What The Year Of 4 Has In Store For Your 2020 Energy
The turn of a new decade can stir up a mixed bag of emotions as we close one chapter of our lives to enter into a new one. Anticipation is high as we crave the thrill of a new adventure and the promise of potential. Simultaneously, the dread of "What's next?" or the grief lingering over what's been left behind still hangs over our heads. Last year required you to get clear about what does and doesn't belong in your reality. In the past year, you may have experienced major shifts in your life encouraging you to toss out distractions, the old narrative, incompatible connections. If you felt like you were being forced out of that job, relationship, environment, etc. then rest assured that you're headed in the right direction.
As disorienting as change can feel, it is necessary for our personal expansion. As we move into 2020, the energy of this pivotal year serves to help us find our footing in a new reality.
The Meaning Of Numerology Year 4
In Numerology, the essence of the number 4 (2+0+2+0=4) embodies stability, discipline, and patience. The masculine nature of this number extends a take-charge attitude to anyone willing to grab hold of the baton and go the distance. And that's exactly what 2020 will challenge us to do, granted the influence of this energy along with some powerful transits taking place astrologically. With a heavy emphasis on planets in Capricorn, the year ahead motivates us to get more serious about our dreams and the legacy we're creating for ourselves (and the generations to come). There's no coincidence that the poster child for homebodies is getting its fair share of action. As Cancer continues its transit through the North Node, we are guided to identify what we need in order to experience emotional security in the world.
Throughout 2020, we're invited to master the eternal dance, the balance between the masculine (Capricorn) and feminine (Cancer), the divine father and mother. Which brings up another theme—parenthood. For many, the energy of the year ahead will emphasize family planning, home buying, and rising up in the professional ranks. Last year was all fun and play, and as exciting as the energy of 2020 is, there still exists an unexplainable need to buckle down. As boring as it may sound, this year doesn't have to be a buzzkill if you're willing to take a slow, steady approach towards building the foundation for a promising decade ahead.
How To Figure Out Your Personal Year Number
Now that you've got an idea of what the universal energy is for 2020, you're probably wondering how this personally affects you. Just add the number of your birth month, day, and the current year. For example, if your birthday is on June 12th, you would add up the following:
6 (birth month) + 12 (birth day) + 2020 (current year)
6+12+2020=2038
(Now it's time to condense)
2+0+3+8=13
1+3=4
4 = PERSONAL YEAR
Once you figure out your personal year number, check out what energy is in store for you in 2020 by scrolling below.
Your 2020 Numerology Personal Year Number Guide
Your Numerology Personal Year 1
The number 1 in numerology always entails a new beginning after closing some major chapters in 2019. You still may be in a phase of letting the dust settle as you get used to this fresh start. This year, your focus is on redefining who you are as an individual. If you've been spending a lot of time focused on other people, 2020 invites you to be a little more selfish as you get clear on what really matters to you. Don't be afraid to take risks and pave your own path in the year ahead. You're encouraged to embrace what makes you different. In the year ahead, you may feel inclined to roll solo more often but bear in mind that your self-assuredness will attract a following that's looking for a leader just like you.
Your Numerology Personal Year 2
2020 is all about relationships for you after spending the last year going through a rebirth process. Now you're more clear about who are and what you value. Now it's time for you to experience connections with people that share similar goals and values. You may not necessarily be into the crowded networking events as this energy prefers to interact with others in a more intimate environment. In numerology, the 2 energy is just that—two peas in a pod. You could find yourself meeting your dream partner, long lost best friend, or the perfect business collaboration in the year ahead. You'll experience your greatest lessons by learning how to cultivate more balanced relationships.
Your Numerology Personal Year 3
This is one of the more exciting numbers of the bunch. The 3 in numerology is all about creativity, socializing, and fun. You may find it even more challenging to stay focused in this universal 4 year. You may find your mind wandering a lot more frequently than usual. No need to beat yourself up about it though. It's equally as important for you to prioritize play as it is for you to stay focused on the practical matters, too. One of your biggest assets in the year ahead can be an accountability group. This could be as simple as a group of friends, people you admire professionally, or your gym buddies. When it comes to pushing your goals forward, you'll need all the help you can get in 2020.
Your Numerology Personal Year 4
The year ahead is all about growing your roots. The seeds you planted a few years ago are starting to come into fruition although you may not experience the fullness of them quite yet. Last year, you got a chance to flow a little more freely as your creativity went through a revitalization phase. Now that you're equipped with some genius ideas, it's time to lay the groundwork for the vision. Where you found yourself too distracted to get anything done, this year's energy makes it easier for you to focus on what you're building whether that's your business, self-esteem, or bank account. Simply showing up and making the effort will take you far this year.
Your Numerology Personal Year 5
Change is the name of the game for you. If you've been hung up on a person, habit, or situation, 2020 will likely grant you the freedom you've been seeking. Don't be surprised if a little chaos is the catalyst for the shifts you're undergoing. The year ahead requires you to be more flexible than you had to be last year. Sudden changes may take you to completely new places and foreign experiences. This energy will test just how open you are to the cosmic dance of surrender. Control issues will come to a forceful head, encouraging you to assess your fears and doubts. In what ways are you lacking faith in the unknown? As unpredictable as the number 5 can be in numerology, the universal energy of the 4 will assist you in stabilizing with grace and ease.
Your Numerology Personal Year 6
The year ahead encourages you to nurture yourself, your talents, and goals. This motherly energy loves to extend herself to others, oftentimes at the detriment to her own needs. It's important that you exert the same amount of effort, if not more, into improving your own quality of life. 2020 may highlight some imbalances within your daily routines, habits, and relationships. It's important that you use discernment to avoid being manipulated by those that may take your compassion for weakness. As much as you care, you can't do the work for other people. It's time that those around you learn how to stand on their own while you become more self-reliant as well.
