I make it no secret that, back in 2015, I went on what I call my "Get Your Heart Pieces Back Tour". Men who I felt I had some unresolved issues with, I purposely sought them out so that I could finally make peace with them and, more importantly, myself. When I think about where I currently am as a person overall, it truly is one of the best things that I've ever done.
I thought about that lil' tour of mine when one of the latest episodes of The Skin Deep popped up in my YouTube feed recently. It featured exes Steven and Krystal. After three years of not seeing or speaking to one another, they met up, face to face, to ask each other questions like, "What do you remember about the last time we spoke face to face before reconnecting?", "Do you miss what we had?" and "Would you ever consider dating again? Why or why not?" I don't want to give away too much of the dialogue or outcome; if you want to see how it all panned out, Part One is here and Part Two is here. What I will say is there is a line that was shared that was extremely insightful—"Once you realize you were the toxic person, everything changes." Sometimes, "interviewing an ex" can reveal a lot—about them, you and the relationship overall.
Although I know that some people would never dream of hittin' up their ex just to pull out a deck of cards with semi-uncomfortable questions on them, what the episode did remind me is how important—and necessary—relational interviews can be. I mean, who said that they should only be for professional purposes? After all, an interview is defined as being "a formal meeting in which one or more persons question, consult, or evaluate another person".
So yeah, I definitely think that exit interviews for couples who break-up can be helpful (so that clarity, healing and hopefully peace can manifest). More importantly, I think that pre-commitment interviews should transpire; just so, if two individuals are seriously contemplating taking things to the next level, they can be certain that they are both on the same page.
And just what kind of questions should you ask—and be willing to be asked—in said interview? Let's start here.
“Do you want a serious relationship?”
Something that will spare you tons of potential heartache and wasted time is not assuming that just because you've been giving a guy a lot of your time, heart and, quite possibly your parts, that you're both on the same page about where your relationship is headed. While you're thinking that three months of steady dating is going to lead to something long-term, he might be thinking that you are simply a cool person to spend time with. So yeah, right off the rip, the first thing that should be discussed is if you both want to be in a serious relationship. If he says "yes", the next question is what needs to immediately follow.
“If so, what does ‘serious’ mean to you?”
Definitely one of the hardest things about being in, just about any kind of relationship, is coming to a happy medium when it comes to different perspectives on things. Things like what? Things like words. Take the word "serious", for example. While you might think that serious means exclusivity and working towards marriage, the guy you're seeing might be more on the tip of seeing you more than once a week and making your phone calls a priority.
The reason why I know this is because I know a guy right now who's been seeing a woman for almost five years. Although he's not having sex with anyone else (according to him, anyway), he has absolutely no intention on popping the question; not just any time soon but probably ever. Meanwhile, she's out here believing that since they talk on the phone every day and spend holidays together, she's got a proposal in her future. SMDH. When it comes to dating, many times "serious" is relative. Get clarity on where you both are coming from so that neither of you are disillusioned or end up being disappointed (if not straight-up pissed).
“How do you think it would benefit us both to go to another level?”
Remember how I said that one definition of an interview is to evaluate another person? To evaluate is "to judge or determine the significance, worth, or quality of; assess". That said, even though all of us have great worth, that doesn't mean that all of us are designed to be highly significant in the lives of the people we come across. If you're going to go up a notch in your relationship with someone, you need to determine if they show the qualities and traits of being able to be significant and purposeful for you. What I mean by that is, by going beyond where the two of you are now, how will that benefit you both mentally, emotionally and spiritually? If you're not sure, maybe you need to take out the time to get to know each other a little better. Because, if someone can't help you to be better than you are without them, on the intimate tip, why exactly do you need them to be any closer to you?
“What are your personal relationship deal-breakers?”
Anyone who has ever been in a session with me knows that one of the things that I always recommend is them "knowing what their line is" in a relationship. I'm not talking about when it comes to things like abuse; hopefully, it's a given that you won't stand for that. No, what I mean is what are the things that are up for negotiation, to a point? Maybe you're willing to date someone who is still trying to figure out where they stand when it comes to their religious beliefs. Maybe you're open to testing out a long-distance relationship for a certain period of time. Maybe dating a broke guy while he's completing his education or is getting his business off of the ground is something that you're open to. At the same time, maybe these are things that you're willing to deal with for a season but not forever.
