the reaction from a photo that she posted in March of 2013 wearing a high-waisted swimsuit on a trip with friends. Altrichia told me she was wearing the high-waisted swimsuit because she was uncomfortable from the abdominal imperfections–aka stretch marks–that she got from having her baby.
When Altrichia posted the photo, the reaction from women were insane - everyone just had to know what she was wearing and where it came from. The reaction that she got from the photo inspired her to turn her love for designing and fashion into a business.
Her big break
In just two short years after launching, Altrichia's swimwear line grew in popularity and her fearless attitude grew. Because of her own fearless personality and her sought-after swimwear, she was given the opportunity to style Nicki Minaj on the July 2015 cover of Cosmopolitan magazine. On this cover, Nicki Minaj wore a custom design by Altrichia herself and that magazine cover brought even more positive attention to her swimwear brand.
As an entrepreneur in the saturated field of fashion, you can probably imagine how hard it can be for a new designer to get celebrity clients like Nicki Minaj in their clothing. When asked about how she was awarded this amazing opportunity, Altrichia reveals, "I was invited to a conference in New York where I met the fashion editor of Cosmo! Of course, I was intentional and fearless and reached out to her. I simply followed up and she was responded with pieces she loved and requested! Like that, magic happened! She loved my pieces and believe in what my brand stands for as Cosmo is truly a #GirlBoss medium that empowers women! Many times designers and entrepreneurs are fearful in their quest to simply reach out or feel as though they shouldn't follow up. In the process, I have learned that 'pride' is the enemy of success. Pride will keep you from just going for it. I always look at it as, 'the worse they can say is no.' But I am always positive!"
[Tweet "Pride is the enemy of success. Pride will keep you from just going for it."]
What she thinks about female empowerment
People say it is lonely at the top, but Altrichia doesn't believe that. She believes that you can take people with you–people that have the same ambitions as you. As Altrichia told me, "You have to know that it is never a contest or competition. It is over 7 billion people in the world and only those who think scarcity think of competition. Why fight over crumbs when we can just go in the kitchen and cook something in a bigger pot? My brand is my brand so I’m never in competition with anyone. I am more focused on making myself better. What is meant for me will never pass me by so I am not worried about fighting over opportunities with others.”
As Altrichia told me, "We need more women that want to support other women. Through my brand, I really want to break the whole barrier of this “competing thing.” Sonia Jackson Miles, one of my mentors, has been so amazing and a very intricate part of my entrepreneur journey. She has a movement called the Sister Accord and it is all about spreading the love of sisters and uplifting others. Sonia believes that mean girls become mean women if there isn’t an intervention and that is so true. Instead of competing, let’s collaborate. I’m not in competition with you and will never be. I’m always trying to help people and connect people."
[Tweet "Don't compete - learn how to collaborate."]
How she picks her girl squad
Altrichia believes that as women, we don’t need to have the mindset of “you can’t sit with us.” We should have people in our lives that we can grow from. On the same note, Altrichia believes that it is very important to be mindful of the type of people that you surround yourself with. As she said, "Your circle of friends should depend on your preference and ambitions. For example, everyone I know is not going to be in my circle and that is okay because everyone doesn’t have the same mindset as me."
Mentors vs. friendtors
As Altrichia told me, "I have plenty of mentors, but I also have friendtors. I think it is important to have friendtors–those friends that have the same mindset as you and that uplift you. You have to understand that as a woman, no one will ever understand us like us. As women, we have menstrual cycles, some of us have children, and we typically go through the same things. So why not be there for your sister? One of my friendtors, Alicia Reese, was actually one of my customers and now we do a lot of business together. This is because we have been there to support each other and we celebrate each other successes. Even though we live in two different states, we still uplift each other and support each other in any way that we can. It is crazy how women can be so catty and don’t want to support one another."
[Tweet "We all should have "friendtors" is our lives to uplift us and take us higher."]
Tips for Self-Empowerment
In her interview, Altrichia told me, "While there are a lot of platforms like xoNecole and others, you have to have a higher level of self-encouragement and confidence. Because what happens after you read an inspiring article and it is all over? You have to find that motivation within and harness it. You have to be encouraged and learn how to encourage yourself. I also learned early on that you have to learn how to celebrate your own success and accomplishments. You can’t downsize what makes you great. By celebrating your accomplishments you will inspire others to do the same."
By learning how to empower ourselves and others, we can find the confidence and motivation that we need to be successful. There is opportunity available for anyone that is determined enough to hustle hard for it, so there is no point in wasting energy competing with others. Instead of competing with others, we should start collaborating with others, and joining forces to grow ourselves and accomplish our goals.
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Since the focus today is on hyperpigmentation, let me break that down a bit further. Basically, what gives your skin pigment is melanin. Well, when your skin cells end up getting damaged or injured, oftentimes your body’s response is to create more melanin as a part of the healing process. Problem is, sometimes your system overproduces melanin, and that can lead to darker patches of skin. This can especially be the case for our skin since we naturally produce more melanin anyway.