Your Numerology Personal Year 7
The energy of the 7 invites you into your inner world. 2020 is about reconnecting with God, the Universe, or whatever Higher Power you resonate with. The year ahead will call for much quiet time and introspection. As you prioritize more stillness, you'll be able to sift through the mental chatter that inhibits you from receiving clear communication from your Higher Power. During this one-year cycle, you're encouraged to spend time studying and refining your beliefs as they are the building blocks for the material success you'll be manifesting next year. Remember—"As above, so below."
Your Numerology Personal Year 8
Your professional life is getting all the more solid this year after you spent the last year figuring out what purposeful work is for you. Now that you've got a clear vision, you're ready to execute and the universal energy of the 4 is giving you even more assistance to materialize your dreams. The number 8 in numerology is also very karmic—as in "what goes around, comes around". If you've been putting in the effort, then you can expect the reward. If you've been procrastinating, well, you can expect a kick in the ass to do better. 2020 isn't necessarily about exerting maximum amounts of effort but instead invites you to work smarter, not harder.
Your Numerology Personal Year 9
In a universal year of new beginnings, you'll be processing some of the remnants of the past. You may be feeling more nostalgic than usual as you look back on the past 9 years. What lessons did you learn? What do you still have regrets about? What loose ends need to be tied up this year? These are just a few of the questions that you want to ask yourself in the year ahead. Emotions may be a bit up and down this year but you have a lot to be grateful for. Your experiences, your heartache, your failures have made you all the wiser. Your lesson this year? Learning to surrender with grace.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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These 11 Married Couples Share Their Keys To Long-Term Marital Success
The late actor Audrey Hepburn once said something that I think a lot of married couples who have at least 10 years under their belt will agree with: “If I get married, I want to be very married.” In my mind, this means very committed, very complementary, and very willing to go the distance — otherwise, what’s the point?
Really, what’s the point?
Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, y’all) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be — folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And I’m not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how they’ve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Let’s all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content that’s like this so that people can speak freely*
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1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: “Some of your readers aren’t going to want to hear this but it’s worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when they’re not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if you’re expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, you’re going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.”
Adrienne: “Talk to people who respect your man about your marriage. I’ve never believed that you shouldn’t ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who don’t respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so that’s where things go left. Sometimes, you need an ‘outside in’ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesn’t respect marriage, or isn’t someone who holds your man in high regard, don’t ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why you’re friends with her at all.”
Shellie here: I’m big on engaged and married couples having a “village” of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'” to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: “Some of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. It’s where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make ‘7’ difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if you’re waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ain’t gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying you’re gonna be spontaneous and…never are.”
Paulette: “Initiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it — I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. We’ve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when we’re the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isn’t ‘Young and the Restless’, where you’re just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.”
Shellie here: What’s a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.”
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: “Reenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. We’ll go back to where we had our first date, or we’ll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to ‘play out’ later on.”
Gaia: “If you want to ‘mom your husband,’ you need to have kids — or at least get a dog! I didn’t realize how bossy I was until I got married. It’s because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought that’s what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They don’t try to change each other, and they definitely don’t make any demands. They’re very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Don’t be that.”
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4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: “Go to therapy for your childhood. I’m dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If you’re at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.”
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: “Meditate together once a day. Even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if we’re focused on each other, we can take on…whatever.”
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: “An argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and you’re home-free. That’s all I got.”
Rachelle: “That advice that you just got? That sums up what it’s like to live with my husband. He’s very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldn’t want ‘two of me’ in the house [LOL]. He’s right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.”
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: “Be prepared for your partner to change — not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now it’s not the person you stood with on your wedding day; it’s someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and that’s just not how life is. If you’re rigid, controlling, or don’t know how to adjust, you don’t need to marry anybody. You’re gonna be miserable, and so will they.”
Madison: “Pray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how it’s more than just what we’re getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I don’t think you’ll regret it at all.”
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
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7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: “Check in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldn’t assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I don’t mean sharing each other’s schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, ‘How are you doing? How are you really doing?’. It’s a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.”
LaTasha: “Give each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a man’s phone, and I won’t start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because we’ve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldn’t feel like jail.”
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: “Ask your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they haven’t changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Don’t personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we don’t know what our partner will think or ‘cause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. I’ve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.”
Wynter: “It’s okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just don’t go with people who don’t have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesn’t need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they don’t tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girls’ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someone’s wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.”
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9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: “STOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and that’s not what you’re doing if you’re constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if we’re gonna be real about it.”
Yvette: “I already know that some women are going to assume that my man must’ve done something to say all of that (LOL). He’s a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that he’s forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. I’ve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.”
Allen: “Sh- t, that’s bars, babe!”
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: “Why anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. It’s delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others aren’t — or that what you do isn’t ‘as bad,’ and that’s why you deserve forgiveness and others don’t. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. I’m here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you can’t see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isn’t for you.”
Danyelle: “I don’t know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but it’s a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ‘nothing’ when your man asks you what’s up because, if you’ve got a man like mine, he’s gonna say ‘Okay’ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isn’t his responsibility, it’s mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, that’s not going to get you anywhere either.”
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: “Have more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people don’t think like that. If you’ve got a friend since college, you’ve been through some things and you’ve learned to forgive and move past it. If you can’t see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didn’t take vows with; that’s ludicrous. Before anyone else, I’m going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It’s because I value her more than anyone. That’s what marriage is.”
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: “Even if you’re not about ‘traditional gender roles,’ discuss what the expectations are for the home. People don’t divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and you’ll look up, and it’s been 20 years already.”
____
Gems. Pure gems, y’all.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)…better.
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