There are a lot of people who end up feeling blindsided, one year into a relationship, because they assumed that their partner was gonna be down with certain things about them for the long haul while their partner thought that it would be a temporary type of situation. Again, deal-breakers are things that people try and find a middle ground on but, if they can't, the deal is off. For you—and him—what exactly would those types of things be?
“What are your personal relationship expectations?”
I've got a girlfriend who absolutely hates the word "should". I get why too. Should tends to come with a whole lot of assumption and presumption. He should know to make a big deal about Christmas. He should know that he should pay for every date. He should know that after six more months, I want to be proposed to. Oh yeah? Why should he think that? Because that's the way you tend to process things?
It's not fair to expect anyone to meet expectations that you haven't verbally expressed. So, while you're in the process of your pre-commitment interview, while you might not want to hit him all at once with the 50 things on your list, it is a good idea to at least express the first 10. While you're at it, ask him what his "10" are as well. Expectations aren't a bad thing. Unspoken and/or unreasonable ones are. You can't come to a decision of what fits that list in your relationship without discussing them, upfront, as much as possible.
“Do you feel like you’ve had enough time since your last relationship?”
I'm not exactly sure who came up with the whole "You need half the amount of time of your relationship to heal from it" rule. To me, I think that knowing whether or not you're truly over someone depends on how profound the connection was and how/why it ended. But what I do know is you don't want to be out here being the rebound.
Another guy that I know? Although he's in total denial about it, he's been in an emotional affair with his first love, ever since they broke up, close to 20 years ago. I call it that because even though he's single, she's married. Plus, whenever they communicate, they sneak around in order to do it. Them still communicating is not only unfair to her spouse, it is keeping my friend emotionally stagnant to the point where he is unable to fully give himself to another person.
Some people, they don't even know they are still hung up on their ex until they are confronted with the notion (see "6 Reasons Why You STILL Can't Over Your Ex"). Even deeper than that, some people don't realize that they are not able to have a fulfilling present-day relationship because they are still hung up on their past (the second episode of David Banner's new podcast touches on some of this). The best way to enlighten someone to this kind of revelation is to ask. The best way to know that you are ready to be in something new is to have them to ask you in return as well.
“What would you expect to change should we decide to officially get together?”
Even with as much as I study and observe relationships, I'm not exactly sure why giving things a title or "making things official" can automatically alter the dynamic of two people. Maybe it's because whenever someone hears "boyfriend and girlfriend", "fiancé and fiancée" or "husband and wife", there are already preconceived notions about what comes with those words.
Whatever the case may be, during your pre-commitment interview, it's really important to not assume that just because the two of you decide to become something more that you both are on the same page about the "day-to-day duties" that come along with that.
I know my fair share of couples who end up feeling super frustrated, a few weeks into their commitment, and it's all because one thought that things were going to go one way while the other had something completely different in mind. While we're on this point, here's a heads up to my sistas—oftentimes a guy thinks that the only thing that should be different is what you will refer to him as in the future. That's it. So yeah, if you all are going to go up a notch, make sure you discuss what you both think should come with that. It will spare tons of WTF moments, moving forward.
“Are you cool with us being in the same place a year from now?”
A journalist by the name of Sydney J. Harris once said, "The greatest enemy of progress is not stagnation, but false progress." Although I'm personally not a fan of stagnation either (have you ever left a cup of water standing for like a week? It starts to stink), I totally get where he is coming from. What my 45 years on this planet have taught me is, one of the worst things that you can do to someone is waste their time. When it comes to relationships, one of the ways that can happen is give someone the impression that committing on one level will eventually lead to another one.
Translation—if you are currently dating someone, you desire marriage someday, and you both decide to be boyfriend and girlfriend, please don't assume that it automatically means you'll be engaged next Christmas. If you want to know where the two of you are headed in the next 12 months (take or leave a few months), ask your partner what their relationship goals are.
Just as sure as I'm sitting here and typing this, I can promise you that the answer to this one question can almost instantaneously help you to determine if you should commit to this guy—or not. Because if you are all about progress and he's not, why even get committed in the first place? Amen and hallelujah! Good luck on y'all's interview, sis.
Did you know that xoNecole has a new podcast? Join founder Necole Kane, and co-hosts Sheriden Chanel for conversations over cocktails each and every week by subscribing to xoNecole Happy Hour podcast on Itunes and Spotify.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
This year's It Girl 100 is a mosaic of brilliance, spotlighting entrepreneurs, cultural disruptors, beauty visionaries, and boundary-pushing creatives who embody the spirit of "Yes, And." This digital celebration honors the women who embrace every facet of themselves, proving you can chase the bag and still honor your desire to live life softly.