When hyperpigmentation transpires, we usually want to get rid of it as soon as possible. And while doing things like applying sunscreen, using skin lightening products, and even taking certain vitamins can help — the main thing to do is incorporate a gentle skincare regimen and then use patience with it. If you don’t and you go overboard in your approach, you could look up and end up with hyperpigmentation issues that are far worse (and longer lasting) than they were to begin with.
How? I’ll explain.
Using Products That Create Breakouts
GiphyWho likes getting a pimple? For me, though, what pisses me off to no end is that there is about a 70 percent chance that if one pops up, some sort of hyperpigmentation is going to be left behind whether I mess with it or not. Ugh. The reason why is because zits bring inflammation and inflammation can trigger hyperpigmentation.
So, you know what that means, right? It’s important to do all that you can to avoid getting a pimple in the first place and that includes not using products that will clog up your pores or irritate your skin like lanolin, thick butters (especially on your face), mineral oil, D&C coloring, a fatty acid called isopropyl palmitate — these are a few things that can lead to breakouts, if you’re not careful. That’s why it’s always a good idea to read the labels of the things before purchasing them.
Oh, and when it comes to things like shea and mango butter, it’s usually best to use them on other parts of your body than your face (because your face is more fragile than, say, your arms or legs).
Doing Too Much Exfoliating
GiphyI am a fan of DIY chemical peels; so much so that I wrote an entire article about it a couple of years ago (check out “I've Been Doing At-Home Chemical Peels. Here Are The Pros And Cons.”). The things that I like most about them are they are a super-effective way to exfoliate and even out my skin tone. That said, though, be careful with doing too much exfoliating whether it’s via a chemical peel, a skin scrub or even dry brushing.
Not only can over-exfoliating irritate your skin, it can dry it out, cause lots of skin flakes, lead to inflamed skin — and all of this can result in hyperpigmentation as your skin is in the process of “getting back to normal.” So, just how often should you exfoliate? Unless your skin is really oily, 1-2 times a week is more than enough (2-3 if it is on the oily side).
Layering with Too Many Products
GiphyOh, I know — if you watch too many of those TikTok and Instagram videos where women are applying 6-10 products on their face before adding any make-up to it, it can tempt you to follow suit. Use some caution with that, though. Each skincare product comes with its own list of ingredients and every time you add something else that has another set of ingredients onto it, that increases the chances of you irritating your skin or causing it to break out.
My two cents would be to ease into each product. Start with one thing and, if it’s all good (after about a week or so), incorporate another. Oh, and try to keep it down to 3-5 skincare products tops. When it comes to effective skin routines “less is more” is a motto to live by. Otherwise, redness, flaking and hyperpigmentation may be in your future.
Using Skincare Products That Contain Fragrance
GiphyAlthough applying skincare products that have a nice scent to them can cause your skin to smell amazing, sometimes they can be both an irritant as well as an allergen — and that can cause your skin’s barrier to weaken or become really irritated. And again, whenever your skin is damaged in some way, the recovery process can lead to hyperpigmentation. So, it really is best to avoid scented skin products at all costs (if you want flawless skin, that is).
Applying Too Much Heat
GiphyBet you didn’t see this one coming. How about increased blood flow, over time, can lead to hyperpigmentation. Basically, it’s because of the fact that, sometimes, too much consistent blood flow can result in skin inflammation and, as we already discussed, when the body is healing from inflammation, that can sometimes cause hyperpigmentation to occur.
The takeaway here: use sunscreen when you’re outdoors and try to keep those scorching hot showers to a minimum. Being in warm water for between 7-10 minutes is ideal.
Not Testing Products (Especially Acids) on Your Arm First
GiphySomething that definitely keeps my skin glowing is certain acids: hyaluronic acid, mandelic acid and kojic acid soap (oh and some vitamin C extract too), especially. All of these are pretty good on darker skin tones; however, because we all are different, before applying any acid to your skin, make sure to test it on your arm first (and wait 48 hours, just to be sure that the coast is clear).
Trust me, I know of what I speak because I once tried some pretty potent pineapple extract on my face once and it mildly burned the lower part of my right cheek to the point where it took about four months before everything turned back to normal. Hmph, if I can keep anyone from experiencing that drama, I absolutely will.
7. Experimenting with Harsh Essential Oils
GiphyListen, if you want a zit to go away, damn near overnight, apply some tea tree oil to it. Just make sure that you dilute it with a light carrier oil (like grapeseed, jojoba or rosehip oil) first. Why? Oh, I have learned from very up close and personal experience that certain essential oils can also burn your skin and, as we’ve already discussed, ad nauseum at this point, damaged skin typically results in hyperpigmentation on some level. Yeah, essential oils are a blessing. They are also nothing to play with. Dilute, dilute, DILUTE.
___
You know, they say that it can take several weeks, if not many months, for hyperpigmentation to totally fade away. Hmph. To me, that’s even more incentive to do all that you can to avoid it transpiring in the first place — and that includes NOT incorporating counterproductive skincare routines and regimens.
The more you know, sis. For real.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock