

With the questions of down payments, closing costs, and how much home can you afford, it might seem daunting to step out of your comfort zone and purchase your first home. Especially as a single woman. But it is most definitely something that can be done.
In fact, I recently spoke with four amazing women oozing with all kinds of black girl magic who can testify to this. What I learned from them is that the path to ownership can take quite a few steps and sacrifices to get there, but ultimately, the first step is actually making the decision to own and shifting your mindset.
Changing Your Home Buying Mindset
Cierra Craig, a 31-year-old traffic officer from Washington, DC. Craig purchased a new 3-bedroom, 4-bathroom single family home at the age of 30 and doesn't regret it one bit. "A lot of people believe that you have to have all of this money to get started...and it prevents them from even looking into it because they feel like they aren't in a position to own anything," she shared.
Long gone are the days where women are waiting around for "the one" to come along and sweep them off of their feet, get married, and purchase a home with their spouse. Nah. More and more women are going out there and making their goal of being a homeowner happen all by themselves!
Kiara Arnold, a 29-year-old IT auditor from Charlotte, NC who purchased her 3-bedroom, 2.5-bathroom single family home at the young age of 25, explained how she didn't see any representation of someone young and single owning a home in her family. She knew that she had to do something to break the cycle. "It's important to challenge that belief that you have to wait until a partner comes along," she revealed.
"You don't have to be married to take ownership of something."
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Prioritize Saving & Prep for Sacrifices
The next most important thing to do once your head is in the game and you're ready to move forward is save, save, save (and make some sacrifices)!
It took Kimaada Sills, a 30-year-old adjunct professor in Essex County, NJ four years to save $30,000. "I just lived at home with my family right after grad school to save up money for my down payment. While all of my other friends were moving out and getting apartments, I didn't have the opportunity to do that and still meet my savings goals," Sills said.
The sacrifice that was made afforded her a much greater opportunity instead. She was able to purchase a multi-family home at the age of 28. Arnold took two years to save $15,000 and moved back in with her parents to make it happen. Craig said she saved anywhere between $10,000-$15,000 over the course of two years because she was unsure of how much she was going to have to put down on her home. She actually ended up not having to put anything down and just paid for the home inspection. Phylicia Franklin, a 28-year-old dwelling in Atlanta and working in recruitment, recently purchased her first single family townhome and saved about $5,000-$6,000 in a span of six months.
Franklin made the sacrifice of picking up a second job temporarily to bring in some more cash for towards her down payment. "I think that was the most stressful thing (through homeownership process), trying to balance two jobs," Franklin expressed.
She also gave up her apartment and moved in with a friend for 6 months to make her savings goal happen. Everyone's savings goal and sacrifices that need to be made are going to be different. That's why it's important to do what makes sense for you on the journey of homeownership. "You gotta do what you gotta do and believe in," Craig advised.
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Be Honest About What You Can Afford & Do Your Research
All four women also stressed the importance of knowing what your budget is and being honest with yourself about what you can afford. "I think that we get so caught up in looking at our dream home, and then when we see what we can actually afford, we get discouraged. We feel like we should have what we deserve, which we should, but we all have to start where we are at. Just because it might be your first house, dont mean it's going to be your last," Craig added. "We feel like we should have what we deserve, but we all have to start where we are at."
Her advice is to see what you get approved for prior to actually looking for a home so that you don't get your hopes up. Arnold recommends looking into starter neighborhoods in your area for homes that aren't as expensive when looking to purchase for the first time.
Three out of the four women utilized first time home buyers programs to make their dreams a reality. There are a ton of resources out there for people looking into homeownership and even help with covering some of the costs. Because of the HPAP program Craig utilized in DC, she wasn't required to pay a down payment. For 10 months, Sills worked with a first time home buyer program that allowed her to get an interest rate much lower than the market rate.
"I went to a number of workshops. I spoke to any and everyone who owns a home, about 10 different banks, and just processed the information," Sills shared.
Franklin was able to get $1,000 towards her closing costs through her lender and an additional $2,000 through her builder. Unfortunately, a lot of time, people are unaware of the resources that are out there. That's why it's super imperative to do extensive research in order to discover the gems in your area.
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Lessons Learned Through First Time Home Buying
With all of these nuggets that were being shared, I just had to know if these women would've done anything differently throughout the process. It was interesting to hear about the lessons that they learned along the way and the advice that they'd give someone who is looking into buying their first home.
"I wouldn't do anything differently...I really feel like the journey and the process that I went through or that anyone goes through is for them," Craig said.
Sills wouldn't have done anything differently either. She stated, "I had years before to prep before I started looking. I was well prepared for it."
Arnold explained how she put 5% down on her home and that if she could do it all over again, she would've put at least 20% down. She also pointed out the importance of thinking about things that rarely get taken into account when looking into a home. "I would make sure that my house is not on a hill, that it's not elevated because you may incur different expenses depending on where how your house is positioned," she continued.
Arnold also warned to think about maintaining the lawn and how the sun rises and sets on it as it can burn the grass. Because of these things, she has to make sure she budgets money for lawn maintenance. Franklin stated that she would have sought advice from homeowners about their experiences and other educational programs in her area. "I went through the process pretty much by myself and it was trial and error for me. There were so many things (resources) available that would have just answered all of my questions prior to me going into the process," Franklin shared.
She also discussed how she didn't realize how important credit was: "Your credit is everything. It basically affects what your interest rate is going to look like and whether you get a 15-year loan or a 30-year loan."
If you're looking into purchasing your first home, remember that patience is a virtue. It's not an overnight process that you can just rush. Take the proper time to get your mind right and educate yourself, research programs in your area, get your credit and savings up, and search for properties within your budget. Don't put too much pressure on yourself as the process is already a lot on its own!
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Originally published September 29, 2018
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Self-Validation, No Meals After 5 P.M. & The Wellness Rituals That Helped Lizzo Take Her Power Back
Don't let the "weight release" fool you, Lizzo's transformation wasn't just physical. It was spiritual, emotional, and deeply personal. In her Women's Health cover story, the "Good As Hell" artist opened up about the low point that became the catalyst for radical change in her life, inside and out.
In the summer of 2023, Lizzo found herself at the center of what she calls painful allegations when some of her former dancers filed a lawsuit against her. The 37-year-old singer has denied their claims, and though she has experienced "backlash my entire career," going through such legal woes coupled with public scrutiny proved to be detrimental to her mental health, leading her to one of the darkest periods of her life.
She told Women's Health, "I got very paranoid and isolated. I wasn’t even talking to my therapist. I wasn’t present. I wasn’t open. I wasn’t myself anymore."
After spending months in isolation, Lizzo, whose real name is Melissa Viviane Jefferson, decided to go to a tour stop on the Renaissance World Tour. She was nervous that the public would shun her, boo her, or reject her, but instead, she was embraced. It shifted something in her and after feeling so in the dark, she saw the light again. "It made me feel like, wow, maybe I don’t want to die," she shared with Women's Health.
"That was the kick-starter to me being like, ‘Okay, Melissa, get your ass in gear and take your f*cking life back.’"
Her first step in Operation Get Your Life Back? Cutting out the external noise. She gave her team total control of her social media and stopped looking at comments. "My validation was from external sources, people telling me they loved me, or that I look good, and accepting me," she explained. "But if that’s all I’m getting my validation from, when it changes—and it will, because people are not always going to like you—what happens? Where are you going to get your love from?"
Lizzo continued, "I can convince myself that I’m beautiful, my body fine, no matter how big or small. But reminding myself that you can’t let others tell you who you are—that was hard work."
Lizzo started going to therapy again, she started practicing quigong meditation, reading books, journaling, and doing sound baths. She released unhealthy relationships, drank echinacea tea, and began incorporating Pilates as a means to "feel sacred" and "be gentle" with herself.
But what many have interpreted as a "weight loss transformation" after she popped out sharing she met her "weight release" goal earlier this year, Lizzo has clarified that it has been something deeper for her than the aesthetic of a smaller body. "I wanted to be big-girl skinny," she told the mag. "Every big girl knows what I’m talking about. Big-girl skinny is 250 pounds." According to her, it was her back issues that inspired her to take the physical part of her wellness journey seriously.
I DID IT! #weightrelease
@lizzo I DID IT! #weightrelease
Through her friend Kelly Rowland, she linked up with her now-trainer Marvin Telp and developed a fitness regimen that prioritized strength and intention. Her weekly schedule now includes moves like single-leg deadlifts, reverse flies, and lateral lunges, along with infrared sauna sessions and cardio. Add to that a change in eating habits after realizing her vegan diet no longer served her (to be fair, she wasn't doing the vegan thing the "healthiest" way).
All the meat substitutes, bread, cashew cheese, and soy left her bloated and lightheaded, so now she's switched things up a bit to fill the nutritional gaps. When it comes to diet, it's heavy on the protein and vegetables for Lizzo. A typical day eating looks like scrambled eggs and cauliflower hash browns for breakfast, Thai chicken salad or lettuce wraps for lunch, and turkey meatloaf with greens for dinner.
She also has a strict cutoff of no meals after 5 p.m. to support her GERD and give her body the time it needs before bed to digest her food sans the acid reflux. Of her relationship with food and wellness, she told Women's Health, "There's a balance. I think that's what true health is."
Read Lizzo's full cover story with Women's Health here.
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