How I Ended Up Saving $275,000 Off Of Buying My First House
Imagine that you've been living in a slumlord's apartment for a year, and you're trying to terminate your lease in the next 45 days. Thinking about next steps in life, you've decided that you're finally over the woes of renting and are ready to buy your first place. Now add to this picture a beautiful realtor who pretends she's here to save the day, but in reality, she's prepping for a big payday on one of your most vulnerable moments.
That's how I almost paid $275,000 more than I needed to on buying my first home.
I've lived in New York City for three years and have been contemplating buying a place for a while now. After living through roaches, gnats, spiders, broken ovens, roommates and floods, I decided that I had enough and was ready to buy something I could take care of myself. I was looking for duplexes in Jersey City, and someone referred me to what seemed to be a great realtor. She had five star reviews online, was very knowledgeable, and had been in the industry for over eight years. More importantly, when we spoke on the phone, she sounded like my long lost aunt who would guide and protect me during my purchase. I was so excited to work with her!
On that Saturday, the realtor took me out for a drive. We drove around for hours! We talked about everything under the sun while looking at different neighborhoods. She then took me to the house that she wanted me to buy. This house was in an up-and-coming neighborhood, and her husband was closing on it that week. He and his business partner were going to flip the house to a buyer, and were letting me look at it in case I was interested due to my timeline.
We walked in the house, and it looked scary, yet the realtor kept insisting that the house only needed basic cosmetics that I could take care of with $50,000. She even went so far as to have her husband's contractor come out, and she showed me some of his work in other houses. Of course, I fell in love with the potential of this home!
Then, we talked numbers.
I gave her my pre-approval letter earlier in the week. She said the home was for sale $425,000, the top of my budget, and called my lender to see if I could borrow $50,000 more for modest renovations. At the end of the day, I went home dreaming of renovated kitchens, bathrooms, new furniture, and hosting my first housewarming with friends.
But I also did my research…
And to my surprise, I found out that the home was listed six months earlier in the exact same condition for $150,000! Furthermore, there were no comparable homes to support this new $425,000 asking price, as the highest home price in that area was $268,000. I was livid, and felt betrayed and taken advantage of.
But most of all, I felt proud that I was able to save myself years of financial distress.
So before you buy your first place, take these five steps to make sure you're covered:
1. Let go of emotion.
Realtors are salespeople, and many great salespeople are very relatable. If you're working with a realtor day-to-day, it is natural to grow a bond with them. While some people genuinely have your best interest at heart, it's sometimes difficult to tell who actually does. That being said, always verify any information that a realtor gives you, no matter how much you trust them.
2. Search for the property online.
Zillow gives you an idea of property values to help you figure out if you are paying too much, just right, or if you've got yourself a steal and should move fast! You can also see how many days a home has been listed, how many people are looking at it, and plenty of other useful information. Trulia is another good site that provides similar facts. Their crime rate heat map is very helpful if you are looking in unfamiliar areas. Use these sites and others to supplement information you receive from your Realtor.
3. Call the listing agent.
Even if you're working with a realtor, call the listing agent to verify everything that you've heard about the area and the property. And while you're at it, call one or two more realtors! Ask the same questions across the board to make sure you're getting consistent responses.
4. Phone a friend.
One of the biggest reasons I was able to dodge this bullet to my finances was because I called someone who knew more than me about real estate. He helped me research the area, and together we called the realtor's bluff. Talk to someone who owns a home or pays attention to the market. If you don't have any friends in the industry, see what you can find out from the online community. Start with leaving a comment below.
5. Ask the lender.
One benefit to taking out a mortgage is that the lender will have to verify the property value. If you've been pre-approved for a mortgage loan, send the property address to your lender and get their opinion on the numbers. In the end, I did not purchase the house. By taking those five steps, I learned that the purchase price was much higher than the actual market value according to homes in the area. The house also needed a lot more work than the realtor let on. A few weeks later I decided to make a different house my home.
Lots of emotions come with house hunting from excitement to anxiety. Let's make sure we stay informed to make the best decisions that we can. To all the homeowners out there, what's your experience been in buying your first home?
Related Post: 10 Major Keys for First Time Home Buyers
Jasmine T. Brown is founder and CEO of Onward Holding Company, LLC, a real estate investment group.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images