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What The Year Of 4 Has In Store For Your 2020 Energy
The turn of a new decade can stir up a mixed bag of emotions as we close one chapter of our lives to enter into a new one. Anticipation is high as we crave the thrill of a new adventure and the promise of potential. Simultaneously, the dread of "What's next?" or the grief lingering over what's been left behind still hangs over our heads. Last year required you to get clear about what does and doesn't belong in your reality. In the past year, you may have experienced major shifts in your life encouraging you to toss out distractions, the old narrative, incompatible connections. If you felt like you were being forced out of that job, relationship, environment, etc. then rest assured that you're headed in the right direction.
As disorienting as change can feel, it is necessary for our personal expansion. As we move into 2020, the energy of this pivotal year serves to help us find our footing in a new reality.
The Meaning Of Numerology Year 4
In Numerology, the essence of the number 4 (2+0+2+0=4) embodies stability, discipline, and patience. The masculine nature of this number extends a take-charge attitude to anyone willing to grab hold of the baton and go the distance. And that's exactly what 2020 will challenge us to do, granted the influence of this energy along with some powerful transits taking place astrologically. With a heavy emphasis on planets in Capricorn, the year ahead motivates us to get more serious about our dreams and the legacy we're creating for ourselves (and the generations to come). There's no coincidence that the poster child for homebodies is getting its fair share of action. As Cancer continues its transit through the North Node, we are guided to identify what we need in order to experience emotional security in the world.
Throughout 2020, we're invited to master the eternal dance, the balance between the masculine (Capricorn) and feminine (Cancer), the divine father and mother. Which brings up another theme—parenthood. For many, the energy of the year ahead will emphasize family planning, home buying, and rising up in the professional ranks. Last year was all fun and play, and as exciting as the energy of 2020 is, there still exists an unexplainable need to buckle down. As boring as it may sound, this year doesn't have to be a buzzkill if you're willing to take a slow, steady approach towards building the foundation for a promising decade ahead.
How To Figure Out Your Personal Year Number
Now that you've got an idea of what the universal energy is for 2020, you're probably wondering how this personally affects you. Just add the number of your birth month, day, and the current year. For example, if your birthday is on June 12th, you would add up the following:
6 (birth month) + 12 (birth day) + 2020 (current year)
6+12+2020=2038
(Now it's time to condense)
2+0+3+8=13
1+3=4
4 = PERSONAL YEAR
Once you figure out your personal year number, check out what energy is in store for you in 2020 by scrolling below.
Your 2020 Numerology Personal Year Number Guide
Your Numerology Personal Year 1
The number 1 in numerology always entails a new beginning after closing some major chapters in 2019. You still may be in a phase of letting the dust settle as you get used to this fresh start. This year, your focus is on redefining who you are as an individual. If you've been spending a lot of time focused on other people, 2020 invites you to be a little more selfish as you get clear on what really matters to you. Don't be afraid to take risks and pave your own path in the year ahead. You're encouraged to embrace what makes you different. In the year ahead, you may feel inclined to roll solo more often but bear in mind that your self-assuredness will attract a following that's looking for a leader just like you.
Your Numerology Personal Year 2
2020 is all about relationships for you after spending the last year going through a rebirth process. Now you're more clear about who are and what you value. Now it's time for you to experience connections with people that share similar goals and values. You may not necessarily be into the crowded networking events as this energy prefers to interact with others in a more intimate environment. In numerology, the 2 energy is just that—two peas in a pod. You could find yourself meeting your dream partner, long lost best friend, or the perfect business collaboration in the year ahead. You'll experience your greatest lessons by learning how to cultivate more balanced relationships.
Your Numerology Personal Year 3
This is one of the more exciting numbers of the bunch. The 3 in numerology is all about creativity, socializing, and fun. You may find it even more challenging to stay focused in this universal 4 year. You may find your mind wandering a lot more frequently than usual. No need to beat yourself up about it though. It's equally as important for you to prioritize play as it is for you to stay focused on the practical matters, too. One of your biggest assets in the year ahead can be an accountability group. This could be as simple as a group of friends, people you admire professionally, or your gym buddies. When it comes to pushing your goals forward, you'll need all the help you can get in 2020.
Your Numerology Personal Year 4
The year ahead is all about growing your roots. The seeds you planted a few years ago are starting to come into fruition although you may not experience the fullness of them quite yet. Last year, you got a chance to flow a little more freely as your creativity went through a revitalization phase. Now that you're equipped with some genius ideas, it's time to lay the groundwork for the vision. Where you found yourself too distracted to get anything done, this year's energy makes it easier for you to focus on what you're building whether that's your business, self-esteem, or bank account. Simply showing up and making the effort will take you far this year.
Your Numerology Personal Year 5
Change is the name of the game for you. If you've been hung up on a person, habit, or situation, 2020 will likely grant you the freedom you've been seeking. Don't be surprised if a little chaos is the catalyst for the shifts you're undergoing. The year ahead requires you to be more flexible than you had to be last year. Sudden changes may take you to completely new places and foreign experiences. This energy will test just how open you are to the cosmic dance of surrender. Control issues will come to a forceful head, encouraging you to assess your fears and doubts. In what ways are you lacking faith in the unknown? As unpredictable as the number 5 can be in numerology, the universal energy of the 4 will assist you in stabilizing with grace and ease.
Your Numerology Personal Year 6
The year ahead encourages you to nurture yourself, your talents, and goals. This motherly energy loves to extend herself to others, oftentimes at the detriment to her own needs. It's important that you exert the same amount of effort, if not more, into improving your own quality of life. 2020 may highlight some imbalances within your daily routines, habits, and relationships. It's important that you use discernment to avoid being manipulated by those that may take your compassion for weakness. As much as you care, you can't do the work for other people. It's time that those around you learn how to stand on their own while you become more self-reliant as well.
Your Numerology Personal Year 7
The energy of the 7 invites you into your inner world. 2020 is about reconnecting with God, the Universe, or whatever Higher Power you resonate with. The year ahead will call for much quiet time and introspection. As you prioritize more stillness, you'll be able to sift through the mental chatter that inhibits you from receiving clear communication from your Higher Power. During this one-year cycle, you're encouraged to spend time studying and refining your beliefs as they are the building blocks for the material success you'll be manifesting next year. Remember—"As above, so below."
Your Numerology Personal Year 8
Your professional life is getting all the more solid this year after you spent the last year figuring out what purposeful work is for you. Now that you've got a clear vision, you're ready to execute and the universal energy of the 4 is giving you even more assistance to materialize your dreams. The number 8 in numerology is also very karmic—as in "what goes around, comes around". If you've been putting in the effort, then you can expect the reward. If you've been procrastinating, well, you can expect a kick in the ass to do better. 2020 isn't necessarily about exerting maximum amounts of effort but instead invites you to work smarter, not harder.
Your Numerology Personal Year 9
In a universal year of new beginnings, you'll be processing some of the remnants of the past. You may be feeling more nostalgic than usual as you look back on the past 9 years. What lessons did you learn? What do you still have regrets about? What loose ends need to be tied up this year? These are just a few of the questions that you want to ask yourself in the year ahead. Emotions may be a bit up and down this year but you have a lot to be grateful for. Your experiences, your heartache, your failures have made you all the wiser. Your lesson this year? Learning to surrender with grace.
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This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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