The women repping for the Business category are empire builders shaping the next generation of entrepreneurship, as founders, investors, and CEOs, shifting culture while expanding their brands and their net worth.
Here's the roll call for xoNecole's It Girl 100 Class of 2025: Business.
Artist and Founder of GROWN Media Kaya Nova
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Kaya Nova
Her Handle: @thekayanova
Her Title: Artist and Founder, GROWN Media
Who's That It Girl: Kaya Nova is the artist-entrepreneur whose voice bridges melody and empowerment as the founder of GROWN Mag and GROWN Media. We celebrate her for turning her artistry into activism, creating music and experiences that honor womanhood, vulnerability, and the beauty of becoming your full self.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm multitalented and I'm powerful beyond measure."
Founder and CEO of Vineyard Icon Erin Goldson
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Erin Goldson
Her Handle: @eringoldson
Her Title: Founder and CEO of Vineyard Icon
Who's That It Girl: We are inspired by Erin Goldson, brand marketer and founder of Vineyard Icon, a platform celebrating Martha’s Vineyard culture and creativity. She blends strategy and community building with effortless polish to turn ideas into impact.
Founder and CEO, My Happy Flo Necole Kane
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Necole Kane
Her Handle: @hellonecole
Her Title: Founder and CEO, My Happy Flo
Who's That It Girl: Necole Kane is a media mogul and entrepreneur who founded NecoleBitchie.com and xoNecole.com. She now leads feminine wellness brand My Happy Flo, advocating for women's hormonal health through plant-based supplements and holistic solutions.
FORVR MOOD Co-Founder and Content Creator Jackie Aina
Credit: Kirstin Enlow
Jackie Aina
Her Handle: @jackieaina
Her Title: FORVR MOOD Co-Founder and Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: A trailblazer who changed the face of beauty forever, Jackie Asamoah built a legacy on authenticity and advocacy. We love her for redefining luxury through inclusion and for reminding women everywhere that self-care is a radical, joyful act.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm owning my power and finding balance in it."
Founder and Investor Shannae Ingleton Smith
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Shannae Ingleton Smith
Her Handle: @torontoshay
Her Title: Founder and Investor
Who's That It Girl: Shannae Ingleton Smith is President and Co-founder of Kensington Grey, an influencer agency representing 200+ creators. A former media sales executive, she now invests in creator-led startups, including 12PM Studios.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I’m breaking ceilings and expanding the table."
Founder of LORVAE De'arra Taylor
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De'arra Taylor
Her Handle: @dearra
Her Title: Founder of Fashion Brand LORVAE
Who's That It Girl: We celebrate De'arra Taylor as the founder and CEO of LORVAE, an eyewear brand built on reinvention, confidence, and bold individuality. Her creative direction turns sunglasses into statements and community into a lifestyle.
Founder of The Lip Bar Melissa Butler
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Melissa Butler
Her Handle: @melissarbutler
Her Title: Founder of The Lip Bar
Who's That It Girl: Melissa Butler transformed The Lip Bar from a kitchen concept into a multimillion-dollar movement. We honor her for challenging industry norms and proving that boldness, beauty, and business brilliance can coexist unapologetically.
Director of Cultural Strategy & Innovation Denetrias Charlemagne
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Denetrias “Dee” Charlemagne
Her Handle: @dcharlemagne
Her Title: Director of Cultural Strategy & Innovation, Walmart
Who's That It Girl: A powerhouse behind purpose-driven partnerships, Denetrias Charlemagne bridges culture and commerce at Walmart with grace and innovation. We honor her for amplifying representation in retail and using her platform to build spaces where authenticity and excellence thrive.
Chief Brand Officer at Unrivaled Kirby Porter
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Kirby Porter
Her Handle: @kirbyporter
Her Title: Chief Brand Officer, Unrivaled
Who's That It Girl: Strategic, visionary, and driven by impact, Kirby Porter is building the future of athlete branding. We’re inspired by her as the founder of New Game Labs and Chief Brand Officer at Unrivaled, showing that strategy can be soulful and sport can be storytelling.
Founder and CEO of EveryStylishGirl Nana Agyemang
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Nana Agyemang
Her Handle: @itsreallynana
Her Title: Founder and CEO of EveryStylishGirl
Who's That It Girl: A journalist turned founder, Nana Agyemang built EveryStylishGirl to amplify Black women in media. We love her for opening doors, building pipelines of opportunity, and using her voice to change the face of modern storytelling.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm a boss and I'm still soft."
Vice President of Content at ESSENCE Nandi Howard
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Nandi Howard
Her Handle: @itsnandibby
Her Title: Vice President of Content, ESSENCE
Who's That It Girl: We are inspired by Nandi Howard, Vice President of Content and Editorial at ESSENCE. Her leadership elevates Black culture with clarity and celebration and shapes the stories and standards that move audiences.
Founder of Sisters In Media Oladotun Idowu
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Oladotun Idowu
Her Handle: @ola_idowu
Her Title: Founder of Sisters In Media
Who's That It Girl: We celebrate Oladotun Idowu, entertainment marketing leader at Campari Group and founder of Sisters in Media, for bridging brands and culture while championing women of color across media. Strategy and purpose guide her work.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes I'm walking into rooms with boldness and grace knowing that God has way more in stored for me."
Founder of Fortune & Forks Krystal Vega
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Krystal Vega
Her Handle: @krystalvega
Her Title: Founder of Fortune & Forks, Multimedia
Who's That It Girl: Krystal Vega’s work lives at the intersection of innovation and influence. We celebrate her as a next-gen entrepreneur shaping digital spaces where women of color lead confidently, create fearlessly, and build legacies beyond the screen.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm that girl and so are you."
Founder of Fortune & Forks Naomi Wright
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Naomi Wright
Her Handle: @naomiwrighttt
Who's That It Girl: Naomi Wright leads with style, purpose, and power. We’re inspired by her for building platforms like Fortune & Forks that merge beauty, business, and bold self-expression, proving that influence can be both impactful and intentional.
Entrepreneur and Podcast Host Emma Grede
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Emma Grede
Her Handle: @emmagrede
Her Title: Entrepreneur and Podcast Host
Who's That It Girl: Emma Grede is CEO and co-founder of Good American, and founding partner of SKIMS. She's a podcast host and the first Black female investor on ABC's Shark Tank.
CEO and Founder of TFNA Entertainment & Sports Management Kia Brooks
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Kia Brooks
Her Handle: @kiajbrooks
Her Title: CEO and Founder of TFNA Entertainment & Sports Management
Who's That It Girl: Entrepreneur and mother, Kia J. Brooks leads TFNA Talent Agency, representing top athletes and creatives. She’s known for breaking barriers, negotiating record NIL deals, and empowering others to build generational wealth.
Sports & Entertainment Brand Manager Des Dickerson
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Des Dickerson
Her Handle: @itsurdestinee
Her Title: Sports & Entertainment Brand Manager and Media Strategist
Who's That It Girl: Des Dickerson is a sports and entertainment brand manager and media strategist who works with top athletes and entertainers to elevate their platforms. She is recognized for creating innovative partnerships and driving visibility in sports and entertainment.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I build opportunities for athletes and entertainers and I transform them into lasting influence."
President of Collective Edge Management Shayla Cowan
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Shayla Cowan
Her Handle: @shayla_pc
Her Title: President, Collective Edge Management
Who's That It Girl: Shayla Cowan is an award-winning producer and President of Collective Edge. She's produced blockbuster films including Girls Trip and Beast, championing boundary-pushing storytellers and innovative artistry in entertainment.
Co-Founder & CEO of Fearless Fund
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Arian Simone
Her Handle: @ariansimone
Her Title: Co-Founder & CEO, Fearless Fund
Who's That It Girl: Arian Simone champions women of color in venture capital. She advocates for economic justice, investing globally in women entrepreneurs and addressing funding disparities rooted in racism and sexism through resilient, purpose-driven leadership.
Founder of Global State of Women and Seed, Valeisha Butterfield
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Valeisha Butterfield
Her Handle: @valeisha
Her Title: Founder of Global State of Women and Seed
Who's That It Girl: Valeisha Butterfield Jones is a globally recognized leader in tech, entertainment, and politics. This year, she created the Global State of Women platform, providing emergency grants to women facing high unemployment rates.
Founder and Content Creator Ava PearlCourtesyAva Pearl
Her Handle: @avapearl
Her Title: Founder and Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: Ava Pearl is the founder of Curly Culture and Curly Con LA, initiatives that champion natural hair and foster community within the beauty industry. As a beauty and lifestyle content creator, she is dedicated to creating impactful content that inspires authenticity, confidence, and self-expression.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I’m rooted in authenticity and rising with purpose."
Now that you've met the ladies about their business, see who else made our list. Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by xoStaff